The Downfall Of Han: Part 2 (Section A)
**A/N: His Royal Cockiness is back! As with the first instalment, I don't hate Star Wars, it's all a bit of fun… Don't take it too seriously! All characters belong to George Lucas, yadda yadda yadda. Reviews equal cookies. =) ** PS: I know droids don't go to the toilet! And sorry about the double spacing.
Luke, Leia, Han and everybody's favourite droids, R2-D2 and C-3PO, are having a rare night off in a karaoke bar. Or so they thought… Obi Wan has just informed Yoda of an imminent attack by a group of not-so-inept Stormtroopers, and Yoda is on his way to warn them.
----Outside----
Yoda is struggling through the streets, heading for the bar up ahead.
Yoda: (to himself) Bloody Wan Kenobi. Now I'll never know who won on the Price Is Right. And the state of these roads! (stumbling over a stone) I haven't seen this kind of shoddy workmanship since Han tried to sell me that fake Rolex. (struggles on)
----Inside----
Luke and Leia and watching Han in amusement, as he belts out his version of 'A Little Respect'.
Han: (on stage, warbling) Ooooh, give a little respect…
Luke: (to Leia) What is he on?
Han looks down at the two of them, adopting a typically exaggerated rock star pose.
Han: (out of key, even louder) To-o-o-o-o me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e!
Leia: (trying not to laugh, yelling to him) You're doing great, Han!
C-3PO: (wandering over and waving his arms) Technically, your Highness, that would be known as lying.
There is half-hearted cheering as Han steps down from the stage, full of himself and his immense talents.
Han: (to no one in particular, self-congratulatory) Man, I rock.
Luke: (amused) Stepping down so soon, Han? You've only been up there for an hour and a half.
Leia smirks. Han narrows his eyes.
Han: (dismissively) When you've got talent like mine, Skincrawler, time means nothing. I would have asked you to come up and do a duet… but I didn't want to embarrass you.
R2-D2 beeps indignantly.
Han: (continuing) Anyway, I thought I'd better let some of the others have a go.
Leia: (rolling her eyes at Luke) That's thoughtful of you, Han.
Han: I've told you, Leia. You don't have to be so obvious about your feelings for me in public. You know it embarrasses me.
----Outside----
Yoda has almost made it to the door of the bar.
Bouncer: Good evening, sir. I'm afraid I'm going to have to see some ID.
Yoda: (chuckles) Foolish, you are.
Bouncer: I'm afraid I can't let you in without some proof of age, sir.
Yoda: I'm over 900 years old, you jumped up punk! Let me in!
Bouncer: Sir…
Yoda jumps up frantically to try and convince the bouncer he is indeed edging closer and closer to his first millennium.
Yoda: (jabbing bouncer with his stick) Just let me in! Don't you know who I am? Hmmm?!
----Inside----
An infinitely more talented singer has taken to the stage.
Han: (loudly) God. I can't believe some people have the nerve to get up and leave themselves open for public ridicule like that.
Leia: I thought they were doing pretty well.
Luke nods in agreement. Han rolls his eyes.
Han: Oh, shut up, Leia. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. There's only one thing for it…
Luke: (desperately) Han, please, just leave them to finish… You don't have to…
Too late. Han jumps up out his seat.
Han: Just leave it, Shittalker. (addressing the whole bar) Don't worry! I'm back! Coming through! (barging through the crowds towards the stage) Make way!
Han grabs the microphone from the current singer occupying the karaoke machine and pushes them roughly aside. He turns and beams at the audience, who groan audibly. Han holds out his hands and bows gracefully, under the impression the low rumbling is a show of understated appreciation for his intervention.
Han: And now, for my next song, a particular favourite of mine… Of course, I've had many girls say that this was recorded about me, but obviously I've had to let some of them down gently…
Leia: (holding her head in her hands) Please, God, no, not this…
Luke looks similarly horrified. C-3PO flails around wildly. R2-D2 beeps despondently.
Han: (brightly) 'I Will Always Love You'!
----Outside----
Yoda: Look, I have to get inside! My friends are all in there!
Bouncer: Lot of people's friends are in there, buddy.
Yoda: Understand, you don't! Hmmm?! We're in terrible danger. I've had news of a Stormtrooper attack, I need to get inside and warn them!
Bouncer: As far as I'm concerned, you're underage, sir. And this is strictly over-21s only.
Yoda: (grumbling to himself) Honestly, I've never seen such insolence. (to the bouncer) What's going on in there, anyway?
Bouncer: (gesturing to the sign) Karaoke night, sir.
Yoda: But… that means… (listening intently and catching a few bars of the Whitney 'classic') Yes! That… The singer! (grimacing) If you can call it that, he's whom I need to speak to.
Bouncer: I can arrange that, sir, if it would put your mind at rest. (out of sight of Yoda, rolling his eyes) I won't be a minute. (muttering to himself as he ducks inside) Bloody freaks. Honestly, they'll tell you anything to get in some nights.
To be continued…