New Horizons: Chapter Forty-Two
By Annie
05-28-2002
Spike got off the couch and Xander rose from the armchair, where they had been sitting silent TRYING to find something to talk about that didn't involve their violent everyday occupation, as Dawn and Willow came down the stairs. Spike took a few steps forward, his whole being seemingly quivering and he felt like, had he been human he would have been sweating, had a severely irregular heartbeat and his mouth would have been as dry as a desert. Growing more and more grateful by the second that he didn't have to deal with any of those things he looked at Dawn who smiled a little.
"She's coming," she assured. "Wow, you look nice," she added and Spike smirked with a glance at Xander.
"You don't say?" he then said and Xander smiled slightly, causing Willow and Dawn to exchange a wondering look. "Thanks, niblet," Spike then added and she smiled at him.
Buffy stopped at the top of the stairs.
This is ridiculous! she thought, staring down into the hall and hearing the sound of her friends talking. I'm shaking all over. It's SPIKE!
She swallowed hard as her heart started beating weirdly in her chest.
It's Spike, she now thought, trying to stop the pleasant shivers, but as always unable to. God, it's SPIKE! Why did I agree to this? Because I'm.I'm in love with him, for crying out loud, this should be a walk in the park! I'll just smile and be all.relaxed. That's what I need to be, relaxed.
She started down the stairs chanting "relax, Buffy, relax", but as she reached the last step and carefully looked up, meeting his eyes that were growing bigger by the second, she felt her heart stop in her chest.
Oh Lord, it's Spike, her mind groaned nervously as she pressed a smile that felt like it didn't fit on her mouth properly. And LOOK at him! her mind suddenly added and she wished there was someway to shut her thoughts the hell up because of course her eyes obeyed immediately and observed the vamp keenly.
He was wearing a dark blue suit, which more than surprised her. A white shirt.no tie though and she smiled slightly at the sudden memory of the first time she had seen him like this in England, all dressed up for supper at Sarah and Jacob's. He looked good enough to eat.
That comes later, her mind pointed out wryly and she shook her head at herself as she started towards him, smiling a little tryingly and wondering why he looked at her like he was about to have a stroke or something.
Okay, I think my heart just started beating, he thought to himself as he watched her slowly move towards him, a small smile on her lips and DAMN that dress looked good on her.
He was sweating, his heart was beating irregularly in his chest and his mouth was as dry as a desert as she stopped before him, or so he thought, and he couldn't think of anything to say and so he just smiled a little back at her.
Buffy met his gaze, her heart still not beating and she fought to remember how to breathe as the blue in his eyes sparkled with life and love and warmth and the room was almost spinning and she didn't know what to say, couldn't concentrate on anything but the expression in his eyes and she wanted his arms around her.
"So, where are you going?" Willow asked and Spike turned his eyes to her, a hazy look in them and Buffy snapped out of it, swallowing hard. Willow smiled at Spike and then repeated: "Where are you going?"
Spike smiled back.
"That's a surprise," he then stated, turning his head back to Buffy and drawing an unnecessary and unsteady breath before reaching out a hand and gently taking a hold of hers. "You ready?" he asked, raising his eyebrows slightly and Buffy nodded, starting to relax slightly at the reassuring feel of his hand.
"Yes," she finally spoke and drew a breath as well, nodding. "Let's go."
He nodded as well, looking around at the others with a small smile.
"Don't worry," he said. "I'll have her back by eleven."
Dawn giggled at that and shook her head in protest.
"Come on," Buffy said with a look at him and then a smile at her sister before she started pulling him by the hand towards the front door. "I wanna know the surprise," she added with a mischievous grin and Spike smirked.
She opened the door and stepped outside, him following and then she closed it, his hand still in hers she looked up at him.
He met her gaze and they stood there for a few moments in silence, observing each other and then softly they both let go of the others hand. Spike smiled a little.
"I didn't think you'd say yes," he said, and she smiled widely back as they walked leisurely down the few steps of the porch and onto the stone path leading to the sidewalk.
"I didn't think you'd ask," she retorted and he laughed at that.
"Oh, so you were just sitting around waiting, then?" he asked and she smiled, shaking her head slightly. "What then?" he now asked; stopping and making her come to a halt as well. "Why did you say yes, Buffy?"
She looked up at him, her face growing serious and then thoughtful. She silently answered:
"Because I wanted to."
He furrowed his brow, and then he laughed that low laugh of his.
"You said that me not understanding you was the way you wanted it," he grumbled as he started walking again and she did the same. "Well, congratulations," he added, now with that small smile gracing his lips as his eyes turned to her and she met them, feeling so filled up with.him, with THIS, that she almost wanted to jump up and down.
She contained that feeling though, and merely smiled back.
"You're one to talk," she said and now he cocked an eyebrow quizzically at her and she continued: "You are this incredible warrior, this dark being that. God, I'm starting to sound like some Anne Rice novel or something," she cut herself off and he smiled slightly. She sighed, shaking her head before looking up at him again. "You love me. And that's something that I can't even.I can't even begin to understand what I must have done to you all those times when I. I just can't believe that." she trailed off, her voice slightly trembling as she averted her eyes form his, trying to hold back the tears.
He stopped again.
"Tell me honestly, Slayer," he said and his voice was getting strained. "Did you say yes out of pity?"
Buffy's head shot up, her eyes growing as she shook her head at him.
"No! God, no," she answered and he relaxed; still, that left a lot of questions in his head.
"Then.why?" he asked for the second time and she smiled.
"Being a bit of the broken record now, Spike. Already asked me that," she mumbled and he laughed, shaking his head.
"You know, if we're gonna spend the whole evening recycling old one-liners of the other's I think we're in for a pretty dead conversation, don't you?" he asked and she smirked as she met his gaze.
"All right," she said. "Let's leave the old with the past," she added and he looked at her, silent for a moment.
"See, now you're doing it again," he said and she looked at him innocently, questioning. "Making me wonder exactly what you mean by that." he added and she smiled brightly.
He swallowed at the sight of that smile. Had HE put it there? Really?
This time it was she who started walking again, he did the same and she hesitated a moment before reaching out and grabbing a hold of his hand once more. He looked down at her, the questions in his eyes soon giving way for a smile and she smiled back a little before giving his hand a small squeeze.
She looked up at him, meeting his gaze and then she silently asked:
"How was it, to have to say good-bye to Sarah? And Jacob?"
He sighed, shrugging almost unnoticeably but getting a distant look in his eyes.
"It was good to actually get to do it this time," he answered and Buffy nodded. "I mean, I'm gonna miss them both, but I couldn't stay there and I knew that." he added.
"Because of me," she said silently and he turned his head to look at her.
"Yeah," he said. "Because of you, don't sound so bloody guilty," he added and she smiled.
"I just. I wouldn't want you to walk around here with this missing part of you that is just impossible to find," she said, her smile turning slightly melancholy and now he stared at her, shaking his head a little before smiling.
"The only missing part of me that I've ever had to look for is you," he stated calmly and she looked up at him. "And once I realized that THAT was what you were. You changed me, Buffy, changed something inside of me that I thought wasn't possible to even touch. You bloody revived that part of me that I had lost more than a century ago."
Now SHE stared at HIM, knowing what he meant, and she felt her eyes grow dim as he finished:
"You're the soul of me now, Buffy, and I can't let that go, can't let you go even if I wanted to."
She smiled a small smile, blinking at the tears and for some reason hiding them from him as she swiped at her eyes with her free hand.
Lord Almighty, the evening has hardly even started and he's already had me almost cry twice! she thought, shaking her head before turning her eyes to him again.
She realized that they were almost in the center of Sunnydale now and she looked around, growing curious again.
"Where are we going, Spike?" she asked and he smiled.
"Not far now," he answered and soon he slowed down, stopping and looking down at her. "Here we are," he then said and she raised her eyebrows, looking up at him before turning around, her eyes landing on a pretty and big sign.
Her eyes growing as she turned back to him.
"S.E?!" she asked, and he smiled. "You can't afford that, Spike! I mean, really, we don't have to go there."
He smiled wider, shaking his head slowly and silencing her.
"I CAN afford it, with money earned the honest way too, I can tell you," he said and she smiled a little at that. "Let's just go in, eat and enjoy it, okay? The food is supposed to be really good."
"Spike, it's the best restaurant in Sunnydale, of COURSE the food will be good," she remarked teasingly and he grinned.
"Well then," he said, straightening his back and releasing her hand before bending his elbow and offering her his arm. "Shall we?" he added and she giggled, threading her hand through the loop his arm made and feeling his muscles through the fabric of the jacket, trying to ignore that she nodded.
"Yes, please," she said and he smiled as he escorted her to the entrance.
***
The restaurant Shocking Existenze hadn't been open for more than two months, but in that short time the praise for it had been very noticeable and its good reputation just kept growing. It was the only restaurant in Sunnydale that was owned by humans, had such high standards and still welcomed demons openly, however discretely.
It consisted of a huge room with a low ceiling, which attributed to the intimate atmosphere of the place. Candles burned softly on every table and on the walls, the décor was soft in gold and plum and green and it was absolutely gorgeous.
Spike watched Buffy's face begin to glow as she looked around her and he smiled to himself.
"I had a feeling you'd like it," he mumbled in her ear as they walked behind the headwaiter seating them.
Buffy felt the shivers start to travel at the low sound of his voice and she smiled a little, nodding, as they reached their table. Spike pulled out her chair and she smiled widely at him; he rolled his eyes at her as she sat down and then he took his seat opposite her.
"Would you like to see the wine list?" a female voice asked and they both looked up.
"Yeah, thanks," Spike said and the woman nodded and walked away to get it for them.
Buffy smiled again as she watched him slowly take his surroundings in and then turn his head to her.
"What?" he asked and she shook her head, still smiling.
"Nothing, just that you seem so."
"What?" he pressed and she shrugged, smiling wider.
"Un-Spikey," she answered and he cocked an eyebrow at that.
"Would you like me to be more. 'Spikey'?" he then asked with a smirk, his eyes wandering down her neck and resting on the low cleavage of her dress.
She felt a stir in her stomach and drew a breath to keep from getting up and dragging him off to the nearest alley, after all, they couldn't be so vulgar as to actually do what she had in mind IN the restaurant. He let his eyes travel up to hers again and smiled at the expression in her eyes.
"Another topic?" he asked wryly and she nodded, smiling a little coyly and he laughed, shaking his head at her. "So, what'd you do while I was gone? Slay much?"
The look in her eyes got glazy for a moment, and then she smiled nervously. He furrowed his brow slightly at that, she had been doing that a LOT lately.
"Oh, you know, nothing like a good night's dusting after a hard day's flipping burgers," she answered and he smiled, nodding. "Other than that nothing MAJOR happened.I mean, on the Big Bad front." she trailed off. "Dawn told me that you had promised her that you'd teach her to fight," she said instead, frowning and he nodded, smiling tryingly.
"Yeah, sorry 'bout that," he said and she smiled back, shaking her head.
"No need, I'M gonna do it now, though."
He stared at her in surprise.
"Well, I'm back so." he started and she looked at him with a so?!- expression and his eyebrows shot up again. "You don't think I wanna miss all the fun in training the Lil'Bit, do you?" he asked and she smiled.
"Okay, then we'll train her together," she stated and his eyebrows sunk down in a small frown, then he remembered that she was actually out on a d.a.t.e with him and so nothing she said should really surprise him any more.
The woman came with the wine list and their menus before leaving again with a friendly smile.
They read the menus, Buffy trying to do what Spike instructed and ignore the prices, but it was hard. After a while of fidgeting he took over and simply stated what he thought she should have and when she couldn't really do anything but agree he nodded. It was decided and he ordered for them both.
She looked at him as the waitress took their menus and left. He turned to her and smiled a little. She smiled back and met his gaze feeling like she should tell him how she felt, what seeing him again did to her, what having him there meant to her. But her tongue didn't know how to form the words.
That familiar warmth in his eyes didn't do anything to help either and she stared into it, feeling it reach deep down into her and stir around the sleeping butterflies in her stomach, and of course they started fluttering and she felt her cheeks start to grow slightly warm as he smiled.
"What are you thinking?" he asked and she smiled tentatively back, shrugging slightly.
"I'm just thinking how this isn't how I pictured it.us," she answered and he got a questioning look in his eyes. "I have to admit that I was really nervous before I walked downstairs. I mean really, REALLY nervous, and I was just picturing how we wouldn't have anything to talk about and how you would get all bored and I would get all embarrassed and then we would just go our separate ways." she trailed off, smiling brightly again. "THIS isn't it," she added and he smiled back, relief washing over him as he realized that he hadn't been the only one anxious about the evening.
"Well, then I have to admit that I was a bloody wreck," he mumbled and her eyes widened slightly at that.
"YOU were a wreck?" she asked and then she suddenly laughed and shook her head. "I can't picture THAT," she added and he smirked.
"Well, I was. And when you looked up, after coming down stairs." he reached out a hand and placed it over hers on the table.
She smiled a little, moving her fingers so they were palm to palm.
"I know," she silently agreed, drawing a small breath as she met his eyes.
The waitress returned and they pulled their hands apart as she put their plates down.
Buffy grabbed her napkin, flipping it open at her side and then gracefully placing it on her lap. Spike observed her and then smiled.
"I guess Mrs. Jenkins taught you well," he pointed out and she looked up, then smiled as well before nodding.
"I'm still not a lady, though," she said and he laughed a little at that.
"And I still don't want you to be one," he stated and she smiled.
They grabbed forks and knives and began to eat.
"Did you think the whole joining the Gang thing over?" she asked in between chews and he swallowed a mouthful of wine before answering:
"Do you even need to ask what my answer is?"
She smiled and reached out, picking up her glass she held it up and said:
"Cheers for the newest member of the Scoobies, and welcome."
He smiled a little, raising his glass and gently touching hers with it, a small cling rang out and their eyes met for such a long time that Buffy wondered if she'd ever be able to move again, his gaze seemed so full of longing and the powerful love behind it that she couldn't tear hers from it.
Then he moved his hand, putting the glass to his lips and drinking as she did the same.
He is giving me serious brain damage, she thought, putting the glass down with a slightly shaking hand and picking up her silverware again.
Spike wondered for the millionth time why she had agreed to do this tonight, why had she said yes?
"I can't say I saw that coming," he said quietly and she looked up, questioningly raising her eyebrows a little. "The Scoobies. I mean, who thought up the idea of me even being in the Gang?"
Buffy smiled.
"All of us," she said.
"But, why? I mean, what's changed since we went to England?"
"I trust you," she stated without any hesitation, and at that he swallowed hard, the complete astonishment on his face so clear that she grew serious. "I trust you," she repeated, reaching over the table and grabbing one of his hands as she smiled again.
Had she any idea how long he had waited for this? Had she any idea how much hearing her utter those three small words meant to him?
"You have no idea." he mumbled, trailing off as he stared into her eyes.
She smiled a little wider, squeezing his hand.
"I know I don't," she said quietly, growing serious again. "But the look on your face at least gives me a clue. Spike," she said again, holding his eyes and he nodded slowly, waiting for her to continue: "I'd trust you with my life, but more importantly I'd trust you with the lives of my friends, of Dawn. I guess the thing is I've trusted you with Dawn for such a long time and I'm sorry I never made that clear," she looked kind of thoughtful as she added: "I'm sorry I was too blind to see that I did."
He stared at her for a moment before smiling.
"What HAPPENED to you when I was gone?" he asked and her eyes grew just a fraction larger as she gently pulled back her hand, her eyes still in his.
"What'd you mean?" she asked and he smiled wider.
"THAT is what I mean," he said. "That thing you do now."
"What-what THING?" she asked, frowning and grabbing her silverware once more.
"That thing when you try to act all Buffy like and like nothing bloody bothers you and then I can just smell the nervousness on you, the tension.I can feel it," he had lowered his voice and her eyes met his as she felt that stir in her stomach again. "I can almost touch it, Slayer," he now added, bending forward a little. "It's all around you.in every last nerve.is it there 'cause of me?"
She drew a breath, smiling crookedly.
"Spike, don't flatter yourself," she then answered him, her voice slightly trembling and he smirked.
"Had been a hell of a lot more convincing if you'd just given me a glare, love, at least your eyes don't quiver with emotion," he pointed out and now she did glare at him.
"You are such a."
He cocked an eyebrow and she couldn't help but laugh as well.
"Fine," she said, swallowing the last of her salad and putting her fork and knife down to signal that she was done. "What happened.?" she then repeated his question, leaning back and looking at him. "A lot happened, Spike," she now continued. "I'm not even sure where to start."
He smiled a little.
"You really don't wanna talk about this right now, do you?" he asked and she gave him a slightly regretful look before shaking her head.
"No, I really don't," she answered and he nodded.
"Then we won't," he declared and saw the relief grow in her eyes.
"Thank you," she said and he smiled. "I just. I have to get my head on straight first, okay?"
He nodded and then smiled a little again as he said:
"I think it's on MORE than straight."
She laughed at that, then smiled widely.
"Talk about crazy times we've been through, huh?" she asked and he smiled back, nodding. "This lord mess takes the cake though, I mean, seriously.what do you think happened when.? Do you remember anything from when you were.glowing?"
He looked at her, his gaze growing more intense as he slowly nodded.
"I remember you," he said and she smiled a little at that. "I remember feeling.alive."
She looked at him, remembering the feeling of his bare chest and then the beating of his heart underneath her fingers, the look of awe in his eyes, it was there again now as he met hers.
"It was amazing," he said and she nodded. "And I saw memories, from your life.They hurt me and made me feel strong at the same time." his gaze was growing distant and she observed him for a moment.
"Oh my God," she suddenly breathed.
He raised his eyebrows, coming back from his thoughts as he looked at her questioningly.
"Remember the incantation? The whole 'soul leaving body' mumbo-jumbo that was part of the chanting?"
He looked at her for a moment and then his eyes grew as well.
"Your SOUL was inside ME?" he asked and she nodded again.
"It must have been," she said excitedly, leaning forward again. "I must have been.but I don't remember it.I only remember feeling lost and cold and.Oh my GOD!"
Now he stared at her in full wonder as what she was saying hit him.
"You lost your soul for a few moments," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. "You got to feel what it's like to loose your soul."
She stared at him, overwhelmed by this new insight, and then she couldn't help but smile a little.
"Wow," she said and he smiled back. "You're gonna be a good Scoob, that's for sure, your first day on the job and already we're making discoveries," she added and now he smirked.
"But what the hell does it mean, though?" he asked and she frowned.
"Maybe it doesn't mean anything, maybe it was just the only way to stop it from turning to evil or something," she answered and he shook his head slowly.
"No." he said. "Something tells me that there is more to this than what we first thought. I mean, I didn't bloody well think of what we just talked about before. Soul trading is heavy stuff and we're walking around like nothing happened? Buffy, don't you think that's a little bit off? I mean, there has to be some kind of repercussion for what we did."
"Well, if there were 'repercussions' I would be more than angry. We stopped the Big Bad, we stopped the destruction of the world as we know it and that should bloody well be enough!" she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest and looking up to meet the glittering gaze of the vamp.
"You 'bloody well' think so, eh?" he asked, teasingly, and she laughed a little, shrugging.
"Bloody right," she answered him and he smiled widely at that.
"Well," he then said, growing serious again. "I still think."
".that we should look into it, yada-yada, fine, all right, great, we will, but NOT tonight," she finished for him and he laughed, reaching across the table and grabbing her hand lightly before pulling it over to his side, bringing it up to his face he bent forwards slightly and met her fingers with his lips before looking up and into her eyes.
"No," he then mumbled and she felt the shivers start once more at the touch of his mouth against her skin. "Not tonight."
By Annie
05-28-2002
Spike got off the couch and Xander rose from the armchair, where they had been sitting silent TRYING to find something to talk about that didn't involve their violent everyday occupation, as Dawn and Willow came down the stairs. Spike took a few steps forward, his whole being seemingly quivering and he felt like, had he been human he would have been sweating, had a severely irregular heartbeat and his mouth would have been as dry as a desert. Growing more and more grateful by the second that he didn't have to deal with any of those things he looked at Dawn who smiled a little.
"She's coming," she assured. "Wow, you look nice," she added and Spike smirked with a glance at Xander.
"You don't say?" he then said and Xander smiled slightly, causing Willow and Dawn to exchange a wondering look. "Thanks, niblet," Spike then added and she smiled at him.
Buffy stopped at the top of the stairs.
This is ridiculous! she thought, staring down into the hall and hearing the sound of her friends talking. I'm shaking all over. It's SPIKE!
She swallowed hard as her heart started beating weirdly in her chest.
It's Spike, she now thought, trying to stop the pleasant shivers, but as always unable to. God, it's SPIKE! Why did I agree to this? Because I'm.I'm in love with him, for crying out loud, this should be a walk in the park! I'll just smile and be all.relaxed. That's what I need to be, relaxed.
She started down the stairs chanting "relax, Buffy, relax", but as she reached the last step and carefully looked up, meeting his eyes that were growing bigger by the second, she felt her heart stop in her chest.
Oh Lord, it's Spike, her mind groaned nervously as she pressed a smile that felt like it didn't fit on her mouth properly. And LOOK at him! her mind suddenly added and she wished there was someway to shut her thoughts the hell up because of course her eyes obeyed immediately and observed the vamp keenly.
He was wearing a dark blue suit, which more than surprised her. A white shirt.no tie though and she smiled slightly at the sudden memory of the first time she had seen him like this in England, all dressed up for supper at Sarah and Jacob's. He looked good enough to eat.
That comes later, her mind pointed out wryly and she shook her head at herself as she started towards him, smiling a little tryingly and wondering why he looked at her like he was about to have a stroke or something.
Okay, I think my heart just started beating, he thought to himself as he watched her slowly move towards him, a small smile on her lips and DAMN that dress looked good on her.
He was sweating, his heart was beating irregularly in his chest and his mouth was as dry as a desert as she stopped before him, or so he thought, and he couldn't think of anything to say and so he just smiled a little back at her.
Buffy met his gaze, her heart still not beating and she fought to remember how to breathe as the blue in his eyes sparkled with life and love and warmth and the room was almost spinning and she didn't know what to say, couldn't concentrate on anything but the expression in his eyes and she wanted his arms around her.
"So, where are you going?" Willow asked and Spike turned his eyes to her, a hazy look in them and Buffy snapped out of it, swallowing hard. Willow smiled at Spike and then repeated: "Where are you going?"
Spike smiled back.
"That's a surprise," he then stated, turning his head back to Buffy and drawing an unnecessary and unsteady breath before reaching out a hand and gently taking a hold of hers. "You ready?" he asked, raising his eyebrows slightly and Buffy nodded, starting to relax slightly at the reassuring feel of his hand.
"Yes," she finally spoke and drew a breath as well, nodding. "Let's go."
He nodded as well, looking around at the others with a small smile.
"Don't worry," he said. "I'll have her back by eleven."
Dawn giggled at that and shook her head in protest.
"Come on," Buffy said with a look at him and then a smile at her sister before she started pulling him by the hand towards the front door. "I wanna know the surprise," she added with a mischievous grin and Spike smirked.
She opened the door and stepped outside, him following and then she closed it, his hand still in hers she looked up at him.
He met her gaze and they stood there for a few moments in silence, observing each other and then softly they both let go of the others hand. Spike smiled a little.
"I didn't think you'd say yes," he said, and she smiled widely back as they walked leisurely down the few steps of the porch and onto the stone path leading to the sidewalk.
"I didn't think you'd ask," she retorted and he laughed at that.
"Oh, so you were just sitting around waiting, then?" he asked and she smiled, shaking her head slightly. "What then?" he now asked; stopping and making her come to a halt as well. "Why did you say yes, Buffy?"
She looked up at him, her face growing serious and then thoughtful. She silently answered:
"Because I wanted to."
He furrowed his brow, and then he laughed that low laugh of his.
"You said that me not understanding you was the way you wanted it," he grumbled as he started walking again and she did the same. "Well, congratulations," he added, now with that small smile gracing his lips as his eyes turned to her and she met them, feeling so filled up with.him, with THIS, that she almost wanted to jump up and down.
She contained that feeling though, and merely smiled back.
"You're one to talk," she said and now he cocked an eyebrow quizzically at her and she continued: "You are this incredible warrior, this dark being that. God, I'm starting to sound like some Anne Rice novel or something," she cut herself off and he smiled slightly. She sighed, shaking her head before looking up at him again. "You love me. And that's something that I can't even.I can't even begin to understand what I must have done to you all those times when I. I just can't believe that." she trailed off, her voice slightly trembling as she averted her eyes form his, trying to hold back the tears.
He stopped again.
"Tell me honestly, Slayer," he said and his voice was getting strained. "Did you say yes out of pity?"
Buffy's head shot up, her eyes growing as she shook her head at him.
"No! God, no," she answered and he relaxed; still, that left a lot of questions in his head.
"Then.why?" he asked for the second time and she smiled.
"Being a bit of the broken record now, Spike. Already asked me that," she mumbled and he laughed, shaking his head.
"You know, if we're gonna spend the whole evening recycling old one-liners of the other's I think we're in for a pretty dead conversation, don't you?" he asked and she smirked as she met his gaze.
"All right," she said. "Let's leave the old with the past," she added and he looked at her, silent for a moment.
"See, now you're doing it again," he said and she looked at him innocently, questioning. "Making me wonder exactly what you mean by that." he added and she smiled brightly.
He swallowed at the sight of that smile. Had HE put it there? Really?
This time it was she who started walking again, he did the same and she hesitated a moment before reaching out and grabbing a hold of his hand once more. He looked down at her, the questions in his eyes soon giving way for a smile and she smiled back a little before giving his hand a small squeeze.
She looked up at him, meeting his gaze and then she silently asked:
"How was it, to have to say good-bye to Sarah? And Jacob?"
He sighed, shrugging almost unnoticeably but getting a distant look in his eyes.
"It was good to actually get to do it this time," he answered and Buffy nodded. "I mean, I'm gonna miss them both, but I couldn't stay there and I knew that." he added.
"Because of me," she said silently and he turned his head to look at her.
"Yeah," he said. "Because of you, don't sound so bloody guilty," he added and she smiled.
"I just. I wouldn't want you to walk around here with this missing part of you that is just impossible to find," she said, her smile turning slightly melancholy and now he stared at her, shaking his head a little before smiling.
"The only missing part of me that I've ever had to look for is you," he stated calmly and she looked up at him. "And once I realized that THAT was what you were. You changed me, Buffy, changed something inside of me that I thought wasn't possible to even touch. You bloody revived that part of me that I had lost more than a century ago."
Now SHE stared at HIM, knowing what he meant, and she felt her eyes grow dim as he finished:
"You're the soul of me now, Buffy, and I can't let that go, can't let you go even if I wanted to."
She smiled a small smile, blinking at the tears and for some reason hiding them from him as she swiped at her eyes with her free hand.
Lord Almighty, the evening has hardly even started and he's already had me almost cry twice! she thought, shaking her head before turning her eyes to him again.
She realized that they were almost in the center of Sunnydale now and she looked around, growing curious again.
"Where are we going, Spike?" she asked and he smiled.
"Not far now," he answered and soon he slowed down, stopping and looking down at her. "Here we are," he then said and she raised her eyebrows, looking up at him before turning around, her eyes landing on a pretty and big sign.
Her eyes growing as she turned back to him.
"S.E?!" she asked, and he smiled. "You can't afford that, Spike! I mean, really, we don't have to go there."
He smiled wider, shaking his head slowly and silencing her.
"I CAN afford it, with money earned the honest way too, I can tell you," he said and she smiled a little at that. "Let's just go in, eat and enjoy it, okay? The food is supposed to be really good."
"Spike, it's the best restaurant in Sunnydale, of COURSE the food will be good," she remarked teasingly and he grinned.
"Well then," he said, straightening his back and releasing her hand before bending his elbow and offering her his arm. "Shall we?" he added and she giggled, threading her hand through the loop his arm made and feeling his muscles through the fabric of the jacket, trying to ignore that she nodded.
"Yes, please," she said and he smiled as he escorted her to the entrance.
***
The restaurant Shocking Existenze hadn't been open for more than two months, but in that short time the praise for it had been very noticeable and its good reputation just kept growing. It was the only restaurant in Sunnydale that was owned by humans, had such high standards and still welcomed demons openly, however discretely.
It consisted of a huge room with a low ceiling, which attributed to the intimate atmosphere of the place. Candles burned softly on every table and on the walls, the décor was soft in gold and plum and green and it was absolutely gorgeous.
Spike watched Buffy's face begin to glow as she looked around her and he smiled to himself.
"I had a feeling you'd like it," he mumbled in her ear as they walked behind the headwaiter seating them.
Buffy felt the shivers start to travel at the low sound of his voice and she smiled a little, nodding, as they reached their table. Spike pulled out her chair and she smiled widely at him; he rolled his eyes at her as she sat down and then he took his seat opposite her.
"Would you like to see the wine list?" a female voice asked and they both looked up.
"Yeah, thanks," Spike said and the woman nodded and walked away to get it for them.
Buffy smiled again as she watched him slowly take his surroundings in and then turn his head to her.
"What?" he asked and she shook her head, still smiling.
"Nothing, just that you seem so."
"What?" he pressed and she shrugged, smiling wider.
"Un-Spikey," she answered and he cocked an eyebrow at that.
"Would you like me to be more. 'Spikey'?" he then asked with a smirk, his eyes wandering down her neck and resting on the low cleavage of her dress.
She felt a stir in her stomach and drew a breath to keep from getting up and dragging him off to the nearest alley, after all, they couldn't be so vulgar as to actually do what she had in mind IN the restaurant. He let his eyes travel up to hers again and smiled at the expression in her eyes.
"Another topic?" he asked wryly and she nodded, smiling a little coyly and he laughed, shaking his head at her. "So, what'd you do while I was gone? Slay much?"
The look in her eyes got glazy for a moment, and then she smiled nervously. He furrowed his brow slightly at that, she had been doing that a LOT lately.
"Oh, you know, nothing like a good night's dusting after a hard day's flipping burgers," she answered and he smiled, nodding. "Other than that nothing MAJOR happened.I mean, on the Big Bad front." she trailed off. "Dawn told me that you had promised her that you'd teach her to fight," she said instead, frowning and he nodded, smiling tryingly.
"Yeah, sorry 'bout that," he said and she smiled back, shaking her head.
"No need, I'M gonna do it now, though."
He stared at her in surprise.
"Well, I'm back so." he started and she looked at him with a so?!- expression and his eyebrows shot up again. "You don't think I wanna miss all the fun in training the Lil'Bit, do you?" he asked and she smiled.
"Okay, then we'll train her together," she stated and his eyebrows sunk down in a small frown, then he remembered that she was actually out on a d.a.t.e with him and so nothing she said should really surprise him any more.
The woman came with the wine list and their menus before leaving again with a friendly smile.
They read the menus, Buffy trying to do what Spike instructed and ignore the prices, but it was hard. After a while of fidgeting he took over and simply stated what he thought she should have and when she couldn't really do anything but agree he nodded. It was decided and he ordered for them both.
She looked at him as the waitress took their menus and left. He turned to her and smiled a little. She smiled back and met his gaze feeling like she should tell him how she felt, what seeing him again did to her, what having him there meant to her. But her tongue didn't know how to form the words.
That familiar warmth in his eyes didn't do anything to help either and she stared into it, feeling it reach deep down into her and stir around the sleeping butterflies in her stomach, and of course they started fluttering and she felt her cheeks start to grow slightly warm as he smiled.
"What are you thinking?" he asked and she smiled tentatively back, shrugging slightly.
"I'm just thinking how this isn't how I pictured it.us," she answered and he got a questioning look in his eyes. "I have to admit that I was really nervous before I walked downstairs. I mean really, REALLY nervous, and I was just picturing how we wouldn't have anything to talk about and how you would get all bored and I would get all embarrassed and then we would just go our separate ways." she trailed off, smiling brightly again. "THIS isn't it," she added and he smiled back, relief washing over him as he realized that he hadn't been the only one anxious about the evening.
"Well, then I have to admit that I was a bloody wreck," he mumbled and her eyes widened slightly at that.
"YOU were a wreck?" she asked and then she suddenly laughed and shook her head. "I can't picture THAT," she added and he smirked.
"Well, I was. And when you looked up, after coming down stairs." he reached out a hand and placed it over hers on the table.
She smiled a little, moving her fingers so they were palm to palm.
"I know," she silently agreed, drawing a small breath as she met his eyes.
The waitress returned and they pulled their hands apart as she put their plates down.
Buffy grabbed her napkin, flipping it open at her side and then gracefully placing it on her lap. Spike observed her and then smiled.
"I guess Mrs. Jenkins taught you well," he pointed out and she looked up, then smiled as well before nodding.
"I'm still not a lady, though," she said and he laughed a little at that.
"And I still don't want you to be one," he stated and she smiled.
They grabbed forks and knives and began to eat.
"Did you think the whole joining the Gang thing over?" she asked in between chews and he swallowed a mouthful of wine before answering:
"Do you even need to ask what my answer is?"
She smiled and reached out, picking up her glass she held it up and said:
"Cheers for the newest member of the Scoobies, and welcome."
He smiled a little, raising his glass and gently touching hers with it, a small cling rang out and their eyes met for such a long time that Buffy wondered if she'd ever be able to move again, his gaze seemed so full of longing and the powerful love behind it that she couldn't tear hers from it.
Then he moved his hand, putting the glass to his lips and drinking as she did the same.
He is giving me serious brain damage, she thought, putting the glass down with a slightly shaking hand and picking up her silverware again.
Spike wondered for the millionth time why she had agreed to do this tonight, why had she said yes?
"I can't say I saw that coming," he said quietly and she looked up, questioningly raising her eyebrows a little. "The Scoobies. I mean, who thought up the idea of me even being in the Gang?"
Buffy smiled.
"All of us," she said.
"But, why? I mean, what's changed since we went to England?"
"I trust you," she stated without any hesitation, and at that he swallowed hard, the complete astonishment on his face so clear that she grew serious. "I trust you," she repeated, reaching over the table and grabbing one of his hands as she smiled again.
Had she any idea how long he had waited for this? Had she any idea how much hearing her utter those three small words meant to him?
"You have no idea." he mumbled, trailing off as he stared into her eyes.
She smiled a little wider, squeezing his hand.
"I know I don't," she said quietly, growing serious again. "But the look on your face at least gives me a clue. Spike," she said again, holding his eyes and he nodded slowly, waiting for her to continue: "I'd trust you with my life, but more importantly I'd trust you with the lives of my friends, of Dawn. I guess the thing is I've trusted you with Dawn for such a long time and I'm sorry I never made that clear," she looked kind of thoughtful as she added: "I'm sorry I was too blind to see that I did."
He stared at her for a moment before smiling.
"What HAPPENED to you when I was gone?" he asked and her eyes grew just a fraction larger as she gently pulled back her hand, her eyes still in his.
"What'd you mean?" she asked and he smiled wider.
"THAT is what I mean," he said. "That thing you do now."
"What-what THING?" she asked, frowning and grabbing her silverware once more.
"That thing when you try to act all Buffy like and like nothing bloody bothers you and then I can just smell the nervousness on you, the tension.I can feel it," he had lowered his voice and her eyes met his as she felt that stir in her stomach again. "I can almost touch it, Slayer," he now added, bending forward a little. "It's all around you.in every last nerve.is it there 'cause of me?"
She drew a breath, smiling crookedly.
"Spike, don't flatter yourself," she then answered him, her voice slightly trembling and he smirked.
"Had been a hell of a lot more convincing if you'd just given me a glare, love, at least your eyes don't quiver with emotion," he pointed out and now she did glare at him.
"You are such a."
He cocked an eyebrow and she couldn't help but laugh as well.
"Fine," she said, swallowing the last of her salad and putting her fork and knife down to signal that she was done. "What happened.?" she then repeated his question, leaning back and looking at him. "A lot happened, Spike," she now continued. "I'm not even sure where to start."
He smiled a little.
"You really don't wanna talk about this right now, do you?" he asked and she gave him a slightly regretful look before shaking her head.
"No, I really don't," she answered and he nodded.
"Then we won't," he declared and saw the relief grow in her eyes.
"Thank you," she said and he smiled. "I just. I have to get my head on straight first, okay?"
He nodded and then smiled a little again as he said:
"I think it's on MORE than straight."
She laughed at that, then smiled widely.
"Talk about crazy times we've been through, huh?" she asked and he smiled back, nodding. "This lord mess takes the cake though, I mean, seriously.what do you think happened when.? Do you remember anything from when you were.glowing?"
He looked at her, his gaze growing more intense as he slowly nodded.
"I remember you," he said and she smiled a little at that. "I remember feeling.alive."
She looked at him, remembering the feeling of his bare chest and then the beating of his heart underneath her fingers, the look of awe in his eyes, it was there again now as he met hers.
"It was amazing," he said and she nodded. "And I saw memories, from your life.They hurt me and made me feel strong at the same time." his gaze was growing distant and she observed him for a moment.
"Oh my God," she suddenly breathed.
He raised his eyebrows, coming back from his thoughts as he looked at her questioningly.
"Remember the incantation? The whole 'soul leaving body' mumbo-jumbo that was part of the chanting?"
He looked at her for a moment and then his eyes grew as well.
"Your SOUL was inside ME?" he asked and she nodded again.
"It must have been," she said excitedly, leaning forward again. "I must have been.but I don't remember it.I only remember feeling lost and cold and.Oh my GOD!"
Now he stared at her in full wonder as what she was saying hit him.
"You lost your soul for a few moments," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. "You got to feel what it's like to loose your soul."
She stared at him, overwhelmed by this new insight, and then she couldn't help but smile a little.
"Wow," she said and he smiled back. "You're gonna be a good Scoob, that's for sure, your first day on the job and already we're making discoveries," she added and now he smirked.
"But what the hell does it mean, though?" he asked and she frowned.
"Maybe it doesn't mean anything, maybe it was just the only way to stop it from turning to evil or something," she answered and he shook his head slowly.
"No." he said. "Something tells me that there is more to this than what we first thought. I mean, I didn't bloody well think of what we just talked about before. Soul trading is heavy stuff and we're walking around like nothing happened? Buffy, don't you think that's a little bit off? I mean, there has to be some kind of repercussion for what we did."
"Well, if there were 'repercussions' I would be more than angry. We stopped the Big Bad, we stopped the destruction of the world as we know it and that should bloody well be enough!" she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest and looking up to meet the glittering gaze of the vamp.
"You 'bloody well' think so, eh?" he asked, teasingly, and she laughed a little, shrugging.
"Bloody right," she answered him and he smiled widely at that.
"Well," he then said, growing serious again. "I still think."
".that we should look into it, yada-yada, fine, all right, great, we will, but NOT tonight," she finished for him and he laughed, reaching across the table and grabbing her hand lightly before pulling it over to his side, bringing it up to his face he bent forwards slightly and met her fingers with his lips before looking up and into her eyes.
"No," he then mumbled and she felt the shivers start once more at the touch of his mouth against her skin. "Not tonight."