Shadow appeared in front of the big fat tree and guess what, she had to go through yet another really long speech that she already knew almost off by heart!
Deku Tree: Well done Shadow. Thou hast—
Shadow: Oh great, here we go…
Navi: Don't be so disrespectful to the tree! (Hits her)
Deku Tree: Now I have yet more to tell ye, wouldst thou li—
Shadow: No! I don't CARE!!
Deku Tree: No Shadow, my time is short—
Shadow: Oh PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE don't say anything!! I know what you're going to say!! Some crap about the Goddesses and stuff right?
Deku Tree: Will you stop interrupting me you %^&*ing little %$$&^%$
At that point, both Navi and Shadow stared in disbelief at the giant stump.
Deku Tree: I mean, please?
Navi: (Unable to handle such obscenities (I think that's the right word) and covering her eyes) … The… The Great Deku Tree swore????? Again???
Deku Tree: Oh, stop acting so innocent you b**chy fairy!
Shadow: Hey! Oh crap I didn't censor that out! Great going you stupid tree, DON'T MAKE ME CHANGE THE RATING!!!!!!
Deku Tree: You can't stop me! B**ch! B**ch! B**ch! B**ch! B**ch! B**ch! B**ch! SEE???? I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!
Shadow: Okay, now you're scaring me…
Navi: Great Deku Tree!! Please! Stop the swearing!!! Won't somebody think of the children?
Deku Tree: Oh, stop ripping off The Simpsons! No one can stop me! I— Urk!!
With that, the Great Deku Tree died and went all black and horrible and set Shadow's Rumble Pak on overdrive.
Shadow: Great, I'm gonna have to buy some new batteries for that now.
Navi: O_O;;; The… He… It's DEAD!!!!!!!!
Shadow: And the winner of the 'Most Obvious Quote Of The Day' award is… Navi!!! (Sighs) Hey! I didn't get the stone! I NEED that!!
Navi: Hold on. (Flies into the dead tree and takes the Spiritual Stone of the Forest) Here you are! The Kokiri's Emerald!
Shadow: (Snatching it) Yes, I know that! Geez you are ANNOYING!! Uhh, I mean, thanks. Now! Let's go see Princess Zelda!
Navi: You're very… you… And by that I mean insane.
Shadow: I swear, the next irritating person to get in my way will DIE!!! You understand???
Navi: ……………………………………… -_o;;;
Shadow ran back through the path with the not moving Deku Babas and then some annoying person decided to block her way. Can you guess who it is? Yep, MIDO!!!
Mido: Hey you! What did you do to the—?
Shadow: Tree dead. You small. Me pissed. Get out of my way.
Mido decided not to be stupid and stay there after remembering what happened last time he got in her way. Then Shadow ran ran ran to the Lost Woods bridge with a lazy Navi trailing behind. There, she met Saria.
Saria: Yay! You're leaving!
Shadow: Isn't it, 'Oh, you're leaving'?
Saria: … Yeah, sure whatever you prefer. Anyway, seeing as the sooner you complete the game the sooner you leave, I've got something to help you!
Shadow: … Joy…
Saria: I want you to have this Ocarina, please take good care of it.
Shadow: Ohh, can't it be something else? Like something that has strings and makes GOOD music and is electrical? You see where I'm going with this?
Saria: This is a forest, you expect electricity?
Shadow: Yeah!
Saria: How?????
Shadow: Several reasons. Music's playing and I don't see a band so you must have a stereo somewhere here, I have a hyperactive fairy and she must run on SOME kind of battery. Oh yeah, and this is a GAME so therefore it needs it to run!!! And if you can't do that well, you're a Sage, can't you magic me one or something?
Saria: (After hiding the stereo) Okay, here you go. (An electric guitar that somehow doesn't need electricity appears)
Shadow: AWW YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Then, a little box appeared beneath her.
Box: You got the Funky Guitar! This is a gift from Saria to help you get lost faster! On the Select Item Sub—
Shadow: Oh… I can't STAND these tutorials!! Bye!!
Shadow and Navi both ran off into Hyrule Field. Saria stood there, waiting for them to disappear from sight.
Saria: Hey everyone! They're gone!
All the other Kokiri appeared from their hiding places.
Mido: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Let's PAH-TAY!!!!!!
In Shadow's room…Dark Angel: (Reaching for the power switch) This'll be interesting.
Guy: Hey? What ARE those Kokiri kids doing?
Dark Angel got up and looked at the screen. There she saw Shadow and Navi leaving the Lost Woods and a lot of green kids dancing and screaming at the tops of their voices 'Yes!! They're outta here!!!!'
Link: ……… Strange… I wonder if they did that when I left?
Dark Angel: I doubt it, but they probably did when Navi disappeared.
Guy: Oh, you're another Navi-Hater then?
Dark Angel: Yep! I can't stand the twitchy blob of… strange stuff.
Link: Who can?
Both Dark Angel and guy stare at him.
Link: What? What did I say?
Guy: Uh, huh… How long have you spent with Navi? You must like her!
Dark Angel: Or gone insane with immense amount of 'Hey's. Ugh… *Shivers*
Link: I am NOT insane! (Starts to run into the walls and screams) I need AP!!!!! I need AP!!
Dark Angel whacks him over the head with a controller.
Dark Angel: That's the wrong game! Since when do you play Legend of Legaia?
Link: Legaia? LEGAIA???? Who said anything about Legaia! I NEED AP!!! (Runs into the wall again)
Guy: Dude, that bathroom's that way (Points)
Dark Angel: Not that kind of P you moron! AP!!!
Ability Points!! (A/N: I
think that's what it is…)
Guy: Oh, then you mean Final Fantasy?
AP's in that, I think I got my Bahamut mastered—
Dark Angel: Yay for you… (Pats him on the head) If you don't know what Legend of Legaia is then, well, umm…
The doorbell then started to ring, which is strange seeing as I don't have a doorbell outside of my house, it's not even a house it's a flat!! And where the hell did that doorbell come from?????
Link: Ooooooo!!! DOORBELL DOORBELL DOORBELL!!!!!! (Runs off to answer it)
Another three of my friends where stood outside, Angel, Skye and Arikara (Another author buddy) all shivering.
Angel: Let us in!! Let us in!! Let us in!!
Arikara: It's cooooooooooooooooold!!!!!
Skye: Hold on, that's not Shadow…
All of them stared blankly at Link. Then Arikara, who knows how game obsessed I am, recognised him.
Arikara: Shadow? You dressed up as Link? I thought you were more of a Sheikah girl…
Angel: Oh good it is you, we can go inside right? Good. Thanks!
All of them pushed their way into Shadow's house, erm, flat, oh whatever, I'm just gonna call it a house from now on. Anyway, in they came.
Skye: You went into a lot of detail this time didn't you? You even got the ears!
Angel: What are they, plastic? Clay? Cookie dough? Mmm… Cookie Dough…
Skye: Let's see if she's got Ben and Jerry's! You don't mind do you Shadow?
Link: (Just going along with everything) Umm… No, go ahead.
Angel and Skye went off to raid Shadow's freezer, leaving Link alone in the living room with Arikara.
Arikara: So why did you dress up? There's not another fundraising event at school again is there?
Link: …… Yes.
Arikara: Really? I didn't know that.
Link: Umm… Well my teacher said there was gonna be one and I overheard him…
Arikara: Him? You don't have a guy teacher.
Guy: (From Shadow's room) Did someone call me?
Arikara: Who on earth is that?
Link: Umm, no one… No one at all, I…
Dark Angel: (Running outside to see who's there) Hey, Arikara!!
Arikara: Dark? What are you doing here? I thought you were out getting a skateboard.
Dark Angel: I did! Kind of… Well no I didn't because STUPID Link got the one I wanted!
Arikara: (Looking at him) What?? That's the real Link?? You're joking!!
Dark Angel: Nope! (Tugs on Link's ears)
Link: Oww!
Dark Angel: See?
Angel and Skye ran back into the living room with a big tub of Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream (I can really advertise…), armed with spoons and bowls.
Arikara: How…? What…? Why is Link here???
Angel: Oh that's Link? Then where's Shadow?Skye: Ahh who cares? That means more Cookie Dough for us!!
Dark Angel: Okay, let me explain… In Hyrule Field…Shadow had just run past Lon Lon Ranch with a fistful of feathers in her hand.
Navi: You didn't HAVE to attack the Owl you know.
Shadow: I hate tutorials!! They're just 'Blah blah blah, let me explain the same thing over and over even though you know it anyway'! Do you KNOW how annoying they are???
Navi: I gathered. Because of your hatred towards lectures you skipped the whole explanation of Hyrule's existence and now we have a half bald Kaepora Gaebora who wants to kill us!!!
Shadow: You worry too much, he never said he was going to kill us.
Navi: Yes he did!! He said quite clearly: 'You stupid little Sheikah £$%^&!!!! I'm going to $%&ing murder you!!!!'
Shadow: I'm pretty sure that there weren't any dollar bills or percentages in his speech…
Navi: Stupid!! It's called censoring!!! Do you want this fic to be any worse than it already is?
Shadow: My fic is NOT crap!!!
Navi: Yeah? Well because of your stupid story, I got stuck with YOU!!!! Do you know how much that irritates me??????????
Shadow: (Running over the closing drawbridge) I don't really care…
Navi: Hey!! Wait up!! Ack!! The drawbridge is closing on—
With that Navi got squashed and fluttered onto the floor. Shadow just sighed and picked up the flat-pancake-like fairy and shoved her in her pocket.
Shadow: (Laughing insanely) Hee hee!! Squashed-ded fairy!! (Runs into the door)
Guard: Man, the night shift is SO boring!! Hey you!
Shadow: Huh?
Guard: How about we let of some steam by breaking these jars? Or I can just stand here and watch you break them as I don't move at all during the first part of the game but ah well. Press A to—
Shadow: Excuse me?? Are you another person who's going to try to teach me how to do something that I already know? Please don't, because if you do I'm going to get very mad and maybe… umm, I don't know, but no one here likes it when I get mad. (Remembers what happened to Queen Gohma) Hee hee hee, staby staby!!!!
Guard: Okay, you're just a bit TOO freaky for me.
Shadow: (Smashing a crate and killing the Gold Skulltula) Ooooo!!! ^o^ A token!!! (Runs into the Market)
Guard: Strange twisted psycho…
In the dark Market (yeah, it's dark!) Shadow saw that there were loads of little dogs running around.
Shadow: Oooo!!! Cute little doggies!!! (Runs up to one)
After running into one of the dogs, it started to follow her everywhere.
Shadow: Hee!!! It liiiiiiiiiiiikes me!! I—
Then Shadow was cut off by the sound of some girl singing in a really out of tune voice.
Malon: Oooo oo oooooooooo!!! Oooo oo oooooooooo!!! Oooo oo ooooo oooooo oooooooooo!!!!
Shadow: What the heck are you SINGING????
Malon: Hey! Your clothes, they're… different. You're not from around here are you?
Shadow: Please, do I have to go through it again? Just give me the egg!!!
Malon: (Catching sight of the twin swords with Gohma's blood and a couple of feathers on it) Umm, okay… (Hands over the Weird Egg)
Shadow: Thank you!! (Runs off to the Castle)
So Shadow ran to the Castle, evaded the guards and snuck in (I really can't be bothered to go through it all, it's a fic! I can do whatever I want in this!) and low and behold, Zelda stood there, but Shadow couldn't be bothered to talk to her just yet, so she got out her Slingshot and decided to shoot things.
Shadow: (Shoots) Take that Ghoma! (Shoots) Take that deranged History teacher! (Shoots) Take that you stupid townie who hates greebos!!!! I HATE those sort of townies!!!! (A/N: Please don't make me explain what a townie is…) (Shoots window with Mario pictures in it) And TAKE THAT you stupid person who came up with the idea of this fic…. Oh wait, that was me.. oh well. OOOOOOO!!!!! 20 RUPEES!!
She picked up the rupees and then an evil thought came into her mind.
Shadow: (Thinking) I'm gonna smash ALL the windows, nee hee hee ha haa!!!
And then she shot the window with a vase in it and a stupid, slightly slanted guard appeared!
Slightly Slanted Guard: Hey you! Don't cause trouble! (Throws a Bomb)
Shadow: Oh yeah!! You come out here and say that!! In fact (Picks up Bomb) I'm gonna throw it back at you, you stupid little— (Gets cut off by the Bomb exploding during her yelling fit) …… That……. really…… REALLY…….. hurt….. (Collapses)
Zelda turned around to see a faintly singed Shadow lying on the floor.
Zelda: ? Who..? Who are you?
Shadow: …… (Not replying due to the fact that a Bomb exploded in her face)
Zelda: How did you get past the guards?
Shadow: (Gasping) I….. I thin… you need….. nuuu guardssss….. (Navi falls out of her pocket)
Zelda: Is that a fairy? Then, then you must be from the forest!
Shadow stood up, now she was the one who was slightly slanted.
Shadow: (Regaining herself) I wandaledda please.
Zelda: What? I can't understand you.
Shadow: (Shaking her head and getting very impatient) I. Want. The. Letter. Please.
Zelda: Huh? But I've got to tell you about the man with the evil eyes! And make funny noises when you say you won't keep my secret and don't believe me! Also, I have to explain about the Tri—
Shadow: NO TUTORIALS!! OR EXPLANATIONS!!! I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS OKAY???
Zelda: (Writing nervously due to the psycho that was standing before her) Okay okay, here you go, but if anyone asks I told you about the Triforce okay?
Shadow: And here I was thinking that it was supposed to be a family secret… (Spots Impa) Ooo! ^_^ Another Sheikah!!! (Runs over to her)
Impa: No explanations?
Shadow: (Shakes her head) Nuh uh. Just the song.
So Impa began to teach Shadow Zelda's Lullaby, after Shadow played it on her Funky Guitar and stared at it very strangely (trying to get into character here) they teleported out and Impa disappeared.
Shadow: (Looking around) Weird. I have to learn how to do that.
Navi recovered after having all the fairy breath squashed out of her.
Navi: Ooo, that was fun!!! Can we do it again????? Hey! Look! Listen!!!!!!!
Shadow: What's more worse than a caffeine-addicted, insane fairy?
Navi: A caffeine-addicted, insane fairy that has a tune stuck in her head!!!!!!! (Starts to sing to the tune of Happy Birthday) Link the Hero sure sucks! Link the Hero sure sucks!!! Link the HEEEEEERRRROOOOOOO sure does suck, Link the Hero sure sucks!!!!
Meanwhile, all of the crew are watching this happen…Link: (In shock) Navi, how could you betray me like this?
Guy: What?? You were the one jumping around shouting when she got squashed by the drawbridge!!!!
Link: Really, I don't remember. I have these memory lapses and they sometimes………. (trails off and doesn't say anything else)
Angel: Link?
Link: Huh, what?
Skye: (Sighs, hey that rhymes!) What were you saying?
Link: Oh I don't remember!!! Leave me alone! I need AP!!!
Dark Angel: Oh shut up! Guy, what he was saying when Navi got flattened was something along the lines of 'Oh YES!!! Thank the Goddesses!! The b**chy fairy is dead!!!!' or something…
Arikara: So, we gonna turn the power off or what?
Dark Angel: Let's see what happens.
So what's gonna happen then? Even I'm not sure (nah, I have loads of ideas, I just get memory lapses sometimes, they're quite…………………….) Anyway, enough of overused jokes! Next chapter up soon-ish. Thanks for reading, and might I say that because I'm listening to them at the time, Adema rock!!!!!!!
*~*~Shadow~*~*
By the way, anyone that saw The Lord Of The Rings, do you think that Legolas looks like Link?