Chapter 12 – Realizations
A/N: Know it took long. Sorry. ^^
"She just completely knocked out three people in a row!"
"And one of them was her teammate!"
Sam smirked, flipping off the TV. Big deal, she went a little crazy. Again. In fact, she always seemed to have that sort of result when she wrestled. She had sent quite a few people to the hospital for night stays – from the WWF AND the Alliance – over the last month. And her popularity had gone from the highest it could be to the lowest it could be. She didn't care – and she wanted Rob. He had been managing to get out of matches against her from day one, and she never mentioned the fact that the minute he would face her, the minute she would stop destroying people left and right. She wanted –him- to figure it out.
He had given up trying to talk to her. She would either hang up, or not open the door, or…
Basically, it was a lost cause. She didn't ever want to hear his voice again, see him…and yet she wanted to hurt him, and she knew it would involve both things. When she was destroying people, she was either holed up in her room, or, even better – Raven's, which had become her safe haven since they had come to the agreement that she at least would respect him of all people. He would just let her sit in his room, hours at a time, sometimes let her even stay the night. Whatever she wanted.
She had figured out his motive for his niceness – or at least she thought she did – and it was because he wanted her to have at least some sort of human contact so as not to go all the way insane. She was dangerously near that point some days, some days she was farther away from the edge. The particular day had her away from in, less angry then usual. Raven sat up, glancing at her from the parallel bed.
"What did you shut it off for? My match is almost up."
"Why? Weren't you there to see how it came out?" she inquired sarcastically.
"Still, I'm not on TV enough to miss me." He pointed out. "Remember, not the main player here…"
"Mm, you're right." She flipped on the TV and instantly glared toward it.
"I think he's getting chubbier." Raven offered as she sat forward, her eyes not leaving the screen.
"Look at him, all fucking smiles. Can't fucking face me, the fucking jackass….I'm going to fuck him up real good, just watch, first fucking chance I get…"
"You know, you don't have to say fuck so much…"
"Shut the fuck up, Raven." She spat. He silenced himself.
She watched him until it was over, and she sat back sighing. Her hands were shaking, as if she had seen a ghost. Raven frowned toward her, getting up. He took the remote from her hand and flipped it off.
"No no, it's fine, he's gone…watch your match."
"I think we've had enough TV of that type tonight. How about we watch a non-violent comedy show about fellows from suburbia?"
He tried to sound optimistic, and his failure at that just made her scowl turn into a humored grin.
"The effort was noted, Raven."
"Good. Because I do not want to watch one of those shows. Idiocy is at its peak on them." He shuddered, sitting on her bed. "You okay? You're still shaking." She shook her head, falling back into her pillow. She turned to the side not facing him and stayed quiet.
"Fighting isn't going to stop the pain, Sam."
"Leave me alone." She muttered. "Go away."
"…This is my hotel room!"
"Oh, so you want me to leave now? Fine!" She rolled off the bed, collecting a few of her things. Raven pursed his lips, she was in that mood again. He caught her arm and spun her to face him.
"Sam, listen to me…"
"Let me go, Raven." She said coldly. "You want me to go, fine…no skin off my back…"
"When did I say that? You're putting words in my mouth!"
"You IMPLIED it!"
"I just said this was my hotel room, how is that implying that I want you to leave?"
"You had the squinty eye glare!"
"…Sam, I'm not going to even comment on how insane you sound right now." He groaned.
"It's true! Whenever you mean something else you have this look in your eye that just says everything that you're…why are you laughing?" Over the course of her explanation, he had started snickering, then full out laughing.
"Do you even hear yourself?" he asked after calming down his laughter.
"So now you're making fun of me…?!" She ripped her arm from his hand and went to walk out. Raven stopped her again.
"Okay, if it makes you happy, I was kicking you out and you have every right to be angry and I was just laughing at you. Okay, there, all your….are you crying?"
She turned away, her shoulders raising and falling as if she was trying to contain her quiet sobs. He felt bad at the outburst, knowing he should have realized how unstable she was after seeing Rob.
"No I'm not."
It wasn't too convincing, as she sounded like she was mid-sob speaking it. He sighed and put an arm on her shoulder.
"Oh, Sam…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you like that…" he apologized. She turned and looked at him with eyes that just broke his heart.
"Look at me, big bad Sam, reduced to tears once again." She sighed, wavering. Raven offered a hug and she accepted it warily, crying into his shoulder – literally, since, as usually, he wasn't really wearing a shirt. He made no face at it but instead held her close, trying to will the pain away.
"You let this pain rot inside you, Sam…it's not good for you."
"I hate him so much…he acts so fucking happy…"
"Sam, you need to move on. If you're not going to let him speak to you, it's not worth keeping all this anger inside forever. Let it go, you'll feel better…"
"Move on, Raven? MOVE ON? How the hell am I to move on? If I lose him, I have nothing left…no one likes me, I made sure of that. I dug my own fucking grave, now no one can hurt me because I'm already DEAD."
"I like you." Raven offered, though he meant it in a way he could never explain to her.
"You don't like me, you pity me." She sniffed.
"No…" he pulled her away so she could look at him. "I like you. I don't pity people, you know that's not my style." He led her to the bed she was sitting on before. "Why don't you go to sleep? I bet it'd make you feel better."
She sighed, loudly. "I don't want to sleep."
"Just a suggestion, you don't have to." He shrugged as she sat down, wearily.
"Maybe just…a couple of hours. I am kind of tired…" she mumbled. "But not because you told me to, mind you…"
"Of course not." He agreed. She pulled the covers out and nestled under them. She said nothing more.
He sighed and shook his head. He didn't know how he managed to calm her down himself sometimes.
~~
She got up early, around eight in the morning. In about five seconds, she had a realization that instantly excited her.
She leaped out of bed, stretching, getting all the kinks of sleep out of her. She had to tell Raven, had to tell him right then. And it couldn't wait.
She started with a few hard jabs in the side. He did nothing, didn't even respond. Basically asking for it, she opted for the other way…
"RRRAAAAVVVEEENNN!" she screamed in his ear, and instantly he popped up, then recoiled from her voice. The recoil caused him to fall off the bed in a flurry of pillows and bed sheets. She smiled and hopped onto the bed, leaning down to stare at his half-asleep self.
"Raven! You're up! Yay!" she grinned, and he just stared at her. "Raven, I had a breakthrough! Are you even listening!?"
"…You broke something? Whu?" he asked, confused and still woozy from sleep.
"Noooo, not broke something...breakthrough! I realized something just now!" She leapt off the bed, landing neatly on the poor guy, who looked as though he was going to have a heart attack or something like it. "And it's all thanks to you, Raven! Oh, I could kiss you!" she laughed. "In fact, I will!" And she did, pulling him into a joyful kiss in which he was so surprised he couldn't even respond. She broke it and hopped off him.
"S…" he choked out.
"No time to talk, Raven! I have things to do! Ha ha, things! I'll be back!"
And then she was gone, and Raven did nothing to stop her. He sat up, rubbing his head, the shock wearing off momentarily. "….Good morning to you too." He mumbled to himself, trying to stop blushing furiously.
She walked with a strangely foreign bounce, and most of the wrestlers who were up at the time that saw her just kind of stared and backed away. Why had she been so stupid? Why hadn't she realized it before? It was all there!
She didn't need him! No! He needed HER. She had people to date, to care about. Raven, for example! Rob didn't have anybody close like he was to her. He was never seen with any girls, she knew this. And he had made her think she was the weak one…once she started going out again…not only was it the natural thing to do, moving on of course, but it'd also kill Rob to see her happy without him.
On her walk to nowhere, she stumbled upon a small boutique, already open to serve, and knew what the first thing she was going to do. Walking in, she practically forced the lady to see her.
"Dye in black with red highlights, lady. Mess it up and I strangle you." She suddenly smiled sweetly at the woman when she sort of flinched. "Thanks!" She hummed a tune as the lady went to work. "This is perfect, you know. All the bad gunk in me…the hair will remind me of how I felt yesterday. But not anymore, you know." The lady sort of nodded. "Nope, I came to the realization – why be in pain when the other person is living it up? Fuck that shit, right? RIGHT?"
"Er…yes ma'am." She agreed half-heartedly.
"I can get tons of guys, not that I want too – but just the knowledge calms me." She relaxed as the woman worked on her hair. "And this guy doesn't have anyone close to him like I do. Not anymore. That'll show him, being a dickhead and cheating on me. Shit, and I was upset about that." She seemed to think. "Hey, you know, I think I just realized something again. All this time I was being mean to everyone, which I will still continue undoubtably, I've yet to appreciate the fact that one individual has been patient with me. Not even my cousin did that."
"That's…good?" the beautician offered, trying to make sense of her ramblings so as not to look like she didn't care.
"Not good. I definitely need to start being nicer to at least him. No more outbursts and all that. I did kiss him today…I think…that was kinda blurry, because I was really just running on excitement and not really awake…and it was kind of nice. It's amazing how little I noticed him…"
And she trailed off, saying nothing more, just sort of thinking to herself. She hadn't really had any deep thoughts since the incident, and now this one just popped into her mind once she opened it up. But she couldn't…could she? She didn't even know if he liked her anyway…no matter what he said, she still felt like a pity case to him. But then she kept thinking…she COULD get a couple of guys, even with her current state. All she had to do was lighten up a little. But why did she have to change for them when one could look at her when she was at her lowest?
All through that morning, she had been smiling for a fake happiness that would probably fade again. But at that moment, a real one emerged as it hit her – why still have feelings for the one that threw her away when she could try getting the one that was always there?
She left the beautician with her new hair color and a new way of thinking…and the drive to step in the right direction for once instead of fearing the road.