CHAPTER TEN: LUCID

Wesley was still seated at her side, making certain that the young Slayer was comfortable.  Or as comfortable as someone could be when they had a fever of 105.

He heard the girl groan and immediately he put down his book, taking the girls hand without hesitating.  He knew enough about the girl on the bed to know that she was comforted through touch.

Buffy groaned in pain and turned her head, trying to swallow even though her throat was excruciatingly sore.  She squinted and Wesley saw the look of confusion on her face.

"Wes?" she managed to croak out.

Wesley leant forward and patted down Buffy's forehead with the wet wash-cloth.

"How are you feeling?" he asked quietly.

"I feel as though my soul is being ripped out, piece by piece," she said quietly.

Wesley's eyes narrowed.  He recognised the phrasing. 

"I can feel my soul crying out," she said, tears in her eyes.

Wesley managed a small encouraging smile.

"He'll come back Buffy.  We're trying to contact him," he said.

She nodded and closed her eyes tiredly. 

Wesley looked up as he heard a quiet cough coming from the doorway.  Willow stood there looking worried.

"She just woke up," Wesley whispered.

Willow nodded and stepped forward, kneeling beside her best friends bed.

"Do you need anything?" she asked.

Buffy opened her eyes a little, the pain written there shocking Willow a little.  Had it always been there and Willow had merely never noticed it?

"Him," Buffy replied.

Willow shook back tears and smoothed a strand of Buffy's hair away from her face.  "He's coming, I swear it.  We won't let anything happen to you."

Buffy smiled gently.  "Miss him."

"I know," Willow said.

"Love him."

"He'll be back," she assured Buffy.

Wesley stood up and allowed Willow to take his seat.  "I'll be downstairs.  I feel the need for a cup of tea."

Willow smiled and watched as he left.  Buffy gave a tired grin.

"Some things don't change, huh?  Brits and their tea."  

Willow grinned and took hold of her friend's hand. 

"Why didn't you tell me Buffy?" Willow whispered sadly, not really expecting an answer.

Buffy sighed and closed her eyes.

"I didn't know, and then…the whole Glory thing came, and…then with the dying," Buffy said, trying to smile.

Willow nodded, understanding her friend's reluctance.

"But what about after?  I mean…you never said anything.  You never told me you guys had slept together."

"Only once.  We had to stop.  The Council…they came.  They woulda killed him," she explained.

Willow rubbed Buffy's hand soothingly.

"You're in love with him aren't you?" she asked.

Buffy gave a tired smile and managed to nod.  "Yeah Wills.  I am."

"Did you tell him?" Willow asked.

"I never got a chance…before the dying.  And after…I couldn't…we couldn't," she said.  "I was…a wreak.  And then he left."

Willow felt tears build in her eyes for the lost romance between two of her best friends.

"He wouldn't have gone if you'd told him," Willow said.  She almost immediately kicked herself for saying that.  She expected Buffy to tell her off for being so blunt, but Buffy just smiled a little.

"I'm not big into the emotional blackmail," Buffy said.

Willow nodded, mentally telling herself to think before speaking.

"I get it," Willow whispered.

Buffy smiled a tired but sardonic smile.  "Can you explain it to me than?  Cos I don't think I understand."

"He's coming back though," Willow said.

"Because I'll die if he doesn't," Buffy reminded her.  "I wanted him to come back because he wanted to, not cos he was forced.  I wanted him to come back and see that I was finally back to normal."

Willow squeezed Buffy's hand tightly, Willow's knuckles going white at the force of her grip.

"He'd be so proud of you.  He always has been," she said.

"I know," Buffy whispered, her eyes closing tiredly.  She tried to open the, but Willow put a gentle hand over her eyes. 

"Sleep okay.  You need to rest."

Buffy nodded and let herself drift back into oblivion, a weight lifted from her chest.  She was glad that the truth about her feelings had finally come out.  And as she slept, all she could see in her dreams was the night that had condemned her to this painful withdrawal from her Watcher.