Disclaimer--characters and universe belong to JK Rowling. They just force me to write about them late at night.
Author's Notes--Thanks to all those who have put up with me and my plot bunny long enough to leave feedback...I really appreciate you guys!
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Professor McGonagall had said your House was supposed to be your family, but Severus had been at Hogwarts for over a month, and the only person he really knew in Slytherin House wasn't even his age. He had been so determined to become a model Slytherin and justify Malfoy's faith in him, but without his quite knowing how, the Gryffindors had begun to occupy his time, and his resolution to get to know his housemates had fallen victim by the wayside.He knew he ought to go back to the Common Room and try to make a few new friends, but in his experience it wasn't that easy to enjoy your family...especially when you had James--who was better than any brother--to occupy your time.
Severus had more fun in the last three weeks than in his entire life--with the Gryffindors--
It frightened him how much their friendship meant to him, and not just his friendship with James, but with all of them. Sirius, at first so opposed to him, balanced as closely as the opposite side of the same coin, or his reflection in a mirror, maybe. Peter who could be so frustrating, who needed them so completely. Remus,the dreamer whose eyes saw far into the horizon, the calm and quiet voice of reason, security in an insecure place, perhaps most of all...It seemed weak, somehow, to rely that much on anyone...
Guilt welled up slowly and filled the little cracks of doubt with which he was riddled, pushing him apart. He toyed half-heartedly with his toast, telling himself firmly that trying sooner would be much better than later, even if he did have all year.
He tossed a glance across to the others, considering, and found that Remus' place empty. Forgetting he had toast in his mouth, Severus inhaled sharply, and nearly ended up choking. Several Slytherins snickered derisively. Severus ignored them, swallowing convulsively, and went to head off the others, nearly tackling James as he walked into the entry. "Is Remus okay? Where is he?"
"Relax," James advised, pulling away and rubbing his shoulder. "Remus is better than I am."
"He just went home to visit Mommy," smirked Peter.
Sirius cuffed him upside the head. "She's sick," he said.
"Why didn't he--" Severus stopped abruptly. "I hope she's okay," he said, wondering if James could tell what he was thinking.
Being James, he could. Severus could tell by the look in his eyes, and he wasn't sure if it made him feel better or worse.
"I know what will cheer you up," James said. "Let's go and visit Hagrid."
"Hagrid?" Severus repeated blankly.
"The groundskeeper," Lucius said, gliding into the entry hall. "Careful, Snape--even a family name like yours could be muddied by the company you keep."
James laughed derisively. "Severus knows better than to judge people by their family."
Severus knew he meant it kindly...but he couldn't help but see his mother flicker across his eyes and feel as though James were saying something about her that made his mouth taste bitter. He opened his mouth for a comment he didn't actually have, but Lucius' words flowed into the gap, sounding almost silky. "You're such a smart, noble boy. Hanging around with what?" Lucius' eyes flicked to Sirius with a smirk, "Rabble-rousers." He eyed James scornfully, "Two-bit ringleaders. Missing riff-raff," he said in a tone that brought the ragged hem of Remus' robe all-too-clearly to mind, "And," he concluded, staring directly at the faint suggestion of Pettigrew, "the piece de resistance--a tag-along fat lump who's not even smart enough to fall on his fat arse."
James held his hands at his side, fists clenched. Sirius' dark eyes smouldered in a way that made Severus grateful he didn't know many curses. And Pettigrew seemed to be turning purple. Severus could see Remus' eyes closing silently over their hurt where a moment before the image of his mother had been.
"You'll find, Snape," Lucius concluded conversationally, "there are two sorts of wizards...and you don't want to associate with the wrong sort." He pushed away from the table, knocking Pettigrew off-balance as he went.
"Friendly guy," James said dryly, catching Pettigrew.
"Yeah, I can see why you like him," Sirius said, shaking his head.
Severus felt he ought to apologize--for Lucius' attitude or his own failure to tell him off, he wasn't sure which. "Let's just go see Hagrid," James said into the heavy silence.
Visiting Hagrid was fun, but Severus couldn't quite shake the discomfort of breakfast.
***
"This is the third time you've messed up that measurement," Lily said over their cauldron. "Worried?"
Severus raised one eyebrow ever-so-slightly. "And what business of yours would it be?"
"My mistake," Lily said mildly, "telling you something you already knew."
Severus caught the sarcastic tinge in her mock-helpful tone and began to laugh. Professor Simer stared sharply in their direction, but they weren't doing anything. "Maybe I'm impressed with you for noticing," he said.
"So something is bothering you. It can't be the Potions test next week, that's what's bothering me."
"I was just thinking...about a friend who had a problem and didn't tell me."
"You have the market cornered on that, then?"
"Saucy witch, you know that's not what I meant."
Lily giggled at his exasperated scowl. "Maybe your friend isn't ready to talk about it. He'll be ready to tell you eventually...Maybe all you have to do is be sure that when he is, you're ready to listen."
Severus stopped and tilted his head to the side slightly. "You know, I think that's very wise, Lily."
She smirked slightly and gave a little bow. "I try," she said.
Severus laughed again. But he could still the scene between Lucius and the Gryffindors in the back of his mind...like an ax hanging over his head heavily, waiting to fall.
"That's not all that's bothering you," Lily said shrewdly, "is it?"
"No," Severus admitted. "Have you ever felt like you had to choose between your friends and--"
"Your family?," Lily finished softly. Her eyes were focused on something far away, glittering brightly. She reached out to toss lacewings into the potion, and Severus could see her hand was shaking slightly, so that he wanted to reach out and cover it with his own, make it steady.
"Well...yeah," he admitted a little roughly.
"I think...they shouldn't make you choose," Lily said faintly. "If they really care about you like...like friends and family."
There was a long pause as Severus added the fairy dew.
"Yeah," he said, his voice fading equally, "but what if they do..."
"Exactly the right shade of purple," Professor Simer said over his shoulder. "Well done."
Lily beamed up at him, and Severus believed Malfoy's declaration he could accomplish great things for the first time. Suddenly, he knew everything was going to be all right.
Author's Notes--Thanks to all those who have put up with me and my plot bunny long enough to leave feedback...I really appreciate you guys!
***********************************************************************
Professor McGonagall had said your House was supposed to be your family, but Severus had been at Hogwarts for over a month, and the only person he really knew in Slytherin House wasn't even his age. He had been so determined to become a model Slytherin and justify Malfoy's faith in him, but without his quite knowing how, the Gryffindors had begun to occupy his time, and his resolution to get to know his housemates had fallen victim by the wayside.He knew he ought to go back to the Common Room and try to make a few new friends, but in his experience it wasn't that easy to enjoy your family...especially when you had James--who was better than any brother--to occupy your time.
Severus had more fun in the last three weeks than in his entire life--with the Gryffindors--
It frightened him how much their friendship meant to him, and not just his friendship with James, but with all of them. Sirius, at first so opposed to him, balanced as closely as the opposite side of the same coin, or his reflection in a mirror, maybe. Peter who could be so frustrating, who needed them so completely. Remus,the dreamer whose eyes saw far into the horizon, the calm and quiet voice of reason, security in an insecure place, perhaps most of all...It seemed weak, somehow, to rely that much on anyone...
Guilt welled up slowly and filled the little cracks of doubt with which he was riddled, pushing him apart. He toyed half-heartedly with his toast, telling himself firmly that trying sooner would be much better than later, even if he did have all year.
He tossed a glance across to the others, considering, and found that Remus' place empty. Forgetting he had toast in his mouth, Severus inhaled sharply, and nearly ended up choking. Several Slytherins snickered derisively. Severus ignored them, swallowing convulsively, and went to head off the others, nearly tackling James as he walked into the entry. "Is Remus okay? Where is he?"
"Relax," James advised, pulling away and rubbing his shoulder. "Remus is better than I am."
"He just went home to visit Mommy," smirked Peter.
Sirius cuffed him upside the head. "She's sick," he said.
"Why didn't he--" Severus stopped abruptly. "I hope she's okay," he said, wondering if James could tell what he was thinking.
Being James, he could. Severus could tell by the look in his eyes, and he wasn't sure if it made him feel better or worse.
"I know what will cheer you up," James said. "Let's go and visit Hagrid."
"Hagrid?" Severus repeated blankly.
"The groundskeeper," Lucius said, gliding into the entry hall. "Careful, Snape--even a family name like yours could be muddied by the company you keep."
James laughed derisively. "Severus knows better than to judge people by their family."
Severus knew he meant it kindly...but he couldn't help but see his mother flicker across his eyes and feel as though James were saying something about her that made his mouth taste bitter. He opened his mouth for a comment he didn't actually have, but Lucius' words flowed into the gap, sounding almost silky. "You're such a smart, noble boy. Hanging around with what?" Lucius' eyes flicked to Sirius with a smirk, "Rabble-rousers." He eyed James scornfully, "Two-bit ringleaders. Missing riff-raff," he said in a tone that brought the ragged hem of Remus' robe all-too-clearly to mind, "And," he concluded, staring directly at the faint suggestion of Pettigrew, "the piece de resistance--a tag-along fat lump who's not even smart enough to fall on his fat arse."
James held his hands at his side, fists clenched. Sirius' dark eyes smouldered in a way that made Severus grateful he didn't know many curses. And Pettigrew seemed to be turning purple. Severus could see Remus' eyes closing silently over their hurt where a moment before the image of his mother had been.
"You'll find, Snape," Lucius concluded conversationally, "there are two sorts of wizards...and you don't want to associate with the wrong sort." He pushed away from the table, knocking Pettigrew off-balance as he went.
"Friendly guy," James said dryly, catching Pettigrew.
"Yeah, I can see why you like him," Sirius said, shaking his head.
Severus felt he ought to apologize--for Lucius' attitude or his own failure to tell him off, he wasn't sure which. "Let's just go see Hagrid," James said into the heavy silence.
Visiting Hagrid was fun, but Severus couldn't quite shake the discomfort of breakfast.
***
"This is the third time you've messed up that measurement," Lily said over their cauldron. "Worried?"
Severus raised one eyebrow ever-so-slightly. "And what business of yours would it be?"
"My mistake," Lily said mildly, "telling you something you already knew."
Severus caught the sarcastic tinge in her mock-helpful tone and began to laugh. Professor Simer stared sharply in their direction, but they weren't doing anything. "Maybe I'm impressed with you for noticing," he said.
"So something is bothering you. It can't be the Potions test next week, that's what's bothering me."
"I was just thinking...about a friend who had a problem and didn't tell me."
"You have the market cornered on that, then?"
"Saucy witch, you know that's not what I meant."
Lily giggled at his exasperated scowl. "Maybe your friend isn't ready to talk about it. He'll be ready to tell you eventually...Maybe all you have to do is be sure that when he is, you're ready to listen."
Severus stopped and tilted his head to the side slightly. "You know, I think that's very wise, Lily."
She smirked slightly and gave a little bow. "I try," she said.
Severus laughed again. But he could still the scene between Lucius and the Gryffindors in the back of his mind...like an ax hanging over his head heavily, waiting to fall.
"That's not all that's bothering you," Lily said shrewdly, "is it?"
"No," Severus admitted. "Have you ever felt like you had to choose between your friends and--"
"Your family?," Lily finished softly. Her eyes were focused on something far away, glittering brightly. She reached out to toss lacewings into the potion, and Severus could see her hand was shaking slightly, so that he wanted to reach out and cover it with his own, make it steady.
"Well...yeah," he admitted a little roughly.
"I think...they shouldn't make you choose," Lily said faintly. "If they really care about you like...like friends and family."
There was a long pause as Severus added the fairy dew.
"Yeah," he said, his voice fading equally, "but what if they do..."
"Exactly the right shade of purple," Professor Simer said over his shoulder. "Well done."
Lily beamed up at him, and Severus believed Malfoy's declaration he could accomplish great things for the first time. Suddenly, he knew everything was going to be all right.