Chapter 4 – Mall Mayhem
A/N: Sorry this hasn't be updated recently…I had a busy week last week…damn 'life' thingy…always sneaking up on me. LMAO. ^_~
"Isn't this fun?" Jeff asked as they sped down the road. She did not answer, but instead curled her fingers even tighter around his waist, so tight that her knuckles were purely white. "Relax. I'm an expert at this!"
"Not loving this." She squeaked, her heart pounding in her chest. He laughed.
"Maybe you should open your eyes." Jeff called back to her.
"And watch as we smash into the pavement? No thank you." She felt him turn. "Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick…"
"Well don't throw up on me!" Jeff cringed. "You're supposed to be extreme, how can you not take a motorcycle ride?!"
"Because I'm extreme, not insane." She replied with a pout. She finally let one eye open but only saw his back as she had made sure to be as close to the brother as possible. There was no such thing as being uncomfortable basically clinging to someone she barely knew. She didn't want to fly off the bike because she was embarrassed about it.
Suddenly they just stopped, the motorcycle coming to a halt. She did not dare to look where they were.
"Uh…you can let me go now…"
"Is it over?" she asked in a whisper.
"Yes, and I sort of need to breathe now." He pointed out.
"Sorry." She said before letting him go. He rubbed his ribs.
"Got quite a grip there."
"I choked people a lot as a child." She replied with a shrug.
"I wouldn't put it past you." He coughed. He lifted his shirt to glance at his stomach. "Jees! You gave me a bruise!"
"Can you leave the checking yourself for later?" she sighed. "I can get off this thing, right?"
"No, you're gonna stay here." He rolled his eyes. She sighed, cursing her luck of lack of normal people to go shopping with, and slowly got off the bike. She looked at it in disdain as he got off too.
"Where are we?" she asked.
"Nearby mall. I heard about it. Somewhere in here has to be the perfect dress for you." Jeff replied, sounding a bit proud of himself.
"This place looks like it could take days to get through!" she cried out.
"Well we better start walking!" Jeff replied cheerfully.
She trudged after the overly optimistic guy, wishing she had found anyone but him. First the motorcycle ride, now the whole fact she was going to be shopping in a mall that was probably worse then any maze she could ever be stuck in. She stayed near him, huffing when people smacked into her side (because it WAS the number one thing people were doing…getting in her way.)
"You have frustration problems, don't you?"
"No!" A mother of a child accidentally smacked into her. "HEY! WATCH IT!" The mother blinked rapidly and ran off as Sam smirked with satisfaction.
"I'm starting to understand why people don't like taking you out." Jeff stated, rolling his eyes.
"And what's that supposed to mean!?" she demanded.
"If I tell you the truth will you beat my ass in?" he asked.
"Probably."
"Nothing. Nothing at all." He said quickly., smiling innocently.
"I thought so. Let's just find a dress and go."
"Oh no no no, dresses are an ART!" he said in a fake French accent. "Not just any will do! Not at all! Especially for a wedding."
"Jeff, this is not that important, come on…gack!"
Jeff of course, who seemed a bit too happy about helping out, dragged her toward a store. "This looks like a fun place, I'm sure we'll find something here!"
It was proving to be a very boring task at hand. She blandly looked through the selections, saying no to each. She almost wished she had the dress she wore that Molly owned, but she had taken that back. It wasn't until a few hours into it that she found the one.
"This is it!" she cried out, snapping Jeff out of his sleeping-standing-up sort of daze.
"What?" Jeff asked, shaking his head.
"I found it! It's perfect!" she nodded proudly. He glanced at it and whistled in appreciation.
"You will glow in this one, Sam." He approved. It was a dress that was different shades of blue, but the way it was put together it was perfectly made. She looked for her size and took it, humming slightly. She could go to her hotel room and pretend this day didn't happen. It just boosted her spirits.
"Better try it on though." Jeff pointed out. She sighed at this, but nodded. It was just a precautionary chore, but she knew she had to do it. With much grumbling, she left to the changing room. After a second, Jeff followed, whistling some strange tune. It didn't take long for her to get a ticket and she left Jeff standing there as she entered the only remaining dressing room. She opened it, wincing at the fact that it had an open bottom.
"Cheap ass place." She muttered as she realized the door would not lock. This was probably why this one wasn't being used. She sighed as she kicked off her shoes. She looked at the dress again, and managed a small smile. In truth, she did not really mind wearing dresses…not that she'd ever admit that. There was a girlie side to her, after all, and that just happened to be the part. Just as she pulled her shirt over her head, she finally heard the commotion happening outside.
"Sir, you can't…" A rush of feet sounded, and she made the mistake of peeking out, forgetting to pull on her shirt again before doing so. Instantly the 'sir' appeared to her eyes…Jeff Hardy running like something was going to kill him. He spotted her looking and without pausing ran towards her. She stepped back in shock, and especially grew surprised when Jeff entered her dressing area, broken lock and all, and jumped into her arms. She caught him only on instinct, and was about to drop him and scream at him until he put his hand to her mouth.
"Jeff Hardy Jeff Hardy!" voices squealed. She struggled to keep him up as the patter of feet sounded. She almost shrieked into his hand when she saw someone peek under. The eyes obviously did not see Jeff, though, as it passed her room by.
"Alright girls, you have to leave now." The woman who gave her ticket suddenly said. A chorus of 'awws' sounded, and soon the noise died down and Sam was still standing there like a complete idiot, holding this multi-colored hair man in her arms while she didn't even have her shirt on. She dropped him after a very long pause, and glared at him.
"…The hell was that about?" she demanded.
"Er…your shirt…it…" She turned red and turned around, slipping it back on. "I'm sorry. Crazy groupies almost killed me…"
"Well in that case, they're gone…get out." She demanded with a huff.
"But they're obviously…out there….all ready to maim me with their insane minds…"
"And I'm gonna maim YOU with my fists if you don't get out!" she warned.
"Woah woah woah tiger, I'm serious. Those girls are SCARY!" he whimpered.
"Are you a man or a mouse?" she groaned. "They're a bunch of girls for christ's sake!"
"Squeak." He replied and Sam groaned.
"Out."
"No, don't make me…"
"Well we can't just sit in here all day!"
"I'm liking that idea…" he trailed off.
"I am not going to sit in here because a few girls want to grope you!" she stated with exasperation.
"Groping?! It'll be that bad?!" Jeff exclaimed.
"I am ten seconds away from…"
"Alright, alright, we need to sneak out though." He sighed.
"Sneak out, huh?" she asked, suddenly glancing at the extra clothing on the rack in her room.
"Wow that's an evil look what are you…" he stared in the direction of where she was looking. "Oooh no. No. No WAY!"
"They'll never find you this way…" she laughed evilly. "Looks like your size too…"
"It's a DRESS! D-R-E-S-S!" he exclaimed.
"I can spell, thanks. And you're quite observant. Yes, this –is- in fact a dress."
"I am not going to wear a dress, Sam. There's some things that I would never do…"
"Think of it as another step up in the originality department. Just put that thing on, hide yourself under that ugly hat over there, and we'll get through easy!"
"That's not original! That's cross dressing!"
"Details!"
"I can't…"
"And I'll wear your stuff and pretend to be you and run like crazy, thus getting you time to get to your dress paid for as well as mine and get out of there." Sam continued.
"You don't even look like me." Jeff pouted. Sam rolled her eyes and turned him to the mirror. They both stared at their reflection.
"Let's see…same hair color, same height, same figure…with the difference of one thing that can be covered up in your baggy stuff." She grinned.
He paused, staring at himself and then at her. With a long breath, he finally nodded. "Fine. But don't look."
"You rip your shirt off in front of more the a million people every week, and you're embarrassed with me?"
"Yes."
"Ugh. You are one strange person, Hardy." She whirled around, rolling her eyes. "Hurry it up."
She tapped her foot as she heard him fumbling behind her, and did as she promised until she heard a loud crash behind her. She turned around and stared down at Jeff who was basically fighting with the dress. It was over his head and he couldn't seem to get it down.
"Men." She rolled her eyes, helping Jeff up. She went behind him and unzipped the zipped, and it instantly fell to his shoulders and he could see.
"I knew that." He muttered, embarrassed. She zipped him up.
"There." She snickered.
"You're laughing at me." He groaned.
"No, not at all." She replied, trying not to laugh.
"I can't…"
"No no no, don't worry about it. You look…uh…cute…"
"I look like I'm wearing a dress." He replied, deadpan.
"And you are! See, your image is just right!"
"Remind me to shoot you when this is over." He grumbled.
"Alrighty, let's see." She grabbed his clothes. "Not too bad…now you turn around, Miss Jeff."
He glared at her and spun around, muttering to himself.
With ease she threw on his clothes; put on his cap. If she kept her head down, she really could look like Jeff. He turned around and stared at her a moment.
"Gees, you were right. If you had my beard, we could be twins!"
"I won't be growing a beard any time soon, sorry." She smirked. She walked over and swiped the hat that was on the rack that used to hold the extra dress and plopped it on his head. "Hide your hair as well as you can."
He sighed and did so, trying to look as upbeat as he could about wearing a dress. "Ready." He mumbled.
"Alright, I'm gonna take off….you pay for the stuff, here." She threw him her credit card. "Don't buy any more dresses now though."
"Ha ha." He glared at her. She pulled his cap down.
"Time to trick some teenagers." She said, giving a wink, suddenly finding the whole idea fun.
It was as Jeff had thought…the minute she went out the girls spotted him and the case began. Without worry, she sprinted out the store, the girls on her heels. She dodged people walking, easily keeping one step ahead of the insane girls. Well, that is, until she made the mistake of not watching where she was going for a minute and smashed into someone. She tripped and landed on the person, and when she opened her eyes she realized she had crashed into, out of everyone in the mall, Chris Jericho. They both stared at each other in shock.
"Look! It's Chris Jericho too!" it snapped them both out of it, and Sam jumped up, dragging Chris up along with her.
"Run now, explain later!" she cried, pulling him along. Confused and still a little dazed, he followed wordlessly. The two made it outside some time later, both out of breath and the girls still on their tails. "Where's your car!?"
"This way." He said, and Sam followed him there. They both ducked into the back seat when he managed to open it. Both held their breath as they heard the girls pass. After a few minutes, they heard their voices as they retreated away, giving up their search for them.
"Thank fucking god." Sam breathed.
"Okay, what the hell was that? And why the hell does it look like you're wearing Jeff's clothes?" Chris asked her.
"It's a long story." She coughed.
"Indulge me." He smirked.
"Well, those girls were after Jeff and…I put him a disguise and then dressed up as him to get the girls off his heels for a bit…"
"Disguise?"
"Dress. It's a nice dress…"
"He's wearing a dress?!"
"Yep."
"I HAVE to see this." Chris declared.
The found him by the motorcycle, holding Sam's clothes and dress, plus his own dress which was still on him. His face darkened when he saw Chris. "What is he doing here?"
"Nice dress Jeffy! It does your figure good!" Chris joked as Jeff shot him a glare.
"We can change in his car." She pointed to Chris. "The girls are totally gone."
"I think I'm going to crawl up and die instead, okay?" he grumbled.
Chris snickered as Sam just rolled her eyes at the now very red Jeff Hardy. Sam smiled to herself as they walked to the car, knowing that this was going to be one hell of a story to tell Rob later that night.