PoKéMoN
Poison Pairings – A Team Rocket adventure with a hint of QueerShipping
By BenRG
Legal Disclaimer
Pokémon, the Pocket Monsters, their human friends and enemies are all the copyright and trademark properties of Nintendo Entertainment, Game Freak Software, Creatures Inc., and 4Kids Productions. No violation of any legal property intended.
This is a non-profit work for free distribution through the Worldwide Web.
Author's Notes
There is no great inspiration for this story. It is the result of a debate on the Serebii.net Forums about whether or not Team Rocket are strong Pokémon Trainers and what (if anything) would improve their performance. This debate, and the plot of the Season 2 episode 'Wherefore Art Thou, Pokémon?' inspired this good-natured little tale.
This story is set about two-thirds of the way through Ash's Johto League journey, long after 'Forest Grumps' and shortly after 'The Heartbreak of Brock'.
QueerShipping is the belief that, if Jessie and James were ever to have a romantic relationship, Jessie would be the one wearing the pants.
Censor: PG – for some adult concepts and a little innuendo about unconventional relationships
Ages: Ash is 13; Misty is 14½; Brock is 18; Jessie and James are both 26.
Act 1
Team Rocket had landed their hot-air balloon outside the village. As their objective was re-supply rather than mayhem, they judged that their usual dramatic entrance would be counter-productive. Both humans and their Pokémon friend agreed that the village (a small town really) was a fairly normal place for this region of Johto. Most of the buildings were single-storey with wooden doors and roofs.
As they made their way through the village, however, something very odd kept cropping up. There were a lot of Nidorans, Nidorinos, Nidorinas, Nidokings and Nidoqueens in the village. "Dere are loads of poison-types around," Meowth commented, unnecessarily. Jessie and James had both noticed. "Maybe we should steal some of dem for da Boss!"
"Maybe we should wait until we've got our new supplies," Jessie suggested, kicking the cat-like Pokémon without breaking stride.
"Hey, can you blame Meowth for thinking ahead?" Meowth complained.
"Nidorans are dirt common," Jessie said snootily. "Why should we waste time with them?"
"Because we haven't stolen anything in months," James replied with his usual guileless honestly. This earned him a paper fan over the ear for his troubles. "Ouch! I'm sorry, Jess! Whatever it is that I've done!"
"Just be quiet, you idiot," Jessie sighed. In her head, however, she was admitting, ruefully, that James was right. It had been too long since they had successfully stolen any Pokémon for their boss. After that debacle in the Whirl Islands when they ended up rescuing the twerps, they needed to find something, anything, to regain his favour. That was the real reason that she got mad at James (no matter how bad it made her feel – hitting James was like beating a puppy or kitten). He was right and that infuriated her. Jessie sighed again. She didn't expect her life to turn out this way. It was supposed to be glamour and fame! Or at least doing something that mattered. Instead, she was wasting her life chasing a twerp and his pathetic electric mouse. The whole thing would be hilarious if it wasn't so pathetic.
Jessie turned around and saw James' usual mournful expression. "Get over it, James," she sighed. "Let's get into town and get the supplies we need." James visibly perked up at the possibility of 'food'.
James watched as Jessie turned and left. She was, of course, a fine example of womanhood, despite her nightmare-inducing resemblance to his sociopathic fiancée, Jessiebelle. Of course, James wasn't really interested in girls, as a rule. However, the problem was that he felt so comfortable around her. They had shared each other's fears, hopes and vulnerabilities to a degree that they had never with anyone else. They were emotionally intimate.
James shook his head. This wasn't the time to be thinking about these things. They still had to think of a way to get back into The Boss' favour. He should concentrate on that problem. His eyebrows raised in appreciation at the sight of a flower arrangement in someone's garden. Of course, there was nothing to stop him from appreciating the finer things in life.
~*~*~*~
"And two boxes of Pokémeal bars," Jessie added. She was in the town market, buying new supplies. As always, they had pooled all their limited financial resources in an attempt to get better quality foods. As always, it still wasn't enough. Jessie knew that, right now, James and Meowth would be working the crowds, taking whatever they could. At least, she thought unhappily, that was the plan. Whether her two colleagues were up to the task was another question altogether.
Jessie took the boxes of Pokémon food from the vendor and put them in one of her two carrier bags. She looked around the market, wondering where James and Meowth were. There had been a singular lack of uproar, making her wonder if they were all right. Finally, unable to take the uncertainty, she pulled a Pokéball off of her belt and released her starter, Arbok. The huge, purple cobra-like poison-type Pokémon materialised. "Arbok, dear," Jessie said. "Could you find James and Meowth for me?"
"Chaaarrr-bok-ah!" Arbok replied. The big Pokémon raised her head and tasted the air, her forked tongue flicking in and out as she sought the familiar scent of her Trainer's allies. Finally, the Pokémon pointed her diamond-shaped head towards the town square. Jessie set off, still wondering about the lack of uproar.
Much to her dismay, James was not engaged in any kind of criminal endeavour. He was standing at a stall, haggling with the man standing behind the counter. Whatever it was he was after, it was clearly important to him. Jessie couldn't remember the last time she saw such desperate avarice on her partner's face. Jessie's scowled. "What are you up to, you idiot?" she snapped.
James nearly jumped out of his skin. "Jessie! He has a 2030 Electabuzz Championship collectable cap! They made less than 3,000 of them!"
Jessie sighed and started counting in her head in a desperate desire not to lose her temper. "You were meant to be getting more money, you useless lump! Not finding new ways to spend it!"
"But Jessie! I've been looking for one of these all my life! I might never…" Jessie cut off James' pleas by grabbing him by the ear and towing him away from the stall. Then she saw something that only made her feel worse. Meowth was sitting on the edge of the fountain in the centre of the town square, eating an apple and looking generally nonchalant. "And why aren't you doing anything you useless cat?" Jessie growled.
"Meowth! I'm waitin' for Jimmy-boy to finish gettin' his bottle-caps so we can get started!" Meowth replied smugly. He finished the apple and carelessly threw the core over his shoulder.
Jessie's blood began to boil. "You mean, while I've been shopping for the last two hours, you two have done absolutely NOTHING?" she screeched. James and Meowth hugged each other in terror as Mount Jessie erupted with the loudest scream of fury that they had ever heard. After a few moments, she ran out of steam and collapsed onto the edge of the fountain. "Why do I bother?" she groaned.
James and Meowth looked at each other, surprised to still be in one piece. Obviously, Jessie was very tired, or she would have Arbok chasing them through the streets. "Er… I'm… I'm sorry, Jess," James said at last, looking and sounding like the very little boy that he still was, emotionally speaking. "I suppose that I lost track of time at the Collectors' Fair."
"Hey!" Meowth suddenly said. "Meowth's got an idea! Jimmy-boy! You said dat some of dis junk is real valuable, right?" James nodded. "Den we should steal some o' it. Maybe we can sell it on. At da very least, it would give us sometin' ta barter with!"
James looked excited for a few moments before he saw how tired Jessie looked. "Don't bother," she sighed. "We will mess this up too, even if you two imbeciles managed to come up with a decent plan."
James sat down next to his partner, feeling an unaccustomed worry for her. Jessie was usually the confident one who pushed them on with her belief, but today she just seemed tired. "Jessie?" he asked, a wealth of questions in his voice.
Jessie spent a few moments looking at her boots. Self-expression didn't come easy to her, and admitting a weakness was unheard of. However, when she finally looked up into James' concerned green eyes, she felt her hesitation vanish. If there was anyone she could confide in, it was James. He was the closest person to her in the whole world. Even if he was an idiot, he was also a good person, at heart. "It is… It was those Twerps," Jessie said at last. "When we got separated in those blasted Ursaring-infested woods." James nodded. He and Meowth had spent quality time with The Scrawny Brat during that misadventure and she hadn't made the experience a pleasant one. "The Little Twerp is so… so powerful as a Trainer. He has a strong, powerful team and he is making real progress while we are stuck in a rut. We are pathetic, James. We are nothings."
"Jessie, that isn't true," James protested.
"Yeah!" Meowth added. "We're Team Rocket!"
"We're not even that anymore!" Jessie snapped. She sighed and leant back looking at the sky. "We can't even make a success out of being thieves!"
James moved closer to Jessie and put his hand on her shoulder. "Jessie, whatever happens, I know that you will be able to turn things around," he said. "You are the strong, one, remember?"
Jessie looked at James and managed a single, rueful laugh. "Yeah," she said at last. She looked at James attempted reassuring expression and had to hold in hilarity.
~*~*~*~
The three friends sat in silence for a while before James looked away from Jessie. He hated it when his strong friend got so despondent. He wished that he knew how he could make her feel better. He saw a young couple walk past and noticed that the boy had a male Nidoran perched on his shoulder, and his girlfriend had a female Nidoran. "Young love! How romantic!" James sighed, distracted from his previous train of though.
"Oh please!" Jessie snorted cynically. She paused and looked at the two passers-by herself. "Have you noticed that every couple that we have seen in this town have Nidorans, or their evolved forms?" she asked at last. James nodded. "I wonder why?" she continued.
"I see that you have noticed our town's special feature," a voice said from behind them.
Jessie jumped to her feet in surprise, James jumped into her arms and Meowth jumped into the air and ended up hanging to the back of Jessie's head. "What…? Who…?" Jessie spluttered. "Get off me!" James and Meowth didn't need to be told twice. Man and Pokémon made a heap at the redhead's feet. Jessie looked at the man, noting with some nervousness the size and strength of the Nidoking standing behind him. "Who are you?" she snapped.
"I overheard you talking about all the Nidorans around," the man, a middle-aged man with white hair and shockingly electric-blue eyes. "We breed them here in Nido Town, you know. My name is Michael. I run the breeding centre."
"Really?" Jessie asked as her colleagues staggered to their feet. "Pleased to meet you," the three said in unison, bowing slightly.
"Maybe we can help you," Michael said. "Come with me." With that, he walked off.
"What is he talking about, Jessie?" James asked in a scared tone of voice.
"Meowth! Dere's only one way to find out!" Meowth said, and walked off after the man and his Nidoking. After a few moments looking at each other in surprise, the two humans raced off after them.
To be continued…