Fallen Angel, Ascendant Devil
***
A/N: Does the famed The GirlieGyarados DARE to twist the Dragonball Z world in the basest and most fundamental of ways? Does she?...YES! She dares! Behold, her DBZ what-if?
Say no more...just read on....
Disclaimer: Who, me?
***
Cell Games
Gohan was beginning to suspect Kuririn of being nervous. This was the fourth time he'd relaced his boots. Not that Gohan could condemn him for it, of course.
All of them-Gohan, Goku, Vejiita, Mirai Torankusu, Tenshinhan, Chaotsu, Yamcha, Pikoro, Juurokugou and Kuririn- were there; despite the many feuds and differences between them, they had decided to band together in the face of great danger.
"There" was a lonely outcropping of rock. It rose nearly a hundred feet up out of the desert dust, it and many others; a sort of grove of monoliths, if you will. At its foot was a large, marble-tiled arena, raised about a meter or so off of the surrounding earth. The most God-forsaken piece of real estate on the planet.
The great danger was a biological construct who called itself Cell. It was a nine foot tall insect, a praying, or rather, a preying mantis of truly unimaginable power, the First, Second, Third and Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse, which feasted on human flesh and lived but to destroy, destroy, destroy. Cell wasn't particular about what it destroyed: mountains, cars, helicopters, humans, buildings, islands, saiyans, it was all the same to it. Only dust was safe from Cell.
If Gohan hadn't been wearing Namek-style fighting slippers, he would have been lacing and relacing with Kuririn. As it was, he was staring stonily ahead, trying not to think too much about the fates of Juunana, Juuhachi, plus hundreds upon hundreds of people who just happened to be in the wrong place in the wrong time. Down below, Gohan noticed several heavy-duty vehicles, a few bearing the logo of ZTV.
News crews. It was times like this that Gohan lost faith in man as the "Rational Animal."
The other vehicles disgorged several humans, many very large, tall, and wide. There were some with blonde, brown, red or black hair and some with none at all. Zero percent body fat to whale-esque blobs. Short and tall, trim and wide. The only thing they seemed to have in common was oversized muscles and a rather unnerving lack of fear.
Gohan was confused as to why, until a large -pink?- van pulled up with a showy flourish of brakes, dragging up dust and such. The back doors opened slowly and dramatically, and steam spilled out of a not-so-cleverly concealed smoke machine. A silhouette of a large man appeared in the steam, and with a flourish, the man leapt out and roared.
"HHHHHYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!"
This particular man was very definetely large, Gohan would venture to say he was almost as tall as Pikoro. He had a large, coarse afro with sideburns and a rather formidable mustache. His chin and cheeks were covered in stubble as well. From where his chest peeked out from his gi, Gohan could see that every inch of flesh was covered in hair.
Ick. That's nasty.
Gohan wasn't aware that he had thought out loud until he heard Kuririn chuckle. "You got that right."
The news crews swarmed the big man, kowtowing and fawning and kissing ass and all the other words Gohan could think of to describe extravagant praise. It became very apparent that this was the man the rest of the world considered to be their only real hope to beat Cell and save them all. Gohan wasn't sure what to think.
On the one hand, it's good that they don't realize the existence of me and my friends for what we are. Gohan thought. But wait a second...Think about that, Gohan. Is it really a good thing that they don't realize who we are? I mean, if they did...would it really be all that bad? Would it?
Gohan was torn from his thoughts as a terrifying power manifested itself in his senses. With a quick glance he could see that all of his friends and family had felt the power as well. Their faces had become as stone and their eyes as steel.
The guest of honor had arrived. His Heinous Highness himself. The reason for the season.
To the dismay of all humanity, Cell materialized in the center of its own ring.
***
Gohan couldn't bring himself to watch the various minor fighters, Hercule Satan's (for that, Gohan learned, was the name of the hairy one), acolytes, fight Cell. Gohan, after all, had never seen much humor in another person's humiliation. Although, since his face was turned in Vejiita's direction, he could tell that the uncaring Prince of Saiyans was very much amused by all this.
From far below in the ring, Gophan heard the faint wail of the reporter of the Games. "Ladies and gentlemen, it seems that all the other fighters have been knocked out!! Hercule is truly our only hope left!"
"Well," Goku said, with a gamey grin. "I think that's our cue." And with that and the many sick at heart smiles accompanying them, Gohan's entire world drifted to the marble ring below them all.
I don't know if he is either stupid, crazy, or extremely brave, Gohan thought as he drifted down, But that man, with his knowing his predecessors failed miserably, and myself knowing that I stand no chance against Cell, is going up alone to fight Cell. We...I...owe him this much as to watch and not turn away.
When they reached the desert floor, Hercule Satan had been in the middle of all his posing and posturing. Cell must have realized that they were there and ready to fight, for he said to Hercule, "Just hurry up and get it over with. The real fight is about to begin."
Gohan could see that Hercule had been taken aback some, but regained his composure quickly. "All right, since you're in such a hurry to die..."
Hercule Satan charged forward with all the speed he could muster to him, which was, in human terms, a great deal, but in Cell's terms, very, very little.
He charged forward and in a single chop, Cell sent him out of the ring and into a canyon wall.
Then Cell turned and cast his lethargically murderous sights upon Goku.
***
Hercule Satan flew through the air, uncontrolled, flopping like a rag doll with the force of the air he was displacing. He could not move his arms or legs to save his life. No, not because of the force of air, but because Cell's chop had connected with his neck and broken it.
However, his eyes were still functional and could see the oncoming rock wall. His brain still processed the distance and realized that he would hit it head on and the impact would finish the work begun by Cell.
Well, on the bright side, Hercule thought, with the detached reserve of those who have seen fate and understood, Death by severe blunt trauma promises to be much less painful than the brain slowly dying of starvation. Then, I wonder if there will be a moment of unbearable pain before I die, or will it be instantaneous? he thought, but more as if he was talking about some one he used to know rather than himself.
And then, when he was close enough for his graying vision to see the individual cracks in the rock face:
I'm sorry, Videl.
Hercule collided with the rock face, head first, at an ungodly amount of miles per hour. The force of impact shattered his skull, and the almost-headless man's body shuddered with the impact force before sliding and skidding down the rough stone, various limbs twisted all over the place, and crumpling up on the ground, in the dirt.
What remained of the body was incinerated into nothingness by a stray ki blast within the hour.
***
When Hercule opened his eyes he found himself standing in a vast hallway. Everything was larger than life, scaled to comfortably fit a giant. Bizarre, especially considering that the only inhabitants he could see were a dozen tiny talking clouds.
Wait. That wasn't quite true. A man, shorter than Hercule but still tall, dressed in orange and blue, wandered through the hall as well.
Hercule scratched his head in confusion. He could have sworn the place this man was standing was empty a second ago.
Hercule, confused about this place and, though he was loathe to admit it, rather cowed, decided to follow this strange man. For one, he seemed to know what he was doing and where he was, and for another, he was human, not a knee-high, poofy, fluffy, cloud...thing.
Hercule followed this man, and, within a moment, saw why everything in the vast foyer was scaled up and up.
He was huge! Hercule would venture to guess this being was near on seventy feet tall, towering up up and away! What's more, he was red. Red. With black hair. And Hercule thought little conical horns were poking up out of said black hair.
Hercule quailed. What...what if this was Satan, the real one?
Good lord, he didn't even want to think about that.
The strange man Hercule had been following jumped out in front of the poofy things and, to his utter shock, waved an enthusiastic greeting.
"HEY King Yemma!! Great to see you again!"
As Hercule watched, fascinated, the giant the man had addressed as King Yemma leaned out over his desk and stared at his addressor, his glasses slipping off his nose.
"Goku?" He rumbled, obviously surprised. "What are you doing back here?"
"Oh," Goku said in an offhand tone of voice, "Cell killed me."
Hercule was almost too shocked to listen anymore. If this man, this Goku, was dead, and he was in the same place as this dead man, then...
Hercule sagged. He didn't want to be dead. However, his self-pity was interrupted by the giant's-King Yemma's- rumbling voice again.
"Hey!...Who are you?"
Hercule jerked his head up, and, to his everlasting dread, the giant was looking at him. Right. At. Him! And he didn't look very happy to see him, either... Hercule was too afraid to answer. Fortunately for Hercule, Goku did it for him.
"Oh....Hey! Hercule! Is that you?"
Hercule nodded dumbly, still too concerned about the giant to really understand the question directed at him. He was shocked out of his stupor by Goku rushing at him, then picking him up and squeezing the breath from him...in a giant bearhug.
"Great to meet you, Mr. Hercule Satan!" Goku said. "Wow! This is sooo awesome! My first friend in Otherworld!...Asides from King Kai, of course....Hey! I bet I can take ya to see him! See, he trains martial artists! He's really really good...bad sense of humor, but funny anyways! Hey, you can meet Gregory and Bubbles there too! Hee hee hee...I love playing tag with Gregory, I think you'll be doing something like that in your training, but...-"
"GOKU!" Shouted King Yemma, sweatdropping. "Put the man down! Just because he's already dead doesn't mean you can break his ribs!"
"Oh!" Goku said, and released Hercule, who bent over, gasping for breath...interesting, being dead, one would think that one wouldn't need to breathe...but Hercule would think about that one later.
"Heh heh heh....I guess I don't know my own strength!" Goku grinned and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
"So..." King Yemma shuffled his papers, "You're Hercule...Satan Hercule...hmmm..." Hercule watched the giant scan papers, apparently looking for his name and not finding it. Hercule didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
"Umm...A question, sir?" Hercule asked of the giant timidly.
"Yes?"
"Am I...Am I dead, sir?"
King Yemma glanced at Hercule briefly before returning to his papers. "Yes."
"Oh..." Hercule said, his shoulders slumping. Goku noticed and slapped the larger man on the back, this time restraining his strength.
"Buck up! It's not that bad being dead...for one, you never have to worry about money or stuff like that..."
"It's not that..." Hercule said sadly.
"Oh...?" Goku said, lowering his voice with concern. "What is it, then?"
"It's...well, actually, it's two things."
"Mm-hmm?"
"Well...now that I'm dead, who's going to save the world from Cell?"
"Oh!" Goku said, and his voice immediately lifted in pride, "My son, Gohan!"
Hercule looked at this Goku, and couldn't help the disbelief in his voice. "Excuse me? Your little boy? He can defeat a monster like Cell?"
"Yep!" Goku said, nodding. "I mean, they've been fighting for a while now..." Here Goku's face grew distant, like he was thinking about something deeply philosophical. "...Yeah, Gohan's doing fine!" When Hercule still looked skeptical, Goku continued, "Besides, when you're all checked in, I can take you to see King Kai. He can let us see what's happening on Earth!"
"He can?"
Goku nodded enthusiastically. Hercule considered this. On the one hand, this sounded impossible, but on the other hand, he was dead, killed by a cyborg insect, and standing, dead, in a hall filled with little poofy cloud-type...whatevers and presided over by a red giant with horns. Compared to that, this almost sounded sane.
"Okay," Hercule said.
"Great!" Goku said. "Now, what else was bothering you?"
"Well..." Hercule took a deep breath. "You see, I have a little girl-ten years old, her name's Videl- her mother passed on three years ago, she has no brothers or sisters, and I don't think we have any family left..."
"Oh...I see." Goku said, and he sounded serious. "Well...I don't know what I can tell you. But I think she'll be okay...We'll ask King Kai to check in on her from time to time..."
Hercule would have replied, but at that moment, King Yemma spoke.
"Well, Hercule," he said, sounding, to Hercule's infinite worry, rather put out, "I've been through all my files, and your name appears nowhere in the list of people who should retain their bodies after death."
"Hunh?" Hercule asked. "Why...shouldn't people retain their bodies after they die?"
"Usually people only retain their souls after death, Hercule." King Yemma said, becoming slightly annoyed. "Or what did you think all those were?" He gestured to all the clouds that floated around about knee-height.
"Uh...Mass genocide?" Hercule said. King Yemma sweatdropped, while Goku laughed.
"No, Hercule, those are souls, and I'm still waiting for an explanation of why you have your body, when clearly, you shouldn't!" King Yemma said, and folded his arms over his desk, leaning forward to glare imperiously at Hercule.
"Wha?...Oh," Hercule looked worried. "You mean, I'm supposed to explain why I'm here?"
King Yemma nodded, becoming more ticked off as the seconds progressed.
"H-How'm I supposed to do that?" Hercule stammered. "I-I didn't even know this place existed until just now!"
"Yeah King Yemma!" Goku said, speaking up on his new friend's behalf. "Besides, I don't think there is a way to...to do whatever he did that made you mad...Oh yeah! Kept his body when he wasn't s'posed to. There isn't a way to do that, not from Earth! It isn't his fault!"
"Goku, I realize that you don't want anyone to get hurt, but you simply have no say in the matter!"
"But it isn't his fault!"
Things might have gotten ugly then, but for the sudden appearance of someone who threw them all for a loop.
Granted, long white hair, sunglasses, and a forked beard aren't all that bizarre to see, but once you understand that their owner was wearing tight, faded blue jeans, a plain white shirt, and a faded denim vest, in addition to a wizened old face with a tan, you understand the surprise of Hercule and Goku. King Yemma, however, was surprised for an entirely different reason.
"Grand Kai!" He cried.
"Hunh?" Goku said, looking at the strange old...whatever in disbelief. "This is the Grand Kai?"
"What's a 'Grand Kai'?" Hercule. Obviously.
"Hey yo, chill down, cats." The Grand Kai said, and it, again, surprised everyone to hear a surfer-ish voice and choice of words from such a venerable mouth. "King Y, my man, how's it shaking?"
There was no response except for a giant sweatdrop from everyone.
"All right then. Now, King Y, I was hearing how you were so confused on our boy Hercule's being up here with his body. N' I gotta tell ya Y, it ain't his fault, it's mine. I "arranged" for it, if you catch my drift."
"Sir...!" King Yemma gasped. "Why?"
The older Kai jumped up onto Yemma's desk and pulled out a file from one of the drawers. He dragged the file to the center of the desk, which was not as easy as it sounds, given that the file was much bigger than he was. Grand Kai then flipped it open and went through the papers, finally holding up one the size of sail.
"See that right...there?" Grand Kai said, pointing to a part of the paper that neither Goku nor Hercule could see. King Yemma pulled a (relatively) tiny pair of spectacles from his breast pocket and peered closely at the paper.
"Ah...I see..." King Yemma said, with that oh-so-unfamiliar thing on his face: a smile. A sneaky smile, at that. "I thought you weren't supposed to meddle."
"Meddle? Who's meddling?" Grand Kai said, looking away from King Yemma and twiddling his thumbs. When he saw the expression on King Yemma's face, he said, "All joking asides, Yem-dog, I really do have to do this. There was....an emergency...a change of plans."
Worry lined King Yemma's face. "W-What do you mean?" You couldn't mean...
The Grand Kai opened his mouth to speak, but noticed Goku and Hercule's wide, curious eyes watching them. "I'll...tell ya later, Y. So!" Grand Kai spun arpund to face the two martial artists, rubbing his hands together eagerly. "I suppose that's that!"
Goku cocked his head to the side. "What's that?"
"Oh!...Nevermind! Forget I said anything!" The Grand Kai stammered, "You're fine now! Don't worry!"
Why doesn't that sound right? Hercule mused. There was something very wrong with what the Grand Kai was saying, but he couldn't quite figure it out. Oh well. I'll worry about it later. Hercule decided, realizing he would have to devote most of his energies to adapting to his new...um...non-life.
"Well, Goku!" The Grand Kai said, rubbing his hands together. "You two cats are all signed in, so let me show you around!"
Hercule again thought that there was something odd with this, but forgot that when the Grand Kai opened the doors and showed him a world of wonder.
***
A/N: BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! My supreme depravity has struck again!!!! Bwah! BEAT THAT!...Annyways, this is actually supposed to be a dark fic, but the Otherworld bit kinda turned out a bit funny. Bah. Well, then again, I suppose it'd be kind of hard for it not to be funny-I mean, King Yemma, Grand Kai, Hercule, and yes, Goku, when he isn't fighting, are all comic-relief characters. But expect little or no more humor in the upcoming chapters, cuz it's gonna be DARK. YES. DARK. Bwahahahahahahaha.
Next Chapter: What did happen at the Cell Games? And what's a Permanance Sticker? We'll see...in Black As Gold.
FIC OF THE DAY
Dragonball V by BloodyAngel: A fantastic story, it's another alternate universe fic: What if Goku pointed out to Vejiita during the Saiyaman saga that-hello!-With Piccolo gone, there are no Dragonballs! And the story goes from there...Bwahaha.
LAST WORD
Doing genetics in biology, we are doing an in-class project: flipping coins to determine the 'genome' of an imaginary creature, then draw it with all the features included. And one guy wanted to know:
"How are we supposed to show it's male?"
***
A/N: Does the famed The GirlieGyarados DARE to twist the Dragonball Z world in the basest and most fundamental of ways? Does she?...YES! She dares! Behold, her DBZ what-if?
Say no more...just read on....
Disclaimer: Who, me?
***
Cell Games
Gohan was beginning to suspect Kuririn of being nervous. This was the fourth time he'd relaced his boots. Not that Gohan could condemn him for it, of course.
All of them-Gohan, Goku, Vejiita, Mirai Torankusu, Tenshinhan, Chaotsu, Yamcha, Pikoro, Juurokugou and Kuririn- were there; despite the many feuds and differences between them, they had decided to band together in the face of great danger.
"There" was a lonely outcropping of rock. It rose nearly a hundred feet up out of the desert dust, it and many others; a sort of grove of monoliths, if you will. At its foot was a large, marble-tiled arena, raised about a meter or so off of the surrounding earth. The most God-forsaken piece of real estate on the planet.
The great danger was a biological construct who called itself Cell. It was a nine foot tall insect, a praying, or rather, a preying mantis of truly unimaginable power, the First, Second, Third and Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse, which feasted on human flesh and lived but to destroy, destroy, destroy. Cell wasn't particular about what it destroyed: mountains, cars, helicopters, humans, buildings, islands, saiyans, it was all the same to it. Only dust was safe from Cell.
If Gohan hadn't been wearing Namek-style fighting slippers, he would have been lacing and relacing with Kuririn. As it was, he was staring stonily ahead, trying not to think too much about the fates of Juunana, Juuhachi, plus hundreds upon hundreds of people who just happened to be in the wrong place in the wrong time. Down below, Gohan noticed several heavy-duty vehicles, a few bearing the logo of ZTV.
News crews. It was times like this that Gohan lost faith in man as the "Rational Animal."
The other vehicles disgorged several humans, many very large, tall, and wide. There were some with blonde, brown, red or black hair and some with none at all. Zero percent body fat to whale-esque blobs. Short and tall, trim and wide. The only thing they seemed to have in common was oversized muscles and a rather unnerving lack of fear.
Gohan was confused as to why, until a large -pink?- van pulled up with a showy flourish of brakes, dragging up dust and such. The back doors opened slowly and dramatically, and steam spilled out of a not-so-cleverly concealed smoke machine. A silhouette of a large man appeared in the steam, and with a flourish, the man leapt out and roared.
"HHHHHYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!"
This particular man was very definetely large, Gohan would venture to say he was almost as tall as Pikoro. He had a large, coarse afro with sideburns and a rather formidable mustache. His chin and cheeks were covered in stubble as well. From where his chest peeked out from his gi, Gohan could see that every inch of flesh was covered in hair.
Ick. That's nasty.
Gohan wasn't aware that he had thought out loud until he heard Kuririn chuckle. "You got that right."
The news crews swarmed the big man, kowtowing and fawning and kissing ass and all the other words Gohan could think of to describe extravagant praise. It became very apparent that this was the man the rest of the world considered to be their only real hope to beat Cell and save them all. Gohan wasn't sure what to think.
On the one hand, it's good that they don't realize the existence of me and my friends for what we are. Gohan thought. But wait a second...Think about that, Gohan. Is it really a good thing that they don't realize who we are? I mean, if they did...would it really be all that bad? Would it?
Gohan was torn from his thoughts as a terrifying power manifested itself in his senses. With a quick glance he could see that all of his friends and family had felt the power as well. Their faces had become as stone and their eyes as steel.
The guest of honor had arrived. His Heinous Highness himself. The reason for the season.
To the dismay of all humanity, Cell materialized in the center of its own ring.
***
Gohan couldn't bring himself to watch the various minor fighters, Hercule Satan's (for that, Gohan learned, was the name of the hairy one), acolytes, fight Cell. Gohan, after all, had never seen much humor in another person's humiliation. Although, since his face was turned in Vejiita's direction, he could tell that the uncaring Prince of Saiyans was very much amused by all this.
From far below in the ring, Gophan heard the faint wail of the reporter of the Games. "Ladies and gentlemen, it seems that all the other fighters have been knocked out!! Hercule is truly our only hope left!"
"Well," Goku said, with a gamey grin. "I think that's our cue." And with that and the many sick at heart smiles accompanying them, Gohan's entire world drifted to the marble ring below them all.
I don't know if he is either stupid, crazy, or extremely brave, Gohan thought as he drifted down, But that man, with his knowing his predecessors failed miserably, and myself knowing that I stand no chance against Cell, is going up alone to fight Cell. We...I...owe him this much as to watch and not turn away.
When they reached the desert floor, Hercule Satan had been in the middle of all his posing and posturing. Cell must have realized that they were there and ready to fight, for he said to Hercule, "Just hurry up and get it over with. The real fight is about to begin."
Gohan could see that Hercule had been taken aback some, but regained his composure quickly. "All right, since you're in such a hurry to die..."
Hercule Satan charged forward with all the speed he could muster to him, which was, in human terms, a great deal, but in Cell's terms, very, very little.
He charged forward and in a single chop, Cell sent him out of the ring and into a canyon wall.
Then Cell turned and cast his lethargically murderous sights upon Goku.
***
Hercule Satan flew through the air, uncontrolled, flopping like a rag doll with the force of the air he was displacing. He could not move his arms or legs to save his life. No, not because of the force of air, but because Cell's chop had connected with his neck and broken it.
However, his eyes were still functional and could see the oncoming rock wall. His brain still processed the distance and realized that he would hit it head on and the impact would finish the work begun by Cell.
Well, on the bright side, Hercule thought, with the detached reserve of those who have seen fate and understood, Death by severe blunt trauma promises to be much less painful than the brain slowly dying of starvation. Then, I wonder if there will be a moment of unbearable pain before I die, or will it be instantaneous? he thought, but more as if he was talking about some one he used to know rather than himself.
And then, when he was close enough for his graying vision to see the individual cracks in the rock face:
I'm sorry, Videl.
Hercule collided with the rock face, head first, at an ungodly amount of miles per hour. The force of impact shattered his skull, and the almost-headless man's body shuddered with the impact force before sliding and skidding down the rough stone, various limbs twisted all over the place, and crumpling up on the ground, in the dirt.
What remained of the body was incinerated into nothingness by a stray ki blast within the hour.
***
When Hercule opened his eyes he found himself standing in a vast hallway. Everything was larger than life, scaled to comfortably fit a giant. Bizarre, especially considering that the only inhabitants he could see were a dozen tiny talking clouds.
Wait. That wasn't quite true. A man, shorter than Hercule but still tall, dressed in orange and blue, wandered through the hall as well.
Hercule scratched his head in confusion. He could have sworn the place this man was standing was empty a second ago.
Hercule, confused about this place and, though he was loathe to admit it, rather cowed, decided to follow this strange man. For one, he seemed to know what he was doing and where he was, and for another, he was human, not a knee-high, poofy, fluffy, cloud...thing.
Hercule followed this man, and, within a moment, saw why everything in the vast foyer was scaled up and up.
He was huge! Hercule would venture to guess this being was near on seventy feet tall, towering up up and away! What's more, he was red. Red. With black hair. And Hercule thought little conical horns were poking up out of said black hair.
Hercule quailed. What...what if this was Satan, the real one?
Good lord, he didn't even want to think about that.
The strange man Hercule had been following jumped out in front of the poofy things and, to his utter shock, waved an enthusiastic greeting.
"HEY King Yemma!! Great to see you again!"
As Hercule watched, fascinated, the giant the man had addressed as King Yemma leaned out over his desk and stared at his addressor, his glasses slipping off his nose.
"Goku?" He rumbled, obviously surprised. "What are you doing back here?"
"Oh," Goku said in an offhand tone of voice, "Cell killed me."
Hercule was almost too shocked to listen anymore. If this man, this Goku, was dead, and he was in the same place as this dead man, then...
Hercule sagged. He didn't want to be dead. However, his self-pity was interrupted by the giant's-King Yemma's- rumbling voice again.
"Hey!...Who are you?"
Hercule jerked his head up, and, to his everlasting dread, the giant was looking at him. Right. At. Him! And he didn't look very happy to see him, either... Hercule was too afraid to answer. Fortunately for Hercule, Goku did it for him.
"Oh....Hey! Hercule! Is that you?"
Hercule nodded dumbly, still too concerned about the giant to really understand the question directed at him. He was shocked out of his stupor by Goku rushing at him, then picking him up and squeezing the breath from him...in a giant bearhug.
"Great to meet you, Mr. Hercule Satan!" Goku said. "Wow! This is sooo awesome! My first friend in Otherworld!...Asides from King Kai, of course....Hey! I bet I can take ya to see him! See, he trains martial artists! He's really really good...bad sense of humor, but funny anyways! Hey, you can meet Gregory and Bubbles there too! Hee hee hee...I love playing tag with Gregory, I think you'll be doing something like that in your training, but...-"
"GOKU!" Shouted King Yemma, sweatdropping. "Put the man down! Just because he's already dead doesn't mean you can break his ribs!"
"Oh!" Goku said, and released Hercule, who bent over, gasping for breath...interesting, being dead, one would think that one wouldn't need to breathe...but Hercule would think about that one later.
"Heh heh heh....I guess I don't know my own strength!" Goku grinned and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
"So..." King Yemma shuffled his papers, "You're Hercule...Satan Hercule...hmmm..." Hercule watched the giant scan papers, apparently looking for his name and not finding it. Hercule didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
"Umm...A question, sir?" Hercule asked of the giant timidly.
"Yes?"
"Am I...Am I dead, sir?"
King Yemma glanced at Hercule briefly before returning to his papers. "Yes."
"Oh..." Hercule said, his shoulders slumping. Goku noticed and slapped the larger man on the back, this time restraining his strength.
"Buck up! It's not that bad being dead...for one, you never have to worry about money or stuff like that..."
"It's not that..." Hercule said sadly.
"Oh...?" Goku said, lowering his voice with concern. "What is it, then?"
"It's...well, actually, it's two things."
"Mm-hmm?"
"Well...now that I'm dead, who's going to save the world from Cell?"
"Oh!" Goku said, and his voice immediately lifted in pride, "My son, Gohan!"
Hercule looked at this Goku, and couldn't help the disbelief in his voice. "Excuse me? Your little boy? He can defeat a monster like Cell?"
"Yep!" Goku said, nodding. "I mean, they've been fighting for a while now..." Here Goku's face grew distant, like he was thinking about something deeply philosophical. "...Yeah, Gohan's doing fine!" When Hercule still looked skeptical, Goku continued, "Besides, when you're all checked in, I can take you to see King Kai. He can let us see what's happening on Earth!"
"He can?"
Goku nodded enthusiastically. Hercule considered this. On the one hand, this sounded impossible, but on the other hand, he was dead, killed by a cyborg insect, and standing, dead, in a hall filled with little poofy cloud-type...whatevers and presided over by a red giant with horns. Compared to that, this almost sounded sane.
"Okay," Hercule said.
"Great!" Goku said. "Now, what else was bothering you?"
"Well..." Hercule took a deep breath. "You see, I have a little girl-ten years old, her name's Videl- her mother passed on three years ago, she has no brothers or sisters, and I don't think we have any family left..."
"Oh...I see." Goku said, and he sounded serious. "Well...I don't know what I can tell you. But I think she'll be okay...We'll ask King Kai to check in on her from time to time..."
Hercule would have replied, but at that moment, King Yemma spoke.
"Well, Hercule," he said, sounding, to Hercule's infinite worry, rather put out, "I've been through all my files, and your name appears nowhere in the list of people who should retain their bodies after death."
"Hunh?" Hercule asked. "Why...shouldn't people retain their bodies after they die?"
"Usually people only retain their souls after death, Hercule." King Yemma said, becoming slightly annoyed. "Or what did you think all those were?" He gestured to all the clouds that floated around about knee-height.
"Uh...Mass genocide?" Hercule said. King Yemma sweatdropped, while Goku laughed.
"No, Hercule, those are souls, and I'm still waiting for an explanation of why you have your body, when clearly, you shouldn't!" King Yemma said, and folded his arms over his desk, leaning forward to glare imperiously at Hercule.
"Wha?...Oh," Hercule looked worried. "You mean, I'm supposed to explain why I'm here?"
King Yemma nodded, becoming more ticked off as the seconds progressed.
"H-How'm I supposed to do that?" Hercule stammered. "I-I didn't even know this place existed until just now!"
"Yeah King Yemma!" Goku said, speaking up on his new friend's behalf. "Besides, I don't think there is a way to...to do whatever he did that made you mad...Oh yeah! Kept his body when he wasn't s'posed to. There isn't a way to do that, not from Earth! It isn't his fault!"
"Goku, I realize that you don't want anyone to get hurt, but you simply have no say in the matter!"
"But it isn't his fault!"
Things might have gotten ugly then, but for the sudden appearance of someone who threw them all for a loop.
Granted, long white hair, sunglasses, and a forked beard aren't all that bizarre to see, but once you understand that their owner was wearing tight, faded blue jeans, a plain white shirt, and a faded denim vest, in addition to a wizened old face with a tan, you understand the surprise of Hercule and Goku. King Yemma, however, was surprised for an entirely different reason.
"Grand Kai!" He cried.
"Hunh?" Goku said, looking at the strange old...whatever in disbelief. "This is the Grand Kai?"
"What's a 'Grand Kai'?" Hercule. Obviously.
"Hey yo, chill down, cats." The Grand Kai said, and it, again, surprised everyone to hear a surfer-ish voice and choice of words from such a venerable mouth. "King Y, my man, how's it shaking?"
There was no response except for a giant sweatdrop from everyone.
"All right then. Now, King Y, I was hearing how you were so confused on our boy Hercule's being up here with his body. N' I gotta tell ya Y, it ain't his fault, it's mine. I "arranged" for it, if you catch my drift."
"Sir...!" King Yemma gasped. "Why?"
The older Kai jumped up onto Yemma's desk and pulled out a file from one of the drawers. He dragged the file to the center of the desk, which was not as easy as it sounds, given that the file was much bigger than he was. Grand Kai then flipped it open and went through the papers, finally holding up one the size of sail.
"See that right...there?" Grand Kai said, pointing to a part of the paper that neither Goku nor Hercule could see. King Yemma pulled a (relatively) tiny pair of spectacles from his breast pocket and peered closely at the paper.
"Ah...I see..." King Yemma said, with that oh-so-unfamiliar thing on his face: a smile. A sneaky smile, at that. "I thought you weren't supposed to meddle."
"Meddle? Who's meddling?" Grand Kai said, looking away from King Yemma and twiddling his thumbs. When he saw the expression on King Yemma's face, he said, "All joking asides, Yem-dog, I really do have to do this. There was....an emergency...a change of plans."
Worry lined King Yemma's face. "W-What do you mean?" You couldn't mean...
The Grand Kai opened his mouth to speak, but noticed Goku and Hercule's wide, curious eyes watching them. "I'll...tell ya later, Y. So!" Grand Kai spun arpund to face the two martial artists, rubbing his hands together eagerly. "I suppose that's that!"
Goku cocked his head to the side. "What's that?"
"Oh!...Nevermind! Forget I said anything!" The Grand Kai stammered, "You're fine now! Don't worry!"
Why doesn't that sound right? Hercule mused. There was something very wrong with what the Grand Kai was saying, but he couldn't quite figure it out. Oh well. I'll worry about it later. Hercule decided, realizing he would have to devote most of his energies to adapting to his new...um...non-life.
"Well, Goku!" The Grand Kai said, rubbing his hands together. "You two cats are all signed in, so let me show you around!"
Hercule again thought that there was something odd with this, but forgot that when the Grand Kai opened the doors and showed him a world of wonder.
***
A/N: BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! My supreme depravity has struck again!!!! Bwah! BEAT THAT!...Annyways, this is actually supposed to be a dark fic, but the Otherworld bit kinda turned out a bit funny. Bah. Well, then again, I suppose it'd be kind of hard for it not to be funny-I mean, King Yemma, Grand Kai, Hercule, and yes, Goku, when he isn't fighting, are all comic-relief characters. But expect little or no more humor in the upcoming chapters, cuz it's gonna be DARK. YES. DARK. Bwahahahahahahaha.
Next Chapter: What did happen at the Cell Games? And what's a Permanance Sticker? We'll see...in Black As Gold.
FIC OF THE DAY
Dragonball V by BloodyAngel: A fantastic story, it's another alternate universe fic: What if Goku pointed out to Vejiita during the Saiyaman saga that-hello!-With Piccolo gone, there are no Dragonballs! And the story goes from there...Bwahaha.
LAST WORD
Doing genetics in biology, we are doing an in-class project: flipping coins to determine the 'genome' of an imaginary creature, then draw it with all the features included. And one guy wanted to know:
"How are we supposed to show it's male?"