Chapter 3: Gondola!
When the gryphon's wingbeats slowed to a stop just inside the entrance tunnel to Hades' abode, Cerebus jumped out and started barking...very loudly. Persephone screamed and clutched Hades before realizing she was doing so, to his immense pleasure. In the next instant, she acted on impulse and threw some glowing dust on the hellhound's noses. She usually used this stuff to make flowers grow, but for now it made a good hellhound repellant. Cerebus sneezed so hard they were all blown out of the chariot, and then whimpered as a bouquet of flowers sprouted out of all three noses. He then turned and scampered down the hall with his tail between his legs. Hades was impressed.
"I've NEVER been able to make him do that! You know, sweetcheeks, you're multitalented. Unlike THESE two..." he stuck his face close to Pain and Panic to emphasize his point. They smiled in a cheesy, nervous way. Persephone refused to return the sentiment.
"Whatever."
Hades' smile faded.
Meanwhile, Pain and Panic, Pleasure and Peace had started a fight morphing into various things and were holding up their progress. Pain and Panic turned into nets that they threw over the girls, but they turned into bees and slipped through the holes. Then, the boys turned into flyswatters to flatten them into submission, but the girls became themselves and tied the flyswatters into knots, giggling with not so innocent glee. Persephone looked back and winked at them. Even Hades had to smile.
"They need somebody to keep 'em in line. Good work, girls." Pleasure and Peace exchanged glances. That was NOT what they had expected to hear. They all started walking toward the river Styx to where a boat was waiting.
"How long does this 'date' last?" Persephone asked indignantly, kicking at a piece of hard something on the floor. It could have been a rock - it could have been a bone. "Let's get this nightmare over with so I can get back to my normal life. I'm used to blessing vegetables and frolicking in the meadow, know what I mean?"
"Oh, let me take a wild guess..." Hades paused in mock drama. "Forever. I hate to break it to you, Sunshine, but Morpheus' evil twin brother has booked you on an extended underground tour. You're here to stay. You're the Yin for my Yang, see what I'm sayin'?"
Persephone crossed her arms as they got in the boat. "I hear you eat worms." she muttered in disgust. Pleasure and Peace made a face.
"Ewwwwww!" they said in emphasis. Hades rolled his eyes.
"Where else ya' gonna find protein in a place like this?" he countered as the boat was pushed off by a creepy skeleton. "Besides, all you aboveground people eat are fruits and nuts. No wonder you're all nutty." He gaffawed at his own bad joke. "Nutty! Get it? I KILL myself..."
Just then, a slow song started up from out of nowhere and Hades started singing:
"They say I'm a baddy
Indeed, that's too true
But I've never met a goddess like you
I wanna be your sugardaddy
If only they knew
Bad guys have feelings too."
(Souls in the river rise up and provide the underground equivalent of the Muses background singing...I'll leave that to your imagination)
Pain and Panic manifest an organ and start playing an ominous song, cutting into Hades' crooning, looking back at Persephone and her friends with evil grins. A blast of fire from Hades cuts them short and he continues.
"Up there the sun's so bright you can't see
It's better down in the shadows with me
Why stay up there as Mommy's little girl
When in my world you can be totally free
Persephone, babe, I'll do anything for you
Bad guys have feelings too."
By this time, they had all gotten out of the boat and were standing at the entrance to what Pain and Panic jokingly referred to as the throne room. All eyes were on Persephone as Hades finished his song. "I'm deeply moved..." she said in an unconvincing monotone. "But no dice."
Hades flamed, then quickly supressed it. "Com'on, babe, gimme a chance." he said softly. "I've been reduced to begging. Me, begging a girl!" he added more to himself than to her. "Oy vei! Pain, Panic! Set the table!"
The pair materialized a buffet table with a full spread. Persephone was suprized to see normal looking food on it, but raised her eyebrow in suspicion. "You better not be trying anything funny here, Blueboy."
Hades did his best innocent impersonation. "Me?" he put one hand on his chest. "Of course not! I save that for Herc and his friends. Go ahead, dig in. I promise there's no creepy crawly stuff."
Someone had taken half a peach and put six pomegranate seeds around it in the shape of a smily face. Persephone had to giggle when she saw it, not recognizing the meaning of the number of seeds, or what eating them would mean. "Nice touch." she smiled hesitantly looking up at Hades. A slow and triumphant smile spread across his own face as she ate the peach until he literally glowed with sadistic pleasure.
Now she couldn't leave even if she tried.
When the gryphon's wingbeats slowed to a stop just inside the entrance tunnel to Hades' abode, Cerebus jumped out and started barking...very loudly. Persephone screamed and clutched Hades before realizing she was doing so, to his immense pleasure. In the next instant, she acted on impulse and threw some glowing dust on the hellhound's noses. She usually used this stuff to make flowers grow, but for now it made a good hellhound repellant. Cerebus sneezed so hard they were all blown out of the chariot, and then whimpered as a bouquet of flowers sprouted out of all three noses. He then turned and scampered down the hall with his tail between his legs. Hades was impressed.
"I've NEVER been able to make him do that! You know, sweetcheeks, you're multitalented. Unlike THESE two..." he stuck his face close to Pain and Panic to emphasize his point. They smiled in a cheesy, nervous way. Persephone refused to return the sentiment.
"Whatever."
Hades' smile faded.
Meanwhile, Pain and Panic, Pleasure and Peace had started a fight morphing into various things and were holding up their progress. Pain and Panic turned into nets that they threw over the girls, but they turned into bees and slipped through the holes. Then, the boys turned into flyswatters to flatten them into submission, but the girls became themselves and tied the flyswatters into knots, giggling with not so innocent glee. Persephone looked back and winked at them. Even Hades had to smile.
"They need somebody to keep 'em in line. Good work, girls." Pleasure and Peace exchanged glances. That was NOT what they had expected to hear. They all started walking toward the river Styx to where a boat was waiting.
"How long does this 'date' last?" Persephone asked indignantly, kicking at a piece of hard something on the floor. It could have been a rock - it could have been a bone. "Let's get this nightmare over with so I can get back to my normal life. I'm used to blessing vegetables and frolicking in the meadow, know what I mean?"
"Oh, let me take a wild guess..." Hades paused in mock drama. "Forever. I hate to break it to you, Sunshine, but Morpheus' evil twin brother has booked you on an extended underground tour. You're here to stay. You're the Yin for my Yang, see what I'm sayin'?"
Persephone crossed her arms as they got in the boat. "I hear you eat worms." she muttered in disgust. Pleasure and Peace made a face.
"Ewwwwww!" they said in emphasis. Hades rolled his eyes.
"Where else ya' gonna find protein in a place like this?" he countered as the boat was pushed off by a creepy skeleton. "Besides, all you aboveground people eat are fruits and nuts. No wonder you're all nutty." He gaffawed at his own bad joke. "Nutty! Get it? I KILL myself..."
Just then, a slow song started up from out of nowhere and Hades started singing:
"They say I'm a baddy
Indeed, that's too true
But I've never met a goddess like you
I wanna be your sugardaddy
If only they knew
Bad guys have feelings too."
(Souls in the river rise up and provide the underground equivalent of the Muses background singing...I'll leave that to your imagination)
Pain and Panic manifest an organ and start playing an ominous song, cutting into Hades' crooning, looking back at Persephone and her friends with evil grins. A blast of fire from Hades cuts them short and he continues.
"Up there the sun's so bright you can't see
It's better down in the shadows with me
Why stay up there as Mommy's little girl
When in my world you can be totally free
Persephone, babe, I'll do anything for you
Bad guys have feelings too."
By this time, they had all gotten out of the boat and were standing at the entrance to what Pain and Panic jokingly referred to as the throne room. All eyes were on Persephone as Hades finished his song. "I'm deeply moved..." she said in an unconvincing monotone. "But no dice."
Hades flamed, then quickly supressed it. "Com'on, babe, gimme a chance." he said softly. "I've been reduced to begging. Me, begging a girl!" he added more to himself than to her. "Oy vei! Pain, Panic! Set the table!"
The pair materialized a buffet table with a full spread. Persephone was suprized to see normal looking food on it, but raised her eyebrow in suspicion. "You better not be trying anything funny here, Blueboy."
Hades did his best innocent impersonation. "Me?" he put one hand on his chest. "Of course not! I save that for Herc and his friends. Go ahead, dig in. I promise there's no creepy crawly stuff."
Someone had taken half a peach and put six pomegranate seeds around it in the shape of a smily face. Persephone had to giggle when she saw it, not recognizing the meaning of the number of seeds, or what eating them would mean. "Nice touch." she smiled hesitantly looking up at Hades. A slow and triumphant smile spread across his own face as she ate the peach until he literally glowed with sadistic pleasure.
Now she couldn't leave even if she tried.