DC: Lyrics (and music) by Adams/Lange/Kamen
New Horizons: Chapter Thirty-Seven
By Annie
05-24-2002
As she walked inside Clem got out of the battered armchair placed in front of the old TV, his wrinkly face questioning as he looked at her, eyeing the duster she was wearing cautiously, and then shifting his gaze to look behind her, waiting for the owner of the pad to walk inside. She smiled a little at him, not really expecting to see him there but still not very surprised, his face now growing concerned.
"Hello, Buffy," he said politely then added tentatively: "Are you okay.?"
Buffy swallowed.
No. No, she wasn't. She was as far from that word as she could possibly get. She was MORE than the complete opposite of okay. And yet she nodded slowly, her eyes wandering around the darkened crypt at the familiar belongings of Spike.
"So, Spike's trailing behind or.?" Clem now asked and Buffy turned her gaze at him again, smile still on her lips as she answered:
"In a way."
Clem's eyes looked a little confused and Buffy sighed.
"He's not coming back," she said and now Clem looked rather bewildered, his eyes growing slightly.
"Why not?" he asked and she swallowed again, this time harder.
"Because he can't," she mumbled, taking a few steps into the crypt and gently touching the back of the armchair.
Clem observed her and then, being the most tactful demon she had ever encountered, he quickly said:
"I'll leave you alone for a little while."
He excited the crypt and she was left with the silence, her hand still resting lightly on the piece of furniture, remembering all the times she had broken down his door and trampled inside just to find him getting off it with a furious look on his face. All the times she had knocked and opened without waiting for a reply, his head whipping towards her and then a smirk growing on his face as she started pulling her jacket off. All the times she had.
She shook her head a little, trying to clear her mind as she walked up to the fridge.
It was crammed with various unhealthy foods and she realized that Clem must have stocked up, this was NOT the fridge of the bleached vamp.
She smiled a little as she saw one thing she knew he would have loved, a bag full of small marshmallows. She winced, straightening her back and closing the door again.
Dealing with this love inside of her was strange, unfamiliar and unexplored territory, and still it was so clear in her chest. It was painful to think that she would have to discover it on her own, without him by her side, but she couldn't help but feel that it was as it should be. He hadn't had anyone with whom to share the hurt and confusion over how she treated him.except, perhaps, with Dawn.
She sighed.
He was so real, everywhere she had ever been he had been too it seemed and she could sense him in every street of Sunnydale, every wall of every building, and in herself. Every breath, every heartbeat, every movement just reminded her of him.
She closed her eyes briefly, tears rising in them, but she didn't want to cry, she wanted to scream, she wanted to fight something, she wanted to.
'Don't go there, Slayer.'
She opened her eyes again and huffed.
"So, you're the voice of reason now? The voice of my bloody conscience?"
He laughed a low laugh at that and she felt the shivers start to travel up her back.
'Wouldn't that be something?' he asked and she felt a smile start to grow on her lips as she shook her head at him, turning around and looking at him standing by the door.
"You need to stop this," she grumbled and he cocked an eyebrow at her, smiling slightly. "I mean, I need to stop this," she corrected herself, looking away from him. "I can't start talking to myself, you know. I might actually end up at a psyche ward if I don't stop this."
'That's right. So let's say good-bye and be done with it.'
She drew a small breath, closing her eyes.
"Good-bye," she grumbled and opened her eyes again.
He was gone, and she wanted to scream and fight and.
'I SAID, don't go there,' his voice sounded again and she couldn't resist a smile.
She knew it was she who was bringing his voice out, making it manifest itself in her head, but it was so real.
"Sorry then," she mumbled and she could sense his smile somewhere nearby.
'You know better than to go hunting, Buffy. The Slayer doesn't hunt,' he said, voice now soft in her head and tears started to rise in her eyes again.
"I want to tell you how much I.How I." she trailed off, the tears running over and she swiped at them, irritated by them.
'Then do,' he whispered.
"I NEED you here, Spike! Not some good damn smoke screen that I've created myself to keep the memories from frigging tearing me apart!" she exclaimed at the empty walls of the empty room she was standing in, her face crumbled up with annoyance and then flattening as she sighed. "I wanna talk to you about so many things. There's SO much we never talked about," she mumbled.
Then she turned her eyes at the opening in the floor leading down to the other room, the bedroom, the. She sighed. Had he ever called it anything? The downstairs?
"More like the downladders," she grumbled wryly, smiling a little as she walked up to the hole and turned around to descend the ladder.
Putting her foot down on the ground and turning around she was surprised at how clean it was. The last time she had seen it had been right after the explosion, when she had ended it between them. She shook the thought off and mumbled:
"Yikes, you must have scrubbed this place day and night for a week."
Then she walked up to the new bed and smiled widely at the memory of them missing that particular spot nineteen times out of twenty when they...
"Hmh, hot and heavy, indeed," she murmured, stroking the dark oak of it.
She walked around to the side of it and crawled onto it before laying down, drawing a deep breath and looking up at the cave like ceiling she threw up a hand and put it behind her head, the leather of the duster stroking itself against her cheek and she closed her eyes.
"I miss you." she mumbled and then lazily rolled over on the side, her hand feeling the soft curves of his muscles and she smiled, moving her head and burying it against his chest, his hand starting to slowly run through her hair.
Memories sure work some strange ways sometimes, she thought as she stretched out one arm and her fingers slid under one of the pillows, hitting something hard.
She frowned slightly, opening her eyes reluctantly and prompting herself up on her elbows as she grabbed the object and pulled it out and into view: a walk-man. She frowned even more as she stared at it.
Well, he likes music, she thought to herself. Why shouldn't he have one of these?
She smiled a little as she sat up, the walk-man still in her hands and stroked it gently. It looked well used, she stated. She was curious but decided that she would finish what she seemingly had started first.
She got off the bed, gently putting the walk-man down on it before starting to walk around the room. She found a small box and began to collect any things that seemed to be personal enough not to leave behind, or rather, not to leave for Clem.
It didn't take long.
She looked at his belongings, feeling the longing for him grow as she gently touched one of his T-shirts and then walking over to the bed again. She put the box down on it and then placed herself on the edge of it as well, reaching out a hand and pulling out one of his sweaters. She looked at it, her fingers grabbing the fabric, and her eyes filled with tears once more as she brought it up to her face, nestling it in the familiar scent of him.
'Buffy.'
She let out a sob, his voice was so gentle.
'Buffy.'
"Dammit, this isn't fair," she mumbled, her voice muffled, and then she pulled the sweater away, looking up and into his eyes as he slowly kneeled before her. "This isn't fair," she repeated, looking at him.
He shook his head a little.
'Is anything ever fair?' he asked and she wiped her tears away, nodding.
"Yes, it had been fair if you were HERE so that I could show you how I. what I've realized," she said, her voice now hoarse and she cleared it, sniffling. "So that I could TELL you, so that you could know! And so I could try to make up for.for everything."
He smiled a little, tilting his head slightly and her tears rose again.
'But this is how it is now, Slayer. It's too late for all that. You just have to realize THAT.'
She stared at him through the veil of tears before her eyes and then he was gone.
"That may be, but I can't," she grumbled, putting the sweater firmly back in the box and getting to her feet, picking it up and then taking the walk- man in one hand as she walked through the room, glancing around one last time before heading up the ladder again.
Reaching the top of it she stepped up and her eyes fell on the armchair.
She walked up to it and sat herself down, putting the box at her feet and pulling her legs up she leaned back, then made herself comfortable as she undid the headphones rolled around the walk-man, and put them over her ears.
She sighed a little as she pushed the power button and the small window lit up, showing it was set on random and that it had sixteen songs to choose from. She hesitated a moment before pushing play and braced herself for fast drums and hard guitars.
The sound of a gentle piano hit her ears and her eyes grew a little as she distantly recognized the song. When the soft voice of Bryan Adams hit her ears she felt her heart start to beat harder and she closed her eyes, listening to the words.
Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there
You'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth trying for
You can't tell me it's not worth dying for
You know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you.
Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothing there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all; I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more
You know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you.
There's no love - like your love
And no other could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way
The tears started again but she hardly noticed it, flashes of his face in so many situations were appearing before her eyes as she heard the words, let them soak her head and thinking nothing but of the fact that he had listened to this, in the pain of her words and resentment he had listened to this and sought comfort. Her heart was breaking as the instrumental part was over and the voice softly sang the words again.
Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth trying for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more.
Yeah, I would fight for you
I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you
Yeah, I'd die for you.
You know it's true
Everything I do
Oh.I do it for you
She blinked, opening her eyes, and looked into Clem's worried gaze. Startled that she wasn't alone she sat up straight, pulling the headphones off as the friendly demon took a step back, looking apologetic.
"I-I didn't mean to intrude," he said and she shook her head as she got off the armchair, bending down to grab the box again and then straightening her back with a smile at him.
"You didn't," she said and walked up to the door, flipping the duster as she turned back around she said: "He'd had liked it, that you live here. Take good care of the place, okay?"
Clem smiled hesitantly to the statement and then nodded to the question.
"Stop by anytime," he said and she smiled again before turning around and opening the door.
She stepped outside, a fresh breeze of evening air filled her nostrils and she took a deep breath.
"I won't hunt," she grumbled. "But I'll be damned if I cant' find ONE demon that can give me a good fight tonight." Then she looked up into the sky and smiled a little. "I'm sure you understand," she added and with that left the steps of the crypt.
She moved stealthily through the night, the moon reflecting off the black leather as she went, and the rumor spread as quickly as she had predicted.
***
Dawn opened the front door and sighed to herself. She HATED all the frigging homework she was getting and even though Buffy had been great the past few days, acting a little nostalgic as she slept in nothing but Spike's sweaters but still being really.open, talking about anything that came up in her mind, talking about Spike a LOT. Despite all that Dawn felt a small hole inside where the vamp's humor and sarcasm and fighting with her sister used to be.
And where that small need to be a little protected by him refused to let go.
She missed him an awful lot more than she led on. He had been like the really cooler big brother who just was all mysterious and who you couldn't really figure out but still he was just this incredible support, always there when you needed him.
On the other hand, she couldn't see him EXACTLY as a 'brother' since her sister silently had declared that she was in love with him.
God, the look on Xander's face.
Dawn shook it off. That argument had been won by the Slayer since she had retorted to his yelling that even though Spike still was a full-fledged demon, no soul in sight, so was Anya and Xander couldn't deny that his love for his ex-fiancé was still more than intact.
Dawn knew that Xander was just shocked over the fact that he hadn't seen it coming, that Buffy hadn't talked to him about it sooner, that it had been going on for so long behind his back and now, that she was so depressed and that there was nothing they could do about it.
Of course Buffy put on a slightly distorted smiley-face whenever she felt the need to mask her pain and guilt, but the expression in her eyes always deceived her and Dawn was so sick of not seeing her sister happy.
She missed that just as much as she missed Spike and it made her so angry that Buffy had been so stupid all this time, that she hadn't figured the whole thing out before they went to England! Then Dawn might at least had been able to watch them together for a short while.
She was a little surprised at how deep her sister's feelings seemed to reach, they must have been buried for quite some time under the hatred she had shown for the vampire, that emotion combined with her unwillingness to even try to understand him had seemed too obvious to ignore and so Dawn had never held too much hope that the two would ever.
She walked thoughtfully into the kitchen, as she started to make herself a sandwich her mind kept tumbling.
It was after the 'wedding' that things seemed different. Or maybe even a little before that. They had been almost. polite to each other. And Buffy had been avoiding him like the plague. Even more so after the whole asylum situation, Dawn recollected now. She wondered why.
She looked around a little and then she put the knife she was holding down, turning quickly and rushing out of the kitchen she ran up the stairs and stopped in front of her sister's bedroom door.
"Buffy?" she called, but she was sure that she wouldn't be there, if she had been she would have come down and said hello when she heard the front door.
Dawn pushed the door open and stepped inside, carefully looking around and her eyes then locking on a thick pile of papers on Buffy's desk. The teen hesitated a moment and then walked up to it.
"'The first time I met him wasn't exactly a warm and fuzzy Kodak-moment, still I'm surprised over how clear the memory of it is.'" she read aloud to herself, a smile spreading over her lips as her eyes kept moving, her body sinking down on the chair in front of the desk.
Almost four and a half hours later her eyes were huge as she turned the last page. She gulped a little and then she put the paper down, staring in front of her she shook her head.
"Wow," she whispered just as she heard the door to the kitchen being slammed shut downstairs.
She got up, her heart starting to beat in her chest as she hastily straightened up the pile and slid out through the door, sighing with relief as she closed it behind her.
"Dawn?!" Buffy called up the stairs and Dawn drew a breath to steady herself before walking up to it and then down it.
"You're home!" she said happily, pausing in the doorway and raising her eyebrows at the ton of bags overfilled with food that were resting on the breakfast table.
Buffy smiled as she pulled off the duster, hanging it on a hook by the door before turning to the groceries.
"Yep, I'm home," she said, opening the fridge and beginning to unload the bags, Dawn's eyebrows still raised.
"You expecting company? Like, the cavalry or something?" she asked, walking into the kitchen and starting to help her sister.
Buffy smiled wider and Dawn noticed that the warmth of it actually reached her eyes, her heart taking a leap at the sight of it.
"Hardly," Buffy now answered her. "But you know," she added, waving a can of tuna around, "I've always wondered where those boys are whenever I need them."
Dawn grinned at that.
"Well, have you ever thought that they might be GIRLS?" she asked and Buffy laughed, walking up to a cupboard.
"Okay, so that's where you're headed, huh? Feminist a la extraordinaire!"
Dawn smiled, shrugging.
"I'd settle for a good class in self defense," she said with a small glance at Buffy who stopped what she was doing and slowly turned to her, HER eyebrows now raised.
"Did you just ask me to teach you how to fight?" she asked and Dawn smiled a little.
"Uh-huh," she said. "Spike said that he would this summer, but."
Buffy furrowed her brow a little.
"I guess I'll have to have a talk with him about that," she grumbled, turning away from Dawn whose eyes had grown a little at that statement.
She could see Buffy's shoulders stiffen and the latter turned around again, shaking her head a little.
"Never mind," she said, walking up to the table and starting to rummage around in the bags again. "What I mean is that." she looked up and into Dawn's eyes, a growing disappointment evident in them, and Buffy drew a breath, hoping this was the right decision she said: "What I meant was only that I wanted to have a chance at teaching you! I mean, he shouldn't try to take all the fun sisterly activities away from us! At least not the ones I'M actually any good at."
Dawn's eyes were beaming at her and she started jumping slightly.
"Oh my God, oh my God!" she squeaked and Buffy laughed a little.
"Okay, okay, now let's finish this," she said and Dawn nodded, still grinning widely as she started helping again.
She paused when her hands hit something she wouldn't have expected in a bag that Buffy had brought home, and then she pulled it out.
"Hey, sis," she said, slightly furrowing her brow, and Buffy looked up quiestioningly, "can we afford these?" Dawn finished as she held up the cd's she had discovered.
Buffy smiled a little sheepishly and then shrugged.
"I don't care," she said. "We deserve them."
Dawn smiled a little at that and started going trough them.
"Bryan Adams, Bryan Adams.Bryan Adams." she mumbled and then looked up at Buffy again. "Heard something you liked on the radio?" she asked and Buffy smiled again, shaking her head a little.
"Nope, on the walk-man," she answered as she went up and grabbed one of them out of the pile, continuing into the living room and kneeling by the stereo. "Listen to this and tell me what you think," she then added and pushed play, pressing the number three and then standing up again, walking into the kitchen.
Soft strumming was followed by:
I'd like to see you, thought I'd let you know.
I wanna be with you, everyday.
Dawn listened to the chorus and then nodded her head.
"I like it," she said and Buffy smiled, picking up two cartons of milk and walking over to the fridge she agreed:
"Me too."
New Horizons: Chapter Thirty-Seven
By Annie
05-24-2002
As she walked inside Clem got out of the battered armchair placed in front of the old TV, his wrinkly face questioning as he looked at her, eyeing the duster she was wearing cautiously, and then shifting his gaze to look behind her, waiting for the owner of the pad to walk inside. She smiled a little at him, not really expecting to see him there but still not very surprised, his face now growing concerned.
"Hello, Buffy," he said politely then added tentatively: "Are you okay.?"
Buffy swallowed.
No. No, she wasn't. She was as far from that word as she could possibly get. She was MORE than the complete opposite of okay. And yet she nodded slowly, her eyes wandering around the darkened crypt at the familiar belongings of Spike.
"So, Spike's trailing behind or.?" Clem now asked and Buffy turned her gaze at him again, smile still on her lips as she answered:
"In a way."
Clem's eyes looked a little confused and Buffy sighed.
"He's not coming back," she said and now Clem looked rather bewildered, his eyes growing slightly.
"Why not?" he asked and she swallowed again, this time harder.
"Because he can't," she mumbled, taking a few steps into the crypt and gently touching the back of the armchair.
Clem observed her and then, being the most tactful demon she had ever encountered, he quickly said:
"I'll leave you alone for a little while."
He excited the crypt and she was left with the silence, her hand still resting lightly on the piece of furniture, remembering all the times she had broken down his door and trampled inside just to find him getting off it with a furious look on his face. All the times she had knocked and opened without waiting for a reply, his head whipping towards her and then a smirk growing on his face as she started pulling her jacket off. All the times she had.
She shook her head a little, trying to clear her mind as she walked up to the fridge.
It was crammed with various unhealthy foods and she realized that Clem must have stocked up, this was NOT the fridge of the bleached vamp.
She smiled a little as she saw one thing she knew he would have loved, a bag full of small marshmallows. She winced, straightening her back and closing the door again.
Dealing with this love inside of her was strange, unfamiliar and unexplored territory, and still it was so clear in her chest. It was painful to think that she would have to discover it on her own, without him by her side, but she couldn't help but feel that it was as it should be. He hadn't had anyone with whom to share the hurt and confusion over how she treated him.except, perhaps, with Dawn.
She sighed.
He was so real, everywhere she had ever been he had been too it seemed and she could sense him in every street of Sunnydale, every wall of every building, and in herself. Every breath, every heartbeat, every movement just reminded her of him.
She closed her eyes briefly, tears rising in them, but she didn't want to cry, she wanted to scream, she wanted to fight something, she wanted to.
'Don't go there, Slayer.'
She opened her eyes again and huffed.
"So, you're the voice of reason now? The voice of my bloody conscience?"
He laughed a low laugh at that and she felt the shivers start to travel up her back.
'Wouldn't that be something?' he asked and she felt a smile start to grow on her lips as she shook her head at him, turning around and looking at him standing by the door.
"You need to stop this," she grumbled and he cocked an eyebrow at her, smiling slightly. "I mean, I need to stop this," she corrected herself, looking away from him. "I can't start talking to myself, you know. I might actually end up at a psyche ward if I don't stop this."
'That's right. So let's say good-bye and be done with it.'
She drew a small breath, closing her eyes.
"Good-bye," she grumbled and opened her eyes again.
He was gone, and she wanted to scream and fight and.
'I SAID, don't go there,' his voice sounded again and she couldn't resist a smile.
She knew it was she who was bringing his voice out, making it manifest itself in her head, but it was so real.
"Sorry then," she mumbled and she could sense his smile somewhere nearby.
'You know better than to go hunting, Buffy. The Slayer doesn't hunt,' he said, voice now soft in her head and tears started to rise in her eyes again.
"I want to tell you how much I.How I." she trailed off, the tears running over and she swiped at them, irritated by them.
'Then do,' he whispered.
"I NEED you here, Spike! Not some good damn smoke screen that I've created myself to keep the memories from frigging tearing me apart!" she exclaimed at the empty walls of the empty room she was standing in, her face crumbled up with annoyance and then flattening as she sighed. "I wanna talk to you about so many things. There's SO much we never talked about," she mumbled.
Then she turned her eyes at the opening in the floor leading down to the other room, the bedroom, the. She sighed. Had he ever called it anything? The downstairs?
"More like the downladders," she grumbled wryly, smiling a little as she walked up to the hole and turned around to descend the ladder.
Putting her foot down on the ground and turning around she was surprised at how clean it was. The last time she had seen it had been right after the explosion, when she had ended it between them. She shook the thought off and mumbled:
"Yikes, you must have scrubbed this place day and night for a week."
Then she walked up to the new bed and smiled widely at the memory of them missing that particular spot nineteen times out of twenty when they...
"Hmh, hot and heavy, indeed," she murmured, stroking the dark oak of it.
She walked around to the side of it and crawled onto it before laying down, drawing a deep breath and looking up at the cave like ceiling she threw up a hand and put it behind her head, the leather of the duster stroking itself against her cheek and she closed her eyes.
"I miss you." she mumbled and then lazily rolled over on the side, her hand feeling the soft curves of his muscles and she smiled, moving her head and burying it against his chest, his hand starting to slowly run through her hair.
Memories sure work some strange ways sometimes, she thought as she stretched out one arm and her fingers slid under one of the pillows, hitting something hard.
She frowned slightly, opening her eyes reluctantly and prompting herself up on her elbows as she grabbed the object and pulled it out and into view: a walk-man. She frowned even more as she stared at it.
Well, he likes music, she thought to herself. Why shouldn't he have one of these?
She smiled a little as she sat up, the walk-man still in her hands and stroked it gently. It looked well used, she stated. She was curious but decided that she would finish what she seemingly had started first.
She got off the bed, gently putting the walk-man down on it before starting to walk around the room. She found a small box and began to collect any things that seemed to be personal enough not to leave behind, or rather, not to leave for Clem.
It didn't take long.
She looked at his belongings, feeling the longing for him grow as she gently touched one of his T-shirts and then walking over to the bed again. She put the box down on it and then placed herself on the edge of it as well, reaching out a hand and pulling out one of his sweaters. She looked at it, her fingers grabbing the fabric, and her eyes filled with tears once more as she brought it up to her face, nestling it in the familiar scent of him.
'Buffy.'
She let out a sob, his voice was so gentle.
'Buffy.'
"Dammit, this isn't fair," she mumbled, her voice muffled, and then she pulled the sweater away, looking up and into his eyes as he slowly kneeled before her. "This isn't fair," she repeated, looking at him.
He shook his head a little.
'Is anything ever fair?' he asked and she wiped her tears away, nodding.
"Yes, it had been fair if you were HERE so that I could show you how I. what I've realized," she said, her voice now hoarse and she cleared it, sniffling. "So that I could TELL you, so that you could know! And so I could try to make up for.for everything."
He smiled a little, tilting his head slightly and her tears rose again.
'But this is how it is now, Slayer. It's too late for all that. You just have to realize THAT.'
She stared at him through the veil of tears before her eyes and then he was gone.
"That may be, but I can't," she grumbled, putting the sweater firmly back in the box and getting to her feet, picking it up and then taking the walk- man in one hand as she walked through the room, glancing around one last time before heading up the ladder again.
Reaching the top of it she stepped up and her eyes fell on the armchair.
She walked up to it and sat herself down, putting the box at her feet and pulling her legs up she leaned back, then made herself comfortable as she undid the headphones rolled around the walk-man, and put them over her ears.
She sighed a little as she pushed the power button and the small window lit up, showing it was set on random and that it had sixteen songs to choose from. She hesitated a moment before pushing play and braced herself for fast drums and hard guitars.
The sound of a gentle piano hit her ears and her eyes grew a little as she distantly recognized the song. When the soft voice of Bryan Adams hit her ears she felt her heart start to beat harder and she closed her eyes, listening to the words.
Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there
You'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth trying for
You can't tell me it's not worth dying for
You know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you.
Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothing there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all; I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more
You know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you.
There's no love - like your love
And no other could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way
The tears started again but she hardly noticed it, flashes of his face in so many situations were appearing before her eyes as she heard the words, let them soak her head and thinking nothing but of the fact that he had listened to this, in the pain of her words and resentment he had listened to this and sought comfort. Her heart was breaking as the instrumental part was over and the voice softly sang the words again.
Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth trying for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more.
Yeah, I would fight for you
I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you
Yeah, I'd die for you.
You know it's true
Everything I do
Oh.I do it for you
She blinked, opening her eyes, and looked into Clem's worried gaze. Startled that she wasn't alone she sat up straight, pulling the headphones off as the friendly demon took a step back, looking apologetic.
"I-I didn't mean to intrude," he said and she shook her head as she got off the armchair, bending down to grab the box again and then straightening her back with a smile at him.
"You didn't," she said and walked up to the door, flipping the duster as she turned back around she said: "He'd had liked it, that you live here. Take good care of the place, okay?"
Clem smiled hesitantly to the statement and then nodded to the question.
"Stop by anytime," he said and she smiled again before turning around and opening the door.
She stepped outside, a fresh breeze of evening air filled her nostrils and she took a deep breath.
"I won't hunt," she grumbled. "But I'll be damned if I cant' find ONE demon that can give me a good fight tonight." Then she looked up into the sky and smiled a little. "I'm sure you understand," she added and with that left the steps of the crypt.
She moved stealthily through the night, the moon reflecting off the black leather as she went, and the rumor spread as quickly as she had predicted.
***
Dawn opened the front door and sighed to herself. She HATED all the frigging homework she was getting and even though Buffy had been great the past few days, acting a little nostalgic as she slept in nothing but Spike's sweaters but still being really.open, talking about anything that came up in her mind, talking about Spike a LOT. Despite all that Dawn felt a small hole inside where the vamp's humor and sarcasm and fighting with her sister used to be.
And where that small need to be a little protected by him refused to let go.
She missed him an awful lot more than she led on. He had been like the really cooler big brother who just was all mysterious and who you couldn't really figure out but still he was just this incredible support, always there when you needed him.
On the other hand, she couldn't see him EXACTLY as a 'brother' since her sister silently had declared that she was in love with him.
God, the look on Xander's face.
Dawn shook it off. That argument had been won by the Slayer since she had retorted to his yelling that even though Spike still was a full-fledged demon, no soul in sight, so was Anya and Xander couldn't deny that his love for his ex-fiancé was still more than intact.
Dawn knew that Xander was just shocked over the fact that he hadn't seen it coming, that Buffy hadn't talked to him about it sooner, that it had been going on for so long behind his back and now, that she was so depressed and that there was nothing they could do about it.
Of course Buffy put on a slightly distorted smiley-face whenever she felt the need to mask her pain and guilt, but the expression in her eyes always deceived her and Dawn was so sick of not seeing her sister happy.
She missed that just as much as she missed Spike and it made her so angry that Buffy had been so stupid all this time, that she hadn't figured the whole thing out before they went to England! Then Dawn might at least had been able to watch them together for a short while.
She was a little surprised at how deep her sister's feelings seemed to reach, they must have been buried for quite some time under the hatred she had shown for the vampire, that emotion combined with her unwillingness to even try to understand him had seemed too obvious to ignore and so Dawn had never held too much hope that the two would ever.
She walked thoughtfully into the kitchen, as she started to make herself a sandwich her mind kept tumbling.
It was after the 'wedding' that things seemed different. Or maybe even a little before that. They had been almost. polite to each other. And Buffy had been avoiding him like the plague. Even more so after the whole asylum situation, Dawn recollected now. She wondered why.
She looked around a little and then she put the knife she was holding down, turning quickly and rushing out of the kitchen she ran up the stairs and stopped in front of her sister's bedroom door.
"Buffy?" she called, but she was sure that she wouldn't be there, if she had been she would have come down and said hello when she heard the front door.
Dawn pushed the door open and stepped inside, carefully looking around and her eyes then locking on a thick pile of papers on Buffy's desk. The teen hesitated a moment and then walked up to it.
"'The first time I met him wasn't exactly a warm and fuzzy Kodak-moment, still I'm surprised over how clear the memory of it is.'" she read aloud to herself, a smile spreading over her lips as her eyes kept moving, her body sinking down on the chair in front of the desk.
Almost four and a half hours later her eyes were huge as she turned the last page. She gulped a little and then she put the paper down, staring in front of her she shook her head.
"Wow," she whispered just as she heard the door to the kitchen being slammed shut downstairs.
She got up, her heart starting to beat in her chest as she hastily straightened up the pile and slid out through the door, sighing with relief as she closed it behind her.
"Dawn?!" Buffy called up the stairs and Dawn drew a breath to steady herself before walking up to it and then down it.
"You're home!" she said happily, pausing in the doorway and raising her eyebrows at the ton of bags overfilled with food that were resting on the breakfast table.
Buffy smiled as she pulled off the duster, hanging it on a hook by the door before turning to the groceries.
"Yep, I'm home," she said, opening the fridge and beginning to unload the bags, Dawn's eyebrows still raised.
"You expecting company? Like, the cavalry or something?" she asked, walking into the kitchen and starting to help her sister.
Buffy smiled wider and Dawn noticed that the warmth of it actually reached her eyes, her heart taking a leap at the sight of it.
"Hardly," Buffy now answered her. "But you know," she added, waving a can of tuna around, "I've always wondered where those boys are whenever I need them."
Dawn grinned at that.
"Well, have you ever thought that they might be GIRLS?" she asked and Buffy laughed, walking up to a cupboard.
"Okay, so that's where you're headed, huh? Feminist a la extraordinaire!"
Dawn smiled, shrugging.
"I'd settle for a good class in self defense," she said with a small glance at Buffy who stopped what she was doing and slowly turned to her, HER eyebrows now raised.
"Did you just ask me to teach you how to fight?" she asked and Dawn smiled a little.
"Uh-huh," she said. "Spike said that he would this summer, but."
Buffy furrowed her brow a little.
"I guess I'll have to have a talk with him about that," she grumbled, turning away from Dawn whose eyes had grown a little at that statement.
She could see Buffy's shoulders stiffen and the latter turned around again, shaking her head a little.
"Never mind," she said, walking up to the table and starting to rummage around in the bags again. "What I mean is that." she looked up and into Dawn's eyes, a growing disappointment evident in them, and Buffy drew a breath, hoping this was the right decision she said: "What I meant was only that I wanted to have a chance at teaching you! I mean, he shouldn't try to take all the fun sisterly activities away from us! At least not the ones I'M actually any good at."
Dawn's eyes were beaming at her and she started jumping slightly.
"Oh my God, oh my God!" she squeaked and Buffy laughed a little.
"Okay, okay, now let's finish this," she said and Dawn nodded, still grinning widely as she started helping again.
She paused when her hands hit something she wouldn't have expected in a bag that Buffy had brought home, and then she pulled it out.
"Hey, sis," she said, slightly furrowing her brow, and Buffy looked up quiestioningly, "can we afford these?" Dawn finished as she held up the cd's she had discovered.
Buffy smiled a little sheepishly and then shrugged.
"I don't care," she said. "We deserve them."
Dawn smiled a little at that and started going trough them.
"Bryan Adams, Bryan Adams.Bryan Adams." she mumbled and then looked up at Buffy again. "Heard something you liked on the radio?" she asked and Buffy smiled again, shaking her head a little.
"Nope, on the walk-man," she answered as she went up and grabbed one of them out of the pile, continuing into the living room and kneeling by the stereo. "Listen to this and tell me what you think," she then added and pushed play, pressing the number three and then standing up again, walking into the kitchen.
Soft strumming was followed by:
I'd like to see you, thought I'd let you know.
I wanna be with you, everyday.
Dawn listened to the chorus and then nodded her head.
"I like it," she said and Buffy smiled, picking up two cartons of milk and walking over to the fridge she agreed:
"Me too."