New Horizons: Chapter Thirty-Four
By Annie
05-21-2002
Her heart wasn't beating, it just wasn't beating anymore, and still the pounding of her pulse was relentless in her ears as she stared at the now empty frame of the mirror.
She couldn't move, a feeling she had felt more than once over the stretch of the past week, still this was a different kind of immobility. It was heavy and surrounded every nerve in her entire body with a suffocating sense of its presence.
Her mind was suffering from it too, her thoughts damp and slow with a shock that she couldn't understand, it went too deep.
And her heart wasn't beating anymore.
Her eyes blinked without her brain signaling it, her throat swallowed dryly without her thoughts having anything to do with it.
She had no idea how long she was there, sprawled out on the floor with her eyes locked on the mirror frame, her upper body prompted up on her elbows and the dress growing stiff with the drying blood soaking it.
She could suddenly feel the rebuilding her body was under and that was what made her slowly become aware of something else than the emptiness spreading inside of her. She turned her head lazily, looking around the room with eyes still unseeing and a heart still reluctant to beat in her chest.
Then there was a rush in her head and the room spun around her, she dropped down on the floor, trying to make it stop, and then she remembered: water. She rolled over on her stomach, dragged herself up on her knees and finally she was standing, unsteadily making her way into the kitchen and not bothering with a glass she turned on the faucet and bent down, sticking her mouth under the flow of cool liquid.
She drank greedily.
Turning it off again she wiped her mouth with the back of one hand before slowly turning her head to the opening into the living room through which she could see the mirror. She drew a small breath at the sight of it, not really knowing why.
She drew a deeper breath as she moved forwards again, the skirt of the dress hanging heavy from the seam of the dress' waist line and she stopped, looking down on herself.
The previously blue velvet of the skirt was almost black and she stared at it with a frown growing on her forehead.
"I shouldn't be alive." she mumbled hoarsly. "I've lost so much blood."
Then she realized what else she was wearing and she closed her eyes as a sob escaped her throat, but no tears were rising in her eyes to make it company as she gently put her arms around her and felt the cool leather of Spike's duster against her fingers.
***
Willow pulled out her key as Dawn came up the few steps of the porch to join her by the front door.
"Did you have a good day at school today, Dawnie?" Willow asked with a small smile as the teen made a sour expression.
"They are absolutely, totally freaking out," she stated as Willow pushed the door open and then stepped inside, the younger following in her footsteps and throwing her backpack on the stairs.
"Who are?" Willow asked, still smiling as she closed the door and turned to Dawn.
"The TEACHERS!" Dawn exclaimed, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest. "They are seriously possessed or something, you have no IDEA how much homework I got today, for TOMORROW!" she cried and Willow grinned.
"Wanna compare?" she asked and Dawn sighed, turning around to walk ahead into the kitchen.
"I'm just saying that being a teenager these days are confusing enough not to have to deal with math, and bio, and chem. and I don't wanna THINK about what else, not to mention.Buffy?"
Dawn stopped dead in her tracks as she entered the kitchen and turned her head to her left, her eyes falling on the familiar figure of her sister sitting on the floor of the living room.
"Oh my God, Buffy!" she exclaimed happily as she ran through the doorway and sunk down by her sister's side, throwing her arms around her and hugging her hard.
Buffy smiled a little at the feeling of her sister's embrace and carefully put her own arms around her as well.
"Hi, Dawn," she said silently, her voice finally functional in her throat, and Dawn pulled away, standing up and beaming down at her.
"I KNEW you'd be back soon and you WERE!" she said, smiling widely. "So, saved the world again, huh?" she added with a grin and Buffy smiled at that, getting to her feet and looking over Dawn's shoulder at Willow.
"Hey, Will," she said and Willow smiled tentatively as she walked into the room and embraced her friend.
"I'm so happy you're back, and safe and everything," Willow mumbled, the insecurity growing in her chest as Buffy's grip was much looser than usual when she hugged Willow back.
"Me too," Buffy agreed, nodding slightly before they pulled away.
"So," Dawn said, "how long have you been home? Why didn't you call the school or something?"
Buffy frowned a little at that.
"Because I didn't want you to interrupt your school work just because I'm back from yet another crazy crusade," she answered, her voice serious but she was smiling a little and Dawn giggled.
"England didn't change you much, did it?" she asked and turned to walk up to the couch and sit down, not noticing the sudden expression on Buffy's face, raw pain.
Willow, however, did notice it and her heart started to sink in her chest as it confirmed that something was seriously wrong. Then the look was gone and Buffy smiled a little at her before walking up to join Dawn on the couch.
"I don't know exactly what time I got back this morning." Buffy said as she sat down beside Dawn, Willow now coming up to them as well and taking a seat in the armchair opposite them. "It's a little.hazy. I've had time to shower.Change my clothes, and you do NOT wanna see the clothes I came here in, I can assure you that! And.well, clean up the glass, of course."
The last she mumbled as her eyes grew thoughtful and Willow stirred a little, looking over her shoulder and her gaze falling on the mirror, now only the frame remaining. Dawn stared at Buffy and then at Willow, following her gaze. Her eyes widening as she swallowed hard, licking her lips hesitantly before asking:
"Did Spike go to his crypt or something?"
Buffy didn't look at her at first and Dawn felt her heart start to beat hard in her chest.
"Buffy, did Spike go home or is he still here?"
Now Buffy slowly turned her eyes up at her and Dawn stared at the expression in them as her own started filling with tears. She swallowed again, blinking and the tears running over she felt like her chest was sinking in, she shook her head.
"He.he didn't.?" she asked, and Buffy closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again, looking firmly into Dawn's and taking a gentle hold on her sisters hand she said:
"He wanted you to know that he's sorry, and that he. loves you," she said, her soul trembling at how calm her voice sounded.
Dawn stared at her, now in disbelief.
"What happened?" she asked.
"He saved my life," Buffy answered and Dawn's eyes widened. "The mirror.it broke before he could.Dawn, it was all for the best, you ha-."
"What?!" Dawn almost screamed getting to her feet. "What the HELL did you just say?"
Buffy's gaze hardened a little.
"I don't appreciate you using that kind of."
"I don't give a crap about what you think," Dawn said, her voice unsteady with anger and the resentment was growing in her eyes as she stared at Buffy.
Buffy swallowed, getting to her feet and reaching out a hand to her sister, wanting to explain, but Dawn took a step back.
"Don't touch me," she said, voice lowered. "Don't EVER touch me again!" she then exclaimed before spinning around, racing out of the room and up the stairs.
Buffy stared after her, then sighed a little and turned to Willow.
"Good old Sunnydale, huh?" she asked and smiled slightly, not feeling comfortable under Willow's gaze she moved around the table and walked up to the mirror. "I've been trying to figure out what to do with this." she mumbled, reaching out a hand and stroking the carvings of the frame.
Willow got off the armchair and came up to her.
"You're not fooling me, and you know that, don't you?" she asked kindly and Buffy drew a deep breath, turning her head to her friend.
"What do you mean, Will?" she asked, letting her hand fall off the frame and crossing her arms over her chest, waiting for a reply.
Willow smiled a little.
"You don't look so good," she stated. "And this whole bravado act isn't fooling me one bit."
"Well," Buffy said tiredly, shrugging a little. "I probably don't look too good considering I almost lost all the blood in my body right before I went through the mirror." she then grumbled and Willow's eyes enlarged.
"Spike?" she asked, the surprise in her voice surprising Buffy a little as she looked at her friend with a weak smile, shaking her head.
"God, no," she answered and Willow smiled slightly as well, nodding.
Then Buffy grabbed the hem of the sweater she was wearing and pulled it up, Willow's eyes widening again as they rested on the long white scar stretching almost from Buffy's bellybutton to her side and as Buffy twisted a little she could see it didn't end until it was an inch or so away from her spine.
"Who did THAT?" she breathed and Buffy let her sweater down again before putting her arms around her.
"A demon," she said. "Will, the mirror did something to the wound. It sealed it or something. I know it sounds a little weird," Willow raised her eyebrows to that and Buffy smiled a little. "Okay, not so much but.Willow, he pushed me through it 'cause it was breaking and he saved my life. What I said to Dawn. It didn't come out right," she mumbled and Willow reached out a hand and took a hold of hers.
"You need to tell me everything that's happened," Willow said and Buffy looked at her for a moment, an expression in her eyes that Willow found a little hard to interpret, and then she nodded.
"Yes," she said. "But not now, I need to.clear my head a little."
Willow nodded to that, releasing her hand.
"Do you think I still have a job at the Double Meat?" Buffy asked and Willow smiled.
"I don't know, you should call them."
Buffy nodded, drawing a breath and for the hundredth time pushing the picture of Spike's face, Spike's eyes, the feel of Spike's touch out of her head.
"Yes," she mumbled, "I should do that."
***
Buffy slammed the door shut. Her neck was pounding from the grip that last vamp had gotten on her and her stomach felt like it was twirling inside of her. She clenched her jaws together as the pain shot through her right foot when she took a step forward, it had hit a vamp in the chest at a screwed up angle and she had damn near sprained it.
"A bath." she mumbled as she walked through the kitchen. "And then."
She stopped as she heard low sobbing to her right and she turned her head towards the dark opening leading into the living room. Her heart started beating when she recognized the crying and she carefully made her way into the room, seeing the silhouette of Dawn slumped down at the same spot she herself had been in earlier that day, in front of the mirror.
She hesitated a moment before approaching her sister, they hadn't talked all day and she was afraid Dawn would simply recoil. But as she kneeled beside her, Dawn reached out her arms and soon they embraced.
"I can't believe it," Dawn whispered, trying to hold back the sobs long enough to get the words out. "I don't want to."
Buffy closed her eyes, the emptiness inside scratching against her skin and she wished she could cry, or scream or do something but there was nothing to be done.
"I know you don't," she whispered, reaching up a hand to stroke it over Dawn's hair. "But.it's dangerous to get stuck in that kind of thinking. He's gone, Dawn. And this time he won't be coming back."
"How can you know that?" Dawn asked, pulling away a little to look at her sister, the moonlight falling in through the windows making the tears in her eyes glimmer. "You KNOW him, he'll find a way to."
"The mirror is broken, Dawn," Buffy interrupted softly. "It's completely broken as in not fixable. He WON'T come back, Dawnie, not because he doesn't want to see you again, but because he CAN'T."
The tears gathering in Dawn's eyes spilled over and joined the rest of the previous ones on her cheeks as she sobbed loudly again.
"I don't want him to be gone, Buffy," she cried and put her arms tightly around her sister again.
"I know." Buffy mumbled. "I know."
***
"We'll need your signature here and.here."
Buffy took the pen the man held out at her and signed her name on the small lines, nodding her thank you to the two men as they left, closing the front door behind them.
"Thank you!" Dawn cried as she flung herself around her sister's neck. "And it wasn't TOO expensive, was it?" she added with a meaningful smile and Buffy sighed a little, smiling as well.
"No, not TOO expensive, but you'll have to consider it an early birthday gift or something," she stated and Dawn smiled widely.
"Does that mean I can have it in my room?" she asked and Buffy frowned a little, the look in her eyes suddenly so far away that Dawn hastily added: "Or we could keep it in the living room, I mean, it looks so good in there anyway, right?"
Buffy smiled a little, patting her arm and Dawn felt relived that she seemed to have rejoined the earthlings, and her.
"Okay, then.you want it in the living room?" she asked as they walked into the room in question and making a gesture towards the mirror.
Buffy walked up to it, stopping a few feet away and looking into the new mirror glass they had just put in the frame, after a LOT of begging from Dawn's part.
"Yes," she nodded, turning from it towards Dawn. "I want it in here."
Dawn smiled a little tryingly and Buffy smiled back before walking into the kitchen.
Dawn looked at her own reflection in the glass, wishing that Buffy would talk to her. Four days had gone by since she got back, four weird days without seeing Spike, four days of really strange behavior from her sister. Dawn frowned a little, turning around and following Buffy.
"Buffy," she said as she joined her in the kitchen, leaning on her elbows against the breakfast table in the middle of it.
Buffy turned from the pot of tea she was making with a questioning look in her eyes.
"Why won't you talk to me about what happened?" Dawn asked and Buffy's eyes grew distant again before she turned back to the tea.
"I will," she mumbled. "I just.There's just so much that I don't know where to start."
Dawn frowned again, she had a good idea of where she WANTED Buffy to start and now she didn't want to hold it back anymore, there were too many questions unanswered.
"Did something happen between you and Spike? Every time anyone mentions his name you get this really thoughtful look on you face and you always look so.so sad."
Buffy had drawn a small breath at the sound of his name and now she exhaled slowly, memories washing over her and she swallowed hard, not turning to Dawn she answered:
"I'm just sorry I didn't get a chance to tell him that.what he did for me was." she trailed off and Dawn waited impatiently for a few moments before pressing:
"What DID he do for you? Did he ONLY save your life? It seems like you."
"Dammit!" Buffy exclaimed, staring at the watch on the kitchen wall. "I'm sorry, Dawn, I promise I'll do the best-sister-in-the-world thing when I get back from work, okay? I'm supposed to take a double shift today and it starts.well, NOW!"
Dawn watched as her sister gathered up her belongings and hurried out of the room, a brief kiss on the cheek was a quick good-bye. Dawn sighed.
"Sure," she grumbled. "Fine. Whatever."
***
"Look at him! He's not worth more than three and that IS my final offer."
Xander stared at his love as she put her chin up to prove exactly how serious she was on the matter and the creature who was selling him to her huffed and grumbled as he cut Xander's hands free.
"Well, then," Anya said, handing over a small basket that sounded suspiciously like it was meowing.
"Don't tell me that was." he began but she had already turned away from him and was walking into the crowded market place. "Anya!" he called out and hurried after her.
She turned when he caught up with her, the hurt and anger in her eyes making him stop in front of her.
"Anya," he said again, this time pleading.
"Anyanka," she corrected him coldly and he furrowed his brow, not following. "My NAME is Anyanka," she explained. "Not Anya."
Now he stared at her and she sighed, shaking her head a little.
"Do you think I would've come down here if I was still.human?" she asked and he took a small step back, his eyes looking shocked into hers.
She drew a small breath.
"Well, good-bye Alexander," she said before turning around again and walking away from him.
Xander watched her leave, his heart sinking. Couldn't be. It couldn't be true.
"Why did you help me, then?" he yelled after her and she stopped once more, turning to him she came up to him again.
"Because even though you ripped my heart out and hopped on it on the most sacred of all days for a woman, I think I owe you more than to just stand by when you're sold off to some.demon," she answered him and he swallowed, trying to find the words.
"But you just bought me," he said and her eyebrows shot up. "So I WAS sold off to a demon," he mumbled and she stared at him for a moment.
"Xander, you are the ONLY one in the entire universe who would say something like that right now!" she yelled at him. "Y-you're supposed to sweep me off my feet, for God's sake, not tell me things I already know! You idiot!"
Then she twirled around, rushing off.
He collected himself quickly, making up his mind even faster and running after her.
"Anya! I mean, Anyanka!" he yelled and finally caught up with her, grabbing her by the wrist and making her stop. "I'm so sorry," he gasped and she looked at him, eyes growing into slits as she pulled her hand out of his grip and then shrugged a little.
"It's too late for 'I'm sorry'," she stated and he drew a breath, feeling his heart start to pace a little normally in his chest.
"Then.I want you to know," he said, "that I didn't leave you at the altar," there was a gasp from the closest by-standers as some of them started to openly listen to the conversation, Xander ignored them as he continued: "I didn't leave you because I didn't love you, I was scared, that's all."
"Oh," she said, raising her eyebrows. "Oh, that's ALL?" she said loudly. "I see, so YOU decided that you were scared on our WEDDING DAY, and instead of TALKING to me about it you just ran off?!"
"That.man.The demon." he started but she cut him off.
"Oh BAH, Xander, don't try to blame it on that. YOU made the decision and you made it because you believed what that demon said to you, you believed that we wouldn't be happy," she stated, her eyes filled with the same hurt and rage that he had seen in them minutes before. "And that's what hurts the most. You didn't trust our love to be strong enough."
"I DO trust it, Anya. I love you SO much and I miss you with all of my heart. I-I can't go on without you."
Anya felt her heart leap in her chest and she tried to keep it down but it wouldn't work with her and she drew a breath.
"Tough," she said and turned from him again.
"Anya, please! I'm BEGGING you!" he cried, going down on both knees and grabbing her long skirt he made her stop again. "I love you, please, give me one more chance, ONE more chance and I SWEAR to you that I'll make it all worth it."
Anya closed her eyes a little, frowning. Then she turned back to him and looked into his eyes.
"This will take a LOT of making up for," she said, and his eyes widened a little as he nodded. "This will take bunches and bunches of a lot to make up for," he slowly got off his knees, getting up and still nodding. "This will take a long time to make up for," she said and he stopped nodding, smiling a little.
She could see the small marks of relief start to grow on his face and she smiled a little too.
"I love you," she whispered as she stepped into his arms, feeling them close around her she sighed. "I've missed you too."
By Annie
05-21-2002
Her heart wasn't beating, it just wasn't beating anymore, and still the pounding of her pulse was relentless in her ears as she stared at the now empty frame of the mirror.
She couldn't move, a feeling she had felt more than once over the stretch of the past week, still this was a different kind of immobility. It was heavy and surrounded every nerve in her entire body with a suffocating sense of its presence.
Her mind was suffering from it too, her thoughts damp and slow with a shock that she couldn't understand, it went too deep.
And her heart wasn't beating anymore.
Her eyes blinked without her brain signaling it, her throat swallowed dryly without her thoughts having anything to do with it.
She had no idea how long she was there, sprawled out on the floor with her eyes locked on the mirror frame, her upper body prompted up on her elbows and the dress growing stiff with the drying blood soaking it.
She could suddenly feel the rebuilding her body was under and that was what made her slowly become aware of something else than the emptiness spreading inside of her. She turned her head lazily, looking around the room with eyes still unseeing and a heart still reluctant to beat in her chest.
Then there was a rush in her head and the room spun around her, she dropped down on the floor, trying to make it stop, and then she remembered: water. She rolled over on her stomach, dragged herself up on her knees and finally she was standing, unsteadily making her way into the kitchen and not bothering with a glass she turned on the faucet and bent down, sticking her mouth under the flow of cool liquid.
She drank greedily.
Turning it off again she wiped her mouth with the back of one hand before slowly turning her head to the opening into the living room through which she could see the mirror. She drew a small breath at the sight of it, not really knowing why.
She drew a deeper breath as she moved forwards again, the skirt of the dress hanging heavy from the seam of the dress' waist line and she stopped, looking down on herself.
The previously blue velvet of the skirt was almost black and she stared at it with a frown growing on her forehead.
"I shouldn't be alive." she mumbled hoarsly. "I've lost so much blood."
Then she realized what else she was wearing and she closed her eyes as a sob escaped her throat, but no tears were rising in her eyes to make it company as she gently put her arms around her and felt the cool leather of Spike's duster against her fingers.
***
Willow pulled out her key as Dawn came up the few steps of the porch to join her by the front door.
"Did you have a good day at school today, Dawnie?" Willow asked with a small smile as the teen made a sour expression.
"They are absolutely, totally freaking out," she stated as Willow pushed the door open and then stepped inside, the younger following in her footsteps and throwing her backpack on the stairs.
"Who are?" Willow asked, still smiling as she closed the door and turned to Dawn.
"The TEACHERS!" Dawn exclaimed, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest. "They are seriously possessed or something, you have no IDEA how much homework I got today, for TOMORROW!" she cried and Willow grinned.
"Wanna compare?" she asked and Dawn sighed, turning around to walk ahead into the kitchen.
"I'm just saying that being a teenager these days are confusing enough not to have to deal with math, and bio, and chem. and I don't wanna THINK about what else, not to mention.Buffy?"
Dawn stopped dead in her tracks as she entered the kitchen and turned her head to her left, her eyes falling on the familiar figure of her sister sitting on the floor of the living room.
"Oh my God, Buffy!" she exclaimed happily as she ran through the doorway and sunk down by her sister's side, throwing her arms around her and hugging her hard.
Buffy smiled a little at the feeling of her sister's embrace and carefully put her own arms around her as well.
"Hi, Dawn," she said silently, her voice finally functional in her throat, and Dawn pulled away, standing up and beaming down at her.
"I KNEW you'd be back soon and you WERE!" she said, smiling widely. "So, saved the world again, huh?" she added with a grin and Buffy smiled at that, getting to her feet and looking over Dawn's shoulder at Willow.
"Hey, Will," she said and Willow smiled tentatively as she walked into the room and embraced her friend.
"I'm so happy you're back, and safe and everything," Willow mumbled, the insecurity growing in her chest as Buffy's grip was much looser than usual when she hugged Willow back.
"Me too," Buffy agreed, nodding slightly before they pulled away.
"So," Dawn said, "how long have you been home? Why didn't you call the school or something?"
Buffy frowned a little at that.
"Because I didn't want you to interrupt your school work just because I'm back from yet another crazy crusade," she answered, her voice serious but she was smiling a little and Dawn giggled.
"England didn't change you much, did it?" she asked and turned to walk up to the couch and sit down, not noticing the sudden expression on Buffy's face, raw pain.
Willow, however, did notice it and her heart started to sink in her chest as it confirmed that something was seriously wrong. Then the look was gone and Buffy smiled a little at her before walking up to join Dawn on the couch.
"I don't know exactly what time I got back this morning." Buffy said as she sat down beside Dawn, Willow now coming up to them as well and taking a seat in the armchair opposite them. "It's a little.hazy. I've had time to shower.Change my clothes, and you do NOT wanna see the clothes I came here in, I can assure you that! And.well, clean up the glass, of course."
The last she mumbled as her eyes grew thoughtful and Willow stirred a little, looking over her shoulder and her gaze falling on the mirror, now only the frame remaining. Dawn stared at Buffy and then at Willow, following her gaze. Her eyes widening as she swallowed hard, licking her lips hesitantly before asking:
"Did Spike go to his crypt or something?"
Buffy didn't look at her at first and Dawn felt her heart start to beat hard in her chest.
"Buffy, did Spike go home or is he still here?"
Now Buffy slowly turned her eyes up at her and Dawn stared at the expression in them as her own started filling with tears. She swallowed again, blinking and the tears running over she felt like her chest was sinking in, she shook her head.
"He.he didn't.?" she asked, and Buffy closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again, looking firmly into Dawn's and taking a gentle hold on her sisters hand she said:
"He wanted you to know that he's sorry, and that he. loves you," she said, her soul trembling at how calm her voice sounded.
Dawn stared at her, now in disbelief.
"What happened?" she asked.
"He saved my life," Buffy answered and Dawn's eyes widened. "The mirror.it broke before he could.Dawn, it was all for the best, you ha-."
"What?!" Dawn almost screamed getting to her feet. "What the HELL did you just say?"
Buffy's gaze hardened a little.
"I don't appreciate you using that kind of."
"I don't give a crap about what you think," Dawn said, her voice unsteady with anger and the resentment was growing in her eyes as she stared at Buffy.
Buffy swallowed, getting to her feet and reaching out a hand to her sister, wanting to explain, but Dawn took a step back.
"Don't touch me," she said, voice lowered. "Don't EVER touch me again!" she then exclaimed before spinning around, racing out of the room and up the stairs.
Buffy stared after her, then sighed a little and turned to Willow.
"Good old Sunnydale, huh?" she asked and smiled slightly, not feeling comfortable under Willow's gaze she moved around the table and walked up to the mirror. "I've been trying to figure out what to do with this." she mumbled, reaching out a hand and stroking the carvings of the frame.
Willow got off the armchair and came up to her.
"You're not fooling me, and you know that, don't you?" she asked kindly and Buffy drew a deep breath, turning her head to her friend.
"What do you mean, Will?" she asked, letting her hand fall off the frame and crossing her arms over her chest, waiting for a reply.
Willow smiled a little.
"You don't look so good," she stated. "And this whole bravado act isn't fooling me one bit."
"Well," Buffy said tiredly, shrugging a little. "I probably don't look too good considering I almost lost all the blood in my body right before I went through the mirror." she then grumbled and Willow's eyes enlarged.
"Spike?" she asked, the surprise in her voice surprising Buffy a little as she looked at her friend with a weak smile, shaking her head.
"God, no," she answered and Willow smiled slightly as well, nodding.
Then Buffy grabbed the hem of the sweater she was wearing and pulled it up, Willow's eyes widening again as they rested on the long white scar stretching almost from Buffy's bellybutton to her side and as Buffy twisted a little she could see it didn't end until it was an inch or so away from her spine.
"Who did THAT?" she breathed and Buffy let her sweater down again before putting her arms around her.
"A demon," she said. "Will, the mirror did something to the wound. It sealed it or something. I know it sounds a little weird," Willow raised her eyebrows to that and Buffy smiled a little. "Okay, not so much but.Willow, he pushed me through it 'cause it was breaking and he saved my life. What I said to Dawn. It didn't come out right," she mumbled and Willow reached out a hand and took a hold of hers.
"You need to tell me everything that's happened," Willow said and Buffy looked at her for a moment, an expression in her eyes that Willow found a little hard to interpret, and then she nodded.
"Yes," she said. "But not now, I need to.clear my head a little."
Willow nodded to that, releasing her hand.
"Do you think I still have a job at the Double Meat?" Buffy asked and Willow smiled.
"I don't know, you should call them."
Buffy nodded, drawing a breath and for the hundredth time pushing the picture of Spike's face, Spike's eyes, the feel of Spike's touch out of her head.
"Yes," she mumbled, "I should do that."
***
Buffy slammed the door shut. Her neck was pounding from the grip that last vamp had gotten on her and her stomach felt like it was twirling inside of her. She clenched her jaws together as the pain shot through her right foot when she took a step forward, it had hit a vamp in the chest at a screwed up angle and she had damn near sprained it.
"A bath." she mumbled as she walked through the kitchen. "And then."
She stopped as she heard low sobbing to her right and she turned her head towards the dark opening leading into the living room. Her heart started beating when she recognized the crying and she carefully made her way into the room, seeing the silhouette of Dawn slumped down at the same spot she herself had been in earlier that day, in front of the mirror.
She hesitated a moment before approaching her sister, they hadn't talked all day and she was afraid Dawn would simply recoil. But as she kneeled beside her, Dawn reached out her arms and soon they embraced.
"I can't believe it," Dawn whispered, trying to hold back the sobs long enough to get the words out. "I don't want to."
Buffy closed her eyes, the emptiness inside scratching against her skin and she wished she could cry, or scream or do something but there was nothing to be done.
"I know you don't," she whispered, reaching up a hand to stroke it over Dawn's hair. "But.it's dangerous to get stuck in that kind of thinking. He's gone, Dawn. And this time he won't be coming back."
"How can you know that?" Dawn asked, pulling away a little to look at her sister, the moonlight falling in through the windows making the tears in her eyes glimmer. "You KNOW him, he'll find a way to."
"The mirror is broken, Dawn," Buffy interrupted softly. "It's completely broken as in not fixable. He WON'T come back, Dawnie, not because he doesn't want to see you again, but because he CAN'T."
The tears gathering in Dawn's eyes spilled over and joined the rest of the previous ones on her cheeks as she sobbed loudly again.
"I don't want him to be gone, Buffy," she cried and put her arms tightly around her sister again.
"I know." Buffy mumbled. "I know."
***
"We'll need your signature here and.here."
Buffy took the pen the man held out at her and signed her name on the small lines, nodding her thank you to the two men as they left, closing the front door behind them.
"Thank you!" Dawn cried as she flung herself around her sister's neck. "And it wasn't TOO expensive, was it?" she added with a meaningful smile and Buffy sighed a little, smiling as well.
"No, not TOO expensive, but you'll have to consider it an early birthday gift or something," she stated and Dawn smiled widely.
"Does that mean I can have it in my room?" she asked and Buffy frowned a little, the look in her eyes suddenly so far away that Dawn hastily added: "Or we could keep it in the living room, I mean, it looks so good in there anyway, right?"
Buffy smiled a little, patting her arm and Dawn felt relived that she seemed to have rejoined the earthlings, and her.
"Okay, then.you want it in the living room?" she asked as they walked into the room in question and making a gesture towards the mirror.
Buffy walked up to it, stopping a few feet away and looking into the new mirror glass they had just put in the frame, after a LOT of begging from Dawn's part.
"Yes," she nodded, turning from it towards Dawn. "I want it in here."
Dawn smiled a little tryingly and Buffy smiled back before walking into the kitchen.
Dawn looked at her own reflection in the glass, wishing that Buffy would talk to her. Four days had gone by since she got back, four weird days without seeing Spike, four days of really strange behavior from her sister. Dawn frowned a little, turning around and following Buffy.
"Buffy," she said as she joined her in the kitchen, leaning on her elbows against the breakfast table in the middle of it.
Buffy turned from the pot of tea she was making with a questioning look in her eyes.
"Why won't you talk to me about what happened?" Dawn asked and Buffy's eyes grew distant again before she turned back to the tea.
"I will," she mumbled. "I just.There's just so much that I don't know where to start."
Dawn frowned again, she had a good idea of where she WANTED Buffy to start and now she didn't want to hold it back anymore, there were too many questions unanswered.
"Did something happen between you and Spike? Every time anyone mentions his name you get this really thoughtful look on you face and you always look so.so sad."
Buffy had drawn a small breath at the sound of his name and now she exhaled slowly, memories washing over her and she swallowed hard, not turning to Dawn she answered:
"I'm just sorry I didn't get a chance to tell him that.what he did for me was." she trailed off and Dawn waited impatiently for a few moments before pressing:
"What DID he do for you? Did he ONLY save your life? It seems like you."
"Dammit!" Buffy exclaimed, staring at the watch on the kitchen wall. "I'm sorry, Dawn, I promise I'll do the best-sister-in-the-world thing when I get back from work, okay? I'm supposed to take a double shift today and it starts.well, NOW!"
Dawn watched as her sister gathered up her belongings and hurried out of the room, a brief kiss on the cheek was a quick good-bye. Dawn sighed.
"Sure," she grumbled. "Fine. Whatever."
***
"Look at him! He's not worth more than three and that IS my final offer."
Xander stared at his love as she put her chin up to prove exactly how serious she was on the matter and the creature who was selling him to her huffed and grumbled as he cut Xander's hands free.
"Well, then," Anya said, handing over a small basket that sounded suspiciously like it was meowing.
"Don't tell me that was." he began but she had already turned away from him and was walking into the crowded market place. "Anya!" he called out and hurried after her.
She turned when he caught up with her, the hurt and anger in her eyes making him stop in front of her.
"Anya," he said again, this time pleading.
"Anyanka," she corrected him coldly and he furrowed his brow, not following. "My NAME is Anyanka," she explained. "Not Anya."
Now he stared at her and she sighed, shaking her head a little.
"Do you think I would've come down here if I was still.human?" she asked and he took a small step back, his eyes looking shocked into hers.
She drew a small breath.
"Well, good-bye Alexander," she said before turning around again and walking away from him.
Xander watched her leave, his heart sinking. Couldn't be. It couldn't be true.
"Why did you help me, then?" he yelled after her and she stopped once more, turning to him she came up to him again.
"Because even though you ripped my heart out and hopped on it on the most sacred of all days for a woman, I think I owe you more than to just stand by when you're sold off to some.demon," she answered him and he swallowed, trying to find the words.
"But you just bought me," he said and her eyebrows shot up. "So I WAS sold off to a demon," he mumbled and she stared at him for a moment.
"Xander, you are the ONLY one in the entire universe who would say something like that right now!" she yelled at him. "Y-you're supposed to sweep me off my feet, for God's sake, not tell me things I already know! You idiot!"
Then she twirled around, rushing off.
He collected himself quickly, making up his mind even faster and running after her.
"Anya! I mean, Anyanka!" he yelled and finally caught up with her, grabbing her by the wrist and making her stop. "I'm so sorry," he gasped and she looked at him, eyes growing into slits as she pulled her hand out of his grip and then shrugged a little.
"It's too late for 'I'm sorry'," she stated and he drew a breath, feeling his heart start to pace a little normally in his chest.
"Then.I want you to know," he said, "that I didn't leave you at the altar," there was a gasp from the closest by-standers as some of them started to openly listen to the conversation, Xander ignored them as he continued: "I didn't leave you because I didn't love you, I was scared, that's all."
"Oh," she said, raising her eyebrows. "Oh, that's ALL?" she said loudly. "I see, so YOU decided that you were scared on our WEDDING DAY, and instead of TALKING to me about it you just ran off?!"
"That.man.The demon." he started but she cut him off.
"Oh BAH, Xander, don't try to blame it on that. YOU made the decision and you made it because you believed what that demon said to you, you believed that we wouldn't be happy," she stated, her eyes filled with the same hurt and rage that he had seen in them minutes before. "And that's what hurts the most. You didn't trust our love to be strong enough."
"I DO trust it, Anya. I love you SO much and I miss you with all of my heart. I-I can't go on without you."
Anya felt her heart leap in her chest and she tried to keep it down but it wouldn't work with her and she drew a breath.
"Tough," she said and turned from him again.
"Anya, please! I'm BEGGING you!" he cried, going down on both knees and grabbing her long skirt he made her stop again. "I love you, please, give me one more chance, ONE more chance and I SWEAR to you that I'll make it all worth it."
Anya closed her eyes a little, frowning. Then she turned back to him and looked into his eyes.
"This will take a LOT of making up for," she said, and his eyes widened a little as he nodded. "This will take bunches and bunches of a lot to make up for," he slowly got off his knees, getting up and still nodding. "This will take a long time to make up for," she said and he stopped nodding, smiling a little.
She could see the small marks of relief start to grow on his face and she smiled a little too.
"I love you," she whispered as she stepped into his arms, feeling them close around her she sighed. "I've missed you too."