"Have you noticed how rainy it's been lately?," she said casually.
"Typical for this time of year. Being spring," Munch replied.
"It was just an observation." This led to another long pause. Fin motioned for another round of beers, but Olivia held her hand up to refuse. Finally, Munch brought up what they had been dying to ask.
"So, when can we expect you guys back at work?" He phrased it optimistically, unlike him Olivia laughed sardonically.
"My union representative took me out for dinner tonight. Trying to give me a last meal," she said sarcastically.
"What have they got on you?" Fin asked. She shook her head.
"Well, the Post's informant was using my name," she said. Elliot glanced up sharply. She still didn't know about the phone calls from her phone. She didn't know about the criminal charges.
"So what? It could've been anyone in the department," Munch said, "We were all talking about the Hanson case. Anyone could've overheard."
"Not officially. And that's all they care about. Even I didn't have access to the official information," Elliot said without thinking. Olivia looked at him, her face quickly draining of colour.
"You didn't?" she said. She realized the same thing they all did, that if he told that to the I.A.B., he would be reinstated and she would be booted. There was uncomfortable silence.
"I wouldn't tell them that," he responded, "I'm on your side. Either they bring back both of us, or neither of us." She smiled wanly.
"I appreciate that," she said.
"Look, we won't say anything, either. We know you didn't do anything," Fin said, looking at Olivia now. "But we've got to work tomorrow and I think I'd better go home." Munch nodded his agreement. Elliot stood up as they left and wobbled slightly getting off the stool. Olivia looked at him.
"I'll drive you home," she offered, noting that he had drank a bit too much.
"I told Kathy I'd stay in town. Besides, it's too far out of your way," he said.
"Oh. Okay. You can sleep on my couch," she said, not wanting him to be with her when she felt like this - so vulnerable. He followed her retreating form out into the rainy night.
***********
Olivia opened the door and didn't turn back to show Elliot in. He shut the door behind him. She sat down in a chair across from the window in the dark sitting area and leaned back, steepling her fingers. He understood that she was staying up in case he needed anything. He stood awkwardly, head foggy from the alcohol, and looked at her. Her eyes worried him, the way they were filled with pain. A few tears slid down her cheeks, reflecting the rain falling outside.
The words slipped out before the meaning reached his brain.
"You are so beautiful," he said. She stood up slowly and approached him. Then she took one hand and, taking his head, pulled his mouth down to meet hers. All he felt was a rush of warmth and excitement all the way to his fingertips.
***********
Submersed in her own feelings, she had forgotten that he was drunk and she was emotionally unstable. When she touched her lips to his, she also forgot that he was her partner, that he was married, that he was Elliot.....
She stared at him with fierce determination. He grabbed her and he kissed her back hard, smashing her lips against her teeth as he pushed her down on her couch. She pulled back slightly and met his eyes. He was solid and warm and sweet and confident, and she wanted him so much that her breath went. She needed this.
She shuddered as he eased his hand up under her breast and made it swell and harden. His lips moved down her throat and she sighed against him, drawing deep breaths and every breath made her want him more, and when his hand finally moved hard over her breast, now tender with heat, she moaned and pulled him as tightly to her as she could.
The weight of his hand made her catch breath as he unbuttoned her shirt. She arched back on the sofa as he fumbled with his belt, so alive and needing him so much that she couldn't lie still beneath him. Then he slid his hands up her sides and she clenched her teeth as he pulled her up to him, removing her shirt and bra. She fell against him and felt the roughness of his shirt against her breasts. Then she undid her pants and crawled out of them. He pulled her panties down and pushed over her again. It felt wonderful, but she needed him naked, too. She unbuttoned his shirt hastily and yanked it off him.
"Hold on," he said, and still holding her to him, he slid his hand between her legs, and his fingers felt so impossibly good that she cried out. He pressed her down on the couch, and she wrapped herself around him as his mouth found her breast, and he sucked hard while he stroked her.
She groped for a condom in her bag, which was nearby. She handed it to him.
He spread her thighs with his and she arched up at the shock as he went hard into her. It was primal and irrational and instinctive.
She pressed her face to his as his body rocked against hers, barely realizing he was kissing her as she gave herself up to the rhythm and mesmerizing friction of him in her. His hands and lips were everywhere and she could feel her blood pound and swell in her temples and her breasts and her fingertips, and finally, hotly, deeper inside her, tighter, until she broke and came hard, crying out as she felt the spasms take her. Elliot came shortly after, collapsing on top of her.
***********
Minutes later, she realized what she had done.
"Oh God," she moaned quietly. She pried herself out from under him and pulled clothing back on in a haze. "Oh God," she repeated in a whisper. She felt nausea sweep over her and turned back to look at Elliot. It was dark, so she couldn't make out the expression on his face, but he was picking up his clothes automatically. She couldn't find her bra, so she just pulled on a shirt, buttoning it clumsily. Tears blurred her vision as she left the apartment, slamming the door on what had just taken place. She didn't know where she was going. Somehow, she found herself in her car, pulling out of the parking garage. To drown out her thoughts, she turned up the radio to full blast so the music shook the car. It had all been one huge mistake.
************
Elliot's thoughts were beginning to come back to him, but he was having trouble processing the meanings. He was half-dressed, but he couldn't find his shirt. He turned on the light and looked around. Olivia's shirt was crumpled on the floor, which meant, oh shit, she must've put on his shirt by accident in the dark. Who knew when she'd be back? He had to get out of there, but he couldn't go back to Kathy without a shirt. There was another shirt in his car, which was still parked at the bar, so he called for a taxi and pulled on his coat, hoping no one would notice his lack of a shirt.
**********
Kathy had been asleep, but she awoke when Elliot came in. She came downstairs, rubbing her eyes, "Is that you?" She squinted into the darkness.
"Yes. Go back to sleep," he said.
"What's going on?" Kathy whispered angrily.
"I was staying at John's place, but he got called in about half an hour ago and woke me up, so I thought I'd come back here." It was a lie, but Hell, he had just made their entire marriage a lie. She moved to approach him, but he stepped back, afraid she would smell him and know. "I need a shower. Munch's place is a dump," he joked, "I'll try to be quiet." He could see her nod and head upstairs. He took off his coat and went into the bathroom. He had the time in the shower to think about what he was going to do. Eventually, he'd have to tell Kathy, but it didn't have to be now. She didn't need to know yet.
She was sitting on the edge of their bed when he came back in, wearing a bathrobe.
"I found out something interesting today, Elliot," she said. He could hear the excitement in her voice. He nodded, which caused a thumping pain in his head. "There's no way they can prove that you had access to the Hanson file - the information about the guy who did it. You never had it written down on anything, right?" She said.
"Yes, but I knew about it," he said.
"So? They can't prove it. You need to tell them you didn't know about it, Elliot," she said persuasively.
"No. Kathy, that would be a lie. Besides......," he trailed off.
"Besides?"
"Well, that would incriminate Olivia," he said quickly. Saying Olivia's name made his chest hurt. She had been upset and he had taken advantage of the opportunity. He felt like a real jerk for cheating the only women he'd ever loved.
"Maybe she did it," Kathy mused. Elliot stood up.
"She didn't do it. I know her. She wouldn't do it. I won't tell them I didn't know the information." His voice was firm. Kathy sighed.
"Okay," she said defeatedly.
"I'll sleep downstairs," Elliot offered, noting that they both didn't seem inclined towards the bed.
"Don't bother. I will," she answered. He nodded. He didn't want to argue again.
He heard her go downstairs. A few minutes later, he heard her talking, and realized she was talking on the phone. He couldn't make out any words, and he figured she was probably calling one of her friends to gripe about him. Their bed felt funny for some reason, so Elliot pulled up a blanket and slept on the bedroom floor.
**********
Olivia pulled into the parking garage of her apartment, her short-term anxiety appeased by the loud music and fast driving. She turned off the engine, pulled out the key, and stepped out of the car. She slammed the door, then felt a strong pair of hands slam her forward against her car, pinning her hands behind her back.
"Olivia Benson?" She felt the handcuffs around her wrists. "You're under arrest for manslaughter."
"Manslaughter?" She interrupted. He didn't answer.
"You have the right to remain silent....." She recognized the officer's voice, but she couldn't see his face. He yanked her backwards as he finished reading her her rights and led her to his squad car. Before he closed the door on her, the minimal light from the parking garage shone down on her. She looked down and began to cry - she was wearing Elliot's shirt.
**********