Scene 9
(Mokona's ship is landing, well, er…actually, is falling)
Ascot: AAAAH!! Is that the whole town?
Ferio: (bites into a Musketeer) One town. A million troubles. The one and only Thebes. The big olive itself. (in a sing-song voice) If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. It's up to you, New Thebes! New Thebes! (New York song starts to play) Start spreading the news…
Crowds: SHUT UP!
Ferio: FINE! (stomps off….with Ascot right behind him) Stick with me, this city is a dangerous place…
(they almost get hit by a storming turkey)
Lafarga: LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOIN' YA GOIN' NUMBSKULL!
Ferio: HEY! I'M WALKIN' HERE! (to Ascot, who was backing away cautiously) You see what I mean? These people here are wackos.
Lantis: Pizza, pizza, get your fresh made pizza here!
Ferio: No, that's ok.
(they keep walking, and they walk down the stairs, where a cloaked figure is turned back)
Lantis: Psst….hey, mack, (opens up his cloak)
Ferio: AAH!! NO I DON'T WANT YOU TO STREAK!
Lantis: You wanna buy a sundial?
Ascot: Lantis? But I thought you were over there? (points at selling booth where Ascot turns around and sees another Lantis) What?
Lantis: So, you wanna buy a sundial?
Ferio: We're not interested, sheesh. Come on, Ascot.
(they keep walking and then they see Lantis with a trash can for his clothes)
Lantis: The end is coming! (grabs Mokona and squeezes) Can't you feel it?
Mokona: PUU!!!
Ferio: Yes, yes, thank you for that small bit of information. If we had brains, we'll think about it for a while. (pulls Ascot away from the crazy Lantises walking around) Just stare at the sidewalk. People here are nuts.
Ascot: But we've only seen Lantis and Lafarga. I mean, we haven't seen all the people here.
Ferio: (turns to Ascot and smirks) That's because the population is made up of Lantises and Lafargas. Why do you think this city is filled with troubles?
Lantis: (from afar) Hey, I heard that!
Ferio: Like I said, just stare at the sidewalk, and don't make eye contact. Trust me, kid, getting rid of them is just what the doctor ordered.
(a group of Lantises and Lafargas are talking in a bunch)
Lantis: It was tragic! We lost everything in the fashion disaster.
Lafarga: Everyone except old Primera here. (picks up Primera, who was dressed weirdly)
Lantis: Hey, how'd you get her?
Primera: Lantis! Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you!
Lantis: (groans) You should have burned her when you had a chance.
Lafarga: …Anyway, were the fires before or after the earthquake?
Primera: They were after the earthquake, I remember. I was there…
Lantis: (mutters) Should have stayed…
Lafarga: But before the flood!
Primera: I was there, too.
Lantis: Funny how Aska didn't cut your thread yet.
Aska: Funny, I tried, but I'm afraid her scream might kill all of us.
Lafarga: Oh, don't let me start naming out the crime rates.
Lantis: Yeah, I mean, with the fashion crisis here, you would wonder how much of the fashion police is walking around.
Lafarga:…Lantis, there are only us in this city.
Lantis: Exactly.
Primera: Thebes has certainly gone downfall in a hurry.
Lafarga: Yeah, and we just started the city this morning.
Lantis: All we need now is a plague of singing marshmallows.
Primera: (scratches head) But Mokona doesn't sing…
(Mokona is seen running in the background, followed by Jigglypuff and Clefairy)
Mokona: Pu pu pu!
Jigglypuff: (in a sing-song voice) Jigglypuff!
Clefairy: (waving hands in the air) Clefairy! Clefairy!
Lantis and Lafarga: …AAAAHHHH!!!!!!
Primera: That's it! I'm moving to Chizeta!
Ascot: Hey, need any help? Call Ascoteles!
Lantis: Yeah, and who are you?
Ascot: (rolls eyes) Who else? Ascoteles! I'm your solution to this problem!
Lafarga: Is that so? C'est dommage!
Lantis: I really think you've got that French language stuck for good, Lafarga.
Lafarga: Why, merci.
Lantis: Alright, already, just shut up.
Primera: A hero?
Lafarga: Listen, have you ever saved a town before from a fashion crisis?
Ascoteles: Not really…but I—
Lantis: Have you ever tried to burn Primera?
Ascoteles: No, but I'll do it now if you want me to.
Primera: Hey!
Lafarga: Oh, listen to this, he's just another one of Ferio's kids. The ones that aren't really good at anything except saving Umi.
Primera: That's a laugh.
Ferio: Don't you pea brains get it? This kid is a genuine article! He's the son of Clef for goodness' sakes!
Lantis and Lafarga: (blink blink) …AHAHAHAHA! CLEF'S A DADDY!
Clef: (from afar) …(sweatdrop)
Lantis: Hey, isn't that Ferioctetes?
Ferio: (getting angry) Watch it, pal…
Lafarga: Yeah, you're right. (starts to laugh) Hey, (elbows Lantis and laughs) nice name! It really fits you!
Ferio: I got your name right here! (jumps on Lafarga and starts to beat him up with the blunt end of his sword) I'm going to dice you up like a cabbage!
Ascot: (stands and watches, enjoying this) This is really funny…
Fuu: Hey, Ferio! Ferio! Take it easy!
Ferio: You're lucky Fuu saved your big fat arse, punk…
Lafarga: What are you crazy?! I thought I was going to die, again!
Primera: (to Ascot) Young man, we need a professional Palu. Not an amateur.
Ascot: Oh, now you want a Palu?
Primera: Isn't that what everyone was looking for?
Lafarga: Where does Primera get all these ideas?
Ascot: Wait, this is my movie! How am I supposed to make this my movie if nobody will give me a chance?
Ferio: You'll get your chance, you just need some kind of catastrophe or disaster.
(Umi comes running and pushing the crowd of Lantises and Lafargas)
Umi: GET OUT OF MY WAY! I NEED HELP! NOW!
Ascot: Umi?
Ferio: Ay, speaking of disasters…
Umi: What did you say?!
Ferio: Oh, nothing…
Umi: Ascoteles! Thank goodness you're here with Mokona! Wait, where is Mokona?
Ascot: What's wrong?
Umi: (rolls eyes) Outside of town, two "little" boys were playing in the gorge. There was a "small" rockslide that knocked the bejesus out of one of them, and the smaller one can't carry his friend out. So, they're trapped and with no pizza to eat.
Ascot: Trapped? No pizza? Ferio, this is great!
Umi: Man, talk about excited…
Ascot: Come on, Umi!
Umi: What? What makes you think I'm coming with you? (gets carried by one of Ascot's summoned pets) AAAH! WAIT! I'M NOT READY TO DIE YET!
Ferio: (starts to run after them) Oh, yeah, save her, and LEAVE THE GOAT!
Ascot: YOU'RE NOT A GOAT!
Ferio: WELL SCREW YOU! I'LL WALK!
(Ascot's pet lands and Ascot and Umi dismount, with Umi glaring at him)
Ascot: Er…are you alright?
Umi: Oh, yeah, sure. I'm fine. Just dragged back here so the wacko dead guy could boss me around again, huh?
Ascot: What are you talking about?
Umi: Never mind. Get on with your heroic business.
(inside the cave two "little" boys could be heard screaming)
Zazu: Help! He can't breathe!
Geo: HELP! I CAN'T BREATHE!
Zazu: Hurry!
Geo: HURRY!
Zazu: I'm saying those lines! SHUT UP AND DIE ALREADY!
Geo: I'm hungry!
Zazu: Somebody call Pizza Hut!
Ascot: I'm coming! (he's carrying a huge box of stuffed crust cheese pizza and places it outside of the boulder) I have the pizza!
Geo: Yeah!
Zazu: (rolls eyes) Gee, we can't seem to eat the pizza if THE BOULDER IS STILL HERE!
Ascot: (scratches head) Oh, right……(summons one of his friends and the beast lifted the boulder out of the way) Are you…KIDS…alright?
Geo: (grabs the box of pizza and starts to eat) Yum! Pizza! With extra CHEESE!
Zazu: Yeah, yeah, let's go. Before more trouble gets us. Anyway, thank you, mister. We should be going now.
(Geo and Zazu run to the top of the cliff, where Zagato was standing)
Zazu: "With extra cheese?"
Geo: (poses) I was going for 'hungry and innocent'!
Zagato: You guys sucked. I think the only reason why Ascoteles actually went to the cave was because Umi told him to. Now she's getting all the credit.
(the Lantises and Lafargas hiss and 'boo' at Ascot)
Lafarga: That was nothing! Lantis over here could've blasted that rock into smithereens!
Lantis: I can? YEAH! I can!
Umi: (mutters under her breath) Yeah, well, wait until you see the giant Sang Yung that Aska created for this scene…
Aska: (laughing hysterically in the background)
(The giant Sang Yung comes stomping out)
Ascot: Er…what the heck is that?!
Ferio: (runs in, after walking so far to get to the cave, he sees the giant Sang Yung and runs back to where he just came from) AAAAIIIIIII!!!!!!!!
Ascot: No! Wait! Ferio! What is that thing?!
Ferio: Nine words! Better run now before it bites your head--! (trips) AAAH!!! I DON'T WANNA DIE!
Zagato: MUAHAHAHAHA!
Ascot: (stands there, looking at the creature) Hmmm….interesting.
Aska: Giant Sang Yung! What are you doing standing there? ATTACK!
Sang Yung: (sweatdrop)
Ascot: (walks behind the giant Sang Yung and pulls a cork out) Here it is!
(the giant Sang Yung gets deflated quickly)
Umi: Hey, that was easy.
Lantis and Lafarga: BOO!
Ferio: Hey, Ascot, don't fret. At least they gave you a more enthusiastic boo this time.
Geo: (still eating pizza) Whoa! This is exciting!
Zagato: (yawns) Wait till you get to the part where the Djinn appear.
(True enough, the Djinn do appear and cause more havoc)
Ascot: AAH! Beast Summon!
Tarta: (grumbles offstage) I hope he doesn't hurt them too much….
(Ascot and the two Djinn are fighting all over the place.)
Geo: Spike it! Spike it! Come on!
Zazu: The thing is right there! Just spike it!
Zagato: AAARGH!! HE HAD A CHANCE TO SPIKE IT! AND HE LET THE OTHER TEAM GET ANOTHER POINT!
(At this point, you notice that Zagato, Zazu, and Geo are watching a volleyball game)
Everyone: (sweatdrop)
(The Djinn sucked Ascot in with his friend and everyone thought all hope was lost)
Ferio: Well, at least I can go back to my island eating Snickers and Kit Kat…
Ascot: (pops out and from the Djinn, who get blasted away) I WIN! You gotta admit, this is pretty heroic for a Palu!
Primera: Yay! He did it!
Lantis and Lafarga: (mutter mutter)
Umi: Well, what do you know? He did it (smiles)
Zagato: (finally sees that Ascot has won) NOO!!!! How can this be?! (glares at Geo and Zazu)
Geo: Hey, want a pizza?
Zazu: …(still upset over the volleyball game that his team just lost)
Scene 10
(the Muses come along)
Fuu: (smiles) From that day forward, our boy Ascoteles could do no wrong. He was so hot, steam looked cool.
Caldina: Oh yeah! That's my Ascot fo' ya!
Hikaru: (starts to sing) Bless my soul! Ascot's on a roll,
Person of the week in every Cephirean poll
Lantis: (mutters) Yeah, worst person of the week in the Cephirean poll…
Ascot: (glares)
Tatra: (giggles) What a pro!
Fuu: Ascot could stop a show,
Point him at a monster and we're talking S.R.O!
(The muses see Ascot screaming as he is being squeezed by another one of Aska's creations. They have large sweatdrops on their heads and continue singing)
Muses: He was a no one
A zero, zero
Ferio: (scoffs) He still is now.
Muses: Now he's a honcho
He is a hero!
(they hear maniacal laughter from somewhere)
He was a kid with his act down path
From zero to hero in no time flat
Zero to hero
Fuu: Just like that. (snaps fingers)
Muses: When he smiled the girls went wild with "oohs and aahs"
A small group of Ascot fans: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! (swoons)
Caldina: And they slapped his fase on every vase.
Tarta: (glares) On every "vahse"!
Ferio: Literally slapped his face… (sees Ascot's face with bruises)
Muses: From appearance fees and royalties
Our Ascot had cash to burn (coins start falling, heavy coins that knocked out
some people on the set)
Now nouveau rich and famous
He could tell you what's a grecian urn!
Ascot: Uh…it's a vase?
Tarta: "VAHSE!"
Muses: Say amen
There he goes again (points Ascot running from a crowd of monsters)
Sweet and underrated
Tarta: (says unenthusiastically while holding up a 10 sign) And an awesome ten for ten
Muses: Folks lined up just to watch him flex
Caldina: And this perfect package packed a pair of pretty pecs
Ascot: (looks at a doll of him) Hey! I look good!
Muses: Ascot, he comes, he sees, he conquers (Ascot runs to
the other side)
Honey, the crowds were goin' bonkers (BOO!)
He showed the moxie brains and spunk -- yeah! (Ascot
climbed a tree)
From zero to hero
A major hunk
Zero to hero
Hikaru: And who'd have thunk...
(the Muses start dancing. While
Eagle is spicing it up by playing as the DJ)
Eagle: Let's go, ladies!
Hikaru: Who put the glad in gladiator?
Muses: Ascoteles! (they hear him scream)
Tarta: Who's darin' deeds are great theater?
Muses: Ascoteles! (Lantis and Lafarga are eating popcorn as they watch Ascot get chased by monsters)
Fuu: Isn't he bold?
Muses: No one braver! (runs cowering behind Hikaru)
Tatra: Is he sweet?
Muses: Our favorite flavor! Ascoteles, my man
Tarta: Ascoteles…
Fuu: Ascoteles…
Hikaru: Ascoteles! Get off me!
Caldina: Look at my Ascoteles… (they decide not to look, in fear of seeing him screaming for his mommy)
Tatra: Ascoteles…
Fuu: Ascoteles…
Muses: Bless my soul, Ascot's on a roll
Undefeated, riding high
Tatra: (giggles again) And the nicest guy (she sees him taking a bat and repeatedly smacking Lafarga with it)
Muses: Not conceited
He was a nothing, zero, zero
Now he's a honcho, he's our hero!
He hit the heights at breakneck speed
Ferio: Yeah, after running from that monster…
Muses: From zero to hero
Ascot's a hero
Now he's a hero!!!
Fuu: Yes, indeed. (winks)
(song stops and people are clapping)
Ferio: Wonderful! Brilliant! Spectacular! Fuu, you were great!