PoKéMoN
Poison Pairings – A Team Rocket adventure with a hint of QueerShipping
By BenRG
Legal Disclaimer
Pokémon, the Pocket Monsters, their human friends and enemies are all the copyright and trademark properties of Nintendo Entertainment, Game Freak Software, Creatures Inc., and 4Kids Productions. No violation of any legal property intended.
This is a non-profit work for free distribution through the Worldwide Web.
Author's Notes
There is no great inspiration for this story. It is the result of a debate on the Serebii.net Forums about whether or not Team Rocket are strong Pokémon Trainers and what (if anything) would improve their performance. This debate, and the plot of the Season 2 episode 'Wherefore Art Thou, Pokémon?' inspired this good-natured little tale.
This story is set about two-thirds of the way through Ash's Johto League journey, long after 'Forest Grumps' and shortly after 'The Heartbreak of Brock'.
QueerShipping is the belief that, if Jessie and James were ever to have a romantic relationship, Jessie would be the one wearing the pants.
Censor: PG – for some adult concepts and a little innuendo about unconventional relationships
Ages: Ash is 13; Misty is 14½; Brock is 18; Jessie and James are both 26.
Act 3
"Maybe Pikachu can't hurt your big rock-type!" A nasal voice rang out.
"But we can!" An upper-class female voice added. "Prepare for trouble, because bullies are something that we hate!"
"And make it double because we almost arrived too late!"
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples of our nation!"
"To denounce the lies of truth and love,"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket, blasting off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!" Jessie and James were standing on top of the breeding centre's single-story administration building. James was sniffing at his long-stemmed rose while Jessie was fanning herself in an aristocratic way. Meowth jumped forwards, but before he could so much as say a word, Wobbuffet popped out of his Pokéball. "Waaah-buffet!" he cried out before Meowth jumped on his head, forcing him out of the way.
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
"Who are you?" Robert snarled.
"Just call us passers-by," Jessie said with a coquettish smile. "After these people were so nice to us, we thought that it was only right that we repay the favour."
"Besides," James said. "I hate bullies and I always have!"
"Meowth! Yeah!" Meowth added. "Only Team Rocket gets to push people around in dis country!"
In the sudden pause, Ash was able to catch Bayleef's eye and pointed significantly at the Golem. A few moments later, the spherical rock/ground-type was blown off its' feet by a hail of Razor Leaves. Ash grabbed Misty and dived for cover. "Use Vine Whip on the Rhydon!" Ash yelled.
"Politoed! Use Ice Punch on that Sandslash!
"Donphan, destroy that office! Rollout attack!" The Donphan rolled straight at the office where Team Rocket stood.
Jessie smiled dangerously. "Wobbuffet, dear. Counter attack, if you would?"
"Waaah-baaah-feeet!" Wobbuffet replied with a salute. He jumped down in front of the charging Donphan and began to glow red-gold with power. Donphan struck with immense force and sent the psychic-type sprawling, but the Counter attack sent twice the impact power back at the ground-type, sending it soaring through the air.
"Go Victreebell!" James cried, releasing his grass/poison-type.
"BEEEEEELLL!" Victreebell screamed. Free of her Pokéball, she immediately demonstrated her love and affection for her Trainer by trying to eat his head.
"Mmmfff! Not me, you stupid weed!" James protested, muffled somewhat by the grass-type's bell. "Use Razor Leaf on that Donphan!" Realising that this was not the time for demonstrations of love, Victreebell spat her Trainer out and unleashed a hail of razor leaves at the Donphan, which was just getting to its' feet. The ground-type bellowed in pain and staggered back for a few moments before charging towards its' tormentors.
"Counter again, Wobbuffet," Jessie said with a sneer.
"Waaah!" Wobbuffet saluted again. The Donphan struck the psychic-type head-on, but came out the worst, thanks to Counter's dark magic. The massive ground-type struck the ground at the other end of the enclosure, already unconscious.
Jessie looked around at the melee, trying to judge the progress of the fight.
Ash's Bayleef was fighting Robert's Quagsire, Misty's Politoed was fighting with the Rhydon, and Robert's Golem was facing off against Michael's Nidoking. As she watched, Quagsire used Slam to knock Bayleef onto her back. As the water/ground-type advanced to finish the matter with a Head-butt, the grass-type reached out with her vine whips and lashed them across her opponent's body. Quagsire staggered back and, at Ash's triumphant command, Bayleef finished the matter with a perfectly executed Body Slam.
Jessie hissed in anger when she saw Golem knock Nidoking down with a Mega Punch. "James, we need to help Michael," she snapped.
"Do we have to go down there?" James squeaked. Jessie didn't bother to reply. She slapped him over the back of the head with her fan and ran off towards Michael, who was backing against the wall as a triumphant Golem (with Robert walking behind it) strode towards him.
"Let's finish this, Golem," Robert said. "Make the Master Breeder a permanent fixture of this site. Body Slam him into the ground!"
"Victreebell! Stun Spore Attack!" James shouted. The golden dust wafted down over Golem's head, making him stagger. The big rock/ground-type smiled in a stupid way and began to sway on his feet. Robert, a vein swelling on his forehead, turned to face Jessie, James and Meowth.
"You! What is this to you anyway?" he snarled.
"Why bother to ask?" James sneered. "You won't be here long enough to find out!"
"We'll see! Use Mega Punch, Golem!" Golem shook his head and turned towards the Rockets with a roar of fury.
"Counter attack," Jessie said with a broad smile as Wobbuffet stepped in between her and the attacking Pokémon. The counter blast sent the rock-type flying. It hit the ground unconscious.
"You… you… you…" Robert was nearly crying with frustration. Jessie looked over her shoulder and saw that the Twerps had finished rounding up his associates and had them surrounded. She raised a Pokéball. "You did very well today, Wobbuffet! Well done!" She swapped balls and activated the other one. "Now, it is your turn Arbok!"
A large, fearful droplet of sweat appeared at the side of Robert's face as the large poison-type slithered towards him. "Er… maybe we can cut a deal," he suggested as he joined his three angry but fearful colleagues in a huddle in the centre of the enclosure.
"Yeah, why not?" Michael said. Robert gave him a funny look. The owner of the breeding centre smiled dangerously. "You leave us alone," Michael said, "and in exchange, we don't humiliate you like this ever again. Nidoking, use Hyper Beam attack!"
"NIDO!" Robert and his fellow bullies had just enough time to scream in panic before the Hyper Beam struck and sent them soaring away into the sky.
"Looks like they're blasting off today," Jessie said with a smirk. She turned to James, who was recalling Victreebell. "Nice work, by the way, James. You really have been doing wonders with that thing recently."
"Thank you, Jess," he said, looking down shyly.
Michael walked over to the two Rockets. "I don't know how to thank you two," he said.
"I'm sure that you will think of something," James said, his smile suddenly slightly dangerous.
"Like maybe…" Jessie began and nodded to Meowth, who pulled out a remote control and pressed a big red button.
"Maybe youse can let us have all your Pokémon!" he laughed. Everyone looked up as the Team Rocket hot-air balloon soared overhead. A massive weighted net dropped down and caught all the young Nidoran, who had been huddling together in a group since the start of the fight. They even caught Michael's Nidoking.
"You can't do this!" Michael shouted.
"Actually we can," Jessie replied. "Nothing personal, you understand." She blew the man a kiss. Then she, James and Meowth jumped on a metal plank that had lowered from the bottom of the balloon. As soon as they were on, a powerful winch lifted the plank, with its' passengers, towards the balloon's basket.
"You won't get away with this!" Ash shouted. "Bayleef! Use Razor Leaf on that net!"
"Blast them off with your Water Gun, Politoed!" Misty added.
Jessie and James went for their newest Pokéballs. "Go Spike!" Jessie shouted, throwing her ball.
"Out you come, Bunny!" James added, throwing his. The two Nidorans, James' female and Jessie's male, materialised. "Use Scratch!" Bunny jumped forwards and sent Politoed staggering away with a powerful slashing attack with her sharp foreleg claws.
"Use Horn Attack, Spike!" Jessie commanded her Pokémon. The small purple-poison type charged Bayleef and sent her flying. "Now use Venom Bite!"
"Nido!" Spike cried, jumping forwards and biting Bayleef, injecting his poison directly into her. Grass-types are vulnerable to poison attacks, and after the strain of the previous fight, it was enough to make her faint.
"Oh no, Bayleef!" Ash recalled his friend to her Pokéball and turned to his first and best Pokémon, who was sitting on his shoulder. "Pikachu…" he began. At that point, Pikachu was plucked off of Ash's shoulder by a rubber hand at the end of a long telescoping pole held by Meowth, who had just scrambled into the basket.
Jessie was next into the basket, and she offered James her hand in a gentlewomanly gesture. James smiled his thanks, blushing slightly again, much to her amusement. "Okay, Bunny!" James called to his Nidoran. "Use Stink Spray!" The powder blue Nidoran turned around and sprayed something foul-smelling from glands either side of her anus. Ash, Misty, Brock and Michael staggered back, trying to breathe without inhaling the horrible stench. The smell was so bad that poor Politoed froze solid, unable to move or attack.
"We're winning! We're actually winning!" James cried excitedly, jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas day. Jessie rolled her eyes and nodded to Meowth, who took the balloon's controls. Auxiliary ducted fans folded out of the side of the bucket and added lifting power to the hot-air balloon as it rose away.
"Bye-bye, Twerps!" Jessie called out mockingly. "We'll give your love to the Boss!"
Misty's eyes were filled with tears from the horrible smell sprayed out by James' Nidoran. However, she could still work by touch. She recalled Politoed and released her Staryu. "Staryu! Use Rapid Spin on that net and metal arm!" she cried out.
"Star-yah!" Staryu cried out, whirling through the air like a giant, living Shuriken. The starfish Pokémon sliced through the net's cables and the metal arm holding Pikachu. It was suddenly raining Nidoran, and the small Pokémon fled for cover in all directions. Ash ran forwards and caught Pikachu before his friend hit the ground. The sudden change in the balloon's load made it jerk backward and sent Jessie, James and Meowth flying across the basket with a cry of surprise.
After a few moments, the balloon stabilised and Jessie and James' faces appeared over the edge of the basket. "You'll pay for that Twerps!" Jessie shouted. "Use Horn Attack on that Pikachu, Spike!"
"Use Scratch on that Staryu, Bunny!" James commanded.
"Use Thunder Wave, Pikachu," Ash countered, releasing Pikachu from his arms so that the little electric-type could face Jessie's Nidoran.
"Use Harden, Staryu!" Misty added. Pikachu generated a rippling wave of electric power that washed over Spike, overloading his nervous system and freezing him in position. Staryu sparkled with power as Bunny charged. Although the Nidoran's attack struck home, the water-type's hardened carapace easily absorbed the punishment. "Now, use Water Gun!" Misty ordered. The pressurised water jet sent Bunny flying away from Staryu with a cry of pain.
"Use Thunderbolt, Pikachu!" Ash commanded. The electrical attack flashed around Spike, making him squeal in pain and fall over onto his side. "Give it up, Team Rocket," Ash commanded.
"Never!" Jessie shouted as the balloon dropped down lower above the injured but still-willing Nidorans.
"Ash," Brock said quietly, "the reason that Robert and his friends brought ground-types…"
"I know, Brock," Ash said, pulling out his newest Pokémon. With a smile he thumbed the 'release' touch-pad. "I choose you, Phanpy!"
The grey-and-blue dwarf elephant materialised right in front of the two perplexed Team Rocket Nidorans with a little trumpeting cry of 'Phaaan!"
"Uh oh," Jessie said, realising what was happening.
"Okay, Phanpy, use Rollout!" Ash commanded. Phanpy rolled up into a little wheel shape and rolled forwards. He struck first Spike, and then Bunny, knocking them both flying.
"Use Stink Spray!" James cried out. Bunny obeyed, but the attack had no real effect on Phanpy.
"Use Rollout again!" Ash commanded. Simultaneously, Brock released his Onix and ordered an immediate Dig attack. Combined together, the two ground-type attacks sent the TR Nidorans flying into the air and back into the basket of the TR balloon.
Jessie and James reached for alternate Pokémon. Wobbuffet broke out of his Pokéball just as Jessie touched Arbok's Pokéball. "Waaah-baaah!" he cried out.
"Oh no…" James said, tensing all over and not bothering to touch Weezing's Pokéball.
"Pikachu, use Thunderbolt attack!"
"Pika… CHUUU!" Pikachu cried out, releasing a powerful electric attack. The electrical discharge flared around the three would-be villains and their Pokémon. The gas tanks for the balloon's propane burner exploded and they were all launched into the sky.
"Looks like Team Rocket is blasting off agaaaiiinnnn!"
"Waaah-baaaaaaaaahhh!" There was a glint of light against a metal uniform fitting, and then they were gone.
To be concluded…