DISCLAIMER: UC: Undercover and its cast of characters belong to the writers, creators, NBC, et. al. However, the author would like to borrow the cast members for a little while. There is absolutely NO infringement intended. All other original characters belong solely to the twisted, and sometimes vivid, imagination of the author. Rated "R" for strong language, sexual situations, and violence.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: A TREMENDOUS thank you goes to TheDreamyOne [Shelley] for assisting with this plot idea. You are one great collaborator!
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CHAPTER 1—REFLECTIONS
Some time ago [how many years was it exactly, her sleeping mind asked] before she became a wife and mother, Loralei Kadin-Donovan had been a rookie agent. When she had graduated from the academy, she was a bit green, and didn't know very much. Yet, she was fairly bright, and could do amazing things with computers. Director Chance Casey had put her on an assignment deemed 'perfect' for her. Agent Kadin was responsible for breaking up child pornography rings. She was instructed to surf the Internet, hacking into taboo sites to dig for any information available. Once she found the sites or the people involved with them, she was to pounce on them and brief the FBI director. Agent Kadin didn't really like her job. It was awful what these sick fucks put innocent children through, and it seemed as if she couldn't do enough to help them. Her role in the whole thing seemed so small. How many times had she wished she could take all these kids and raise them? This was a huge deal to her, because she had never thought of herself as the 'mothering' type. She hadn't once mused about her 'biological' clock, nor had she went out of her way to find a man, or to get married, or to breed. It just wasn't her thing. She hadn't had many boyfriends, and the few she dated never really progressed past the 'slap and tickle' phase. She wasn't looking for it, nor did she really want it. Of course, she was younger back then, and she had yet to meet the man who would change all that in her. In her sleeping mind, Loralei Donovan drifted back, further into her old life, the one before Frank and Rachel.
Director Casey never made it any secret that he didn't care for Agent Kadin. She didn't think it had anything to do with latent sexism [there were plenty of female agents in her group], but something about her seemed to piss off the director. Hardly anything she did pleased the man, even after she successfully shattered dozens of porno rings and saved countless lives. Never had she heard praise from the man's mouth. Of course, she wasn't necessarily seeking praise, but she noticed that other agents were celebrated for their work, while she was virtually ignored. Kadin's skills were more along the lines of behavioral sciences, but Casey would never approve her transfer. She couldn't begin to know why. It seemed that if he hated her so badly, he wouldn't hesitate to get her out of his hair. She wanted to stay close to Quantico, immersing herself into the minds of the sickest of the sick: serial killers. It was her passion [oddly enough], and her interest to study the lives and to get into the minds of the antisocial personalities who became such vicious killers. Burning endless midnight oil, she studied profile after profile of some of the most horrid killers of all time, including Bundy, Gacy, Buono and Bianchi*, Ramirez**, Burkowitz***, DeSalvo****, Dahmer, and the first female serial murderer identified, Aileen Wuornos. She aspired to work with these people, to find out what made them tick. She had a strong desire to assist in the identification and capture of any future serial killers. Her only obstacle was Chance Casey.
Agent Kadin had gone to Director Casey on numerous occasions requesting to be transferred from the Internet Crime Division [ICD]. The work had begun to tweak her nerves. At the end of her workday, she would be so freaked out and upset that she could do nothing more than crawl into bed and cry herself to sleep. She had almost sought the help of a psychiatrist, but didn't. If her superiors found out, they would question her ability to handle the job at all. She loved her work, had worked hard to get where she was, and she didn't intend to let anything stop her. There had to be a way out. If she couldn't find one through Casey, she would find it through another avenue. Getting around Casey would be the issue. Kadin knew she was green, and she wasn't on friendly terms with anyone in her field office. Even at the federal level, there were tons of brown nosers, and most of them received the choice assignments. It wasn't fair, of course, but there was no way she would kiss ass or throw a fit. Eventually, she would piss off Casey enough where he would literally kick her out. She couldn't wait for that day. Of course, she wouldn't purposely give him a reason to overreact [that would come unexpectedly much, much later, when she fell in love with a man she was sent to protect], but she wouldn't turn down any opportunity to leave. She was green, but she was far from stupid. Her chance came approximately two months after she began working with ICD.
During a routine area meeting, Agent Kadin was introduced to Bart Jackson. Jackson was an older man who had been with the Bureau for several years. Kadin had learned that Jackson had joined the FBI straight out of law school and had been working as a field officer from day one. He had a wonderful knack for the job, and had received many decorations from the president for bringing down more drug rings than any agent in history. When a break was called at the meeting, Kadin introduced herself to the 'legend,' and the two struck up a conversation. It was then that she learned Jackson wanted out of the drug game. Although Kadin's assignment was nowhere near the level of danger that Jackson's was, she totally understood. Every once in a while, everyone needed a change, especially in high stress divisions. When Jackson told her that he would be working a particularly strange serial murder case, Kadin was hungry for a chance to work with him. She had confessed that she hated ICD and couldn't take much more of it. Jackson saw a spark in Kadin. She was young and inexperienced, but she had great potential to really do something in the Bureau. Without her even hinting about it, Jackson decided to try to help out the rookie any way possible.
The next day, Jackson used his security clearance to examine Loralei Kadin's file. He discovered that she had been a fairly sharp student in college and an apt candidate when she came into the academy. There were only a few red marks on her record, including the fact that she was a little jumpy and nervous, but that could be fixed. He went over her ICD record meticulously, and discovered that she had broken up as many porno rings as he had drug deals. In his mind, he thought the kid might make a pretty good field/UC agent. Her superior was Chance Casey. The director was a hard man, and he chose his favorites. It appeared that Kadin was not one of them. He counted about ten transfer requests that Casey had ultimately denied. What's up with that? Agents transferred in regular intervals. It wasn't a new thing or even a big deal. He didn't quite understand why Casey had it in for the rookie. After poring over Kadin's records for over two hours, he went to Casey and pled the kid's case. Casey was a difficult man to reason with, and he claimed he didn't want to lose Kadin due to her success with ICD. However, Jackson was stubborn and pushed Casey until he consented to send Kadin out as a field agent.
Casey called Kadin in to his office and told her he was approving a transfer out of ICD. She wanted to scream out her happiness, but she remained solid and serious. It was a good thing, too, because Casey would approve it only if Jackson was willing to mentor her. Jackson had no problem with that, of course, but Kadin did. It appeared that Casey would never trust her enough to believe that she was a capable agent [and of course, she would prove him right in a few months]. However, she didn't quite sneeze at the chance to get away from ICD and seeing Casey's face on a regular basis. She wasn't thrilled to learn that she would be forced to endure yet more training to prepare, but it was better than her current job. If she saw one more child porn site, she would scream herself into a mental institution.
In conjunction with a dozen regional offices, Kadin and Jackson were assigned to work the Black Heart Killer case. Kadin requested and received every piece of information about this particular killer, and she became quite obsessed. She studied the profile as if she were readying for a college final examination. She began to search for any piece of information she could find. She spent dozens of hours interviewing the families of the murdered men. Jackson became her sole supporter and was basically given charge of her by Director Casey. Casey didn't make it any secret that he disliked Kadin. He thought of her as weak and misguided. He didn't like the idea of her working in the field, and he plainly told Jackson that if she made one mistake, she would be yanked off the case. Jackson thought it unfair and decided to cover Kadin as much as possible. Casey simply didn't know of her potential.
For several months, Kadin's performance was excellent. She would do wonderful things within her career if she kept it up. Although it wasn't necessary, Jackson reported to Casey monthly to basically brag about his charge. He wanted to rub it in the other man's face. He had been quite wrong about Kadin. Eventually, of course, a fly landed in the cornbread mix. The fly had been Frank Donovan. Jackson should have known something had gone awry after Kadin's first meeting with Donovan. She hadn't elaborated much when Jackson asked her about bumping into the intended target. She had said they had spoken briefly and that Donovan had asked her out. Jackson hardly blinked when she mentioned their date. The way she had run into Donovan was a break of sorts, and neither thought it wouldn't be a bad thing for Kadin to get a little closer to the man. Of course, Kadin failed to mention that she was attracted to the stoic SOU leader. If he had known, he thought he might have been able to intervene. But then again, probably not, because the kid was more than likely hooked after her third or fourth meeting with Donovan. However, he hadn't had a clue as to the depth of her relationship with the man, not until Donovan came looking for her at their hideout. At that moment, he knew that Kadin had messed up. Falling for the target wouldn't have been such a hideous thing if he and Kadin hadn't been in the middle of a life and death assignment. Even after Kadin admitted that she had overstepped her bounds, he continued to protect her. He would not and did not report her misdeed to Casey. If so, Casey would immediately feel vindicated and then send Kadin away. Casey expected her to fail, and she did.
Jackson begged Kadin not to go to Casey. The director was already livid when the party fiasco blew up in their faces. Kadin's intentions were good, but her follow through needed lots of work. Yet, she insisted on going to Casey to admit that she had not only slept with the target, but she also had fallen in love with him as well. As expected, Casey hit the roof and decided to immediately transfer her completely out of his regional office. He didn't care where she went; he wanted her out of his sight. Jackson recalled pleading her case once again, asking that she be given at least one chance to redeem herself. Casey did not relent. Of course, as it turned out, it didn't matter. Kadin had nearly died from gunshot wounds to her chest, and had actually received commendations from Casey's superior for aiding in BHK's capture. A long career in the Bureau wasn't what Kadin wanted. She had left, choosing to live with the man she fell in love with, instead of going back into the trenches. Jackson couldn't blame her, actually, because she and the SOU leader were good together. They had had a few pitfalls here and there, but their life was relatively good.
Jackson had kept in touch with Kadin, following her ups and downs through various letters she wrote. She seemed extremely happy, and didn't necessarily miss the life at all. He was stunned to hear that Kadin had had a child. He remembered how insistent she was about not having children when she was still in ICD. Regardless of her past vehement opinion, she had become a mother anyway. Kadin with a baby, now that's something I need to see. She had even invited Jackson to visit her in Chicago. Like most new mothers, she wanted to show off her daughter, and introduce her to her 'Uncle Bart.' She had even joked that she had started to name her baby 'Bart,' but changed her mind at the last minute. After all, she had written, a girl named Bart might have a few problems when she begins preschool. Kadin had written numerous times that she would reserve a place in her heart just for Jackson. He had basically gone through hell on her behalf, and she would never forget him for that. She also felt badly for leaving the Bureau after Jackson had stuck out his neck for her. She chose love and marriage, two beautiful things that had eluded him thus far. He couldn't fault her for that. If given the choice, he might even go Kadin's way. Hell, a man had to live some time or another. He couldn't remain an agent for the rest of his life, especially not now.
There were problems, problems that had to do with Kadin's old life. It was something that she needed to hear about. She needed to be warned. The thing was, he didn't know how to approach her with it. If he talked about what he'd learned, he might not be alive very much longer. He was certain no one had let the cat out of the bag yet, but it was difficult keeping secrets in the Bureau. Nowadays, they could easily be discovered with the click of a mouse. He popped open his laptop and hooked up his wireless Internet connection. After pausing for a few moments, he began to type out an email to a fellow agent. He encrypted it before hitting 'send.' Nothing would be worse than for that communication to reach the wrong hands. At first, Jackson had balked at visiting Kadin. It wasn't exactly safe for him to be talking to her. However, seeing her child would be good cover. He would have a chance to speak to her before someone else did. He had first thought of going to Donovan with this, but his relationship with Kadin's husband was shaky at best. It wasn't that Donovan didn't trust him or disliked him, but he had never exactly forgiven him for BHK's escape. This shit would have been perfect for this SO team, but he hesitated. Kadin first. Donovan later.
* * *
"Shit," Loralei cried softly.
She sat straight up in bed and blinked the sleep from her eyes. She had had a weird dream, but couldn't exactly remember it. The only thing she did remember was that her partner was in it. Bizarre. Or not so bizarre. She had just spoken to Jackson on the phone just a few hours before she retired for the night. He had made arrangements to visit with her and the baby in a couple of days. Perhaps that was why he had invaded her dream. Sighing, she lay back in bed and took hold of Donovan's pillow, hugging it closely to her body. The scent of his cologne was all over it, and it seemed to comfort her somehow. He was out of town on an assignment, and wouldn't return until tomorrow night. Donovan had called right after Jackson. When she told him that she expected Jackson to visit in two days, he drew in an annoyed breath, and didn't say much. It hurt knowing that he felt such animosity for a man who had literally saved her ass more times than she could count, but her husband was stubborn. How long did it take him to forgive his twin for his misdeed when they were teenagers? Jackson's infraction was smaller, but still, Donovan could hold a grudge for decades and not blink twice.
Loralei buried her face briefly into the pillow. Donovan wasn't happy about the visit, but he would consent to it because he loved her, and for no other reason. Her eyes closed and she slowly began to drift away into dreamland. Before sleep completely took her over, she heard Rachel's wailing cries emitting from the baby monitor on Donovan's side of the bed. She glanced over at the bedside clock on her side. Ah, no wonder I jerked awake, she thought. It probably wasn't the dream at all. Although it had taken a few weeks, both she and Donovan had learned Rachel's schedule and the different cries she exhibited. The 'wail' normally meant she wanted food, and she wanted it now. She had definitely inherited Loralei's impatience.
She stood and grabbed her robe at the foot of the bed. She shrugged into it as she entered the small room that served as a nursery. She reached down into the crib and took her crying infant into her arms. Rachel settled down just the tiniest bit, but continued to blat indignantly. She wasn't happy, and she didn't care who knew it. As she carried the baby into the kitchen, she mused that her daughter had the Donovan hair just as she hoped, but had gotten the Kadin green eyes. She went about preparing a bottle and when it was ready, she went over to the couch and sat down. Rachel attacked the bottle with gusto.
Loralei turned when she heard a key rattling in the front door. "What are you doing back so early," she asked in surprise.
Donovan entered the apartment and closed the door behind him. "Actually closed a case in record time," he said with a small smile. He approached the couch and sat down beside her. He leaned toward her and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "Missed you both."
"So did we," she said.
"Can I," he asked as he reached for the baby.
"Of course. Since when do you ask?" She drew the bottle away from Rachel [she was none too happy about that], and handed the infant to him.
He took the bottle from Loralei's proffered hand and resumed Rachel's feeding. She loved watching him with the baby. He held her carefully, as if afraid she might break. It was sweet and endearing. As she watched her husband and daughter, her mind began to drift again to her dream. She didn't miss her old career at all, and the only good thing it had really done for her was to bring Donovan into her life.
* * *
*The Hillside Stranglers [Angelo Buono & Kenneth Bianchi]
**The Night Stalker [Richard Ramirez]
***Son of Sam [David Burkowitz]
****The Boston Strangler [Albert DeSalvo]