Oh. God. I'm singing. Playing the guitar. Breathe. Sing. Play the guitar.
Tocar la guitarra. English. Think in English. Breathe. Remember the words.
Remember the notes. Don't inhale too much. Sit up straight. Smile. Breathe.
I'm done. No. Another one. The cycle begins again.
I didn't know performances made you lose all thought. Although, to be honest, I didn't have much in my head before I walked onto the stage. It isn't my fault he has mind numbing eyes.
Jonathon.
Good thing I saw him before my performance. If he had walked in during it I would have stopped mid-verse.
Mom is crying. Dad made this song personal. Really personal. I know every word of it is true. It must have been so hard for them to just leave without warning. At least they had each other. It didn't take us long to write it. He showed me a letter he had written to her. I took some of the lines out of that. She keeps the letter in a shoebox, along with an antique picture frame. I didn't even question the frame; I knew I wouldn't get any answers.
No answers in my home. The only answers I've received have been in Los Angeles. There are still questions in my home. California is the place of answers. Canada is all questions.
I finally get off stage, amongst applause. I can feel my cheeks redden. I wasn't expected people to clap. My legs are shaking as I sit down. Jonathon leans over to me.
"You are a very talented singer. That song was moving. I could tell it was personal."
It was personal. Dad got teary when I finally sang the finished piece. Mom's crying now. It may sound like some corny joke, but every word of it is real. That's how I know my parents can never be separated. There is no wedge big enough to come between them. I realize now that Will can do nothing to my family. He is a weak man. He cannot harm us. And if he tries, I will tell him exactly why he will never sever my parents.
They are stronger than him.
But something unnerves me. My mother's eyes have a disgusted look in them. Disgusted and determined. Something is wrong and she is going to fix it. I have a gut feeling that it involves Poppa. Just Poppa. No one else.
I think back to the pier. Poppa had the same lifestyle as Mom. Did my grandmother know about it? There is something obscure about Mom's childhood. I understand her adult life, but when the subject of her childhood comes up, she feigns memory loss. I know that if she were a spy, she would be able to remember her first day of kindergarten. She has lied to me about that, but I don't think it's going to be revealed to me. Her childhood is something she has hidden from longer. I doubt if Dad even knows what she felt when my grandmother died.
But something's wrong about her death. They all looked uncomfortable when Francie asked me about my other grandparents. They are hiding something, and I doubt they are going to tell me.
The look is gone from Mom's face. It is replaced by a smile. The tears are gone too, but she still has to choke out the words.
"Thank you." I smile in response. I don't know how well my voice is working either.
Our dinner goes by with friendly talk about Francie's husband and Will's daughter, Elizabeth. Both are unavailable tonight. Dad's eyes become a bit slanted when he learns of Will's recent divorce, which happens to coincide with the fall of the Alliance. He is weary too. This must have been an issue before. I can see both men being jealous of each other. Will got to see Mom whenever he wanted. Dad only saw her rarely, but he saw the real Sydney. He was her confidant.
Mom and Dad were like dogs in a pet store. You can see them, but you can't truly hear or be with them. Will was on the wrong side of the glass. He knew what was going on, but he wasn't a part of anything.
Now he's back at the glass, pressing his face against it. He can look, but he can't touch. I'm so thankful for that glass. It protects everything my parents live for.
It won't be shattered.
Dinner is ending rapidly. Jonathon and I have talked the whole time. He's everything that I could possibly want. He's not Canadian. I have his number; he has the hotel's. He's going to show me around the best parts of Los Angeles.
"I'm going to show you the parts that tourists miss. The secret parts that make this city what it is."
I don't think I've ever looked forward to something so much in my life. We can really get to know each other. My initial crush is starting grow. There's admiration now. Jonathon is a good person. Good people are hard to find.
It's getting late. We're the last table to be cleared. Everyone is standing outside, saying goodbye. Jonathon and I stand a little ways off, talking about tomorrow.
"Are you have any plans for tomorrow? I would love to show you around. There's so much to see."
"I'll have to ask, I have no idea. I'll call you when I get back to the hotel. It was really nice meeting you, Jonathon."
"It was nice to meet you too. I'll be waiting for your call." He smiles at me and then walks to his mother. I head towards mine as well. She is telling Francie about the hotel.
"The pool is huge. I like it very much." She notices Jonathon and I heading over and smiles. "We'd best be going. I'm going to show Emily some of my favorite places tomorrow."
So much for spending the day with Jonathon. I mean, I want to go with her, but my crush is clouding my senses. Jonathon looks me at me and mouths, "The next day." I nod. That's fine. I'm still going to call him tonight.
Dad pulls around with the car. Mom hugs Francie and Will and we get in. The ride is quiet. I know there are many things left to be said, but they will be left for another time. Mom is anticipating tomorrow. I could see it. I just have to be patient and wait.
I'll get my answers when the time is right.
AN: I do not mean any offence to Canadian boys. There is nothing wrong with you. I needed a reason for Emily to be single. That was my solution. I love Canadian boys. Boys in general are good. Just wanted to clear that up.
*Duck
I'm done. No. Another one. The cycle begins again.
I didn't know performances made you lose all thought. Although, to be honest, I didn't have much in my head before I walked onto the stage. It isn't my fault he has mind numbing eyes.
Jonathon.
Good thing I saw him before my performance. If he had walked in during it I would have stopped mid-verse.
Mom is crying. Dad made this song personal. Really personal. I know every word of it is true. It must have been so hard for them to just leave without warning. At least they had each other. It didn't take us long to write it. He showed me a letter he had written to her. I took some of the lines out of that. She keeps the letter in a shoebox, along with an antique picture frame. I didn't even question the frame; I knew I wouldn't get any answers.
No answers in my home. The only answers I've received have been in Los Angeles. There are still questions in my home. California is the place of answers. Canada is all questions.
I finally get off stage, amongst applause. I can feel my cheeks redden. I wasn't expected people to clap. My legs are shaking as I sit down. Jonathon leans over to me.
"You are a very talented singer. That song was moving. I could tell it was personal."
It was personal. Dad got teary when I finally sang the finished piece. Mom's crying now. It may sound like some corny joke, but every word of it is real. That's how I know my parents can never be separated. There is no wedge big enough to come between them. I realize now that Will can do nothing to my family. He is a weak man. He cannot harm us. And if he tries, I will tell him exactly why he will never sever my parents.
They are stronger than him.
But something unnerves me. My mother's eyes have a disgusted look in them. Disgusted and determined. Something is wrong and she is going to fix it. I have a gut feeling that it involves Poppa. Just Poppa. No one else.
I think back to the pier. Poppa had the same lifestyle as Mom. Did my grandmother know about it? There is something obscure about Mom's childhood. I understand her adult life, but when the subject of her childhood comes up, she feigns memory loss. I know that if she were a spy, she would be able to remember her first day of kindergarten. She has lied to me about that, but I don't think it's going to be revealed to me. Her childhood is something she has hidden from longer. I doubt if Dad even knows what she felt when my grandmother died.
But something's wrong about her death. They all looked uncomfortable when Francie asked me about my other grandparents. They are hiding something, and I doubt they are going to tell me.
The look is gone from Mom's face. It is replaced by a smile. The tears are gone too, but she still has to choke out the words.
"Thank you." I smile in response. I don't know how well my voice is working either.
Our dinner goes by with friendly talk about Francie's husband and Will's daughter, Elizabeth. Both are unavailable tonight. Dad's eyes become a bit slanted when he learns of Will's recent divorce, which happens to coincide with the fall of the Alliance. He is weary too. This must have been an issue before. I can see both men being jealous of each other. Will got to see Mom whenever he wanted. Dad only saw her rarely, but he saw the real Sydney. He was her confidant.
Mom and Dad were like dogs in a pet store. You can see them, but you can't truly hear or be with them. Will was on the wrong side of the glass. He knew what was going on, but he wasn't a part of anything.
Now he's back at the glass, pressing his face against it. He can look, but he can't touch. I'm so thankful for that glass. It protects everything my parents live for.
It won't be shattered.
Dinner is ending rapidly. Jonathon and I have talked the whole time. He's everything that I could possibly want. He's not Canadian. I have his number; he has the hotel's. He's going to show me around the best parts of Los Angeles.
"I'm going to show you the parts that tourists miss. The secret parts that make this city what it is."
I don't think I've ever looked forward to something so much in my life. We can really get to know each other. My initial crush is starting grow. There's admiration now. Jonathon is a good person. Good people are hard to find.
It's getting late. We're the last table to be cleared. Everyone is standing outside, saying goodbye. Jonathon and I stand a little ways off, talking about tomorrow.
"Are you have any plans for tomorrow? I would love to show you around. There's so much to see."
"I'll have to ask, I have no idea. I'll call you when I get back to the hotel. It was really nice meeting you, Jonathon."
"It was nice to meet you too. I'll be waiting for your call." He smiles at me and then walks to his mother. I head towards mine as well. She is telling Francie about the hotel.
"The pool is huge. I like it very much." She notices Jonathon and I heading over and smiles. "We'd best be going. I'm going to show Emily some of my favorite places tomorrow."
So much for spending the day with Jonathon. I mean, I want to go with her, but my crush is clouding my senses. Jonathon looks me at me and mouths, "The next day." I nod. That's fine. I'm still going to call him tonight.
Dad pulls around with the car. Mom hugs Francie and Will and we get in. The ride is quiet. I know there are many things left to be said, but they will be left for another time. Mom is anticipating tomorrow. I could see it. I just have to be patient and wait.
I'll get my answers when the time is right.
AN: I do not mean any offence to Canadian boys. There is nothing wrong with you. I needed a reason for Emily to be single. That was my solution. I love Canadian boys. Boys in general are good. Just wanted to clear that up.
*Duck