PoKéMoN
Poison Pairings – A Team Rocket adventure with a hint of QueerShipping
By BenRG
Legal Disclaimer
Pokémon, the Pocket Monsters, their human friends and enemies are all the copyright and trademark properties of Nintendo Entertainment, Game Freak Software, Creatures Inc., and 4Kids Productions. No violation of any legal property intended.
This is a non-profit work for free distribution through the Worldwide Web.
Author's Notes
There is no great inspiration for this story. It is the result of a debate on the Serebii.net Forums about whether or not Team Rocket are strong Pokémon Trainers and what (if anything) would improve their performance. This debate, and the plot of the Season 2 episode 'Wherefore Art Thou, Pokémon?' inspired this good-natured little tale.
This story is set about two-thirds of the way through Ash's Johto League journey, long after 'Forest Grumps' and shortly after 'The Heartbreak of Brock'.
QueerShipping is the belief that, if Jessie and James were ever to have a romantic relationship, Jessie would be the one wearing the pants.
Censor: PG – for some adult concepts and a little innuendo about unconventional relationships
Ages: Ash is 13; Misty is 14½; Brock is 18; Jessie and James are both 26.
Act 2
Jessie, James and Meowth stood in the middle of the pen looking around them in amazement. "I have never seen so many Nidorans in my life!" James squeaked. There were dozens of the purple and powder blue rabbit-like poison-type Pokémon running around them. As always, the male/female pairs were looking at each other in a love-struck way that plucked at the sensitive James' heartstrings. "Aren't they cute, Jessie?" he squealed.
"Pull yourself together," Jessie scolded. "You're an embarrassment to the uniform!"
Michael, still accompanied by his Nidoking, walked over. "So, what do you think?" he asked.
"Well, it is an efficient little operation, that is for certain," Jessie said at last. "You implied that there was some kind of secret to this though?"
"Well, not a 'secret', really," Michael said. "But these Nidoran are special. Unlike most of their kind, they are lightly psychic."
"Really?" Jessie asked. She shot James a significant look and noted the sly look he shot at her through the front fringe of his floppy lavender hair. The two of them smiled dangerously. Once again, they were thinking in unison. Unusual Pokémon meant something to steal for the Boss. Maybe even a way back into favour with him!
"Yes," Michael said. "My ancestors were amongst the first settlers in Johto, three centuries ago. The two of them were fairly isolated out here, and life was difficult. Eventually the strain of scratching a living from the land started affecting their marriage. Eventually, it reached a breaking point and they seriously spoke about breaking up and returning to their original homes."
Jessie, James and Meowth were spellbound. Michael had obviously told this tale before. He was so good that they could almost see the man toiling in the sun and the arguments with his wife. "What happened?" James gasped reverently. Jessie kicked him in the ankle in a long-established warning to be silent.
"Well, at the beginning of the last day, they found two Nidorans, one male and one female, injured at the edge of one of their fields. They took the Pokémon in and decided to heal them. Anyway, it was the start of the rainy season, and pretty soon it was essentially impossible to get out of the valley that our town is now built in. There was too much water on the steep slopes. Having no other choice, they worked together, first to heal the Nidorans, and then to train them to help them survive.
"But a strange thing happened. The Nidorans were obviously a mated pair, and as my ancestors worked with them, they started to feel the bond in between their Pokémon. Because the Pokémon spent all their time together, so their Trainers had to also. Eventually, they realised that their Pokémon were deliberately trying to keep them together so that they would be happy. They realised that they still loved each other and promised to stay together, forever, in their new home. And when they kissed, the two Nidorans evolved into a Nidorino and a Nidorina." Michael smiled. "So they stayed here and bred Nidoran. In time, people heard of the special powers of the Nidorans of Nido Valley and came from all over to get the blessing of these special Pokémon on their relationships."
Jessie blinked and came back reluctantly to 'here-and-now'. Much to her disgust, James was sniffling and wiping his eyes with his lace-edged handkerchief. "That was such a lovely romantic tale," James sobbed. "I love a happy ending."
"Don't be pathetic," Jessie hissed. She turned back to Michael. "What do you mean by the 'blessing'?" she asked.
Michael grinned. "These are very special Pokémon, Miss," he said. "They only come in male/female pairs, and they only accept as Trainers a man and a woman with a close emotional bond. They will bond with them and help them find happiness together."
Jessie nodded in a stunned way. It sounded like a fairy tale! "Meowth! Sort'a a Pokémon dating agency!" Meowth said smugly.
Michael laughed. "Sort of," he agreed.
Suddenly, Jessie noticed something. One of the purple male Nidorans was sitting at her feet and staring at her significantly. "What are you looking at?" she asked the Pokémon in a nervous tone of voice.
"Nido!" the Nidoran replied.
"She's cute," Jessie heard James say. "Jessie, can I please keep her?"
Jessie turned around to face her partner, who was holding one of the powder blue female Nidoran. "James!" she scolded. "Put that Pokémon down! You don't know where it has been!"
"But Jessie," James whined. "She likes me! She jumped into my arms!"
Jessie was stunned by that revelation. Wild Pokémon, and even those in breeding centres such as this one, rarely approached a human in this manner. "Nido!" said the Pokémon at her feet, and butted her ankle.
"Ow! Stop that you little beast!" she snapped. She knelt down and tried to get eye-to-eye with the little Pokémon to better scold it. Much to her surprise, it nuzzled her pointed finger and climbed up her arm and balanced on her shoulder.
"Nido!" The Nidoran cooed. "Nido-oh-ran!" Against her will, Jessie found herself stroking the Pokémon's rough, woollen coat. A rare genuine smile touched her lips.
"See! You can have one too!" James said, sounding like a kid in a toy store at the after-Christmas sales. Jessie tried to scowl, but ended up laughing instead. She loved it when James got so excited and bubbly. It reminded her that there were still good things in life
"Now that is odd..." Michael said, looking at the two Rockets in some disbelief.
Before he could complete his thought, a voice cried out from somewhere behind them. "Team Rocket!"
Jessie winced and turned around to see who had just spoken. Of course, she already knew what she would see. A boy, a girl and a young man stood at the other end of the enclosure. The boy had untidy black hair, topped with a red-and-white Pokémon League cap, chocolate brown eyes and wore a blue-and-white sports jacked over a black tee shirt. A Pikachu sat on his shoulder. The girl had shocking ginger-red hair in a weird sideways ponytail-like style and cerulean blue eyes. She wore a yellow tank top and jeans cut off at the thighs held up by red braces. She was clutching an egg-like Togepi to her breast. The man wore an orange tee shirt and a green body-warmer. He had spiky black hair and narrow oriental eyes.
"Oh no, not you again!" James and Jessie chorused simultaneously.
Ash Ketchum, Misty Waterflower and Brock Slate stared at their long-term nemeses distrustfully. Whenever Team Rocket turned up, trouble was not far behind. Finally, Ash stepped forwards. "I don't know what you losers want here," he growled, "but you won't get away with it! Drop those Nidoran right now!"
"Hey! Wait a minute!" James whined, an edge of panic in his voice.
"Don't say I didn't give you a chance!" Ash said, a dangerous glint in his eyes. "Pikachu!" Ash's yellow-and-black electric mouse jumped from his shoulder.
The girl, Misty Waterflower, pulled a Pokéball out of her shoulder bag and held it up. "Help them out, Politoed!" she cried.
Meowth, surprising himself with his courage, jumped in between the Twerps and his human friends. "Meowth! Hey cut it out!" she shrieked. "We ain't done nottin' yet!"
"Stop this right now!" Michael roared, stepping forwards. His Nidoking growled in agreement and lumbered forwards to glare at Ash and Pikachu dangerously. Pikachu shifted nervously. He was strong, but a large ground-type was a little more of a challenge than he felt comfortable with. "What is the meaning of this?" Michael continued. "This is a breeding centre, not a fighting arena!"
"These two people and that Meowth are thieves!" Misty, the more outspoken of the group, said. She pointed at Jessie and James. "Whatever they are doing, you can be sure that it is a bad thing!"
"Whether that is true or not, I don't know!" Michael said. "All I do know is that they haven't done anything wrong while you three were about to assault them for no reason! What do you have to say for yourselves?" The breeder placed his hands on his hips. "They have conducted themselves like civilised people while you have rushed in to condemn without evidence! You were ready to start a fight that could hurt these young Pokémon! You should be ashamed!"
There was a long pause. "I guess… we should have waited," Ash admitted at last. "I'm sorry." Misty muttered something that could be construed as an apology before putting away Politoed's Pokéball.
"That's better," Michael said, then turned to Jessie and James. "Now, sir, madam, if you will come with me, we will deal with the formalities for you to adopt these two Pokémon."
"Thank you, sir," Jessie said, sounding very reasonable. As Michael turned away, she, James and Meowth turned to the Twerps, pulled down their right lower eyelids and stuck their tongues out at them. Ash growled impotently and clenched his fists. Misty put a calming hand on her best friend's shoulder, although she wanted to pull out a Pokémon and wash those three dirty thieves away with a Water Gun attack or two.
~*~*~*~
"So these Pokémon are attracted to couples?" Brock asked Michael, sounding fascinated. "They actually bond with them and help them grow together as a couple?" Michael nodded. "Wow! I've never heard the like of anything like this!" Brock turned to where Ash and Misty were kneeling. They were playing with a good dozen Nidoran of both genders that had surrounded them. "Maybe you two should get one of these Pokémon each," he said, sounding teasing. "That would settle the question once and for all."
Misty and Ash both blushed brightly. They were still very young, after all. Talk of 'relationships' always made them feel uncomfortable. "Brock…" Ash protested.
"Brock, there is nothing for them to 'help'," Misty said, trying to sound angry, but looking down in a shy way. Brock knew better than that, of course. She had admitted it to him not a week before this.
Michael laughed. "The Nidoran only get involved when there is a hidden love to be revealed," he said. "In this case, I don't think that anyone really doubts the feelings of the principles of this little drama." Ash and Misty blushed even more brightly than before and looked at each other in a stricken way before looking away. Pikachu nearly fell form Ash's shoulder because he was laughing so hard.
Suddenly a shadow fell over the two young trainers. A tall man with brown hair and dangerous amber-coloured eyes dressed in a khaki shirt and jeans stood over them. He sneered at the two youngsters before looking at Michael. There were three other men, heavily built and looking very dangerous, standing behind him. "So, Michael," the lead man said. "Have you decided yet?"
Michael suddenly looked angry. "There is nothing to decide, Robert," he snapped. "This breeding centre has been in my family for generations, and I am not going to sell it, no matter what threats you make."
Ash stood up. Although dwarfed by the man (Robert?), there was a certain power about the boy that made him seem a lot larger and more dangerous than he actually was. "Who is this joker?" he asked.
"This, Ash," Michael said, "is Robert, the owner of a ground-type breeding centre in Sand City in the next valley. He seems to think that he can run this breeding centre better than I can."
"I don't 'think' anything, Michael," Robert said, the jovial tone of his voice not matching the dangerous glint in his eyes. "I know. You and your pitiful talk about 'bonding' have virtually bankrupted this breeding centre. You should sell to any paying customer, not just those who your stupid rabbits think are 'worthy'."
"If you don't have anything new to say, Robert, get off my land," Michael said, his hands clenched into fists.
Robert looked at the back of his left hand nonchalantly. "I had hoped to buy this place as a going concern," he said calmly. "But I am just as glad to buy it as an insurance write off." At a gesture, Robert's three companions released a Sandslash, a Rhydon and a Donphan. Robert himself released a Quagsire. Michael looked worried, and rightly so. Ground-types were highly resistant to poison-type attacks, and Robert's Quagsire had a big advantage against his Nidoking. "Boys, smash everything," he commanded.
"Oh no you don't, you big bullies!" Misty shouted, releasing her Politoed.
"Go Bayleef!" Ash cried, throwing a Pokéball. His grass-type materialised and immediately jumped at him, nearly knocking him off his feet with a playful Body Slam. "Bayleef! Heh! I know that you're glad to see me, but you've got to focus on the fight!"
"Don't hesitate, Quagsire!" Robert shouted. "Use Earthquake!" Quagsire jumped into the air and began to glow with a bright yellow light before coming down with a loud concussion. The massive omni-directional ground-type attack sent Michael, Ash and his friends sprawling. The breeding centre's buildings swayed dangerously and the young Nidorans fled in panic.
"Use Dig, Sandslash!" one of the toughs shouted.
"Use Rollout, Donphan!"
"Rhydon! Use Horn Attack!"
Sandslash's Dig attack undermined one of the smaller buildings, making it collapse. Donphan flattened another with its' rollout and Rhydon charged right at a third.
"Oh no you don't!" Ash shouted. "Use Razor Leaf on that Rhydon!" Bayleef span the leaf on her head and sent several razor-sharp leaves at the charging rock/ground-type. The grass-type attack slashed through the beast's silicate crystal armour and sent it sprawling with a cry of pain.
"Use Water Gun on that Sandslash!" Misty called out. Politoed attacked as commanded and sent the ground-type flying. "Yeah!" Misty cried out in triumph.
Suddenly a new shadow fell over the two young Trainers. A Golem stood above them, its' huge hands wrapped around their necks. "Recall your Pokémon," Robert growled. "I'm not going to let you ruin this moment." Pikachu snarled at the Pokémon threatening his friend. Robert laughed. "Tut-tut, little Pikachu, you can't hurt a ground-type, you know!"
Ash swallowed as the two Pokémon that had been knocked over by their initial attacks staggered back to their feet. Brock looked furious, but didn't know what to do, and Michael was too horrified by the sudden turn of violence to react. Now what? At that moment a new voice rang across the battlefield…
To be continued…