New Horizons: Chapter Thirty-Five
By Annie
05-21-2002
"Buffy."
She looked up at the sound of his voice. He looked a little surprised to see her and then he said:
"You should be careful. Never know what kinda villain's got a knife at your back," as he shifted his right hand a little, showing off the heavy weapon he was holding.
She just kept looking at him and the sense of déjà vu was growing stronger. Then she moved her eyes and noticed that the knuckles of his right hand were bloody.
"Your hand is hurt," she mumbled with a small gesture and he looked at her for a moment before nodding towards her own saying:
"Same with you."
She looked down and realized that he was right, then she raised her shoulders, digging her hands into her pockets and saying:
"Right."
She stared at him, the sense of him was so strong.But she knew now that this was nothing but a memory and she wanted to cry over it, wanted to at least be able to use it and step up to him, have his arms around her again. Then he spoke and all that was, was his eyes, so sad, so gentle, as they looked at her, his words drifting into her head.
"That Willow's getting pretty strong, isn't she? Bringing you back. It's hard to get a good night's death around here. You can sit down, got furniture. You should see the downstairs too, 's quite posh.
"I do remember what I said.the promise.to protect her. If I had done that, even if I didn't make it.you wouldn't 've had to jump.
"But I want you to know that I did save you. Not when it mattered, of course, but after that. I'd see it all again and do something different. More faster, more clever, more. Dozens of times, lots of different ways.
Every night I'd save you."
"Spike! No.don't. Spike!"
"Buffy! Buffy! Wake up!"
She woke with a gasp and sat up, Dawn's hands still on her shoulders and her body sleek with sweat her eyes darted around the room.
"Dawn?" she finally whispered and Dawn nodded slowly, her eyes huge as she stared at her sister. "W-what happened?" the Slayer asked as she tried to calm her breathing. "Are you all right?"
Dawn nodded again, letting go of her grip and sitting back a little.
"Are YOU all right?" she asked and Buffy frowned slightly.
"I.Yes, I think so," she said slowly. "Why did you wake me up?"
Dawn's eyes grew slightly larger at that question.
"Eh. You were screaming in your sleep," she answered and now Buffy's eyes grew in surprise, sudden images of the lord and Spike in the air and Spike on the ground with her blood on him rushing into her head and she closed her eyes. "You were screaming for Spike," Dawn now added and Buffy nodded slowly.
"I'm all right," she then said, looking at Dawn again. "Go back to sleep, Dawn. You have school tomorrow."
"But."
"I'm all right," Buffy repeated. "Please, don't ask me to talk about this now."
Dawn eyed her for a moment and then nodded slowly.
"Okay," she said, getting off the bed and walking to the door before turning around and saying: "I hope, when you're ready, you'll tell me what's going on with you."
Then she left and Buffy stared at the doorway for a long while before getting out of bed and walking down the stairs to the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water and drank it, refilling it and drinking that too before putting the glass in the sink and turning to walk into the living room.
She sunk down on her knees in front of the mirror, staring into the glass, into her own eyes.
The emptiness swallowing her fully, this being the only place she ever dared let it.
***
Willow opened her eyes, turned her head and looked at the watch on her bedside table.
Close to two a.m.
She threw the covers off and slid to the edge of her bed, quietly getting off it and walking to her bedroom door. She opened it carefully before stepping outside.
She made her way down the hallway, noticing that Buffy's door was opened she frowned slightly, shaking her head a little to herself before walking up to the stairs and silently stepping down it. She walked up to the doorway leading into the living room, stopping by the frame of it, and drew a small breath as her eyes landed on Buffy.
God, Buffy, she thought, feeling her heart ache for her friend. Why won't you talk to me?
Ever since the first night Buffy had been back, five nights ago now, Willow had woken up at the same time. The first night she had had an urge to go check on her friend and she had been surprised not to find Buffy in her bed. When she had gone to look for her she had found her where she currently observed her, and there she had been the other nights as well, sitting in that same spot, not moving, and now as Willow could see her friends reflection she wished even more that Buffy would just TELL her what was going on.
She had such a lost expression on her face that Willow just wanted to hold her but she had an even stronger feeling that she shouldn't approach her.
Now the Slayer suddenly slowly raised one hand and her reflection did the same, the palms met and Willow stared wondering at her friend.
Then she suddenly felt like she was spying, like she was intruding on something extremely personal and she turned away, stealthily moving back up the stairs again and into her room. She sunk down on her bed, pulling the covers up and starting to miss Tara something awful.
She closed her eyes and hoped she'd dream of her.
***
Buffy opened her closet door the next morning, pausing as her eyes caught the black leather of the trench coat hanging in the back. She bit her lip a little, frowning slightly to herself before she couldn't resist reaching out a hand and run her fingers over the texture of it.
Everything hurt. Everything had some kind of a memory behind it. Everything reflected him.
She drew back her hand, closing the door just as Dawn walked in.
"Ready?" she asked and Buffy turned to her.
"Uh-huh," she answered, smiling a little. "Let's go."
As they came down the stairs the front door opened and Willow came in with a glowing look on her face.
"Xander's back!" she exclaimed happily.
Buffy's eyes grew a little and then she smiled, relieved that he was all right and back where he belonged. She had given him two weeks, which meant that had he been gone two more days it was 'Hello, Hellmouth' for her; this fact being waved off by the greater one of him being home.
"And what about Anya?" Dawn asked and Willow smiled brighter.
"She's with him!"
Dawn smiled widely at that as well.
"We need to go now, though," Buffy said and Dawn grabbed her backpack, nodding but smiling.
"See you later," she said to Willow who nodded, also still smiling.
Buffy wanted some kind of feeling to bubble up inside her at these wonderful news. Her best friend had survived the ultimate test to get the lady he loved back, and he had GOTTEN her back. Still she felt numb, she felt cold and strange and it wasn't because she didn't want to be in Sunnydale, it wasn't because she didn't want to be around her friends, around her family.
She looked up at the sky as she stepped off the porch, the sun stretching its rays to stroke her skin.
He wouldn't be happy here anyway, she thought to herself as she and Dawn started walking. Remember, he CHOSE to stay there even before the whole mirror crashing thing. But I didn't get to tell him what I wanted him to know. I didn't get to ask him to come back with me. Come back FOR me.
She frowned slightly, drawing a breath.
But, her thoughts carried on, what would it have meant? If he had been able to come back, would I have. Do I? Am I?
"Buffy, is everything okay? You seem kinda.not here," Dawn's voice broke through her thoughts and she turned her head, smiling faintly.
"Sorry, Dawn, I'm just."
".thinking," Dawn finished for her and Buffy smiled a little.
"Yeah, been doing that a lot lately, huh?" she asked and Dawn nodded, then she reached out a hand and threaded her arm with Buffy's.
"I understand," she said. "You have a lot to think about and stuff. I mean. if you need to talk."
"I'll come to you," Buffy said with a smile and Dawn returned it.
"You'd better," she stated.
An hour later Buffy entered the Magic Box where Anya was in her cleano- neato-frenzy mood and was putting everything back in order.
"I leave this place for a few weeks and it looks like you took a jar of spiders and just set them loose in here?" she complained as she swiped with a rag at one of the many shelves, the sound of the bell by the entrance door making both her and Xander look up at Buffy, entering. "Buffy!" Anya exclaimed smiling. "I'm back!"
Buffy smiled patiently, nodding.
"So I heard," she said. "Sorry we didn't bring out the balloons and party hats for you guys," she added semi-serious. "There's just been a lot going on lately."
"Yes, Xander told me about the whole time travel thingy," Anya nodded. "Sounds very interesting. I would love to hear the story of your trip, only I think I already know the ending." Buffy raised her eyebrows a little at that and Anay smiled. "The world is still here, right? So, I guess whatever you and Spike went there to do you accomplished," she finished and Buffy smiled weakly.
"Yeah, you could say that," she agreed, walking into the shop and down the steps to walk up to Xander who was sitting at the low table across the room from the cash counter.
"So," Xander said as he closed the book he was reading and put it down. "Tell me how proud you are," he continued with a smile. "Tell me how incredibly proud you are over how well I've learned from you."
"I heard something about almost being sold at a slave market," Buffy said with a teasing smile and he huffed.
"Oh, THAT, well, that was really nothing. No biggy. I was JUST about to get myself out of there when Anya strolled up and offered to buy me. Of course I didn't want to object and so."
"Xander," Anya interrupted with a glare and Xander smiled a little.
"All that you've heard is true and please save me from the wrath of that woman."
Buffy shook her head at him and then she drew a breath, sighing.
"What?" Xander asked, suddenly sounding a little worried. "Is everything all right?"
Buffy looked away from him for a moment, then turned back and nodded.
"I AM proud of you, Xander," she said and he furrowed his brow slightly at that, still a smile spread across his face. "I'm proud of you that you went down there for something you believed in, and you got it!" she added, the sadness growing in her eyes as she looked down again.
"Buffy?" Xander asked and Buffy got to her feet, shrugging a little.
"Spike is.He's not coming back," she said and now Xander smiled widely.
"Good riddance!" he stated. "Finally one less baddy to worry about around here."
Buffy stared at him, clenching her jaws tightly together as she searched for the right words.
"Xander," she said, her voice slightly unsteady. "He saved my life more than once. I think he deserves a little bit more respect than that, don't you?"
Xander's eyebrows shot up as he got to his feet.
"What?" he asked, surprised as he looked at the hardening expression on his friends face.
"Don't talk about him like that," Buffy said firmly. "Please," she added and Xander stared at her.
"He's a killer!" Xander exclaimed. "He's a demon," he stated and Anya straightened her back a little at that. Xander noticed and added: "The BAD kind."
"What gives you the right to judge him?" Buffy asked and Xander huffed with disbelief.
"You can't be serious," he said and Buffy frowned slightly.
"I'm more than serious, Xander," she answered him. "Something happened when we were away. A lot of things happened, actually. Xander, you weren't there and so you just have to take my word for it, he's changed."
Xander gaped at her.
"Changed?!" he exploded. "Well, let me bring out the frigging pat-on-the- shoulder-for-a-job-well-done act, then, Buffy! I mean, I'll thank him, honestly, for saving your life. I love you, I wouldn't have it any other way. But you CANNOT be serious about him changing! You almost sound like."
He cut himself off, shaking his head, but Buffy took a step forward, an angry glow in her eyes.
"I saw something in him this past week that I have NEVER seen in a demon before," she said, her voice strained and Xander's eyes grew looking into hers as they were streaked with pain. "I saw compassion. The ever-oh-so- important chip stopped working, you see, and he let TWO people GO! Now, you look me in the eyes, Xander, and you tell me that isn't changing."
Xander drew a breath and shook his head slowly.
"Did you SEE him let these people go?" he asked and she straightened her back a little.
"Yes, one of them, the other I read about in the."
"You ARE kidding, aren't you?" Xander asked, smiling tryingly.
Buffy looked away from him.
"You weren't there," she repeated and Xander huffed.
"You're right, I wasn't. But I have watched that THING try to kill me, Willow, you, everybody that I care for and you are standing there, telling me that you think he's changed. I'm sorry if I don't fall on my knees with relief," he said and Buffy looked up at him, frowning deeply.
"He loves me," she said and at this Xander almost recoiled, she continued: "I don't doubt his love for me for one second. And if I don't doubt that, then HOW can I believe that he hasn't changed? He didn't kill because of it."
"He didn't kill TWO PEOPLE because of it," Xander interrupted. "What about the times when he could've snuck out and gone on another damn rampage of death and destruction? Did you watch him twenty-four -seven, Buff? He's a DEMON!"
"So am I," Anya now stated as she come up to him, Buffy's eyes widening a little. "And you," Anya continued, "still begged for forgiveness. You still LOVE me, Xander, so STOP this bickering about 'demons this' and 'demons that'. Please!"
Xander looked at her and then at Buffy.
"Don't judge him," Buffy said, her voice trembling slightly and her eyes growing blank with tears. "I won't stand for it."
Xander bit his jaws together. He had to admit, there had been times when he had almost felt sorry for the poor creature, when the pain the vampire was under just seemed to ooze out of him. Still, this was almost too much to take in.
"So, in other words, you trust him?" he asked and Buffy looked at him for a moment, then nodded slowly.
"Yes," she said, growing calm. "I do."
Xander shook his head a little at that.
"You're blind," he mumbled and Buffy held his eyes before saying:
"No, I can finally see."
"I just don't believe I'm hearing this," Xander murmured, sitting down on the chair again.
"If it wasn't for him." she drew a breath, trying to hold back the sudden tears. "If it hadn't been for him I wouldn't be here now," she finished and Xander sighed a little. "Xander, he pushed me through the mirror and then it broke. It's gone. Like I said, he won't be coming back. I just can't speak of him in past sentence, it's just. He's not dead."
Xander looked up at that, staring at Buffy.
"Buff, he IS dead. You are REALLY starting to freak me out now! He's a VAMPIRE. He IS dead."
Buffy looked at him, swallowing the tears and starting towards the door.
"I know," she said. "That's not what I meant."
Xander got up and followed her, now determined to get some answers out of her.
"What DID you mean, then?" he asked and she stopped, hand on the doorknob, before turning her head to him.
"I mean that." she trailed off, and then she smiled brightly. "Never mind," she added before opening the door and stepping outside. "I'll see you guys later. Welcome back! And.it's good to see you together."
Then she stepped outside, shutting the door behind her she looked around at the familiar buildings and remembering that over there he had caught up with her once, after she had had a really hard fight with a gang of vamps and coming out of it standing, walking beside her he had nodded slightly and complimented her on a job well done. And over there he had waited for her more times than one to ask if she wanted company on her patrol. And over there.
She closed her eyes, shaking her head a little as she started walking home.
***
His hands were running over her body and she moaned a little as she stretched with pleasure, her eyes closed and her mouth a little open. His lips were on her skin now, gliding over her stomach and up to her right breast, softly kissing it before moving to her throat. She slid her arms around his neck and opened her eyes, drawing a breath as he entered her carefully and looking into his eyes. She smiled a little as he did the same and then he bent down and let his mouth find hers. She wrapped her legs around his waist, moving easily with him and she felt her breathing start to get deeper as she got closer.
She opened her eyes and stared into the darkness of her bedroom. Her body was aching from the dream, aching with a need for him to be there with her in the dark, holding her, touching her, loving her.
She let hear a soft groan, her covers in a tangle at her feet she threw her legs over the edge of the bed and got off it. She paused a moment and then opened the closet door, reaching without hesitation into it and grabbing a gentle hold once she felt the leather of the duster beneath her fingers. She pulled it off its hook and brought it out, holding it to her as she silently walked out of the room and through the hallway to the stairs.
She slipped down and into the kitchen, bringing out a glass of water and doing the ritual she had started since she'd been back; filling it up to the brim two times and drinking the liquid quickly. She was always thirsty around this time of night, it seemed.
She put the glass in the sink and turned to the gaping black hole leading into the living room. The mirror glass was reflecting the soft moonlight falling in through the windows and she walked through the doorway, her legs feeling heavy.
She pulled the duster up a little, burying her nose in his scent, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. She reached the usual spot and slowly sat down on her knees, still pressing the leather to her body, feeling the texture of it through her thin nightgown. Her blood was still slightly staining it, even though she had gotten most of it off. She opened her eyes and met her own in her reflection.
She anticipated the overwhelming emptiness to wash over her, like it always did. But this time there all of a sudden was a sharp pain instead and then there was his face, so clear in her head that she almost saw him in front of her, and her teeth ground her lower lip as she felt tears start to build a wall in her eyes that was destined to fall.
'I love you,' his voice echoed in her head. 'I love you more than I can even tell you.'
'Come on, baby, come on.'
'Time to go, love. Be strong. you always are, aren't you? You'll always be something special, Slayer. Remember that.'
The wall fell, the tears making their way down her cheeks as she let hear a low sob.
"Buffy?"
The sound of Dawn's hesitant voice made Buffy turn her head quickly towards it, staring surprised at her sister, tears still running. Dawn met her gaze with eyes slightly growing and then she saw the well-known piece of clothing held tight in Buffy's arms.
"Buffy?" she repeated, taking the few steps parting them and gently sinking down on her knees beside her.
Buffy stared at her, her lower lip quivering slightly as she blinked, more tears making their way down her cheeks. Dawn looked at the duster for a moment before reaching out and softly stroking Buffy's hair.
Buffy felt something break inside of her at that small and loving gesture and she reached up her arms, wrapping them tight around the younger sister, leaning her head against her shoulder and finally letting it all go, loud sobs rising out of her throat.
Dawn put her arms around her back; holding her carefully and feeling tears start to rise in her own eyes.
"I miss him," Buffy cried hoarsly between sobs, her body shaking with her released emotions. "Oh, God, Dawn. I miss him so much."
Dawn couldn't help but smile a little at that; taking a firmer grip around her sister and holding her closer she let her tears fall as well, nodding slowly.
"Me too," she said silently, gently stroking a hand over Buffy's back. "I do too."
By Annie
05-21-2002
"Buffy."
She looked up at the sound of his voice. He looked a little surprised to see her and then he said:
"You should be careful. Never know what kinda villain's got a knife at your back," as he shifted his right hand a little, showing off the heavy weapon he was holding.
She just kept looking at him and the sense of déjà vu was growing stronger. Then she moved her eyes and noticed that the knuckles of his right hand were bloody.
"Your hand is hurt," she mumbled with a small gesture and he looked at her for a moment before nodding towards her own saying:
"Same with you."
She looked down and realized that he was right, then she raised her shoulders, digging her hands into her pockets and saying:
"Right."
She stared at him, the sense of him was so strong.But she knew now that this was nothing but a memory and she wanted to cry over it, wanted to at least be able to use it and step up to him, have his arms around her again. Then he spoke and all that was, was his eyes, so sad, so gentle, as they looked at her, his words drifting into her head.
"That Willow's getting pretty strong, isn't she? Bringing you back. It's hard to get a good night's death around here. You can sit down, got furniture. You should see the downstairs too, 's quite posh.
"I do remember what I said.the promise.to protect her. If I had done that, even if I didn't make it.you wouldn't 've had to jump.
"But I want you to know that I did save you. Not when it mattered, of course, but after that. I'd see it all again and do something different. More faster, more clever, more. Dozens of times, lots of different ways.
Every night I'd save you."
"Spike! No.don't. Spike!"
"Buffy! Buffy! Wake up!"
She woke with a gasp and sat up, Dawn's hands still on her shoulders and her body sleek with sweat her eyes darted around the room.
"Dawn?" she finally whispered and Dawn nodded slowly, her eyes huge as she stared at her sister. "W-what happened?" the Slayer asked as she tried to calm her breathing. "Are you all right?"
Dawn nodded again, letting go of her grip and sitting back a little.
"Are YOU all right?" she asked and Buffy frowned slightly.
"I.Yes, I think so," she said slowly. "Why did you wake me up?"
Dawn's eyes grew slightly larger at that question.
"Eh. You were screaming in your sleep," she answered and now Buffy's eyes grew in surprise, sudden images of the lord and Spike in the air and Spike on the ground with her blood on him rushing into her head and she closed her eyes. "You were screaming for Spike," Dawn now added and Buffy nodded slowly.
"I'm all right," she then said, looking at Dawn again. "Go back to sleep, Dawn. You have school tomorrow."
"But."
"I'm all right," Buffy repeated. "Please, don't ask me to talk about this now."
Dawn eyed her for a moment and then nodded slowly.
"Okay," she said, getting off the bed and walking to the door before turning around and saying: "I hope, when you're ready, you'll tell me what's going on with you."
Then she left and Buffy stared at the doorway for a long while before getting out of bed and walking down the stairs to the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water and drank it, refilling it and drinking that too before putting the glass in the sink and turning to walk into the living room.
She sunk down on her knees in front of the mirror, staring into the glass, into her own eyes.
The emptiness swallowing her fully, this being the only place she ever dared let it.
***
Willow opened her eyes, turned her head and looked at the watch on her bedside table.
Close to two a.m.
She threw the covers off and slid to the edge of her bed, quietly getting off it and walking to her bedroom door. She opened it carefully before stepping outside.
She made her way down the hallway, noticing that Buffy's door was opened she frowned slightly, shaking her head a little to herself before walking up to the stairs and silently stepping down it. She walked up to the doorway leading into the living room, stopping by the frame of it, and drew a small breath as her eyes landed on Buffy.
God, Buffy, she thought, feeling her heart ache for her friend. Why won't you talk to me?
Ever since the first night Buffy had been back, five nights ago now, Willow had woken up at the same time. The first night she had had an urge to go check on her friend and she had been surprised not to find Buffy in her bed. When she had gone to look for her she had found her where she currently observed her, and there she had been the other nights as well, sitting in that same spot, not moving, and now as Willow could see her friends reflection she wished even more that Buffy would just TELL her what was going on.
She had such a lost expression on her face that Willow just wanted to hold her but she had an even stronger feeling that she shouldn't approach her.
Now the Slayer suddenly slowly raised one hand and her reflection did the same, the palms met and Willow stared wondering at her friend.
Then she suddenly felt like she was spying, like she was intruding on something extremely personal and she turned away, stealthily moving back up the stairs again and into her room. She sunk down on her bed, pulling the covers up and starting to miss Tara something awful.
She closed her eyes and hoped she'd dream of her.
***
Buffy opened her closet door the next morning, pausing as her eyes caught the black leather of the trench coat hanging in the back. She bit her lip a little, frowning slightly to herself before she couldn't resist reaching out a hand and run her fingers over the texture of it.
Everything hurt. Everything had some kind of a memory behind it. Everything reflected him.
She drew back her hand, closing the door just as Dawn walked in.
"Ready?" she asked and Buffy turned to her.
"Uh-huh," she answered, smiling a little. "Let's go."
As they came down the stairs the front door opened and Willow came in with a glowing look on her face.
"Xander's back!" she exclaimed happily.
Buffy's eyes grew a little and then she smiled, relieved that he was all right and back where he belonged. She had given him two weeks, which meant that had he been gone two more days it was 'Hello, Hellmouth' for her; this fact being waved off by the greater one of him being home.
"And what about Anya?" Dawn asked and Willow smiled brighter.
"She's with him!"
Dawn smiled widely at that as well.
"We need to go now, though," Buffy said and Dawn grabbed her backpack, nodding but smiling.
"See you later," she said to Willow who nodded, also still smiling.
Buffy wanted some kind of feeling to bubble up inside her at these wonderful news. Her best friend had survived the ultimate test to get the lady he loved back, and he had GOTTEN her back. Still she felt numb, she felt cold and strange and it wasn't because she didn't want to be in Sunnydale, it wasn't because she didn't want to be around her friends, around her family.
She looked up at the sky as she stepped off the porch, the sun stretching its rays to stroke her skin.
He wouldn't be happy here anyway, she thought to herself as she and Dawn started walking. Remember, he CHOSE to stay there even before the whole mirror crashing thing. But I didn't get to tell him what I wanted him to know. I didn't get to ask him to come back with me. Come back FOR me.
She frowned slightly, drawing a breath.
But, her thoughts carried on, what would it have meant? If he had been able to come back, would I have. Do I? Am I?
"Buffy, is everything okay? You seem kinda.not here," Dawn's voice broke through her thoughts and she turned her head, smiling faintly.
"Sorry, Dawn, I'm just."
".thinking," Dawn finished for her and Buffy smiled a little.
"Yeah, been doing that a lot lately, huh?" she asked and Dawn nodded, then she reached out a hand and threaded her arm with Buffy's.
"I understand," she said. "You have a lot to think about and stuff. I mean. if you need to talk."
"I'll come to you," Buffy said with a smile and Dawn returned it.
"You'd better," she stated.
An hour later Buffy entered the Magic Box where Anya was in her cleano- neato-frenzy mood and was putting everything back in order.
"I leave this place for a few weeks and it looks like you took a jar of spiders and just set them loose in here?" she complained as she swiped with a rag at one of the many shelves, the sound of the bell by the entrance door making both her and Xander look up at Buffy, entering. "Buffy!" Anya exclaimed smiling. "I'm back!"
Buffy smiled patiently, nodding.
"So I heard," she said. "Sorry we didn't bring out the balloons and party hats for you guys," she added semi-serious. "There's just been a lot going on lately."
"Yes, Xander told me about the whole time travel thingy," Anya nodded. "Sounds very interesting. I would love to hear the story of your trip, only I think I already know the ending." Buffy raised her eyebrows a little at that and Anay smiled. "The world is still here, right? So, I guess whatever you and Spike went there to do you accomplished," she finished and Buffy smiled weakly.
"Yeah, you could say that," she agreed, walking into the shop and down the steps to walk up to Xander who was sitting at the low table across the room from the cash counter.
"So," Xander said as he closed the book he was reading and put it down. "Tell me how proud you are," he continued with a smile. "Tell me how incredibly proud you are over how well I've learned from you."
"I heard something about almost being sold at a slave market," Buffy said with a teasing smile and he huffed.
"Oh, THAT, well, that was really nothing. No biggy. I was JUST about to get myself out of there when Anya strolled up and offered to buy me. Of course I didn't want to object and so."
"Xander," Anya interrupted with a glare and Xander smiled a little.
"All that you've heard is true and please save me from the wrath of that woman."
Buffy shook her head at him and then she drew a breath, sighing.
"What?" Xander asked, suddenly sounding a little worried. "Is everything all right?"
Buffy looked away from him for a moment, then turned back and nodded.
"I AM proud of you, Xander," she said and he furrowed his brow slightly at that, still a smile spread across his face. "I'm proud of you that you went down there for something you believed in, and you got it!" she added, the sadness growing in her eyes as she looked down again.
"Buffy?" Xander asked and Buffy got to her feet, shrugging a little.
"Spike is.He's not coming back," she said and now Xander smiled widely.
"Good riddance!" he stated. "Finally one less baddy to worry about around here."
Buffy stared at him, clenching her jaws tightly together as she searched for the right words.
"Xander," she said, her voice slightly unsteady. "He saved my life more than once. I think he deserves a little bit more respect than that, don't you?"
Xander's eyebrows shot up as he got to his feet.
"What?" he asked, surprised as he looked at the hardening expression on his friends face.
"Don't talk about him like that," Buffy said firmly. "Please," she added and Xander stared at her.
"He's a killer!" Xander exclaimed. "He's a demon," he stated and Anya straightened her back a little at that. Xander noticed and added: "The BAD kind."
"What gives you the right to judge him?" Buffy asked and Xander huffed with disbelief.
"You can't be serious," he said and Buffy frowned slightly.
"I'm more than serious, Xander," she answered him. "Something happened when we were away. A lot of things happened, actually. Xander, you weren't there and so you just have to take my word for it, he's changed."
Xander gaped at her.
"Changed?!" he exploded. "Well, let me bring out the frigging pat-on-the- shoulder-for-a-job-well-done act, then, Buffy! I mean, I'll thank him, honestly, for saving your life. I love you, I wouldn't have it any other way. But you CANNOT be serious about him changing! You almost sound like."
He cut himself off, shaking his head, but Buffy took a step forward, an angry glow in her eyes.
"I saw something in him this past week that I have NEVER seen in a demon before," she said, her voice strained and Xander's eyes grew looking into hers as they were streaked with pain. "I saw compassion. The ever-oh-so- important chip stopped working, you see, and he let TWO people GO! Now, you look me in the eyes, Xander, and you tell me that isn't changing."
Xander drew a breath and shook his head slowly.
"Did you SEE him let these people go?" he asked and she straightened her back a little.
"Yes, one of them, the other I read about in the."
"You ARE kidding, aren't you?" Xander asked, smiling tryingly.
Buffy looked away from him.
"You weren't there," she repeated and Xander huffed.
"You're right, I wasn't. But I have watched that THING try to kill me, Willow, you, everybody that I care for and you are standing there, telling me that you think he's changed. I'm sorry if I don't fall on my knees with relief," he said and Buffy looked up at him, frowning deeply.
"He loves me," she said and at this Xander almost recoiled, she continued: "I don't doubt his love for me for one second. And if I don't doubt that, then HOW can I believe that he hasn't changed? He didn't kill because of it."
"He didn't kill TWO PEOPLE because of it," Xander interrupted. "What about the times when he could've snuck out and gone on another damn rampage of death and destruction? Did you watch him twenty-four -seven, Buff? He's a DEMON!"
"So am I," Anya now stated as she come up to him, Buffy's eyes widening a little. "And you," Anya continued, "still begged for forgiveness. You still LOVE me, Xander, so STOP this bickering about 'demons this' and 'demons that'. Please!"
Xander looked at her and then at Buffy.
"Don't judge him," Buffy said, her voice trembling slightly and her eyes growing blank with tears. "I won't stand for it."
Xander bit his jaws together. He had to admit, there had been times when he had almost felt sorry for the poor creature, when the pain the vampire was under just seemed to ooze out of him. Still, this was almost too much to take in.
"So, in other words, you trust him?" he asked and Buffy looked at him for a moment, then nodded slowly.
"Yes," she said, growing calm. "I do."
Xander shook his head a little at that.
"You're blind," he mumbled and Buffy held his eyes before saying:
"No, I can finally see."
"I just don't believe I'm hearing this," Xander murmured, sitting down on the chair again.
"If it wasn't for him." she drew a breath, trying to hold back the sudden tears. "If it hadn't been for him I wouldn't be here now," she finished and Xander sighed a little. "Xander, he pushed me through the mirror and then it broke. It's gone. Like I said, he won't be coming back. I just can't speak of him in past sentence, it's just. He's not dead."
Xander looked up at that, staring at Buffy.
"Buff, he IS dead. You are REALLY starting to freak me out now! He's a VAMPIRE. He IS dead."
Buffy looked at him, swallowing the tears and starting towards the door.
"I know," she said. "That's not what I meant."
Xander got up and followed her, now determined to get some answers out of her.
"What DID you mean, then?" he asked and she stopped, hand on the doorknob, before turning her head to him.
"I mean that." she trailed off, and then she smiled brightly. "Never mind," she added before opening the door and stepping outside. "I'll see you guys later. Welcome back! And.it's good to see you together."
Then she stepped outside, shutting the door behind her she looked around at the familiar buildings and remembering that over there he had caught up with her once, after she had had a really hard fight with a gang of vamps and coming out of it standing, walking beside her he had nodded slightly and complimented her on a job well done. And over there he had waited for her more times than one to ask if she wanted company on her patrol. And over there.
She closed her eyes, shaking her head a little as she started walking home.
***
His hands were running over her body and she moaned a little as she stretched with pleasure, her eyes closed and her mouth a little open. His lips were on her skin now, gliding over her stomach and up to her right breast, softly kissing it before moving to her throat. She slid her arms around his neck and opened her eyes, drawing a breath as he entered her carefully and looking into his eyes. She smiled a little as he did the same and then he bent down and let his mouth find hers. She wrapped her legs around his waist, moving easily with him and she felt her breathing start to get deeper as she got closer.
She opened her eyes and stared into the darkness of her bedroom. Her body was aching from the dream, aching with a need for him to be there with her in the dark, holding her, touching her, loving her.
She let hear a soft groan, her covers in a tangle at her feet she threw her legs over the edge of the bed and got off it. She paused a moment and then opened the closet door, reaching without hesitation into it and grabbing a gentle hold once she felt the leather of the duster beneath her fingers. She pulled it off its hook and brought it out, holding it to her as she silently walked out of the room and through the hallway to the stairs.
She slipped down and into the kitchen, bringing out a glass of water and doing the ritual she had started since she'd been back; filling it up to the brim two times and drinking the liquid quickly. She was always thirsty around this time of night, it seemed.
She put the glass in the sink and turned to the gaping black hole leading into the living room. The mirror glass was reflecting the soft moonlight falling in through the windows and she walked through the doorway, her legs feeling heavy.
She pulled the duster up a little, burying her nose in his scent, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. She reached the usual spot and slowly sat down on her knees, still pressing the leather to her body, feeling the texture of it through her thin nightgown. Her blood was still slightly staining it, even though she had gotten most of it off. She opened her eyes and met her own in her reflection.
She anticipated the overwhelming emptiness to wash over her, like it always did. But this time there all of a sudden was a sharp pain instead and then there was his face, so clear in her head that she almost saw him in front of her, and her teeth ground her lower lip as she felt tears start to build a wall in her eyes that was destined to fall.
'I love you,' his voice echoed in her head. 'I love you more than I can even tell you.'
'Come on, baby, come on.'
'Time to go, love. Be strong. you always are, aren't you? You'll always be something special, Slayer. Remember that.'
The wall fell, the tears making their way down her cheeks as she let hear a low sob.
"Buffy?"
The sound of Dawn's hesitant voice made Buffy turn her head quickly towards it, staring surprised at her sister, tears still running. Dawn met her gaze with eyes slightly growing and then she saw the well-known piece of clothing held tight in Buffy's arms.
"Buffy?" she repeated, taking the few steps parting them and gently sinking down on her knees beside her.
Buffy stared at her, her lower lip quivering slightly as she blinked, more tears making their way down her cheeks. Dawn looked at the duster for a moment before reaching out and softly stroking Buffy's hair.
Buffy felt something break inside of her at that small and loving gesture and she reached up her arms, wrapping them tight around the younger sister, leaning her head against her shoulder and finally letting it all go, loud sobs rising out of her throat.
Dawn put her arms around her back; holding her carefully and feeling tears start to rise in her own eyes.
"I miss him," Buffy cried hoarsly between sobs, her body shaking with her released emotions. "Oh, God, Dawn. I miss him so much."
Dawn couldn't help but smile a little at that; taking a firmer grip around her sister and holding her closer she let her tears fall as well, nodding slowly.
"Me too," she said silently, gently stroking a hand over Buffy's back. "I do too."