"Blue Lady Confessionals"
Disclaimer: See chapter 1
I had full and complete intentions to follow through with my mission. FULL INTENTIONS. I just got distracted. I went into heat. I didn't have time to call Zack, I still didn't know the signs until too late. And Zane wasn't there for me.
The guy's name was Ryan. 6'1", blond hair, hazel eyes, nicely built, eighteen years old, and rough neck. He worked in a factory of some sort.
I told him I was sixteen, he believed it. I was tall enough, attractive enough.
When Zane had been gentle, Ryan had been rougher. I had only had slow passionate love making, not the heated passion that I got with Ryan. He was more experienced too. It was a different type of love with him. It was physical. Our whole relationship was physical. It's really all we had, but part of me wanted it that way.
I knew it wasn't really love but I let myself believe it was. I let myself fall really hard for him. And I could only prove that to him by having sex with him. A lot of sex. Every night and whenever he wanted it. I became his slut. Brin's clothes that she had bought for me went to the bottom of a bag that I kept in my closet.
I wore tight, low jeans, cute but sexy tops that revealed more than I had, and my hair was getting long again, but sexy. My whole look was sexy. Not bad ass sexy, but sluty sexy. I looked like the type of girl that would give head at the drop of a dime and the sick thing was I would. I did. I became the slut that Ryan wanted me to be. And all in the name of "love".
I was laying in Ryan's bed, naked. He was asleep and still sweating. I had long since stopped feeling dirty about fucking him. Since that's what it was, we didn't make love. We fucked. It was a stress reliever, angst remover, no love. Not much anyway.
I watched the lights dance on his ceiling. He rolled over and put his hand on my breast and thumbed it. I knew he was more awake than he was letting on. "Hey baby." I said.
"Hey. god you're amazing."
*I'm not amazing, I just fuck amazingly.* I thought with a mixture of disgust and pride.
He leaned over and kissed me. I returned the kiss, trying to put passion into it, but there was none to be had, so it just became a cue for him to screw me again.
Again he fell asleep right after, barely half an hour later he was done and now he was asleep. I heard a soft ringing and I got out of bed stealthily. I grabbed his shirt and pulled it on. I ran to where my phone.
"Hello?" I answered into it.
I expected Tinga, Grix, or Brin. Never the voice I heard. "Do you still believe?" The young boy's voice asked.
"What?" I asked.
"Do you still believe?" He repeated with a sense of urgency.
"Who is this?" I asked. I knew but I needed to hear it.
"Tell me, do you still believe in the Lady?"
"Ben?" I asked. "Ben what's up?"
"Jondy I did something bad. But you still believe in the lady right?"
I didn't reply for a moment. I hadn't thought about the Blue Lady since I had lived with the Martin's, since before the Pulse. I took a deep breath, "I don't think she's watching over me anymore."
"She is, Jondy. I know she is."
"Ben where are you?"
"I'm in Miami." He said pathetically. "Can you come to me?"
"I'm in Tucson. I could call Zack, he's on the East Coast."
"Zack doesn't understand." Ben said sadly. "Please Jondy." his voice pleaded.
I sighed, "Fine. Just. tell me what you did."
"When you get here." He said and he hung up.
I went into Ryan's room and got my clothes and my stuff and I left. I stole a small airplane and flew to Miami. I had pilot's certification from Manticore so I knew what I was doing and I kept the radio off and flew too low to be on radar.
I landed and called him back. He met me by the water near the airport. He wasn't quite as tall as me but I knew he would be someday. His hair was blond but looked darker than it was. He smiled and hugged me. "Jondy."
I returned the hug. After we separated he, he started walking on the beach. I walked with him. My pants rolled up so I could walk in the surf. "What's up Ben, how'd you get the number?"
"Zane." He said.
I winced. Even hearing his name hurt. "Did you call Zack?"
"He doesn't understand." Ben said and he kicked at the sand, "But you do. You believed in the Lady."
"When we were younger." I said sadly.
"Do you want to believe again?"
"I want to believe in something." I said honestly.
"She still watches over us. We just gave up on her." He said.
He was so convinced, I couldn't help but agree. I took a breath and then nodded. "We did."
"We have to prove to her that we still believe."
I got a pit in my stomach. "How?"
Ben reached into his pocket and pulled out a small cloth package. He handed it to me. I opened it. "Are those real?" I asked looking at bloody teeth.
"Of course. They make her heart strong or have you forgotten?"
I was surprised. Shocked. "Where did you get them?"
"From a man who wasn't strong enough."
I jumped and dropped the teeth, "Ben you killed somebody?"
"He wasn't strong enough." Ben said as he scrambled to pick up the teeth.
"He's not a soldier like we are, we have special DNA Ben. Of course he wasn't as strong as you were."
He looked up at me, "My faith makes me strong."
"Your DNA does." I snapped back.
"You said you wanted to believe in something."
"Not murder!" I snapped back. "I'm calling Zack."
He grabbed my legs, pleading, "Don't."
I pulled away from him and moved away and pulled out my phone. I dialed Zack's number. "Hey it's me. I'm in Miami. I-"
Ben kicked me, kicked the phone away. I turned, "What the hell Ben." I said.
"I told you not to call." He said. His eyes had gone dark, haunted. It was a sight I never wanted to have ever seen. I wanted to look away but he never gave me the chance.
We fought and I was taken back to my time with Syl instantly. Syl, Eva, Van, and I had been the best fighters. I was able to control Ben as he fought and I eventually got him into a position where I had my foot on his chest as he laid on the ground.
"I'm calling Zack." I said again.
"I'm already here." Zack said. "I'd been keeping an eye on Ben, I lost him until you called."
Ben looked up at me as if I had betrayed him.
"Zack's gonna get you help." I told Ben.
"I don't need help." Ben said.
"I've got it from here." Zack said.
I nodded and left. I should have stayed longer, done more. But I had to get back to Ryan.
When I returned to Arizona, Ryan was literally in bed with another girl. I was furious. I destroyed everything I could on my way out of his house and out of Arizona. I went to Utah. As I settled down in Salt Lake City, I suddenly realized it had been the day I had chosen for my birthday today. I was fourteen now. Fourteen going on fifty.
Disclaimer: See chapter 1
I had full and complete intentions to follow through with my mission. FULL INTENTIONS. I just got distracted. I went into heat. I didn't have time to call Zack, I still didn't know the signs until too late. And Zane wasn't there for me.
The guy's name was Ryan. 6'1", blond hair, hazel eyes, nicely built, eighteen years old, and rough neck. He worked in a factory of some sort.
I told him I was sixteen, he believed it. I was tall enough, attractive enough.
When Zane had been gentle, Ryan had been rougher. I had only had slow passionate love making, not the heated passion that I got with Ryan. He was more experienced too. It was a different type of love with him. It was physical. Our whole relationship was physical. It's really all we had, but part of me wanted it that way.
I knew it wasn't really love but I let myself believe it was. I let myself fall really hard for him. And I could only prove that to him by having sex with him. A lot of sex. Every night and whenever he wanted it. I became his slut. Brin's clothes that she had bought for me went to the bottom of a bag that I kept in my closet.
I wore tight, low jeans, cute but sexy tops that revealed more than I had, and my hair was getting long again, but sexy. My whole look was sexy. Not bad ass sexy, but sluty sexy. I looked like the type of girl that would give head at the drop of a dime and the sick thing was I would. I did. I became the slut that Ryan wanted me to be. And all in the name of "love".
I was laying in Ryan's bed, naked. He was asleep and still sweating. I had long since stopped feeling dirty about fucking him. Since that's what it was, we didn't make love. We fucked. It was a stress reliever, angst remover, no love. Not much anyway.
I watched the lights dance on his ceiling. He rolled over and put his hand on my breast and thumbed it. I knew he was more awake than he was letting on. "Hey baby." I said.
"Hey. god you're amazing."
*I'm not amazing, I just fuck amazingly.* I thought with a mixture of disgust and pride.
He leaned over and kissed me. I returned the kiss, trying to put passion into it, but there was none to be had, so it just became a cue for him to screw me again.
Again he fell asleep right after, barely half an hour later he was done and now he was asleep. I heard a soft ringing and I got out of bed stealthily. I grabbed his shirt and pulled it on. I ran to where my phone.
"Hello?" I answered into it.
I expected Tinga, Grix, or Brin. Never the voice I heard. "Do you still believe?" The young boy's voice asked.
"What?" I asked.
"Do you still believe?" He repeated with a sense of urgency.
"Who is this?" I asked. I knew but I needed to hear it.
"Tell me, do you still believe in the Lady?"
"Ben?" I asked. "Ben what's up?"
"Jondy I did something bad. But you still believe in the lady right?"
I didn't reply for a moment. I hadn't thought about the Blue Lady since I had lived with the Martin's, since before the Pulse. I took a deep breath, "I don't think she's watching over me anymore."
"She is, Jondy. I know she is."
"Ben where are you?"
"I'm in Miami." He said pathetically. "Can you come to me?"
"I'm in Tucson. I could call Zack, he's on the East Coast."
"Zack doesn't understand." Ben said sadly. "Please Jondy." his voice pleaded.
I sighed, "Fine. Just. tell me what you did."
"When you get here." He said and he hung up.
I went into Ryan's room and got my clothes and my stuff and I left. I stole a small airplane and flew to Miami. I had pilot's certification from Manticore so I knew what I was doing and I kept the radio off and flew too low to be on radar.
I landed and called him back. He met me by the water near the airport. He wasn't quite as tall as me but I knew he would be someday. His hair was blond but looked darker than it was. He smiled and hugged me. "Jondy."
I returned the hug. After we separated he, he started walking on the beach. I walked with him. My pants rolled up so I could walk in the surf. "What's up Ben, how'd you get the number?"
"Zane." He said.
I winced. Even hearing his name hurt. "Did you call Zack?"
"He doesn't understand." Ben said and he kicked at the sand, "But you do. You believed in the Lady."
"When we were younger." I said sadly.
"Do you want to believe again?"
"I want to believe in something." I said honestly.
"She still watches over us. We just gave up on her." He said.
He was so convinced, I couldn't help but agree. I took a breath and then nodded. "We did."
"We have to prove to her that we still believe."
I got a pit in my stomach. "How?"
Ben reached into his pocket and pulled out a small cloth package. He handed it to me. I opened it. "Are those real?" I asked looking at bloody teeth.
"Of course. They make her heart strong or have you forgotten?"
I was surprised. Shocked. "Where did you get them?"
"From a man who wasn't strong enough."
I jumped and dropped the teeth, "Ben you killed somebody?"
"He wasn't strong enough." Ben said as he scrambled to pick up the teeth.
"He's not a soldier like we are, we have special DNA Ben. Of course he wasn't as strong as you were."
He looked up at me, "My faith makes me strong."
"Your DNA does." I snapped back.
"You said you wanted to believe in something."
"Not murder!" I snapped back. "I'm calling Zack."
He grabbed my legs, pleading, "Don't."
I pulled away from him and moved away and pulled out my phone. I dialed Zack's number. "Hey it's me. I'm in Miami. I-"
Ben kicked me, kicked the phone away. I turned, "What the hell Ben." I said.
"I told you not to call." He said. His eyes had gone dark, haunted. It was a sight I never wanted to have ever seen. I wanted to look away but he never gave me the chance.
We fought and I was taken back to my time with Syl instantly. Syl, Eva, Van, and I had been the best fighters. I was able to control Ben as he fought and I eventually got him into a position where I had my foot on his chest as he laid on the ground.
"I'm calling Zack." I said again.
"I'm already here." Zack said. "I'd been keeping an eye on Ben, I lost him until you called."
Ben looked up at me as if I had betrayed him.
"Zack's gonna get you help." I told Ben.
"I don't need help." Ben said.
"I've got it from here." Zack said.
I nodded and left. I should have stayed longer, done more. But I had to get back to Ryan.
When I returned to Arizona, Ryan was literally in bed with another girl. I was furious. I destroyed everything I could on my way out of his house and out of Arizona. I went to Utah. As I settled down in Salt Lake City, I suddenly realized it had been the day I had chosen for my birthday today. I was fourteen now. Fourteen going on fifty.