A/N: I warned I might be switching points of view, and I am. This is from
Captain Archer.
***
My What?!
(Captain Archer's POV)
Doors. They always lead you somewhere. Even if it's somewhere you don't really want to be. I feel like a fool standing here in front of Trip's door unable to bring myself to ring the bell. Indecision has gripped me. This door -- I know where it will take me but I'm not sure I can face the destination. I've got Phlox's report in my hand. All Phlox's recommendations and all Trip's options written out in black and white. 'It's his job. I shouldn't be angry with him. But I can't help the way I feel.' Still I forbid Phlox from telling Trip. Pulled the "I'm the Captain. It's my responsibility" out and shoved it down his throat. I thought it really was my duty as Trip's friend. Now Trip has the right to know all his options and since I forbid Phlox, I have to do this. I looked down at my feet once more.
Expect the unexpected, my ass. How was I ever supposed to imagine this? I don't want to lose him but the only other way goes against everything I was taught. And what if this comes up again? We are humans. We can't just turn our emotions off. I've already seen some couples taking comfort with each other. I could feel a headache building. I rubbed the back of my neck. This is such a mess. We can't turn around every time someone gets in the family way. It's just the thing the Vulcan's will pounce on to show we're not "mature" enough to be in space.
Ensign Jarwarski turned the corner, hesitated when he saw me giving me a long look, then hurried on his way. 'That's it.' I reached up and pressed Trip's door com.
"Yeah. Come in." Trip sounded harried. I took a deep breath and entered. Whatever I had expected was blown away by what I saw. Trip was. cleaning his room! I've know Trip for a long time and he never lived in less than what I'd call "comfortable clutter", meaning every surface was covered with something, be it engine diagrams or his niece's paintings. The man just wasn't into neat and tidy. He'd given up years ago on cleaning and had basically settled on an occasional bout of recycling. It was down right strange to see him neatly stacking everything in neat little piles and heavens above -- dusting! I watched open mouthed as he dove under his desk with a rag.
"What's going on?" Amusement crept into my voice. Trip sneezed -- at least I assumed it was Trip because otherwise a creature had gotten lost in here, which had been known to happen with Trip -- and a plume of dust flew out from where I assumed Trip was.
"Nesting." Before I had time to question Trip's muffled answer he'd crawled out and smiled sheepishly at me. His features were covered in a fine layer of dust. 'I didn't know we'd been out here long enough to produce that much of the stuff. Maybe Trip's room is where it all goes, like that legend about lost socks.' I shook myself. I was stalling.
Trip didn't seem to notice my preoccupation as he'd already moved on to another project. "At least that was what my mother called it." He bent over to pick up some dirty clothes and for a second his shirt was drawn tight over his chest clearly outlining the bulge of the baby right below his heart. I felt MY heart drop to my shoes at the reminder of why I was here.
"Trip." He turned to me and I paused, unsure what to say. "Trip. Why don't you sit down." Even to my own ears I sounded like the harbinger of doom. Staring at me like I'd grown a third head, Trip dropped the rumpled clothes and slowly made his way to his bed. Trip never took his eyes off me, even when he folded his legs underneath him. I could tell his curiosity and dread were eating away at him, but I couldn't think of anything to say. It would be so easy to just hand him the padd. Let the cold medical facts break the news. I spotted Trip's chair under more clothing. 'Maybe this will be easier on me if I am sitting as well.' I jerked it, sending the clothes flying and dragged it over to face Trip. Sitting on it, I planted my feet and leaned in closer to my friend. He really looked confused now. I knew why, too. I'm usually more straightforward than this. I sighed and looked down at the padd in my hands.
"Trip. Dr. Phlox." I took a deep breath and continued. "He told me that if it's what you want, I mean after you have some time to think about it first of course, we wouldn't want you to make any rash decisions, but if you decide that you want to than he'll -- he'll perform an abortion." I let it out in a rush, more of a babble really.
"Abortions are illegal." Trip's tone was neutral. No feeling telling me how he felt one way or the other. 'Oh God, he might do it. I know how frantic he was to get rid of the baby before. Now here's another option to the same end.'
Inside, I winced. I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. "Not when it's a rape. It's your choice." I whispered. He was raped. Ah'Len never told him they were doing her race's form of sex. She told him it was a game. A man thinks they should be immune to rape so I imagine that it never occurred to Trip that he was raped. That realization was probably very harsh. It was for me.
Silence filled the room for a long time and I quickly glanced up at my friend to make sure he was still breathing. He wasn't. Before I could duck down again, his eyes caught my own. They were full of fury and I could see his jaw was twitching. When he saw he'd gotten my attention, he exploded. "My what?! Damn it Jon, even if it was a rape, which I doubt you'd be able to prove, why in Hell would I do such a thing! You know I love kids." I barely had time to think I was right about the rape and his denial before everything else sunk in.
I erupted out of my chair, full of guilt and fear. "Because you were trying so hard to return the baby to its mother! Because you were so embarrassed about the whole damn thing! Because they'll make you leave Enterprise!" The last one meant the most to him. Trip loved space, loved the unknown as much as I did.
Trip's face became very pale and when he spoke his accent was nearly gone in his composed speech. "Of course I was so eager to return it. I though she was not mine, that she'd grow up with aliens, having no way to relate to us. And of course I'm embarrassed, jeez Jon I'm the first man to get knocked up, on the first date even, don't you think I know what kind of jokes I'm going to be the butt of? As for leaving Enterprise, why should I? We're not a war ship out to challenge every race we come across. I know it's dangerous but is it any more so than cargo haulers? They take their kids with them and they don't have half the speed, weaponry, or hull plating as Enterprise." Trip reached up and laid his hand on my shoulder, a small smile lighting his lips. "Don't worry Jon. If I do get kicked off, that's where I'll go. They'll welcome an engineer with my skills. I won't be grounded."
I looked straight into the eyes of the man I'd trust with my life, my longest friend, the one who'd stood by me against all those opposed to my dreams. "I don't want to lose you." I whispered.
He shook his head ruefully. "Then don't. But I won't have an abortion to win this battle." I sighed and turned to go. I was partly relieved at his decision and partly worried. Now I had lots of long calls to make to keep my Chief Engineer.
"By the way Jon. What do you think of the name Danielle?"
Doors. They always lead you somewhere. Even if it's somewhere you don't really want to be. I feel like a fool standing here in front of Trip's door unable to bring myself to ring the bell. Indecision has gripped me. This door -- I know where it will take me but I'm not sure I can face the destination. I've got Phlox's report in my hand. All Phlox's recommendations and all Trip's options written out in black and white. 'It's his job. I shouldn't be angry with him. But I can't help the way I feel.' Still I forbid Phlox from telling Trip. Pulled the "I'm the Captain. It's my responsibility" out and shoved it down his throat. I thought it really was my duty as Trip's friend. Now Trip has the right to know all his options and since I forbid Phlox, I have to do this. I looked down at my feet once more.
Expect the unexpected, my ass. How was I ever supposed to imagine this? I don't want to lose him but the only other way goes against everything I was taught. And what if this comes up again? We are humans. We can't just turn our emotions off. I've already seen some couples taking comfort with each other. I could feel a headache building. I rubbed the back of my neck. This is such a mess. We can't turn around every time someone gets in the family way. It's just the thing the Vulcan's will pounce on to show we're not "mature" enough to be in space.
Ensign Jarwarski turned the corner, hesitated when he saw me giving me a long look, then hurried on his way. 'That's it.' I reached up and pressed Trip's door com.
"Yeah. Come in." Trip sounded harried. I took a deep breath and entered. Whatever I had expected was blown away by what I saw. Trip was. cleaning his room! I've know Trip for a long time and he never lived in less than what I'd call "comfortable clutter", meaning every surface was covered with something, be it engine diagrams or his niece's paintings. The man just wasn't into neat and tidy. He'd given up years ago on cleaning and had basically settled on an occasional bout of recycling. It was down right strange to see him neatly stacking everything in neat little piles and heavens above -- dusting! I watched open mouthed as he dove under his desk with a rag.
"What's going on?" Amusement crept into my voice. Trip sneezed -- at least I assumed it was Trip because otherwise a creature had gotten lost in here, which had been known to happen with Trip -- and a plume of dust flew out from where I assumed Trip was.
"Nesting." Before I had time to question Trip's muffled answer he'd crawled out and smiled sheepishly at me. His features were covered in a fine layer of dust. 'I didn't know we'd been out here long enough to produce that much of the stuff. Maybe Trip's room is where it all goes, like that legend about lost socks.' I shook myself. I was stalling.
Trip didn't seem to notice my preoccupation as he'd already moved on to another project. "At least that was what my mother called it." He bent over to pick up some dirty clothes and for a second his shirt was drawn tight over his chest clearly outlining the bulge of the baby right below his heart. I felt MY heart drop to my shoes at the reminder of why I was here.
"Trip." He turned to me and I paused, unsure what to say. "Trip. Why don't you sit down." Even to my own ears I sounded like the harbinger of doom. Staring at me like I'd grown a third head, Trip dropped the rumpled clothes and slowly made his way to his bed. Trip never took his eyes off me, even when he folded his legs underneath him. I could tell his curiosity and dread were eating away at him, but I couldn't think of anything to say. It would be so easy to just hand him the padd. Let the cold medical facts break the news. I spotted Trip's chair under more clothing. 'Maybe this will be easier on me if I am sitting as well.' I jerked it, sending the clothes flying and dragged it over to face Trip. Sitting on it, I planted my feet and leaned in closer to my friend. He really looked confused now. I knew why, too. I'm usually more straightforward than this. I sighed and looked down at the padd in my hands.
"Trip. Dr. Phlox." I took a deep breath and continued. "He told me that if it's what you want, I mean after you have some time to think about it first of course, we wouldn't want you to make any rash decisions, but if you decide that you want to than he'll -- he'll perform an abortion." I let it out in a rush, more of a babble really.
"Abortions are illegal." Trip's tone was neutral. No feeling telling me how he felt one way or the other. 'Oh God, he might do it. I know how frantic he was to get rid of the baby before. Now here's another option to the same end.'
Inside, I winced. I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. "Not when it's a rape. It's your choice." I whispered. He was raped. Ah'Len never told him they were doing her race's form of sex. She told him it was a game. A man thinks they should be immune to rape so I imagine that it never occurred to Trip that he was raped. That realization was probably very harsh. It was for me.
Silence filled the room for a long time and I quickly glanced up at my friend to make sure he was still breathing. He wasn't. Before I could duck down again, his eyes caught my own. They were full of fury and I could see his jaw was twitching. When he saw he'd gotten my attention, he exploded. "My what?! Damn it Jon, even if it was a rape, which I doubt you'd be able to prove, why in Hell would I do such a thing! You know I love kids." I barely had time to think I was right about the rape and his denial before everything else sunk in.
I erupted out of my chair, full of guilt and fear. "Because you were trying so hard to return the baby to its mother! Because you were so embarrassed about the whole damn thing! Because they'll make you leave Enterprise!" The last one meant the most to him. Trip loved space, loved the unknown as much as I did.
Trip's face became very pale and when he spoke his accent was nearly gone in his composed speech. "Of course I was so eager to return it. I though she was not mine, that she'd grow up with aliens, having no way to relate to us. And of course I'm embarrassed, jeez Jon I'm the first man to get knocked up, on the first date even, don't you think I know what kind of jokes I'm going to be the butt of? As for leaving Enterprise, why should I? We're not a war ship out to challenge every race we come across. I know it's dangerous but is it any more so than cargo haulers? They take their kids with them and they don't have half the speed, weaponry, or hull plating as Enterprise." Trip reached up and laid his hand on my shoulder, a small smile lighting his lips. "Don't worry Jon. If I do get kicked off, that's where I'll go. They'll welcome an engineer with my skills. I won't be grounded."
I looked straight into the eyes of the man I'd trust with my life, my longest friend, the one who'd stood by me against all those opposed to my dreams. "I don't want to lose you." I whispered.
He shook his head ruefully. "Then don't. But I won't have an abortion to win this battle." I sighed and turned to go. I was partly relieved at his decision and partly worried. Now I had lots of long calls to make to keep my Chief Engineer.
"By the way Jon. What do you think of the name Danielle?"