Chapter 4: Don't Call Me Babe
Persephone snapped her fingers, but no flash of light came. Hades smirked at her from across the table, sucking in a succulent worm casually through his puckered up mouth like it was a piece of spaghetti.
"Hate to be the one to tell ya this, babe, but your powers are null and void down here as of right now." He shrugged casually, enjoying her seething with every twitch of her face. "You've bought a one-way ticket on the Pomegranate Express."
Persephone stood up, breathing like a raging rhino. Her hair, which had turned a flaming blue like Hades' now that she was underground, flared like a mandorla around her pale form and knocked Pain and Panic, smoking, off their seats.
"DON'T .....CALL.....ME.....BABE!" she roared, sending up a small tsunami over the table that sent most of the food tumbling to wrap around Hades' neck. He just stared, flameless for once, at the goddess'es gaul. What a set'a lungs! It hadn't produced the effect she'd desired - all it did was convince him even more that she was the girl of his dreams.
"Did anybody ever tell you you're irresistable when you're angry?"
Pain and Panic, however, had taken an exit stage left, and Pleasure and Peace were cowering under the table.
Persephone drew herself up to her full height, which was still only at Hades' shoulder, and shrieked: "If you don't let me out of here RIGHT NOW, I'm going to feed you to Crebreus, then I'll put more flowers in his noses and make him sneeze you into the Styx!"
For a moment, Hades' guard fell down. A look of fear quickly crossed his face. He was still recovering from his dunking a few days ago and the memory was all too fresh. But he kept his non-chalant demeanor as he replied:
"Read the fine print, sweetcheeks. Six pomegranate seeds, six months here with me. Six with Mommy, capish?"
The realization she'd been tricked enraged Persephone to full battle mode, and knowing she'd been beaten, picked up the remaining pomegranate fruit and squashed it over Hades' nose. Now he looked like a clown from hell. "I see we're in agreement." he muttered powerlessly, cursing himself for letting a mere female stand up to him. "She hates me."
Persephone, meanwhile, was running through the tunnels, trying to remember which one they'd flown in when the blue bastard had kidnapped her here. When she got to the main cavern where all the tunnels met, Cerberus immediately jumped out in front of her, growling. He wasn't happy with the flower-nose-sprouting incident, and refused to let go of the grudge. Besides, as far as he was concerned, she was fair game.
"Cerberus, nice doggy..."
"RRRRR\RRRRRRRRRR!!!"
Persephone held up her hand. Afraid she was going to turn him into a Chia-pet again, he turned tail, whining down one of the tunnels. "Good doggy." Persephone grinned wryly. Now she was free.
Now if she could only find the way out...
She tried blasting a hole in the roof, but all it served was to sprout flowered vines along the arch. "Gives it a nice touch." she thought to herself, inspecting her work. "He could use a little greenery besides the mold down here..." The so-called "ecosystem" consisted of fungus, sulpheric acid water (from what she could see) and slime molds. What she would give for one of Zeus' lightening bolts right now. She slumped down against the wall, the full effect of her situation hitting her. She couldn't get out. She was trapped. Hades had actually been generous. After all, he could have given her twelve seeds and then she would have donned the goth look year round.
She knew everybody on Olympus and their dog was out looking for her by now. She had no idea how much time had passed in this dungeon. She had to admit Hades was one of the more...interesting...gods, although his dating techniques were aggressive. The guy didn't take no for an answer. Next time she saw him, which was hopefully from a great distance back home, she would tell him he needed to get out more. Like WAY out. Her boyfriend Hermes would be looking harder for her than anyone else. She knew he was out there right now, fluttering around like a moth on fermented wine. Hermes...
...as if on cue, the little blue god's voice suddenly sounded from the direction from which she'd ran. Catching her breath, Persephone thought of something. If she could distract Hades somehow and get him out of the room so she could go to Hermes...
Just then, Pain and Panic came skidding to a halt in front of her. They looked at her in terror. They were more afraid of her than their own master. She could use that to her advantage.
"Looking for me?" she smiled in mock warmth down at them.
"Uh, no, we were looking for the girls." Panic said, his eyes darting around.
"Yeah." echoed Pain, scratching his butt with the point of his tail. "We're playing hide and seek, only they're doing most of the hidin'."
They both cracked up. Persephone rolled her eyes before making her proposition. "Shouldn't you be looking for ME? Isn't that what Blueboy sent you to do?" she battered her eyelashes innocently. They looked at each other, a lightbulb going off over their combined heads.
"BOSS! WE FOUND HER!!!" they yelled in unison. Persephone saw her cue, and scampered out of the chamber to hide behind a stacalite in the tunnel near the throneroom where her Hermes now hovered, demanding her appearance from Hades. Oh, she was gonna give him one, all right. As the black cloud blooms of Hades' robe appeared around the corner, Persephone darted into the room where Hermes was, throwing herself on him and knocking him out midflight.
"Ssssh!" she covered his protesting mouth. "It's me!" She had to supress her own shriek as he grabbed her, smiling widely.
"Sephhy, babe!" He was sobbing hysterically, fogging up his glasses. "I'm gonna get you outta here. We've been looking for ya for DAYS! You're mom's so pissed she's put the whole mortal country on permanent hibernation." Persephone knew what that meant. It meant people were dying up above with no crops and nasty weather to boot.
"Take me up, Loverboy."
But when he flew to the top with her, his head came through but hers didn't. The resulting shriek of pain brought a raging Hades back into the room. He stood there, crossing his blue arms, black billows around him.
"Mind if I smoke?" he said casually, as his whole body suddenly erupted along with his following words. "TAKE A HIKE HERMES! SHE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" The little blue god shot up like a firework, landing right in front of Zeus' throne. "And it's a hole in one." Hades said smugly, mock-buffing his claws on his robe.
Persephone turned on him, her own form flaming. "I'm gonna KILL YOU!!!" she yelled, lunging at his robe to try to wrap it around his neck. "Better yet, my MOTHER'S gonna kill you!"
Hades had a tough time prising the enraged goddess off him. He had underestimated her strength and had to admit he'd met his match. "Hey, hey, don't touch the merchandise just yet." he teased. "Save it for our wedding night."
"ARRRGGGHHHH!!!"
Persephone had somehow managed to tie a pretzel over Hades' neck, and was now working on lethally tightening it, when Pain and Panic rushed in.
"Uh, I hope we're not interrupting anything, your Omnipotence, but your date's mommy is here."
Both Hades and Persephone dropped their wrestling match.
"Holy cornhusks." they both chimed.
Persephone snapped her fingers, but no flash of light came. Hades smirked at her from across the table, sucking in a succulent worm casually through his puckered up mouth like it was a piece of spaghetti.
"Hate to be the one to tell ya this, babe, but your powers are null and void down here as of right now." He shrugged casually, enjoying her seething with every twitch of her face. "You've bought a one-way ticket on the Pomegranate Express."
Persephone stood up, breathing like a raging rhino. Her hair, which had turned a flaming blue like Hades' now that she was underground, flared like a mandorla around her pale form and knocked Pain and Panic, smoking, off their seats.
"DON'T .....CALL.....ME.....BABE!" she roared, sending up a small tsunami over the table that sent most of the food tumbling to wrap around Hades' neck. He just stared, flameless for once, at the goddess'es gaul. What a set'a lungs! It hadn't produced the effect she'd desired - all it did was convince him even more that she was the girl of his dreams.
"Did anybody ever tell you you're irresistable when you're angry?"
Pain and Panic, however, had taken an exit stage left, and Pleasure and Peace were cowering under the table.
Persephone drew herself up to her full height, which was still only at Hades' shoulder, and shrieked: "If you don't let me out of here RIGHT NOW, I'm going to feed you to Crebreus, then I'll put more flowers in his noses and make him sneeze you into the Styx!"
For a moment, Hades' guard fell down. A look of fear quickly crossed his face. He was still recovering from his dunking a few days ago and the memory was all too fresh. But he kept his non-chalant demeanor as he replied:
"Read the fine print, sweetcheeks. Six pomegranate seeds, six months here with me. Six with Mommy, capish?"
The realization she'd been tricked enraged Persephone to full battle mode, and knowing she'd been beaten, picked up the remaining pomegranate fruit and squashed it over Hades' nose. Now he looked like a clown from hell. "I see we're in agreement." he muttered powerlessly, cursing himself for letting a mere female stand up to him. "She hates me."
Persephone, meanwhile, was running through the tunnels, trying to remember which one they'd flown in when the blue bastard had kidnapped her here. When she got to the main cavern where all the tunnels met, Cerberus immediately jumped out in front of her, growling. He wasn't happy with the flower-nose-sprouting incident, and refused to let go of the grudge. Besides, as far as he was concerned, she was fair game.
"Cerberus, nice doggy..."
"RRRRR\RRRRRRRRRR!!!"
Persephone held up her hand. Afraid she was going to turn him into a Chia-pet again, he turned tail, whining down one of the tunnels. "Good doggy." Persephone grinned wryly. Now she was free.
Now if she could only find the way out...
She tried blasting a hole in the roof, but all it served was to sprout flowered vines along the arch. "Gives it a nice touch." she thought to herself, inspecting her work. "He could use a little greenery besides the mold down here..." The so-called "ecosystem" consisted of fungus, sulpheric acid water (from what she could see) and slime molds. What she would give for one of Zeus' lightening bolts right now. She slumped down against the wall, the full effect of her situation hitting her. She couldn't get out. She was trapped. Hades had actually been generous. After all, he could have given her twelve seeds and then she would have donned the goth look year round.
She knew everybody on Olympus and their dog was out looking for her by now. She had no idea how much time had passed in this dungeon. She had to admit Hades was one of the more...interesting...gods, although his dating techniques were aggressive. The guy didn't take no for an answer. Next time she saw him, which was hopefully from a great distance back home, she would tell him he needed to get out more. Like WAY out. Her boyfriend Hermes would be looking harder for her than anyone else. She knew he was out there right now, fluttering around like a moth on fermented wine. Hermes...
...as if on cue, the little blue god's voice suddenly sounded from the direction from which she'd ran. Catching her breath, Persephone thought of something. If she could distract Hades somehow and get him out of the room so she could go to Hermes...
Just then, Pain and Panic came skidding to a halt in front of her. They looked at her in terror. They were more afraid of her than their own master. She could use that to her advantage.
"Looking for me?" she smiled in mock warmth down at them.
"Uh, no, we were looking for the girls." Panic said, his eyes darting around.
"Yeah." echoed Pain, scratching his butt with the point of his tail. "We're playing hide and seek, only they're doing most of the hidin'."
They both cracked up. Persephone rolled her eyes before making her proposition. "Shouldn't you be looking for ME? Isn't that what Blueboy sent you to do?" she battered her eyelashes innocently. They looked at each other, a lightbulb going off over their combined heads.
"BOSS! WE FOUND HER!!!" they yelled in unison. Persephone saw her cue, and scampered out of the chamber to hide behind a stacalite in the tunnel near the throneroom where her Hermes now hovered, demanding her appearance from Hades. Oh, she was gonna give him one, all right. As the black cloud blooms of Hades' robe appeared around the corner, Persephone darted into the room where Hermes was, throwing herself on him and knocking him out midflight.
"Ssssh!" she covered his protesting mouth. "It's me!" She had to supress her own shriek as he grabbed her, smiling widely.
"Sephhy, babe!" He was sobbing hysterically, fogging up his glasses. "I'm gonna get you outta here. We've been looking for ya for DAYS! You're mom's so pissed she's put the whole mortal country on permanent hibernation." Persephone knew what that meant. It meant people were dying up above with no crops and nasty weather to boot.
"Take me up, Loverboy."
But when he flew to the top with her, his head came through but hers didn't. The resulting shriek of pain brought a raging Hades back into the room. He stood there, crossing his blue arms, black billows around him.
"Mind if I smoke?" he said casually, as his whole body suddenly erupted along with his following words. "TAKE A HIKE HERMES! SHE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" The little blue god shot up like a firework, landing right in front of Zeus' throne. "And it's a hole in one." Hades said smugly, mock-buffing his claws on his robe.
Persephone turned on him, her own form flaming. "I'm gonna KILL YOU!!!" she yelled, lunging at his robe to try to wrap it around his neck. "Better yet, my MOTHER'S gonna kill you!"
Hades had a tough time prising the enraged goddess off him. He had underestimated her strength and had to admit he'd met his match. "Hey, hey, don't touch the merchandise just yet." he teased. "Save it for our wedding night."
"ARRRGGGHHHH!!!"
Persephone had somehow managed to tie a pretzel over Hades' neck, and was now working on lethally tightening it, when Pain and Panic rushed in.
"Uh, I hope we're not interrupting anything, your Omnipotence, but your date's mommy is here."
Both Hades and Persephone dropped their wrestling match.
"Holy cornhusks." they both chimed.