New Horizons: Chapter Forty
By Annie
05-26-2002
Dawn came into the living room with her arms loaded with sheets and her face covered by a big smile.
"Here's the supplies," she said happily as Spike looked up and returned her smile.
"Thanks, niblet," he said, reaching out to take the sheets off her hands but she shook her head and walked past him, putting them on the table in stead and then bending down, grabbing the back-cushions of the couch and pulling them off, throwing them on the floor.
"So," she then said, turning around to grab a rolled up sheet and then flipping it open with one quick move with both wrists, "I'll go upstairs and see if I can find a pillow for you too, I think there are some extra ones in Willow's closet."
She spread the sheet out on the couch and then grabbed the other to do the same with, looking a little thoughtful.
"What?" Spike asked, still trying to melt the fact that the SLAYER had invited him, more or less, to stay at her house!
Dawn looked up, finishing spreading the second sheet and reaching for the blanket she had brought down, flipping it out of its folding as well she let it sink down over the bedding and then she turned to him, brow a little furrowed.
"You should take a shower," she said and his eyebrows shot up, she smiled a little. "And then I'll get you something to sleep in," she added.
He smirked a little.
"Thanks for the so nice way of telling a bloke he reeks," he remarked and she laughed, shaking her head as she walked up to him and threw her arms around him again.
He smiled as well, pulling her close.
"I'm SO glad you're back," she stated, chin against his shoulder.
"Me too," he agreed silently and then they pulled away.
"You don't REEK," she now said with a smirk. "But you don't smell so good, either," she added truthfully and he smiled a little at that.
"Well, you spend a few nights at Willy's and you'll see if you come out smelling all like roses," he grumbled and she grinned.
"Do you EVER smell like roses?" she then asked, crossing her arms over her chest and looking so much like her sister that he just stared at her for a moment.
She's growing up, he thought to himself. And I almost missed it.
Then he shook that off and smiled wider.
"Fine, can't argue with you on that point," he then answered her question and she smiled back widely. "Shower, huh?" he asked and she nodded firmly. "Do you even have any guy stuff here? I mean, I'd hate to come outta there smelling like a bloody add campaign for the Scent of a Woman," he then added and she laughed again.
"I think we have some stuff up there, Xander stays here sometimes and I think he might've left something behind.If you're lucky," Dawn said and Spike smiled slightly.
"Monkey boy, eh?" he asked and the words Xander had spoken half an hour earlier fluttered through his mind. "He really surprised me, with what he said I mean," he mumbled, looking up at Dawn who smiled a little.
"In a good way?" she asked and Spike paused for a moment, and then nodded.
"Yeah," he answered. "In a really good way."
He took a step back and threw himself in the armchair, shaking his head slightly as he looked around the room.
"THIS is not where I thought I'd be tonight," he stated and Dawn smiled again. "Was Buffy." he then started, trailing off as he searched for the right words. "Did she." he tried but then shook his head a little, getting off the armchair and sighing deeply he grumbled: "Shower it is, then."
Dawn nodded, grabbing his hand and walking with him to the stairs.
She had promised Buffy not to blab anything about what kind of hell her sister had gone through these past two weeks, and she was more than determined not to speak one word about it no matter what. She REALLY wanted Spike to hear it from Buffy's lips, and not anybody else's.
It isn't more than right, she thought.
***
Buffy stopped in front of the front door. Her mind was almost at a blank at the nagging thought of walking in and finding him gone. But why would he be?
Vanished then; just gone up in smoke in the middle of her living room.
Her heart was drumming inside of her in a mixture of adrenaline, excitement, happiness and fear. She was more afraid to face him now than she had ever been in all the time that she had known him as an enemy and all the time that her body had craved his touch.
That thought made a wave of expectant pleasure go through her at the small promise of him being there again, to feel, to touch, to kiss. God, she had missed him with her entire being.and that made it that much more intense. Her heart being in on the need fully this time scared the hell out of her.
She closed her eyes briefly, drawing a breath and deciding that "no time like the present" was a good saying to cling to at a time like this. Opening her eyes again she grabbed the door knob and turned it, pushing her fears aside as she stepped through it and then closed it behind her as she walked into the hall.
She turned her head and saw him lying on the couch. He was sleeping.
She tried to hold back the smile rising, but it didn't succeed as she carefully made her way into the living room, walking in between the table and the couch and gently sinking down on her knees by his side she tilted her head a little, looking at the peaceful expression on his face.
He was there.
And he wasn't going anywhere.
She smiled wider as she drew a slow breath, trying to steady her heartbeat, afraid that it would wake him up. Then she reached out a hand and let her fingers brush against his cheek, up to his temple and then gently slide over his hair.
She swallowed, pulling her hand back and getting off her knees she looked down at him.
Then she, as carefully as she had entered, left; Spike opening his eyes slightly to watch her go.
***
Buffy opened her eyes and they landed immediately at the hands of her alarm clock on her bedside table.
She grumbled to herself as she impatiently kicked off her covers and got herself out of bed. Her head was still heavy with sleep and pictures from the dream she had had, of him coming back, of him being there.
She stumbled over the threshold of her room, muttering to herself as she went down the stairs, the so familiar pain rising in her chest with every new breath and God, how she just wanted him to be there. Wanted it to have been a Slayer dream and that he would be back soon.
She didn't bother with turning on the lights in the kitchen as she walked up to the sink, opening the cabinet holding the glasses and turning on the water, filling it as she yawned.
She was so God damn tired of this routine, she was so tired of the numbness of this bloody pain inside, she was so tired of having to miss him.
"Is that what I think it is?"
The sound of his voice made her almost drop the glass and she turned the water off with a hard tug on the handle, immediately the fog of sleep cleared from her mind and she remembered just how true that dream had been as she put the glass down in the sink and turned to him, her heart beating so fast in her chest that she thought it was going to tear loose and start a journey through her limbs.
He WAS there.
She swallowed hard as she met his eyes, two twinkling blue pools in the moonlight falling in through the window behind her back. Her heart was leaping in her chest and she tried to focus on breathing in, breathing out, but it was hard and when he smirked slightly she felt a tremble go through her and she got scared that her legs wouldn't hold her up much longer.
"Is THAT what I think it is?" he repeated and now she looked at him a little confused by the question.
Spike smiled at that, taking a step into the kitchen from the doorway to the living room and making a small gesture towards what she was wearing.
"I never did use it to sleep in.very often.but I suppose it makes sense since I wore it a lot at night," he then said as she looked down on his sweater covering her upper body and reaching down as far as her upper thighs, feeling completely mortified she looked up and met his teasing gaze. "I must say," he said as he slowly started to move towards her and she was completely nailed to the floor by his eyes, his voice, his mouth, "it looks a hell of a lot better on you than it ever did on me, Slayer."
She drew a shaky breath as he stopped so close in front of her that she could have leaned forwards and felt his lower torso meet her chest.
"Spike," she said in such a small voice that she didn't recognize it, she tried to make it a little stronger when she added: "I'm sorry I woke you. It's this.thing.I wake up and."
He reached up a hand, putting it on the side of her face and gently silencing her as his thumb slid over her lover lip. Her whole body started pulsating at the small touch of his hand and she licked her lips, her eyes resting in his and he smiled a little.
Then he slowly bent down, parting his lips and letting his tongue make contact with the corner of her mouth before tracing her lower lip with it and she closed her eyes, responding with every last particle of her as she opened her mouth and let him kiss her deeply, kissing him back as she slid her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him as he grabbed her and lifted her up, seating her on the counter beside the sink his hands slid up under the sweater and caressed her back as he pulled her closer to him again.
He let his lips leave hers and travel down the side of her throat and Buffy bent her head forward, resting it on his shoulder as her arms pulled tighter around him and she wrapped her legs around his waist.
"God, I missed you," she whispered and the grab he had on her back grew tighter. "I missed you," she repeated, pulling her head back and looking him in the eyes as he raised his head to meet her gaze.
He stared at her. The expression in her eyes so frail and full of pain that he drew a small breath, biting his lower lip slightly he smiled a little.
"I missed you too," he whispered and Buffy could see the sudden questions in his eyes.
Then he pulled her close to him, his arms holding her tight enough to keep her from breathing but she didn't even notice as she slid her hands up into his hair and buried her face against the side of his neck, pressing him to her just as hard.
He had not a clue as to what the hell this meant, only that she was having her arms around him and that her warmth was surrounding him and that her breath was caressing him and that was enough. He needed her, and the feel of her body so close to his and the echo of the words she had just spoken was enough to overwhelm him.
Then she unwrapped her legs slowly and pulled away slightly, her eyes now wearing an almost surprised look when they met his.
"We didn't.eh, finish what we started," she mumbled and he held back the laughter rising in his throat, shaking his head slightly, smiling. "That's like the first time we've ever been able to do THAT," she stated, her eyes looking so wide and innocent that now he couldn't help but laugh.
"Buffy," he said, pulling her off the counter and setting her down on her feet. "You are the most amazing woman I've ever known, but I don't know what the bloody hell is going on in your head half the time and it drives me absolutely bonkers."
A smile spread on her face as she raised her eyebrows.
"Spike," she said, taking a step back and eyeing him closely before adding, "good night?"
He smiled a little and nodded.
"Good night," he agreed and turned around, not believing he was actually walking away from her as he went back into the living room and up to the couch.
He sat down on it, and then, pulling at the blanket and sheet and getting them on him he sighed to himself, shaking his head a little, as he lay down. Suddenly he heard the movement of her bare feet against the floor and he opened his eyes, looking up at her questioningly.
Buffy smiled a little, bending down and letting her lips kiss his cheek gently before straightening her back again, turning around and quickly walking out of the room and swiftly climbing the stairs, feeling like she just won the lottery. She opened her door and then closed it silently behind her before jumping up on her bed and sinking down on it, untangling her covers and then pulling them over her head to stifle her giggles.
God, she was tired.
And she was in love.
And he loved her, and he was there, under the same roof, and he had just kissed her with just as much passion as ever, and he had held her, and she was in love.
"Buffy."
She almost screamed as she threw the covers off her and stared at him, he recoiled slightly at the startled-deery look in her eyes, her chest rising in hard breaths before she seemingly started to relax.
She looked at him and then smiled a little. He smiled back, cocking an eyebrow and then spoke again.
"I'm gonna need my clothes back, you know," he said, shrugging slightly but smiling a little wider at the change of pace her heart went through at those words.
Buffy couldn't help but smile at that too.
"I thought you said this looked a hell of a lot better on me than it ever did on you," she then reminded him teasingly and he smirked at that.
"So, wanna keep it, huh?" he asked as he slowly moved from where he had been standing at the foot of the bed to the side where she was on.
"Well, I don't know," she sighed. "It's just that it's so damn comfy."
He laughed a low laugh, stopping at her side and she smiled a little, reaching out a hand and grabbing his before pulling him down on her and then rolling to the side, placing him at the empty spot of the bed. He smiled slightly, but he was still looking at her questioningly and she drew a small breath.
Then she reached down and started to pull the covers out from under his legs, once she was finally done she pulled them up over them both and then rested herself on one elbow, looking down on his baffled expression as to what exactly she was doing.
Then she smiled.
"I just want you here, okay?" she asked silently and he eyed her, growing even more surprised at that. "I just need you to hold me." she added as she sunk down on his chest, letting her left hand gently run over his stomach as she pulled herself up a little and rested her head on his shoulder. "Please, Spike, just hold me."
He tentatively wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him as she relaxed into his embrace and nestled her face against his throat, her hand sliding up to his other shoulder. He moved his head a little and brushed his lips against her hair, drawing a breath of her scent and closing his eyes.
He could feel her falling asleep, how she grew heavier, how she trusted him with her life as she drifted off into another world in his arms.
He stayed awake for a long time, listening to her breathing, to the subtle flow of the blood in her veins and the steady beating of her heart.
***
The alarm clock went off with a loud ring and Buffy stirred, annoyed she rolled over on her back, threw out an arm and turned it off. Her eyes still closed she sighed and then rolled back on her side, burying her face against his chest and starting to relax again.
His chest.
Spike!
She opened her eyes and turned her head to look up at him, her eyes growing as wide as the smile on her lips as her heart started to go the ever so familiar flip-flop in her chest. Then she gently put her head down again, cheek against his chest and eyes resting on his stomach.
She let her left hand reach up and carefully start to trace the muscles of his torso, wanting him to stay asleep and still to wake up.
The arm he had around her shoulders pulled her a little closer as he shifted slightly and then opened his eyes. It took him a moment to place where he was and then he couldn't hold back a smile. He looked down on her head and then she moved it so she could meet his gaze.
They lay there, both of them smiling like a couple of fools with nothing better to do, and then there was a knock on the door and Dawn came in.
She stopped as her eyes landed on the two in the bed and their eyes grew a little as they both turned their heads to her. Then she smiled so brightly that Buffy almost wanted to laugh with relief.
"It's not exactly what it looks like," Spike then said gently and Buffy shook her head in agreement, this making Dawn cross her arms over her chest and look at them slightly disbelieving and clearly irritated.
"Excuse me, but I'm fifteen, not five," she said impatiently, "and I think it's great if you've decided to 'share your love' or whatever in.this way," she then added with a grin.
Buffy refused to let her heart get the better of her at the innuendo in her sister's statement, hoping that Spike wouldn't pick up on it and that it would all slide. She didn't know exactly how she was going to tell him but she knew THAT wasn't the way.
Spike grinned back, seemingly oblivious and Buffy felt relief blossom in her chest, then he grew serious, saying once more:
"It's not exactly like that, Lil'Bit. Buffy just.well, she asked me to.Hmh," he mumbled. "What exactly IS this about, Slayer?" he then asked and Buffy threw a blameful glare at Dawn who realized that Buffy hadn't told the vamp anything yet and the situation brought a bigger grin to her face as she stifled a laugh and turned to quickly get out of the room.
Buffy shook her head at her before turning her gaze to Spike who was smirking, self-confident as ever, and she huffed, pulling away from him and throwing off the covers she started to get out of bed.
"Nothing much," she then answered his question but as she was about to stand up his hand grabbed a firm hold of her wrist and pulled her back down again, landing on her back his body soon weighed her down as he swiftly parted her legs and pulled her hands over her head, holding them there firmly.
She stared at him, clenching her jaws together and trying to fight the craving for him. He was always able to use that against her and this time he wouldn't win. She wanted him to be as bloody insecure as she was!
But then he met her gaze with that warmth growing in his, and then he smiled a little and she melted.
"Buffy," he murmured, letting his head sink down and kissing her softly.
She parted her lips, deepening the kiss herself, and he let go of her hands, his own traveling down her body as her arms put themselves around his neck. Her breathing was getting heavier and she wrapped her legs around him, he smiled slightly again as he pulled his head up a little, stopping the kiss and looking down at her.
"Nothing much?" he asked and she met his gaze with a sudden anger, pushing him roughly off her and getting off the bed before turning to him.
"That's right," she said and looked at him with a challenging expression on her face which made him smirk again, sitting up on the bed and cocking an eyebrow at her he said:
"You're wearing my sweater."
"So? I went to your crypt and got some stuff, your sweaters just happen to be really comfortable and warm and nice to sleep in, nothing more," she answered him, almost biting her tongue for the huge lie she had just thrown at him.
It didn't seem to work though, because the smirk merely grew as he tilted his head a little to one side.
"You went to the crypt?" he asked and she swallowed hard. "Why?" he added and she felt completely cornered.
"B-because.Well, Clem was living there and your stuff would've gotten in the way and." she trailed off a little, looking into his eyes and then she smiled a little, "and because I missed you."
He grew serious at that and she did as well, drawing a small breath before turning around and opening her closet she started to rummage through it in search of what to wear.
Spike observed her back, so many questions were tumbling in his head, he didn't know which one to ask first. Which one that would bring him to the second and then on. He was aching for her to tell him what the bloody hell she meant by "miss". Last night she had looked so.open. She had looked at him with such unmasked pain in her eyes that he wondered.
"Here," she suddenly said, putting down a medium sized box in front of him on the bed and he stared at it for a moment before he recognized one of his T-shirts.
"Thanks," he said, looking up at her hesitantly and she nodded.
"I think Willow said she'd gotten some blood for you, I'll go downstairs and fix it up.'cause I'm making breakfast for me too," she said, adding the last thing hastily before turning from him and walking up to the door.
"Buffy," he said and she stopped, hand on knob, turning her head to look at him with a dismissive expression in her eyes.
"Later," she mumbled as she turned the knob and opened the door.
When it closed behind her he threw himself back on the mattress and looked up into her ceiling. He was actually in her room, in her bed. He started to grin to himself as he crawled off the bed and proceeded to walk about the room and look at her little trinkets and belongings. He touched everything carefully, picking them up and putting them back as he silently studied them.
He reached the desk and looked at the small collection of notebooks but decided to leave them alone. He stopped in front of a thick pile of papers and raised his eyebrows a little. He didn't know that Buffy was so into writing.
He hesitated but a moment before picking up the first page and his eyes flew across the first line:
"The first time I met him wasn't exactly a warm and fuzzy Kodak-moment, still I'm surprised over how clear the memory of it is. Maybe there was just something about him, even then."
The door was pushed open as Buffy came in and she stopped dead in her tracks before reaching out a hand fast enough to catch a fly in flight and snapped the paper out of his hands. He could hear her heart racing in her chest and he realized that this, whatever it was, had NOT been meant for his eyes, and he also smelled the nervousness growing on her.
"Breakfast is ready," she said, trying to make it as light a statement as ever but hearing her voice tremble in her throat.
He smiled a little.
"'Wrapped around her clawed pinky', eh?" he asked wryly, his eyes glittering at her, and she swallowed before licking her lips, letting a smile grace them she nodded slowly.
"That's right," she said and then bent down, placing the paper in its place on the top of the pile before grabbing it with both hands, lifting it still smiling slightly she turned in the doorway and walked out.
He looked at the spot where she had disappeared for a moment and then he followed.
"Why did you write that?" he asked, catching up with her and she smiled a little wider as she reached the stairs.
"Because it's what I thought," she answered him, starting the descent to the first floor. "It's what I still think. Drusilla had you in a leash and it was pitiful to witness."
He huffed at that, then said:
"That's not what I meant, why did you write THAT," he said with a gesture towards the pile in her hands.
She stopped on the last step and he continued past her, turning to face her and she sighed a little.
"Because I didn't wanna forget," she said and he tilted his head a little.
She smiled at that familiar gesture and then looked down on the story in her hands.
"Someday I want you to read it," she said slowly. "But not today, there's too much to be said first. Okay?"
He looked into her eyes, searching for some kind of clue and not finding anything but a small plea for him not to make a big deal out of it. Then he nodded.
"Okay," he said and she looked relieved.
"Good," she said and stepped down, walking ahead of him into the kitchen and putting the pile of papers away in a drawer, promising herself to put them in a better place later. Even if she trusted Spike to honor his word, and she did, she didn't exactly want Xander or Willow or DAWN to read about their escapades.
If Dawn ever read this I would die, Buffy thought to herself, blushing slightly but smiling to herself.
Spike entered the kitchen and walked up to the micro wave to get his blood out of there and she observed his back silently, biting her lower lip and trying to restrain herself from just grabbing him and letting him take her right there.
Spike tried to ignore the arousal he could smell on her, it was filling the atmosphere around him and crashing against his delicate senses and he didn't want to look at her, afraid that he would loose it completely if her eyes even hinted at asking him to touch her.
Then Willow entered the kitchen with a yawn and Buffy got herself somewhat under control.
Thank God, she thought, her eyes in Spike's as he turned around and she could see exactly how much he had sensed her wanting for him. Thank God.
By Annie
05-26-2002
Dawn came into the living room with her arms loaded with sheets and her face covered by a big smile.
"Here's the supplies," she said happily as Spike looked up and returned her smile.
"Thanks, niblet," he said, reaching out to take the sheets off her hands but she shook her head and walked past him, putting them on the table in stead and then bending down, grabbing the back-cushions of the couch and pulling them off, throwing them on the floor.
"So," she then said, turning around to grab a rolled up sheet and then flipping it open with one quick move with both wrists, "I'll go upstairs and see if I can find a pillow for you too, I think there are some extra ones in Willow's closet."
She spread the sheet out on the couch and then grabbed the other to do the same with, looking a little thoughtful.
"What?" Spike asked, still trying to melt the fact that the SLAYER had invited him, more or less, to stay at her house!
Dawn looked up, finishing spreading the second sheet and reaching for the blanket she had brought down, flipping it out of its folding as well she let it sink down over the bedding and then she turned to him, brow a little furrowed.
"You should take a shower," she said and his eyebrows shot up, she smiled a little. "And then I'll get you something to sleep in," she added.
He smirked a little.
"Thanks for the so nice way of telling a bloke he reeks," he remarked and she laughed, shaking her head as she walked up to him and threw her arms around him again.
He smiled as well, pulling her close.
"I'm SO glad you're back," she stated, chin against his shoulder.
"Me too," he agreed silently and then they pulled away.
"You don't REEK," she now said with a smirk. "But you don't smell so good, either," she added truthfully and he smiled a little at that.
"Well, you spend a few nights at Willy's and you'll see if you come out smelling all like roses," he grumbled and she grinned.
"Do you EVER smell like roses?" she then asked, crossing her arms over her chest and looking so much like her sister that he just stared at her for a moment.
She's growing up, he thought to himself. And I almost missed it.
Then he shook that off and smiled wider.
"Fine, can't argue with you on that point," he then answered her question and she smiled back widely. "Shower, huh?" he asked and she nodded firmly. "Do you even have any guy stuff here? I mean, I'd hate to come outta there smelling like a bloody add campaign for the Scent of a Woman," he then added and she laughed again.
"I think we have some stuff up there, Xander stays here sometimes and I think he might've left something behind.If you're lucky," Dawn said and Spike smiled slightly.
"Monkey boy, eh?" he asked and the words Xander had spoken half an hour earlier fluttered through his mind. "He really surprised me, with what he said I mean," he mumbled, looking up at Dawn who smiled a little.
"In a good way?" she asked and Spike paused for a moment, and then nodded.
"Yeah," he answered. "In a really good way."
He took a step back and threw himself in the armchair, shaking his head slightly as he looked around the room.
"THIS is not where I thought I'd be tonight," he stated and Dawn smiled again. "Was Buffy." he then started, trailing off as he searched for the right words. "Did she." he tried but then shook his head a little, getting off the armchair and sighing deeply he grumbled: "Shower it is, then."
Dawn nodded, grabbing his hand and walking with him to the stairs.
She had promised Buffy not to blab anything about what kind of hell her sister had gone through these past two weeks, and she was more than determined not to speak one word about it no matter what. She REALLY wanted Spike to hear it from Buffy's lips, and not anybody else's.
It isn't more than right, she thought.
***
Buffy stopped in front of the front door. Her mind was almost at a blank at the nagging thought of walking in and finding him gone. But why would he be?
Vanished then; just gone up in smoke in the middle of her living room.
Her heart was drumming inside of her in a mixture of adrenaline, excitement, happiness and fear. She was more afraid to face him now than she had ever been in all the time that she had known him as an enemy and all the time that her body had craved his touch.
That thought made a wave of expectant pleasure go through her at the small promise of him being there again, to feel, to touch, to kiss. God, she had missed him with her entire being.and that made it that much more intense. Her heart being in on the need fully this time scared the hell out of her.
She closed her eyes briefly, drawing a breath and deciding that "no time like the present" was a good saying to cling to at a time like this. Opening her eyes again she grabbed the door knob and turned it, pushing her fears aside as she stepped through it and then closed it behind her as she walked into the hall.
She turned her head and saw him lying on the couch. He was sleeping.
She tried to hold back the smile rising, but it didn't succeed as she carefully made her way into the living room, walking in between the table and the couch and gently sinking down on her knees by his side she tilted her head a little, looking at the peaceful expression on his face.
He was there.
And he wasn't going anywhere.
She smiled wider as she drew a slow breath, trying to steady her heartbeat, afraid that it would wake him up. Then she reached out a hand and let her fingers brush against his cheek, up to his temple and then gently slide over his hair.
She swallowed, pulling her hand back and getting off her knees she looked down at him.
Then she, as carefully as she had entered, left; Spike opening his eyes slightly to watch her go.
***
Buffy opened her eyes and they landed immediately at the hands of her alarm clock on her bedside table.
She grumbled to herself as she impatiently kicked off her covers and got herself out of bed. Her head was still heavy with sleep and pictures from the dream she had had, of him coming back, of him being there.
She stumbled over the threshold of her room, muttering to herself as she went down the stairs, the so familiar pain rising in her chest with every new breath and God, how she just wanted him to be there. Wanted it to have been a Slayer dream and that he would be back soon.
She didn't bother with turning on the lights in the kitchen as she walked up to the sink, opening the cabinet holding the glasses and turning on the water, filling it as she yawned.
She was so God damn tired of this routine, she was so tired of the numbness of this bloody pain inside, she was so tired of having to miss him.
"Is that what I think it is?"
The sound of his voice made her almost drop the glass and she turned the water off with a hard tug on the handle, immediately the fog of sleep cleared from her mind and she remembered just how true that dream had been as she put the glass down in the sink and turned to him, her heart beating so fast in her chest that she thought it was going to tear loose and start a journey through her limbs.
He WAS there.
She swallowed hard as she met his eyes, two twinkling blue pools in the moonlight falling in through the window behind her back. Her heart was leaping in her chest and she tried to focus on breathing in, breathing out, but it was hard and when he smirked slightly she felt a tremble go through her and she got scared that her legs wouldn't hold her up much longer.
"Is THAT what I think it is?" he repeated and now she looked at him a little confused by the question.
Spike smiled at that, taking a step into the kitchen from the doorway to the living room and making a small gesture towards what she was wearing.
"I never did use it to sleep in.very often.but I suppose it makes sense since I wore it a lot at night," he then said as she looked down on his sweater covering her upper body and reaching down as far as her upper thighs, feeling completely mortified she looked up and met his teasing gaze. "I must say," he said as he slowly started to move towards her and she was completely nailed to the floor by his eyes, his voice, his mouth, "it looks a hell of a lot better on you than it ever did on me, Slayer."
She drew a shaky breath as he stopped so close in front of her that she could have leaned forwards and felt his lower torso meet her chest.
"Spike," she said in such a small voice that she didn't recognize it, she tried to make it a little stronger when she added: "I'm sorry I woke you. It's this.thing.I wake up and."
He reached up a hand, putting it on the side of her face and gently silencing her as his thumb slid over her lover lip. Her whole body started pulsating at the small touch of his hand and she licked her lips, her eyes resting in his and he smiled a little.
Then he slowly bent down, parting his lips and letting his tongue make contact with the corner of her mouth before tracing her lower lip with it and she closed her eyes, responding with every last particle of her as she opened her mouth and let him kiss her deeply, kissing him back as she slid her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him as he grabbed her and lifted her up, seating her on the counter beside the sink his hands slid up under the sweater and caressed her back as he pulled her closer to him again.
He let his lips leave hers and travel down the side of her throat and Buffy bent her head forward, resting it on his shoulder as her arms pulled tighter around him and she wrapped her legs around his waist.
"God, I missed you," she whispered and the grab he had on her back grew tighter. "I missed you," she repeated, pulling her head back and looking him in the eyes as he raised his head to meet her gaze.
He stared at her. The expression in her eyes so frail and full of pain that he drew a small breath, biting his lower lip slightly he smiled a little.
"I missed you too," he whispered and Buffy could see the sudden questions in his eyes.
Then he pulled her close to him, his arms holding her tight enough to keep her from breathing but she didn't even notice as she slid her hands up into his hair and buried her face against the side of his neck, pressing him to her just as hard.
He had not a clue as to what the hell this meant, only that she was having her arms around him and that her warmth was surrounding him and that her breath was caressing him and that was enough. He needed her, and the feel of her body so close to his and the echo of the words she had just spoken was enough to overwhelm him.
Then she unwrapped her legs slowly and pulled away slightly, her eyes now wearing an almost surprised look when they met his.
"We didn't.eh, finish what we started," she mumbled and he held back the laughter rising in his throat, shaking his head slightly, smiling. "That's like the first time we've ever been able to do THAT," she stated, her eyes looking so wide and innocent that now he couldn't help but laugh.
"Buffy," he said, pulling her off the counter and setting her down on her feet. "You are the most amazing woman I've ever known, but I don't know what the bloody hell is going on in your head half the time and it drives me absolutely bonkers."
A smile spread on her face as she raised her eyebrows.
"Spike," she said, taking a step back and eyeing him closely before adding, "good night?"
He smiled a little and nodded.
"Good night," he agreed and turned around, not believing he was actually walking away from her as he went back into the living room and up to the couch.
He sat down on it, and then, pulling at the blanket and sheet and getting them on him he sighed to himself, shaking his head a little, as he lay down. Suddenly he heard the movement of her bare feet against the floor and he opened his eyes, looking up at her questioningly.
Buffy smiled a little, bending down and letting her lips kiss his cheek gently before straightening her back again, turning around and quickly walking out of the room and swiftly climbing the stairs, feeling like she just won the lottery. She opened her door and then closed it silently behind her before jumping up on her bed and sinking down on it, untangling her covers and then pulling them over her head to stifle her giggles.
God, she was tired.
And she was in love.
And he loved her, and he was there, under the same roof, and he had just kissed her with just as much passion as ever, and he had held her, and she was in love.
"Buffy."
She almost screamed as she threw the covers off her and stared at him, he recoiled slightly at the startled-deery look in her eyes, her chest rising in hard breaths before she seemingly started to relax.
She looked at him and then smiled a little. He smiled back, cocking an eyebrow and then spoke again.
"I'm gonna need my clothes back, you know," he said, shrugging slightly but smiling a little wider at the change of pace her heart went through at those words.
Buffy couldn't help but smile at that too.
"I thought you said this looked a hell of a lot better on me than it ever did on you," she then reminded him teasingly and he smirked at that.
"So, wanna keep it, huh?" he asked as he slowly moved from where he had been standing at the foot of the bed to the side where she was on.
"Well, I don't know," she sighed. "It's just that it's so damn comfy."
He laughed a low laugh, stopping at her side and she smiled a little, reaching out a hand and grabbing his before pulling him down on her and then rolling to the side, placing him at the empty spot of the bed. He smiled slightly, but he was still looking at her questioningly and she drew a small breath.
Then she reached down and started to pull the covers out from under his legs, once she was finally done she pulled them up over them both and then rested herself on one elbow, looking down on his baffled expression as to what exactly she was doing.
Then she smiled.
"I just want you here, okay?" she asked silently and he eyed her, growing even more surprised at that. "I just need you to hold me." she added as she sunk down on his chest, letting her left hand gently run over his stomach as she pulled herself up a little and rested her head on his shoulder. "Please, Spike, just hold me."
He tentatively wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him as she relaxed into his embrace and nestled her face against his throat, her hand sliding up to his other shoulder. He moved his head a little and brushed his lips against her hair, drawing a breath of her scent and closing his eyes.
He could feel her falling asleep, how she grew heavier, how she trusted him with her life as she drifted off into another world in his arms.
He stayed awake for a long time, listening to her breathing, to the subtle flow of the blood in her veins and the steady beating of her heart.
***
The alarm clock went off with a loud ring and Buffy stirred, annoyed she rolled over on her back, threw out an arm and turned it off. Her eyes still closed she sighed and then rolled back on her side, burying her face against his chest and starting to relax again.
His chest.
Spike!
She opened her eyes and turned her head to look up at him, her eyes growing as wide as the smile on her lips as her heart started to go the ever so familiar flip-flop in her chest. Then she gently put her head down again, cheek against his chest and eyes resting on his stomach.
She let her left hand reach up and carefully start to trace the muscles of his torso, wanting him to stay asleep and still to wake up.
The arm he had around her shoulders pulled her a little closer as he shifted slightly and then opened his eyes. It took him a moment to place where he was and then he couldn't hold back a smile. He looked down on her head and then she moved it so she could meet his gaze.
They lay there, both of them smiling like a couple of fools with nothing better to do, and then there was a knock on the door and Dawn came in.
She stopped as her eyes landed on the two in the bed and their eyes grew a little as they both turned their heads to her. Then she smiled so brightly that Buffy almost wanted to laugh with relief.
"It's not exactly what it looks like," Spike then said gently and Buffy shook her head in agreement, this making Dawn cross her arms over her chest and look at them slightly disbelieving and clearly irritated.
"Excuse me, but I'm fifteen, not five," she said impatiently, "and I think it's great if you've decided to 'share your love' or whatever in.this way," she then added with a grin.
Buffy refused to let her heart get the better of her at the innuendo in her sister's statement, hoping that Spike wouldn't pick up on it and that it would all slide. She didn't know exactly how she was going to tell him but she knew THAT wasn't the way.
Spike grinned back, seemingly oblivious and Buffy felt relief blossom in her chest, then he grew serious, saying once more:
"It's not exactly like that, Lil'Bit. Buffy just.well, she asked me to.Hmh," he mumbled. "What exactly IS this about, Slayer?" he then asked and Buffy threw a blameful glare at Dawn who realized that Buffy hadn't told the vamp anything yet and the situation brought a bigger grin to her face as she stifled a laugh and turned to quickly get out of the room.
Buffy shook her head at her before turning her gaze to Spike who was smirking, self-confident as ever, and she huffed, pulling away from him and throwing off the covers she started to get out of bed.
"Nothing much," she then answered his question but as she was about to stand up his hand grabbed a firm hold of her wrist and pulled her back down again, landing on her back his body soon weighed her down as he swiftly parted her legs and pulled her hands over her head, holding them there firmly.
She stared at him, clenching her jaws together and trying to fight the craving for him. He was always able to use that against her and this time he wouldn't win. She wanted him to be as bloody insecure as she was!
But then he met her gaze with that warmth growing in his, and then he smiled a little and she melted.
"Buffy," he murmured, letting his head sink down and kissing her softly.
She parted her lips, deepening the kiss herself, and he let go of her hands, his own traveling down her body as her arms put themselves around his neck. Her breathing was getting heavier and she wrapped her legs around him, he smiled slightly again as he pulled his head up a little, stopping the kiss and looking down at her.
"Nothing much?" he asked and she met his gaze with a sudden anger, pushing him roughly off her and getting off the bed before turning to him.
"That's right," she said and looked at him with a challenging expression on her face which made him smirk again, sitting up on the bed and cocking an eyebrow at her he said:
"You're wearing my sweater."
"So? I went to your crypt and got some stuff, your sweaters just happen to be really comfortable and warm and nice to sleep in, nothing more," she answered him, almost biting her tongue for the huge lie she had just thrown at him.
It didn't seem to work though, because the smirk merely grew as he tilted his head a little to one side.
"You went to the crypt?" he asked and she swallowed hard. "Why?" he added and she felt completely cornered.
"B-because.Well, Clem was living there and your stuff would've gotten in the way and." she trailed off a little, looking into his eyes and then she smiled a little, "and because I missed you."
He grew serious at that and she did as well, drawing a small breath before turning around and opening her closet she started to rummage through it in search of what to wear.
Spike observed her back, so many questions were tumbling in his head, he didn't know which one to ask first. Which one that would bring him to the second and then on. He was aching for her to tell him what the bloody hell she meant by "miss". Last night she had looked so.open. She had looked at him with such unmasked pain in her eyes that he wondered.
"Here," she suddenly said, putting down a medium sized box in front of him on the bed and he stared at it for a moment before he recognized one of his T-shirts.
"Thanks," he said, looking up at her hesitantly and she nodded.
"I think Willow said she'd gotten some blood for you, I'll go downstairs and fix it up.'cause I'm making breakfast for me too," she said, adding the last thing hastily before turning from him and walking up to the door.
"Buffy," he said and she stopped, hand on knob, turning her head to look at him with a dismissive expression in her eyes.
"Later," she mumbled as she turned the knob and opened the door.
When it closed behind her he threw himself back on the mattress and looked up into her ceiling. He was actually in her room, in her bed. He started to grin to himself as he crawled off the bed and proceeded to walk about the room and look at her little trinkets and belongings. He touched everything carefully, picking them up and putting them back as he silently studied them.
He reached the desk and looked at the small collection of notebooks but decided to leave them alone. He stopped in front of a thick pile of papers and raised his eyebrows a little. He didn't know that Buffy was so into writing.
He hesitated but a moment before picking up the first page and his eyes flew across the first line:
"The first time I met him wasn't exactly a warm and fuzzy Kodak-moment, still I'm surprised over how clear the memory of it is. Maybe there was just something about him, even then."
The door was pushed open as Buffy came in and she stopped dead in her tracks before reaching out a hand fast enough to catch a fly in flight and snapped the paper out of his hands. He could hear her heart racing in her chest and he realized that this, whatever it was, had NOT been meant for his eyes, and he also smelled the nervousness growing on her.
"Breakfast is ready," she said, trying to make it as light a statement as ever but hearing her voice tremble in her throat.
He smiled a little.
"'Wrapped around her clawed pinky', eh?" he asked wryly, his eyes glittering at her, and she swallowed before licking her lips, letting a smile grace them she nodded slowly.
"That's right," she said and then bent down, placing the paper in its place on the top of the pile before grabbing it with both hands, lifting it still smiling slightly she turned in the doorway and walked out.
He looked at the spot where she had disappeared for a moment and then he followed.
"Why did you write that?" he asked, catching up with her and she smiled a little wider as she reached the stairs.
"Because it's what I thought," she answered him, starting the descent to the first floor. "It's what I still think. Drusilla had you in a leash and it was pitiful to witness."
He huffed at that, then said:
"That's not what I meant, why did you write THAT," he said with a gesture towards the pile in her hands.
She stopped on the last step and he continued past her, turning to face her and she sighed a little.
"Because I didn't wanna forget," she said and he tilted his head a little.
She smiled at that familiar gesture and then looked down on the story in her hands.
"Someday I want you to read it," she said slowly. "But not today, there's too much to be said first. Okay?"
He looked into her eyes, searching for some kind of clue and not finding anything but a small plea for him not to make a big deal out of it. Then he nodded.
"Okay," he said and she looked relieved.
"Good," she said and stepped down, walking ahead of him into the kitchen and putting the pile of papers away in a drawer, promising herself to put them in a better place later. Even if she trusted Spike to honor his word, and she did, she didn't exactly want Xander or Willow or DAWN to read about their escapades.
If Dawn ever read this I would die, Buffy thought to herself, blushing slightly but smiling to herself.
Spike entered the kitchen and walked up to the micro wave to get his blood out of there and she observed his back silently, biting her lower lip and trying to restrain herself from just grabbing him and letting him take her right there.
Spike tried to ignore the arousal he could smell on her, it was filling the atmosphere around him and crashing against his delicate senses and he didn't want to look at her, afraid that he would loose it completely if her eyes even hinted at asking him to touch her.
Then Willow entered the kitchen with a yawn and Buffy got herself somewhat under control.
Thank God, she thought, her eyes in Spike's as he turned around and she could see exactly how much he had sensed her wanting for him. Thank God.