New Horizons: Chapter Twenty-Nine
By Annie
05-16-2002
The door opened before her hand hit the wood and there he was, soft candlelight glowing in the room behind him and she felt her heart jump as he looked at her a little questioningly, tilted his head and smiled slightly. That smile seemed so edged with sadness since yesterday.
His eyes glittered at her though, as she took a step in through the door.
She smiled a little, trying to mask how incredibly tense she was getting and knowing he had already felt it on her, it had hit him the moment he opened that door; if not sooner.
She sighed.
I just can't win with him, can I? she thought to herself as she for the second time since they'd been there looked around his room.
She could hardly believe she hadn't been in there more times than that and then the irony hit her, he had been in hers only once as well. And now he would never be in it again.
She pushed that aside, turning to him and almost catching her breath at how truly beautiful he was. The etched face with those incredible eyes, which were both now resting on her. The shirt he was wearing did nothing to hide how sculpted his upper body was and. She cut herself off, shaking her head a little and turning her gaze to the desk, still overloaded with small notebooks and papers.
He followed her gaze.
"That's not why you came, is it?" he asked and the sound of his voice made her throat slowly grow dry as she shook her head a little, looking at him again. "Well, good," he said now with that small smile. "Because I'd kill you before I'd ever let you read any of my poems," he added and she smiled a little. "Or William's," he corrected himself, growing serious and looking away from her.
She wanted to say something, anything, but she just couldn't get the words straight in her head. She didn't know where to start.
"You wanna sit?" he asked, gesturing towards a chair in front of the window.
She turned to it and then went up to it, sitting down.
Spike didn't know what to make of this, a Slayer with nothing to say? Well, that didn't happen everyday. Why had she come? What did she want? She seemed so on the edge for some reason, and the way she kept looking at him.
Maybe she's here to stake me, he thought wryly in his head. Who knows what she has up her skirt.
Then he shook that off, once more serious as he looked into her eyes. There was something on her mind, he could see it, it was practically written across her forehead.
Spike-me-want-to-talk-you-need-to-listen. He smiled a little at that thought; only she didn't seem to be doing much of the talking, now did she?
"So, what do you think of the plan?" he asked, referring to what the two of them and Sarah and Jacob had worked out before they sat down for supper. "It sounds almost a little.I don't know.laid back, don't you think?"
She nodded slightly and he was starting to get a little nervous at her silence.
"I mean, if it were me I would just barge in there and do it the old fashioned way." he therefore continued: "Well, they ARE humans so maybe not EXACTLY that way, IF you wanna play by your bloody boring rules, that is," he added, smiling a little as he pulled out the chair in front of the desk and sat down. "I could get going now, but then Sarah is kinda right that you all need your sleep, I could use some too, I guess. But as long as we leave before dawn, 'cause I don't wanna miss it. Buffy, are you okay?"
She stared at him, stared into those blue eyes and she honestly didn't know what to answer him.
"Yeah," she then said, the word sounding so incredibly dull that she almost laughed at it. "I'm fine," she quickly added and he smiled a little.
"Don't want you to zone out, Slayer, we still have the rough part ahead of us," he said and she nodded.
Call me Buffy, please, her mind thought and she frowned slightly, getting off the chair.
Spike watched her walk to his bedside table, bending down to look at the small collection of old photographs he kept there. Buffy felt her eyes widen a little when she stopped at a black and white of a small boy, whom she recognized without a doubt.
"Is this.?" she mumbled despite that and he let hear a low laugh.
"Sure is," he said, his eyes still on her back.
The small taste of her blood was still in his mouth, but it wasn't the taste of it that made it linger, it was the fact that when he bent down to let it grace his tongue she hadn't moved one muscle, she had let him do that knowing that the chip was fried in this world, knowing that he once more was a fanged hunter, knowing what the red liquid might do to him. Make him lose control.
Never with her. Did she know that? Was that why she hadn't pulled away?
"H-how old?" she now asked and he shrugged a little.
"Two, I think.Maybe three," he answered and she smiled to herself.
"You were adorable," she stated, teasingly, as she turned back towards him and he smiled slightly at that.
"'WERE' being the key word in that sentence?" he asked, not getting an answer from her as she picked up another picture, holding it in her hands she studied it for a few seconds.
"And these are."
"My parents, yes," he confirmed, now getting to his feet as well and walking over to stand beside her.
"They look nice," she said, gently stroking the frame with one hand and looking at the old photo.
"They were," he said and she could sense the sudden pain beneath his words. "They died," he then added and she turned her gaze from the photo and to his face. "In pneumonia, when I was twenty-three."
She stared at him. His parents, dead, and the memories of her own mother's death washed over her. The anguish she felt was so clearly reflected in his face at that moment that she put the frame down and turned to him.
"I'm so sorry," she said and he looked down at her, shaking his head a little.
"It was so long ago.but being back here, it seems like it's really not," he mumbled and then she suddenly reached up and put her arms around his neck, giving him a quick and hard hug.
Letting him go she could see the sudden questions in his eyes and she almost started to choke up but wrestled the emotion back. Had she been that cruel to him; that one hug made him look at her with such unmasked wonder? God, she knew she had.
Why did it have to be so hard explaining to him what she wanted to have said?
"I know what you mean, the memories are always stronger when you're around them." she now said silently and she could tell that he understood to what she was referring, and he nodded.
Then he took a step back, seemingly collecting himself.
"So, are you ready for bringing down the Big Bad?" he asked, still feeling her arms around him, her body heat still gentle against his skin, seeping through the material of his clothes.
"Aren't I always?" she asked and he smiled at that.
"I wanted to kill him," he then said and she looked at him, drawing a small breath in disgust at the thought of the lord's hands on her body, his lips.
She shivered; feeling nauseous she put her arms around her and then said:
"Me too."
He tilted his head, eyeing her closely, and she felt a small stir somewhere in the pit of her stomach.
"I still do," he now said silently and she felt her eyes enlarge a little before saying:
"Me too."
"I've never been more angry," he mumbled and she shook her head.
"Me neither," she agreed and he smiled a little.
"I wanted to suck him dry," he said in a low voice and she couldn't help but smile a little as well.
She looked at him for a moment longer; he could see the hesitation and then the succumbing to the decision.
"I would have let you," she whispered and he stared at her, stunned at this revelation. "Don't think that I WILL let you," she now added. "He just really."
".deserves it," Spike filled in and she shook her head a little.
"No, but my Slayer instincts just screams BAD-BAD whenever I'm two feet away from him and that just counts for something," she stated and he took a step closer before softly asking:
"What do your instincts scream about me?"
She looked at him.
"They don't scream," she answered and he cocked an eyebrow at that, moving away again.
"Why did you come up here?" he asked and she felt her head start to tumble with a thousand excuses, but she brushed them aside.
She didn't know what the hell to tell him but she knew it wouldn't be anything less than the truth. She was searching for the right way to start when he suddenly said:
"I hope it wasn't to try to talk me into leaving again." He looked at her, growing serious as he continued: "I was wrong, before, when I said that there's nothing more to say.There's a LOT more I could say to you, Buffy, a lot more that I wanna say. I just don't think it would be right. But I'm gonna break a bloody promise to myself right about now, 'cause I just want you to know this, and I haven't said it to you since you told me that you believe in it."
She listened, she watched him as he spoke, and she tried to fathom not hearing his voice, not seeing him move, not making up rescuing plans or breaking down doors or following up leads with him. Not ever feeling him close to her again, to never have him touch her ever again.
"Buffy," he said softly and she looked up into his eyes, those amazing blue eyes that looked at her with such naked honesty that she drew a breath. "I love you," he said and in that moment she knew exactly what he needed, and exactly what to say. "I love you more than I can even tell you, an-."
"Show me," she softly interrupted him and his eyes widened a little in bewilderment.
She took the few steps parting them and let her hand gently slide into his. She tilted her head back and locked her eyes with his.
"Show me," she repeated and the questions in his gaze were replaced by that warmth that seemed to fill her entire being as he reached up the hand she wasn't holding and carefully placed it on her cheek.
She closed her eyes, leaning her head against his touch.
He looked at her, feeling the need for her slowly make everything else dim and unimportant. All that mattered was she and that she was there.
Buffy was waiting for the feel of his hands grabbing her, throwing her roughly on the bed, completely destroying another dress as they tore it off her, and then the bliss of his cool skin against hers.
But nothing would be as she had expected, starting with the way he undressed her.
His hand was still on her cheek as he took a step forward, bending down and to her surprise placing a feather light kiss on the tip of her nose. She opened her eyes, looking up at him, and all she could see was the love she hadn't believed in. She drew a shaky breath and he smiled a little as he bent down and brushed his lips against hers.
She felt the craving for him shoot through her at the feel of his mouth so close and she reached up her hands to unbutton his shirt, but he caught them before she even had a chance to touch him and then he shook his head a little, lowering her arms again.
She stared at him as he let her go, then he slowly went around to stand behind her.
She couldn't move as she felt his hand slide up into her hair before moving it down her back, then he stepped into her before starting to unbutton the top of her dress.
He was dragging it out way too much! But when she tried to turn around he stopped her and made her face the other way again. She could feel his fingers work the buttons through the fabric of the dress and, God, she wanted them on her skin!
The last button was finally reached and as he slid it through its loop he let his hands glide up along her spine, the thin cloth of the under dress still irritatingly in the way, or so Buffy thought, and over her bared shoulder blades as he slid the top off her shoulders.
It fell to the floor at her feet and once more she wanted to turn around, once more he stopped her.
Her heart was seriously starting to beat faster and she was tensing with pleasure as he leaned down and placed a kiss on the nape of her neck.
His hands rested on her hips for a moment before moving to the small off her back to unlace the skirt. This was easier and the heavy fabric soon crumbled at her feet as well.
Now he gently turned her around and she drew a breath of relief, she needed to touch him! But when she tried to put her arms around his neck he once more grabbed them, a smile gracing his lips as he yet again lowered them to her sides.
She swallowed hard as he took a step back and excruciatingly slow started to unbutton his shirt.
He rested his eyes on her face; he could see the anticipation etched into every line of it, and the growing impatience in her eyes as he undid the last button. He opened his shirt; still moving deliberately slow, and then let it slide off his shoulders as well.
Her eyes were on his chest, her heart rate increasing, he could smell her arousal.
He had more than reached that point as well, but first.
He stepped forward again, her eyes now in his and he could almost sense the plea in her gaze. He smiled again as he slipped his hands over her waist and behind her back, her hands placed themselves on his arms, sliding up to his shoulders and this time he didn't stop her. Her touch making him feel the urge to have her skin against his grow but he told himself not yet.
The glazy expression in her eyes only made it clearer to him. They had slept together, had rough, uncontrollable sex, and he had more than enjoyed it. But she had already been there, and now he was going to show her how he felt, and if that came with the ability to drive her out of her mind with pure lust, as well as himself, then he just had to endure that.
He smiled a little to himself as his fingers started unlacing the under dress. She had closed her eyes again, her fingers clenching his shoulders gently as if silently bidding him to hurry.
Not tonight, he thought as he brought his hands to her stomach, reaching up and loosening the grip she had on his shoulders and once more bringing her arms down. She opened her eyes, her gaze now openly begging him.
She could tell that he could see what he was doing to her, but he didn't give in, he only let his hands slide up her arms, sending the shivers to scurry through her entire body. His fingers rested for a moment at the wide straps of the dress before he gently pulled them down; the under dress joining the rest of her clothes in the heap that was surrounding her feet.
He held her eyes for a moment and then let his gaze move down her body.
The sight of him so openly looking at her made her cheeks start to burn and the throbbing for him to grow, she couldn't help but letting a low and pleading moan escape her throat and his eyes once more were in hers, looking content.
She couldn't help but smile a little at that. He knew exactly what he was doing, torturing her like this. He smiled a little back, reaching out a hand and letting his finger stroke against one of her exposed breasts. She drew a small breath, her eyes still in his, but she didn't move. She was waiting.
He took a step closer again and she smiled a little, feeling how aroused he was. She brought her hands to the hem of his trousers as he gently bent down and traced his lips over her collarbone and up her neck. She closed her eyes at the feel of him, her fingers trembling as she tried to unbutton his trousers.
"Need help, love?" he whispered and she couldn't help but giggle.
"No," she whispered back as his mouth traveled to her ear, his tongue tickling her earlobe and then his lips continuing along her jaw line.
Finally the button gave up the struggle and she slid her hands along his waist, relishing in the feel of his muscles underneath her fingers, and then she started working the trousers down.
Now, however, he stopped her. Moving his lips away as they were just about to finally meet hers and taking a hold of her hands he pulled away from her a little.
She opened her eyes, looking at him as he removed the last piece of clothing himself and then he took a step back from her.
God, how beautiful he is, she thought hazily for the second time, but this time as she let her eyes take him in just as he had her moments earlier.
She got her shoes off before she stepped out of the pool of clothes and stood before him. She wanted to reach out her hands and let them roam his body, let her mouth and tongue explore him, but she had a feeling he wouldn't let her.
"Spike," she whispered as he just kept standing there, looking at her with such intensity that she felt she would have jumped out a window at that moment, had he asked her.
Then he moved forwards again, she felt one of his hands slide up her right hip, along her waist and up her side, stopping underneath her breast before he let his thumb gently run over it, caressing her hard nipple and making another moan rise from her throat.
She reached up her left hand, letting it burry itself in his hair and wanting to pull his face to hers but he held back, looking into her eyes.
She swallowed again, her heart beating harder and harder in her chest at the feel of his thumb still moving over her breast and her eyes went to his lips. She stared at his mouth, suddenly mesmerized by its gentle curves, knowing how good it felt against her own, against her skin.
Then he bent down, and everything he did he suddenly seemed to have decided to do in slow motion, she closed her eyes right before his lips graced hers and she drew a breath as she parted them and felt his tongue meet her own.
She put her arms up around his neck, pulling him close, and his hand left her breast as both his arms slid around her, his hands now on her back and pulling her tightly to him as well.
He was kissing her deeply, his hands caressing her, and she felt the last traces of hesitation that had been buried deep down in her melt away at the familiar taste of him, at the incredible thirst she had for his body against hers and the unstoppable roar of the hunger for him inside her.
She wanted him inside her now! She needed to feel him right now!
She let a hand move down over his stomach to guide him into her but that made him pull his mouth away and then his hands suddenly took a firm hold of both of hers.
"No," he whispered. "I'm gonna show you." he added as he bent down and let his lips brush against hers. "How much I love." he continued and moved his head to kiss her neck. "Every last." he straightened his back to place a kiss on her right eyebrow. "Part of you." he finished and she looked up at him, meeting those unbelievably blue eyes and feeling the craving for him increase a thousand times.
Nothing he did was harsh, nothing he did was even in close resemblance to what they had experienced together before, and the hold he took of her wrists now was no exception as he slowly started to move towards the bed, pulling her with him.
He positioned them so that she had her back to it and then he gently made her sit down on the edge of it.
He smiled a little as she put her hands behind her and started to pull herself up on it, and then she laid down, her eyes in his, and he couldn't help but stand there for a moment longer just looking at her stretched out in all her beauty before him.
His Slayer, his love.
Then he bent down, putting both hands on either side of her and placing a knee on the bed between her feet. She slowly opened her legs and he smiled a little, looking into her eyes. They were heavy with desire and he was aching for her, but not quite yet.
He bent down and kissed her ankle. She groaned at the touch and he gently let his teeth scratch her skin, witch made her groan louder. He then proceeded with slowly starting to kiss his way up her leg. Reaching the thigh he let the kisses combine his lips and tongue and now she was breathing hard, moans rising out of her throat and she was whispering his name.
Buffy thought she was literally about to go crazy, she felt like her midsection was about to explode and the feel of his tongue against her burning skin was almost driving her over the edge. Her hands had flown up over her head when he first started his journey and now they were gripping the sheet, clenching and unclenching as she couldn't hold back expressing the pleasure she was experiencing in the torture he so obviously was performing.
His mouth traveled up her hip, kissing her waist gently before moving to her navel. When the tip of his tongue circled it her hands moved down to his head, her fingers combing through his hair before she grabbed a hold of it.
"Oh, God, Spike," she gasped, closing her eyes as he let his tongue slide up her stomach and to her left breast, his lips closing around the nipple and his tongue tickling it.
She bit her lower lip so hard that she could taste her own blood, her hands slipping out of his hair and down to his shoulder blades, caressing the smooth skin of his back.
He pulled himself up slightly, releasing her breast and then looking down on her, his face now hovering above hers.
She was glowing. Her eyes still shut she looked incredible, intoxicating.
He bent down, letting his tongue part her lips and feeling her immediate response. She tasted of sweetness and arousal and coppery blood. The latter fading away as his tongue played with hers. He moved his hands to her arms, her hands still on his back, and then pulled them so they were above her head, sliding his hands into hers and locking their fingers together.
She grabbed a tight hold, her kisses getting more passionate as she arched her back against him. Then she pulled her mouth away, breathing:
"Spike.Spike, please!"
She opened her eyes, he looked at her, time standing still, and then moved his hips, slowly gliding into her.
Her eyes grew larger, her gaze still in his, and the hold on his hands growing even tighter as he entered her fully.
She let hear a low "oh" before he just as slowly started to pull out again, her eyes enlarging a little more if that was even possible. Her heart was thumping against his chest.
He bit his lower lip, restraining himself was getting harder by the minute but the extreme pleasure he was in was just as strong.
"Spike," she groaned as he once more moved forward, she was breathing in shallow little gulps, her thighs pressed tightly against his hips and small beads of sweat starting to show on her forehead.
He bent down, holding her gaze, and kissed her on the mouth.
Then he started to move his hips a fraction faster, she closed her eyes and threw her head back. She was close.
Oh, God, she had never felt anything like it. It had never been like this before; it had always been good, no, more than good, but THIS?! The first orgasm hit her with such force that she felt tears rise in her eyes and she drew a sharp breath, clenching her teeth together not to scream out her pleasure.
Spike looked at her face, struck by the complete ecstasy he could see on her features and then by the small tears making two canals from her eyes to her ears.
"Spike," she groaned again, opening her eyes to look at him.
He gently released his grip on her hands and she let his go as well, letting her own glide up in his hair before pulling his face close and kissing him deeply and now HE groaned, the feel of her tongue and her need to take command almost overwhelming him.
He started to move his hips yet a little faster and she wrapped her legs around him, pulling her mouth away from his to draw a breath. Then she looked at him again and the expression in her eyes was laced with desire, pleasure and a longing he couldn't define as she let a hand slide out of his hair and onto his cheek.
"Spike," she whispered and then her eyes grew hazy again as the second orgasm rocked her body.
She held onto him now, putting her arms around his neck and pressing herself against him.
He knew he couldn't take it much longer but for a minute.
He could feel the trembling start to go through her body as she was getting close again and he whispered:
"Look at me, Buffy."
She pulled her head back a little, looking into his eyes and when he could tell that she was starting to come he let himself go, reaching that peak with her and she put her forehead to his, gasping for breath and not letting her gaze leave his for a second.
They both slowly descended, relaxing in a heap, him slumping over her with her arms still around him, her legs still around him, her scent still around him. Her heart was beating so fast he could hardly believe it was possible and her whole body was quivering. She was glazed with sweat and the soft light from the still burning candles reflected off her as she tried to catch her breath.
He had his mouth against her neck, her pulse against his lips and the demon came out without warning. Buffy felt him going into game face against her skin and still she couldn't move, she held onto him, and she realized she didn't care what happened to her as long as she didn't have to fight him. As it was she doubted her legs would even carry her anyway.
She tried to put some moisture on her lips before she whispered in a rather cracked voice:
"What now?"
Spike raised his head and she looked into his eyes, the eyes of a creature; hungry and slightly disoriented they looked back at her. She held his gaze for a moment and then she moved her head a little to the side, exposing her neck to him. He looked down at her, the profile of her face, and then shifted his eyes to the pulsating vein to the side of her throat.
She waited, and then he moved his head down. She closed her eyes, anticipating the pain, and feeling nothing but the sudden touch of his lips against her skin.
She turned her head to him, surprised, and he pulled up, his human face on again. She stared at him.
"I will never hurt you," he mumbled, a hand reaching up and brushing lightly against her cheek. "When will you start trusting that?"
By Annie
05-16-2002
The door opened before her hand hit the wood and there he was, soft candlelight glowing in the room behind him and she felt her heart jump as he looked at her a little questioningly, tilted his head and smiled slightly. That smile seemed so edged with sadness since yesterday.
His eyes glittered at her though, as she took a step in through the door.
She smiled a little, trying to mask how incredibly tense she was getting and knowing he had already felt it on her, it had hit him the moment he opened that door; if not sooner.
She sighed.
I just can't win with him, can I? she thought to herself as she for the second time since they'd been there looked around his room.
She could hardly believe she hadn't been in there more times than that and then the irony hit her, he had been in hers only once as well. And now he would never be in it again.
She pushed that aside, turning to him and almost catching her breath at how truly beautiful he was. The etched face with those incredible eyes, which were both now resting on her. The shirt he was wearing did nothing to hide how sculpted his upper body was and. She cut herself off, shaking her head a little and turning her gaze to the desk, still overloaded with small notebooks and papers.
He followed her gaze.
"That's not why you came, is it?" he asked and the sound of his voice made her throat slowly grow dry as she shook her head a little, looking at him again. "Well, good," he said now with that small smile. "Because I'd kill you before I'd ever let you read any of my poems," he added and she smiled a little. "Or William's," he corrected himself, growing serious and looking away from her.
She wanted to say something, anything, but she just couldn't get the words straight in her head. She didn't know where to start.
"You wanna sit?" he asked, gesturing towards a chair in front of the window.
She turned to it and then went up to it, sitting down.
Spike didn't know what to make of this, a Slayer with nothing to say? Well, that didn't happen everyday. Why had she come? What did she want? She seemed so on the edge for some reason, and the way she kept looking at him.
Maybe she's here to stake me, he thought wryly in his head. Who knows what she has up her skirt.
Then he shook that off, once more serious as he looked into her eyes. There was something on her mind, he could see it, it was practically written across her forehead.
Spike-me-want-to-talk-you-need-to-listen. He smiled a little at that thought; only she didn't seem to be doing much of the talking, now did she?
"So, what do you think of the plan?" he asked, referring to what the two of them and Sarah and Jacob had worked out before they sat down for supper. "It sounds almost a little.I don't know.laid back, don't you think?"
She nodded slightly and he was starting to get a little nervous at her silence.
"I mean, if it were me I would just barge in there and do it the old fashioned way." he therefore continued: "Well, they ARE humans so maybe not EXACTLY that way, IF you wanna play by your bloody boring rules, that is," he added, smiling a little as he pulled out the chair in front of the desk and sat down. "I could get going now, but then Sarah is kinda right that you all need your sleep, I could use some too, I guess. But as long as we leave before dawn, 'cause I don't wanna miss it. Buffy, are you okay?"
She stared at him, stared into those blue eyes and she honestly didn't know what to answer him.
"Yeah," she then said, the word sounding so incredibly dull that she almost laughed at it. "I'm fine," she quickly added and he smiled a little.
"Don't want you to zone out, Slayer, we still have the rough part ahead of us," he said and she nodded.
Call me Buffy, please, her mind thought and she frowned slightly, getting off the chair.
Spike watched her walk to his bedside table, bending down to look at the small collection of old photographs he kept there. Buffy felt her eyes widen a little when she stopped at a black and white of a small boy, whom she recognized without a doubt.
"Is this.?" she mumbled despite that and he let hear a low laugh.
"Sure is," he said, his eyes still on her back.
The small taste of her blood was still in his mouth, but it wasn't the taste of it that made it linger, it was the fact that when he bent down to let it grace his tongue she hadn't moved one muscle, she had let him do that knowing that the chip was fried in this world, knowing that he once more was a fanged hunter, knowing what the red liquid might do to him. Make him lose control.
Never with her. Did she know that? Was that why she hadn't pulled away?
"H-how old?" she now asked and he shrugged a little.
"Two, I think.Maybe three," he answered and she smiled to herself.
"You were adorable," she stated, teasingly, as she turned back towards him and he smiled slightly at that.
"'WERE' being the key word in that sentence?" he asked, not getting an answer from her as she picked up another picture, holding it in her hands she studied it for a few seconds.
"And these are."
"My parents, yes," he confirmed, now getting to his feet as well and walking over to stand beside her.
"They look nice," she said, gently stroking the frame with one hand and looking at the old photo.
"They were," he said and she could sense the sudden pain beneath his words. "They died," he then added and she turned her gaze from the photo and to his face. "In pneumonia, when I was twenty-three."
She stared at him. His parents, dead, and the memories of her own mother's death washed over her. The anguish she felt was so clearly reflected in his face at that moment that she put the frame down and turned to him.
"I'm so sorry," she said and he looked down at her, shaking his head a little.
"It was so long ago.but being back here, it seems like it's really not," he mumbled and then she suddenly reached up and put her arms around his neck, giving him a quick and hard hug.
Letting him go she could see the sudden questions in his eyes and she almost started to choke up but wrestled the emotion back. Had she been that cruel to him; that one hug made him look at her with such unmasked wonder? God, she knew she had.
Why did it have to be so hard explaining to him what she wanted to have said?
"I know what you mean, the memories are always stronger when you're around them." she now said silently and she could tell that he understood to what she was referring, and he nodded.
Then he took a step back, seemingly collecting himself.
"So, are you ready for bringing down the Big Bad?" he asked, still feeling her arms around him, her body heat still gentle against his skin, seeping through the material of his clothes.
"Aren't I always?" she asked and he smiled at that.
"I wanted to kill him," he then said and she looked at him, drawing a small breath in disgust at the thought of the lord's hands on her body, his lips.
She shivered; feeling nauseous she put her arms around her and then said:
"Me too."
He tilted his head, eyeing her closely, and she felt a small stir somewhere in the pit of her stomach.
"I still do," he now said silently and she felt her eyes enlarge a little before saying:
"Me too."
"I've never been more angry," he mumbled and she shook her head.
"Me neither," she agreed and he smiled a little.
"I wanted to suck him dry," he said in a low voice and she couldn't help but smile a little as well.
She looked at him for a moment longer; he could see the hesitation and then the succumbing to the decision.
"I would have let you," she whispered and he stared at her, stunned at this revelation. "Don't think that I WILL let you," she now added. "He just really."
".deserves it," Spike filled in and she shook her head a little.
"No, but my Slayer instincts just screams BAD-BAD whenever I'm two feet away from him and that just counts for something," she stated and he took a step closer before softly asking:
"What do your instincts scream about me?"
She looked at him.
"They don't scream," she answered and he cocked an eyebrow at that, moving away again.
"Why did you come up here?" he asked and she felt her head start to tumble with a thousand excuses, but she brushed them aside.
She didn't know what the hell to tell him but she knew it wouldn't be anything less than the truth. She was searching for the right way to start when he suddenly said:
"I hope it wasn't to try to talk me into leaving again." He looked at her, growing serious as he continued: "I was wrong, before, when I said that there's nothing more to say.There's a LOT more I could say to you, Buffy, a lot more that I wanna say. I just don't think it would be right. But I'm gonna break a bloody promise to myself right about now, 'cause I just want you to know this, and I haven't said it to you since you told me that you believe in it."
She listened, she watched him as he spoke, and she tried to fathom not hearing his voice, not seeing him move, not making up rescuing plans or breaking down doors or following up leads with him. Not ever feeling him close to her again, to never have him touch her ever again.
"Buffy," he said softly and she looked up into his eyes, those amazing blue eyes that looked at her with such naked honesty that she drew a breath. "I love you," he said and in that moment she knew exactly what he needed, and exactly what to say. "I love you more than I can even tell you, an-."
"Show me," she softly interrupted him and his eyes widened a little in bewilderment.
She took the few steps parting them and let her hand gently slide into his. She tilted her head back and locked her eyes with his.
"Show me," she repeated and the questions in his gaze were replaced by that warmth that seemed to fill her entire being as he reached up the hand she wasn't holding and carefully placed it on her cheek.
She closed her eyes, leaning her head against his touch.
He looked at her, feeling the need for her slowly make everything else dim and unimportant. All that mattered was she and that she was there.
Buffy was waiting for the feel of his hands grabbing her, throwing her roughly on the bed, completely destroying another dress as they tore it off her, and then the bliss of his cool skin against hers.
But nothing would be as she had expected, starting with the way he undressed her.
His hand was still on her cheek as he took a step forward, bending down and to her surprise placing a feather light kiss on the tip of her nose. She opened her eyes, looking up at him, and all she could see was the love she hadn't believed in. She drew a shaky breath and he smiled a little as he bent down and brushed his lips against hers.
She felt the craving for him shoot through her at the feel of his mouth so close and she reached up her hands to unbutton his shirt, but he caught them before she even had a chance to touch him and then he shook his head a little, lowering her arms again.
She stared at him as he let her go, then he slowly went around to stand behind her.
She couldn't move as she felt his hand slide up into her hair before moving it down her back, then he stepped into her before starting to unbutton the top of her dress.
He was dragging it out way too much! But when she tried to turn around he stopped her and made her face the other way again. She could feel his fingers work the buttons through the fabric of the dress and, God, she wanted them on her skin!
The last button was finally reached and as he slid it through its loop he let his hands glide up along her spine, the thin cloth of the under dress still irritatingly in the way, or so Buffy thought, and over her bared shoulder blades as he slid the top off her shoulders.
It fell to the floor at her feet and once more she wanted to turn around, once more he stopped her.
Her heart was seriously starting to beat faster and she was tensing with pleasure as he leaned down and placed a kiss on the nape of her neck.
His hands rested on her hips for a moment before moving to the small off her back to unlace the skirt. This was easier and the heavy fabric soon crumbled at her feet as well.
Now he gently turned her around and she drew a breath of relief, she needed to touch him! But when she tried to put her arms around his neck he once more grabbed them, a smile gracing his lips as he yet again lowered them to her sides.
She swallowed hard as he took a step back and excruciatingly slow started to unbutton his shirt.
He rested his eyes on her face; he could see the anticipation etched into every line of it, and the growing impatience in her eyes as he undid the last button. He opened his shirt; still moving deliberately slow, and then let it slide off his shoulders as well.
Her eyes were on his chest, her heart rate increasing, he could smell her arousal.
He had more than reached that point as well, but first.
He stepped forward again, her eyes now in his and he could almost sense the plea in her gaze. He smiled again as he slipped his hands over her waist and behind her back, her hands placed themselves on his arms, sliding up to his shoulders and this time he didn't stop her. Her touch making him feel the urge to have her skin against his grow but he told himself not yet.
The glazy expression in her eyes only made it clearer to him. They had slept together, had rough, uncontrollable sex, and he had more than enjoyed it. But she had already been there, and now he was going to show her how he felt, and if that came with the ability to drive her out of her mind with pure lust, as well as himself, then he just had to endure that.
He smiled a little to himself as his fingers started unlacing the under dress. She had closed her eyes again, her fingers clenching his shoulders gently as if silently bidding him to hurry.
Not tonight, he thought as he brought his hands to her stomach, reaching up and loosening the grip she had on his shoulders and once more bringing her arms down. She opened her eyes, her gaze now openly begging him.
She could tell that he could see what he was doing to her, but he didn't give in, he only let his hands slide up her arms, sending the shivers to scurry through her entire body. His fingers rested for a moment at the wide straps of the dress before he gently pulled them down; the under dress joining the rest of her clothes in the heap that was surrounding her feet.
He held her eyes for a moment and then let his gaze move down her body.
The sight of him so openly looking at her made her cheeks start to burn and the throbbing for him to grow, she couldn't help but letting a low and pleading moan escape her throat and his eyes once more were in hers, looking content.
She couldn't help but smile a little at that. He knew exactly what he was doing, torturing her like this. He smiled a little back, reaching out a hand and letting his finger stroke against one of her exposed breasts. She drew a small breath, her eyes still in his, but she didn't move. She was waiting.
He took a step closer again and she smiled a little, feeling how aroused he was. She brought her hands to the hem of his trousers as he gently bent down and traced his lips over her collarbone and up her neck. She closed her eyes at the feel of him, her fingers trembling as she tried to unbutton his trousers.
"Need help, love?" he whispered and she couldn't help but giggle.
"No," she whispered back as his mouth traveled to her ear, his tongue tickling her earlobe and then his lips continuing along her jaw line.
Finally the button gave up the struggle and she slid her hands along his waist, relishing in the feel of his muscles underneath her fingers, and then she started working the trousers down.
Now, however, he stopped her. Moving his lips away as they were just about to finally meet hers and taking a hold of her hands he pulled away from her a little.
She opened her eyes, looking at him as he removed the last piece of clothing himself and then he took a step back from her.
God, how beautiful he is, she thought hazily for the second time, but this time as she let her eyes take him in just as he had her moments earlier.
She got her shoes off before she stepped out of the pool of clothes and stood before him. She wanted to reach out her hands and let them roam his body, let her mouth and tongue explore him, but she had a feeling he wouldn't let her.
"Spike," she whispered as he just kept standing there, looking at her with such intensity that she felt she would have jumped out a window at that moment, had he asked her.
Then he moved forwards again, she felt one of his hands slide up her right hip, along her waist and up her side, stopping underneath her breast before he let his thumb gently run over it, caressing her hard nipple and making another moan rise from her throat.
She reached up her left hand, letting it burry itself in his hair and wanting to pull his face to hers but he held back, looking into her eyes.
She swallowed again, her heart beating harder and harder in her chest at the feel of his thumb still moving over her breast and her eyes went to his lips. She stared at his mouth, suddenly mesmerized by its gentle curves, knowing how good it felt against her own, against her skin.
Then he bent down, and everything he did he suddenly seemed to have decided to do in slow motion, she closed her eyes right before his lips graced hers and she drew a breath as she parted them and felt his tongue meet her own.
She put her arms up around his neck, pulling him close, and his hand left her breast as both his arms slid around her, his hands now on her back and pulling her tightly to him as well.
He was kissing her deeply, his hands caressing her, and she felt the last traces of hesitation that had been buried deep down in her melt away at the familiar taste of him, at the incredible thirst she had for his body against hers and the unstoppable roar of the hunger for him inside her.
She wanted him inside her now! She needed to feel him right now!
She let a hand move down over his stomach to guide him into her but that made him pull his mouth away and then his hands suddenly took a firm hold of both of hers.
"No," he whispered. "I'm gonna show you." he added as he bent down and let his lips brush against hers. "How much I love." he continued and moved his head to kiss her neck. "Every last." he straightened his back to place a kiss on her right eyebrow. "Part of you." he finished and she looked up at him, meeting those unbelievably blue eyes and feeling the craving for him increase a thousand times.
Nothing he did was harsh, nothing he did was even in close resemblance to what they had experienced together before, and the hold he took of her wrists now was no exception as he slowly started to move towards the bed, pulling her with him.
He positioned them so that she had her back to it and then he gently made her sit down on the edge of it.
He smiled a little as she put her hands behind her and started to pull herself up on it, and then she laid down, her eyes in his, and he couldn't help but stand there for a moment longer just looking at her stretched out in all her beauty before him.
His Slayer, his love.
Then he bent down, putting both hands on either side of her and placing a knee on the bed between her feet. She slowly opened her legs and he smiled a little, looking into her eyes. They were heavy with desire and he was aching for her, but not quite yet.
He bent down and kissed her ankle. She groaned at the touch and he gently let his teeth scratch her skin, witch made her groan louder. He then proceeded with slowly starting to kiss his way up her leg. Reaching the thigh he let the kisses combine his lips and tongue and now she was breathing hard, moans rising out of her throat and she was whispering his name.
Buffy thought she was literally about to go crazy, she felt like her midsection was about to explode and the feel of his tongue against her burning skin was almost driving her over the edge. Her hands had flown up over her head when he first started his journey and now they were gripping the sheet, clenching and unclenching as she couldn't hold back expressing the pleasure she was experiencing in the torture he so obviously was performing.
His mouth traveled up her hip, kissing her waist gently before moving to her navel. When the tip of his tongue circled it her hands moved down to his head, her fingers combing through his hair before she grabbed a hold of it.
"Oh, God, Spike," she gasped, closing her eyes as he let his tongue slide up her stomach and to her left breast, his lips closing around the nipple and his tongue tickling it.
She bit her lower lip so hard that she could taste her own blood, her hands slipping out of his hair and down to his shoulder blades, caressing the smooth skin of his back.
He pulled himself up slightly, releasing her breast and then looking down on her, his face now hovering above hers.
She was glowing. Her eyes still shut she looked incredible, intoxicating.
He bent down, letting his tongue part her lips and feeling her immediate response. She tasted of sweetness and arousal and coppery blood. The latter fading away as his tongue played with hers. He moved his hands to her arms, her hands still on his back, and then pulled them so they were above her head, sliding his hands into hers and locking their fingers together.
She grabbed a tight hold, her kisses getting more passionate as she arched her back against him. Then she pulled her mouth away, breathing:
"Spike.Spike, please!"
She opened her eyes, he looked at her, time standing still, and then moved his hips, slowly gliding into her.
Her eyes grew larger, her gaze still in his, and the hold on his hands growing even tighter as he entered her fully.
She let hear a low "oh" before he just as slowly started to pull out again, her eyes enlarging a little more if that was even possible. Her heart was thumping against his chest.
He bit his lower lip, restraining himself was getting harder by the minute but the extreme pleasure he was in was just as strong.
"Spike," she groaned as he once more moved forward, she was breathing in shallow little gulps, her thighs pressed tightly against his hips and small beads of sweat starting to show on her forehead.
He bent down, holding her gaze, and kissed her on the mouth.
Then he started to move his hips a fraction faster, she closed her eyes and threw her head back. She was close.
Oh, God, she had never felt anything like it. It had never been like this before; it had always been good, no, more than good, but THIS?! The first orgasm hit her with such force that she felt tears rise in her eyes and she drew a sharp breath, clenching her teeth together not to scream out her pleasure.
Spike looked at her face, struck by the complete ecstasy he could see on her features and then by the small tears making two canals from her eyes to her ears.
"Spike," she groaned again, opening her eyes to look at him.
He gently released his grip on her hands and she let his go as well, letting her own glide up in his hair before pulling his face close and kissing him deeply and now HE groaned, the feel of her tongue and her need to take command almost overwhelming him.
He started to move his hips yet a little faster and she wrapped her legs around him, pulling her mouth away from his to draw a breath. Then she looked at him again and the expression in her eyes was laced with desire, pleasure and a longing he couldn't define as she let a hand slide out of his hair and onto his cheek.
"Spike," she whispered and then her eyes grew hazy again as the second orgasm rocked her body.
She held onto him now, putting her arms around his neck and pressing herself against him.
He knew he couldn't take it much longer but for a minute.
He could feel the trembling start to go through her body as she was getting close again and he whispered:
"Look at me, Buffy."
She pulled her head back a little, looking into his eyes and when he could tell that she was starting to come he let himself go, reaching that peak with her and she put her forehead to his, gasping for breath and not letting her gaze leave his for a second.
They both slowly descended, relaxing in a heap, him slumping over her with her arms still around him, her legs still around him, her scent still around him. Her heart was beating so fast he could hardly believe it was possible and her whole body was quivering. She was glazed with sweat and the soft light from the still burning candles reflected off her as she tried to catch her breath.
He had his mouth against her neck, her pulse against his lips and the demon came out without warning. Buffy felt him going into game face against her skin and still she couldn't move, she held onto him, and she realized she didn't care what happened to her as long as she didn't have to fight him. As it was she doubted her legs would even carry her anyway.
She tried to put some moisture on her lips before she whispered in a rather cracked voice:
"What now?"
Spike raised his head and she looked into his eyes, the eyes of a creature; hungry and slightly disoriented they looked back at her. She held his gaze for a moment and then she moved her head a little to the side, exposing her neck to him. He looked down at her, the profile of her face, and then shifted his eyes to the pulsating vein to the side of her throat.
She waited, and then he moved his head down. She closed her eyes, anticipating the pain, and feeling nothing but the sudden touch of his lips against her skin.
She turned her head to him, surprised, and he pulled up, his human face on again. She stared at him.
"I will never hurt you," he mumbled, a hand reaching up and brushing lightly against her cheek. "When will you start trusting that?"