~*~

Narrator: Since nothing worthwhile is happening at Pizza Cat Headquarters, we begin scene one at Mount Koochi. We are focusing on Guru Lou's secret laboratory where something sneaky and fiendish no doubt is taking PLACE!... And hopefully interesting otherwise scene one is going to be pathetic!

Guru: One drop of this red stuff and...YES! Finally my life's work is complete! Now I'm irresistible!

N: Not to mention desperate and in denial...

Guru: You think you're so smart don't you?! Well it just so happens that I'm devising a potion...

N: (bored) Anyway as we return to the Pizza Cat's...

Guru: (cutting in) WHICH WILL make girls fall in love with you on sight, no matter how boring, stupid or overweight you are. Of course it's known to cause hair growth in strange places and leprosy...

N: Are you done?

Guru: (annoyed) Yes!

N: Wonderful! We'll return to this desperado later… For now, let's see what our heroes the Pizza Cats, are up to. It looks like they have just received a letter of some kind. I doubt it's fan mail, I only get that.

Fran: (reading the letter) We are proud to announce that you have been selected to be a guest at Princess Vi's annual Little Tokyo Ball and....OH MY GOD!

Speedy, Guido and Polly: Are you okay Francine?

Fran: That spoilt little brat finally decided to ask us to her stupid Ball for snobs. This is the greatest day of my life!

Speedy: You're kidding? (snatching the invitation off Francine) She's not KIDDING! I get to go I get to go I get to go I get to go I get to go!

Guido: (slaps him on the head) Oh shut up!

Polly: That's great! I guess I don't have to brutally murder that brat tonight after all!

Guido: Vi's never invited us before, why do you think she's avoided us all these years?

Speedy: Ah, she's just jealous of our award winning acting performances.

Polly: (dazing) And our cute looks...

Guido: (smiling) Our charm...

Fran: Don't forget our 50% profit on all pizza cat merchandise!

All: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!

Fran: This is my chance to win back Bucky! I'm sure he will be there. Oh wouldn't it be romantic!

Speedy: (rolling his eyes) More like the grossest thing this century...

Polly: (whispering to Speedy) Why she would ever want to get back with her x-boyfriend I'll never know. I mean for one he's an elk…

Speedy: I agree. And the payment for cameos comes out of our salaries!

Guido: I heard deer is bad for your arteries.

Polly: That's only if you eat it, twit!

Guido: Oh, and what's Fran doing?

Polly: (speaking very slowly) D-a-t-i-n-g it…!

Guido: (shocked) How can she date food?!

(Al appears at the intercom.)

Al: AHEM…!

All: What's up Big Al?

Al: It's been brought to my attention that you received an invitation today from the Palace.

(Pizza Cat's nod in joy)

Polly, Speedy, Guido, Francine: We're so excited!

Al: Well it seems that something has come up. Princess Vi later decided today that you would be more useful as guards and waiters then guests, so sorry to get your hopes up but an orders an order.

Polly, Speedy, Guido, Francine: (eyes pop out of their heads) WHAT!!??

Fran: (rapid speech) But I have to go to that PARTY!! You don't understand Al I have to...well...you...see...I'd see him...and he's there and...well...my only...chance...to...ah...I'M GOING TO HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!

Al: (trying to take that all in) Pardon?

Polly: (coming into the scene now…) I knew Princess Vi would never really invite us! How dare she! That stupid little cheap shiii.......p, ah yes! Stupid little cheap ship! (?)

Guido: And I really wanted to take Luciel...

Speedy: (shoving Guido) You mean I really wanted to take Luciel!

Al: I'm terribly sorry but Princess Vi has insisted. Now I must go the tennis is starting...

Speedy: But Big Al!

Al: Oh I almost forgot! For your efforts you will be able to stay overnight at the Palace and the rooms include a hot tub, king sized bed and mini bar.

Guido, Polly & Fran: (suddenly very excited) OOOOOO! Mini bar!

Al: Complete with cable!

Guido, Polly & Fran: (utterly joyful) WOOHOOO!

Speedy: (who doesn't seem as pleased…) BUT BIG AL!!

Al: Oh shut up Speedy, what ever it is it can't be more important then Wimbledon! (Al disappears)

Speedy: Come back! I'm not through whining at you!

Polly: Speedy, don't worry! At least we get to spend the night at the Palace.

Guido: Yeah and it has a mini bar! I'm talking bags and bags of free peanuts!

Fran: And hours and hours of free CABLE!! And the SHOPPING CHANNEL!!

Narrator: But Speedy's mind was elsewhere and whereever it was it was not happy...

Polly: (scared) Ah, Speedy you look a little red...

Guido: (concerned) And that steam coming out of your ears that's not a good sign buddy…

Fran: (worried) I hope he didn't have curry again last night…

Speedy: THAT'S IT! (looking very pissed off) Now its PERSONAL!

(Polly tosses a bucket of water on his head)

Polly: Sorry Speedy but you needed that. You were getting freaky.

Speedy: (annoyed) You could have just offered me a glass of water or something!

Narrator: Speedy's blood pressure was definitely on a dangerous level so we may as well turn our attention to the Palace where the preparation for the Ball is taking place! And that high-pitched screaming you can here is none other then the cheery and charming Princess Vi!

Vi: Like they didn't know.

N: It looks like she is spending her time bossing decorators around and perfection must be dealt with care!

Vi: (yelling) I thought I told you to put the pinnate in the corner over there! Hey you! I said purple not green, PURPLE! What interior decorating school did you flunk out of!? I'm sending you to Prisoner Island, and you, and you to!!

Vi's servant: Your Hinas if we keep sending people to prisoner island there won't be any actors left in the series!

Vi: Who cares as long as I am in the spotlight its not really an issue is IT!?

Vi's servant: But Princess Vi...

Vi: SILENCE! I don't get paid to listen to your opinions! You'll just have to spend the rest of your life on Prisoner Island until you learn some manners!!

Fred: FAR-RED!!

N: In the mean time, the Big Cheese seems to be cheesy enough because like every year for the Ball this two timing rotten scheming rat minded villain who has a reputation for causing masses of horrible and costly destruction over Little Tokyo…makes strawberry punch!

BC: The finest strawberry punch in all of Little Tokyo! I think everyone should have a hobby don't you?

Jerry: Yes but couldn't you do something more practical like stamp collecting or building model planes?

BC: And I suppose choir lessons for 20 years is practical!?

Jerry: (blushing) Cheesy I told you that's a secret! Besides…it's an old family tradition and I'm too old to have my own life.

BC: Whatever. And anyway Princess Vi can't get enough of this stuff and I have to get on her good side. She's not going to be impressed when she finds out I borrowed her chapstick…

Jerry: Borrowed?

BC: Okay stolen! I'm not a saint I'm an over worked criminal!

Jerry: You're going to put me in a retirement home now aren't you…(looking downcast)

BC: Well the thought did cross my mind but then I figured you might be useful…

Jerry: Let me guess! You need me to help you create a sinister plot to crash the Ball?

BC: No I don't think we will be doing that.

Jerry: WHAT? But we always get to be the party poopers!

BC: (dreamy) I know but this year I just want to have fun like the olden days. Don't you remember Jerry when we used to go on picnics into the meadows, sing songs and...!

Jerry: (disgusted) CHEESY! Stop yanking my chain!!

BC: Well EXCUSE ME if I want to frolic down memory lane all I'm saying is the only thing we are going to do this year is make delicious punch, OKAY?!

Jerry: (under his breath) Must he always get his way?

Narrator: Well Jerry's contract does say he's the criminal sidekick. It's his life to be walked all over! Besides this, nothing much happened between the present and the party except for the following: Speedy grows even more wacko by the minute, Polly stepped on Francine's tail but didn't mind and Guido got stung by a bee…We may as well skip the hours to when everyone is arriving in suits and gowns for the night of a life time! Well, almost everyone. Here come the four happy souls now...

Polly: The thing I really hate about being a Pizza Cat is all these community service hours that keep popping up!

Guido: Can you believe we are bringing champagne? We're not even formally invited! And I was saving this for my bachelor party next Sunday…

Polly: Who's getting married?

Guido: No one…(smirks) I just like having a bachelor party every Sunday...

Francine: Al insisted that if we want to keep our jobs we have to bring some kind of food or drink.

Polly: (sounding unenthusiastic) We should have bought a packet of tic tacs.

Speedy: (whispering to himself) Revenge is mine, revenge…

Fran: There go my chances with Bucky. I can't let him see me in this daggy waitress uniform.

Guido: I know, you like a penguin.

Fran: Shut up!

Speedy: (getting louder) Revenge is mine, MINE!!

Guido: I think Speedy is sick, there is something not quite normal about repeating "revenge, revenge!"

Fran: Maybe he's auditioning for a new role as a homicidal maniac in a new thriller or something?

Polly: Get out of town!

Fran: Yeah you're right, he's just an idiot.

N: Mmmmm, I don't know why where shooting this next scene at the deserted, dark side of the palace. Nothing but vines, dirt and…wait a minute! An eerie, fat shadow has appeared…

Fat shadow: Heheheheh I'm genius, pure genius!

N: I should have known… It's none other then Guru Lou carrying a beaker. Doing our lab work outside today Lou?

Guru: Quiet you! My plan is so complex your mind will never grow the capacity to figure it out!

N: You're planing to sneak into the Palace, spike the strawberry punch with your love potion so that beautiful girls will fall in love with you at the Ball which you are not invited to because of your odor and because you look drop dead ugly in a tux.

Lou: (silent for a moment, then…) Well nobody likes a smart-ass...and I do not stink! It's just a rumor!

N: Oh yes, a rumor! I bet if I was on Mars I could still smell you…(chuckle)

Lou: (completely insulted) YOU-!

Narrator: (talking over him) MEANWHILE! The Pizza Cat's have entered the Palace! YAY!

Polly: Can you please chew your gum with your mouth closed or I will personally chew you myself!

Guido: Now that sounds like fun...

Polly: Grrr! (hit's him on the head with a frying pan)

Speedy: (still whispering to himself…) Sweet, sweet revenge…!

Francine: Polly, why did you bring a frying pan with you?

Polly: Don't ask questions.

Speedy: (shouting now…) "REVENGE!"

Francine, Polly and Guido: (frustrated) Enough with REVENGE!

Al: (appearing behind them) Well it's nice to see the four of you have arrived HALF AN HOUR LATE!

Guido: But you said 6:00 Al! See look at my watch it says 6:00pm, no kidding.

Al: (trying to remain calm) Guido when the little hand and the big are pointing to the number 6 it is 6:30, not 6:00! Okay...?

Guido: (scratching his head) Are you sure cause I thought...

Al: (annoyed) LOOK, you're just lucky Princess Vi didn't find out otherwise you would all be pushing boulders on Prisoner Island by now!

Fran: (sarcastic) Well we're sorry about being late Al. I mean we were soooooo looking forward to helping the wonderful and lovely Princess Vi on this night of all nights...!

Al: I'm happy to see you take your work very seriously Francine. Maybe I should put you on the list for the after party clean up crew.

Fran: (not very happy about this) WHAT!?

(Guido blows a bubble and it explodes all over his face)

Al: Guido are you chewing gum?

Guido: (trying to look innocent) No sir…

N: After 15 minuets of hard scrubbing with soap and water to remove the gum from Guido's face, our heroes were assigned to their jobs. Guido, Polly and Speedy were sent to work in the newly built security room for security reasons (duh!), and Francine is doing glamorous work as a waitress serving hors d'oeuves…all by her little self!

Fran: You just had to rub it in, didn't you!?

N: Did I mention you look like a penguin?

Fran: (upset) Go away! I had to listen to that one ten times already!

N: Well there are more exciting things happening. Princess Vi is about to begin her opening speech from an outside stage. She is surrounded by a large crowd of guests and if you look closely, you just might happen to see the B-team, Mother and Junior, the Big Cheese, Badbird, Fred, Empress Freda, Speedy...SPEEDY?! What are you doing here?! The script says very clearly that in this scene Speedy is supposed to be in the security room with Guido and Polly!

Speedy: (looking sinister) REVENGE!

N: I see...The writers have really put some imagination in your lines Speedy. Still, I wonder what he's up to...

Vi: EVERYBODY SHUT UP and welcome to this years Ball! I'm so happy you could join

us. The main highlight, apart from me, is our magnificent collection of wine and champagne from around the world! It cost thousands of dollars so you BETTER DAMN ENJOY IT! So don't waste, have a taste! But do be sure to spit it back out in the buckets proived…we don't want any drunks tonight! (laughs at her own joke)

N: She's such a crazy loon, isn't she? Speaking of crazy loons, I can see Guru Lou hovering over the secluded table of Princess Vi's expensive beverages.

Guru: SSHH! You fool! This is where my plan comes to a climax! See this red bottle that smells like burning tar? This is my ticket to paradise! And to make sure nothing goes wrong, I can't let a soul see me! Not a single...uh oh!

(Lou ducks behind a chair but leaves the potion on the table)

Speedy: (who suddenly appeared) Well, well! Princess Vi's precious beverages! Wouldn't it be terrible if they all just disappeared all of a sudden? It would be such a waste...

(Speedy pulls out a garbage bag)

Speedy: I'll shove as many of these stupid bottles into this bag as I can, and then drink them myself! I'll show her what happens when you mess with Speedy Eugene Cerviche's social life!!

N: Your middle name is Eugene?! Wait until I tell everyone this!

Speedy: I'll just drink some of this vodka for the road… (guzzles it down) And dip some in this punch…(pours vodka into the strawberry punch) That outta give it a kick!

Guru: (from behind the chair) ACHOOOO!!

Speedy: (turns around, alarmed) Whose there show yourself!

Guru: (pops up from behind the chair) Hehe hi there Speedy! How are you tonight?

Speedy: (hiding the garbage bag behind his back) Ah…I'm fine Lou, ah and you?

Guru: (sweating) Oh I'm fine, nothing suspicious going on around here, right?

Speedy: Right! Sure! Absolutely nothing. Just admiring Vi's selection of drinks there's quite a few hehe...(although there were only now five remaining on the table…)

Guru: (clearing his throat) Yes what a…nice bunch…of…ah…drinks they are!

Speedy: (slowly walking away) Yeah well...I'd better...go now. It was nice talking to you bye bye! (runs off)

Guru: Phew! That kids never been too bright. He didn't suspect a thing. Now, back to business. Where's that potion?…mmmmm, where is it?...WHERE IS IT?! Oh dear...

N: I might as well inform you that Speedy has collected most of the bottles off the table for his own personal use and has already spiked the strawberry punch.

Guru: With the potion?

N: No with good old alcohol.

Guru: I have to find him! Who knows what could happen if it falls into the wrong hands? Why if worst comes to worst, just about ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN!

- TO BE CONTINUED! -

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