Precious Moments
By: Erin Finnlaith
Disclaimer:
N – stands for Nothing, which I have in abundance
O – stands for Other people, who own the original HP characters
T – stands for Trial, which I hope to avoid
M – stands for Money, which I have none of
I – stands for I'm a bum without money
N – stands for Nada, which is what I am getting for writing this story
E – stands for Empty handed, which is what you'll be if you sue me
All characters depicted here belong to J.K Rowling and a lot of other people who aren't me. ^_~ These (yes these. As in more then one! *sigh* My plot bunnies are relentless…) are meant as mini side stories to DrusillaDax's The Camel's Back Did Not Break! And are the result of a MAJOR plot bunny attack! *Imitates an army sergeant* Our forces were strong, but they overpowered us…they were just too much…this had to be written…^_~ WARNING: This chapter starts out a tad bit angsty but gives way to fluffiness and sweetness! (I'm not kidding here, this stuff could give you terminal diabetes…) Enjoy! ^_^
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The Choices We Make…
Hermione sighed as she sat up, which was quite a feet given her advanced pregnancy. "This is nice. Just the two, or should I say three of us. No annoyingly overly concerned friends, nurses, or psycho doctors to deal with. Why don't you take a nap while I unpack the picnic basket, OK?"
Severus shook his head, and then laid his head on Hermione's lap, his hand resting on her protruding stomach. "I'm sorry I'm such a grouch."
Hermione smiled and ran her fingers through his now oil-free hair. "Go and take a nap. You'll probably be less cranky."
"I'm not the one who's pregnant."
"No, you're worse."
Severus grunted at that comment and gave her a light punch in the arm, then settled down on his wife lap, his hand still resting protectively on her stomach, and began to dream…
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He was running, he had to get away. He had been running so fast, so long, and so hard that he thought his lungs would burst, but he had to get away. He wouldn't go back…he couldn't go back. He would not be a heartless killer any longer!
'What good will it do you?' a cruel voice laughed.
'Your hands are already stained with the blood of innocents…Murderer!' the voice echoed from all around him, as accusing eyes seemed to stare at him from every corner.
Severus clenched his eyes shut, trying to drown out the voice and the accusing eyes.
'Having a problem?' the voice jeered.
There was silence.
'You know death is so much easier. Imagine being free from all this pain, this guilt. Just ending everything. Make them all pay for what they've done to you…for pushing you into this,' the voice taunted.
"No," Severus replied, fighting to hold on to his sanity.
'YES! Make them pay. Make them feel guilty. They did this to you. Your father, your so-called 'friends', Voldemort, even Dumbledore. It's their fault! They pushed you to become what you are! Your father, with his neglect and cruelty, your 'friends', with their sympathy and kindness…they abandoned you…so much for friendship. And Voldemort, he was the one that pulled you into this madness, this dark, decaying, web of death. Then there's Dumbledore…Ah yes! Dumbledore, the man who helped you 'oh so much' during your time as a student and when you came to him for help, to escape, he throws you back into the snake pit! They did this to you…all of them!' the voice continued.
"No. I was…I was isolated, lonely…I had no purpose," he defended.
'Well…your loneliness has returned once more, has it not? You're no better then when you began. What's your purpose now? Or is there even one?' the voice questioned. 'Death is so much sweeter…and simpler.'
"Death is only a means to an end. It's an acknowledgement of failure," Severus argued, fighting against the darkness surrounding him.
'You 'are' a FAILURE. The world would be a much better place with out you!' the voice mocked.
"NO!! I WON'T!! I WON'T DO IT! NO!!" Severus shouted, clenching his fist to the side of his head and rocking back and forth, as fought his inner demons. "LEAVE ME BE!!!"
'Only in death shall you be rid of me. That should be a problem for you at all, should it? It is after all what you do best…Murderer!' the voice replied.
"NO!" Severus screamed. He had to get away. He had to run…had to get away.
'You're worthless. A lost lonely little soul with no purpose in life.'
"NO! STOP IT!!" Severus continued running, hoping to find an end to the darkness. Faster and faster…
'End it before anyone else gets hurt,'
Faster, faster, faster. Run. Must get away.
'Yes…end it soon,' the voice echoed.
'Death is easier.'
Run, run, run, ru…SPLASH!
Looking around him all Severus could see was inky blackness…nothingness. A burning sensation started in his chest and Severus realized with a start that he was underwater. Severus started to kick towards where he thought the surface should be, but something kept pulling him back. He fought. Kicking and thrashing his way upward trying to reach the surface. He wanted to shout for help…to scream, but he couldn't and he was running out of air…fast.
'Give in. You know you can't escape it. Give into the darkness…to death.' The voice taunted.
'No! I won't! I can't!' Severus trashed, kicked and continued his struggle upward. 'I won't give in!'
The more he struggled the stronger the pull backward became…he couldn't hold out much longer. Severus felt his limbs grow tired and heavy. A cold weight settled in the middle of his chest. He tried to fight it but it was getting more and more difficult with each passing second.
'Is this it? Is this how I am to die?'
"It is if you let it," another voice sounded.
'What?'
"You have a choice. You can give in now and let your heart be consumed or you can fight it. You have the power," the voice, as soft and clear as the tinkling of bells, replied. "Do you want it to end here? Like this?"
'No…NO! I don't want it to end this way!' Severus renewed his struggles, despite how hopeless it seemed.
"Do not give in to the hopelessness and sorrow that consumes you. Don't let the darkness win."
With one last powerful burst of energy Severus shot his way towards the surface, as he neared he could make out a faint beacon of light. 'I will not give in!'
Surfacing, Severus gasped for air as the light grew brighter blinding him.
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Severus opened his eyes, blinking as he adjusted to the light. In front of him stood a small child, a girl he noticed, with long dark hair, dressed in a lavender jumper clutching a worn red bear. That's not what caught his attention though…it was her eyes. A deep chocolate brown, so familiar…he knew those eyes…no, not those eyes but eyes very similar, almost exactly alike. These eyes held a unique spark of their own…yet were so like…
"Why are you so afraid?" the child asked. Severus realized that this child was the voice that had spoken to him just moments ago.
"What?" he asked, surprised.
"Afraid. You're afraid. You hide yourself behind your masks. There is a darkness in your heart," the child replied.
"It is my way of dealing with life." Severus couldn't believe he was justifying himself to a child. It was ridiculous! "You'd never understand."
Meeting his gaze the child stared at him. For the first time Severus noticed a wisdom in the child's eyes that spoke volumes…
"Facing yourself is never easy. Life is never easy," the child replied.
"Life…what life? I only bring death! I'm a murderer…a cold blooded killer!"
"Did you enjoy killing all those people?" the child questioned.
"What?" said Severus, taken back.
"Did you enjoy killing all those people?" she repeated.
"What?…No! Of course not!"
"Then you have nothing to fear. You have mourned their loss and must move on."
"I don't think I could ever forget…"
"Death is never easily forgotten…yet it reminds us of our mortality. No one lives forever, we all must die at some time," she answered solemnly.
"It's not when we die, but how we die," Severus replied bitterly.
"The choices we make in life determine our given paths. You did not want to kill all those people…it was a mistake. One that you have mourned and paid for a thousand times over."
"But…"
"Everyone goes through a period of self-doubt," the child interrupted. "You and only you can determine where you want to go from here. To live or to die…now is the time to choose. You've wrestled with this for far to long, and are unable to move forward. You must choose now. What is it you want? To live for the future? Or die with the past? What do you want?"
Severus hesitated a moment as he let the child words sink in. Visions of his friends, and family filled his head. His mother smiling sweetly up at him. Weeping happily when he and Hermione had announced their engagement. Draco, his pupil…his friend. Dumbledore, his mentor, the man who gave him a chance at redemption rather then condemning him. Even Harry Potter…the boy who for seven years had been a thorn in his side. A spoiled, selfish, boy-hero…or so he had thought. When it had come down to it Potter had come through, and proven himself to be a true friend. A vision of Hermione danced across his memory. Hermione…his wife, the mother of his child…his soulmate…
Severus knew what he had to do.
"I've made my choice," he declared.
Smiling up at him the child nodded. Severus felt himself pulled backwards into a warm, welcoming embrace and the child began to fade away. Before the vision was completely gone Severus asked, "Who are you?"
The child smiled at him again, her eyes dancing with light and joy. "Your future. You're not lost anymore…"
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"Severus, wake up…wake up, Love!"
Severus opened his eyes to see a girl with chocolate brown eyes smiling down at him. A weird feeling of déjà vu hit him, but then he noticed the differences. This girl, no, woman's hair was a much lighter color, and her skin was a rich golden brown, unlike the small girl's. She much older then the child and obviously pregnant, but the eyes and the smile were the same.
Hermione smiled at her husband. He always looks so cute when first wakes up. Then she noticed a tear making a path down his cheek. "Sweetheart, what's the matter? Why are you crying?"
Severus caressed her stomach lightly and smiled. "Because I'm happy."
AN: Awww! ^_^ How sweet! I'm still wondering where that came from. That turned out completely different from how I originally planned it…darn plot bunnies! Ah well, I like it! So what do you guys think? Should I keep it up? The 'Precious Moments' series I mean, not this particular 'chapter', although now that I think about it I can use this as a reference point for a couple of the chapters I have mapped out in my head already…YAY! ^_^ My plot bunnies are relentless! Which is a good thing! Anyway, tell what you think! Good, bad, no comment, I should be drug out into the street and shot…what? Review! Review! I'm going to ask for at least 15 – 20 reviews before I post anything else for this, so get busy! ^_~ See ya next time!
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