CHAPTER 6—THE ARGUMENT
Donovan watched solemnly as Chance Casey sauntered slowly down the stairs of his office before exiting the Nest without saying a word to him or anyone. There was a strange look on his face that Donovan didn't like. He seemed to be gloating about something, but what? He turned toward his office again. The door had yet to come open, and he wasn't sure why Loralei hadn't come out yet. What the hell is going on? He would give her a few minutes, and if she didn't come down, he was going up.
For twenty minutes or more, Loralei sat at Donovan's desk wondering how she would break the news to him. She put her head into her hands and groaned. What had she done? What possessed her to accept Casey's offer without giving herself enough time to digest it. You know why, she thought. She did, it was true. If she had had time to think it out, she would have turned Casey down cold, and she owed Jackson. If he needed her, she would go. It was simple. However, she wasn't altogether certain what her husband would think of all this. She recalled their argument two nights ago, and Donovan's reaction had been fairly sedate, but also so very stern and protective. World War III had occurred when Farron attacked her. World War IV was about to begin, and she wasn't sure she wanted to get into it. Somehow, some way, she wished she could do the assignment without telling her husband at all. He had hidden many things from her to spare her worry and grief. Be that as it may, he never failed to confess. There was also another factor to consider. Rachel. How would she feel about leaving her child? Could she? Could she really? It disturbed her to be away from the baby a few hours. What would it do to her to be away from her for days at a stretch? I can't sit here and brood all goddamn afternoon. I have shit to do. Sighing heavily, she uncovered her face and reached for the phone.
Donovan waited for as long as he could. Unceremoniously, he climbed the stairs two at a time toward his office. He knocked on the door discreetly before opening it. He caught Loralei hanging up the phone. He closed the door behind him and stood watching his wife for a long time. She wasn't looking at him. In fact, she was trying hard not to look at him. He didn't like that. It normally meant she was about to tell him some kind of horrible news. He itched to ask her what had happened, but he hesitated. The look on her face told him that she intended to make the first move. Quietly, he approached the desk and went around it to stand beside her. He leaned against the edge of the desk and looked down at her. She still refused to look at him. Instead, she drew lazy swirling patterns on a notepad. Her behavior worried him. Would she ever tell him? He should have taken the initiative and demanded the information from Casey. However, if he had done that, Loralei would have surely harmed him enough to make Rachel an only child.
After what seemed like an eternity, Loralei put away the pen and notepad she had been torturing. She pushed the chair back from the table, crossed her legs and arms. She still hadn't made eye contact with him. She had no intention to discuss this with her husband here on his territory. Loralei looked up at Donovan just as he was about to speak. He closed his mouth when her eyes met his. "We need to talk, but I don't want to do it here. I'm going straight home. As soon as you get there, I need you to come to me immediately."
Concerned now, he studied her. For the first time in their married lives, he was completely unable to read her expression. He hadn't seen such a look on her face in months. "I'll follow you right now."
She shook her head. "No. I need a little time alone. Give me a couple hours, okay?"
He disliked this more and more as each second passed. She stood and tried to move past him, but he took hold of her arm before she could. She stepped backward and glanced up at him. Her green eyes were filled with impatience. This woman before him wasn't his Loralei. She was someone else. "Wait a second," he said softly. "Are you going to be okay? Maybe we should talk here. I'm not sure if waiting a couple of hours is a good idea."
"Isn't it obvious that I'm not okay," she asked stiffly, almost sharply. "I don't want to go into it here. I want us to do it at home where there isn't an audience. This is going to have a major affect on us, and I…[I will not cry, I will not cry] I need to get my head together first. I want to leave, Frank. Please let me go."
He released her arm and watched as she walked out of his office without another word to him.
* * *
The midday air was brisk and clean. There was never a better day for a little nookie in the woods. A young couple, Lila and Sam, who had just gotten engaged, decided to take a 'hike' through the woods surrounding the property owned by Lila's parents. As children, they had loved coming out here for their playful 'adventures.' Sam always wanted to be a cowboy, and Lila, of course, wanted to be a cute little fairy. As they grew older, their relationship grew as well. In fact, both had lost their virginity to each other right out here in the woods. They often came back to recapture that magical, if not painful, night. Of course, if Lila's parents ever discovered their precious daughter wasn't a virgin, they would die, and the woods was a convenient place for them to make love during breaks from college. As any other goofy young couple, they had a special 'place' where they always made love. It was the same spot where they had made love for the first time. It was special and romantic. Sam had even carved their names on the tree overlooking that spot. Lila watched, shaking with anticipation, as Sam laid out the quilt they used for their 'treks' in the woods. As soon as he had it spread out perfectly, they began stripping out of their clothes. Before long, they were down on the quilt involved in some quite heavy petting. The young couple was oblivious as to what lay almost directly beneath them.
Lila strategically placed her body over Sam's face, and he had begun pleasuring her immensely. She enjoyed this more than she enjoyed the actual physical act. She was getting into it, had her eyes closed tightly, and was preparing to have her first of many orgasms. Of course, fate has a strange way of intervening at times, and for some unknown reason, Lila's leg gave out on her and she fell away from Sam's wicked tongue. She fell backward, right on her ass, and was so stunned that she couldn't breathe for a moment. Eventually, her shock gave away to amusement, and she began to giggle uncontrollably. Sam did as well. Lila fell flat on her back and continued to laugh her skinny ass right off. She threw her hand over her head and it landed on something behind her with an odd smack. Suddenly interested, she flopped over on her belly and peered curiously at an odd lump. She noticed that the earth here had recently been overturned. Why hadn't she noticed before? She slowly began brushing at the lump of dirt until she finally unearthed a milky white hand. Lila screamed and screamed.
* * *
Loralei had been home an hour when the doorbell rang. She didn't think it was the sitter with whom she left Rachel. She had asked her to keep the baby until tonight. There was no way she intended for her child to be in the apartment when the yelling began. When she went to the door and peered into the peephole, it wasn't the sitter, but a man wearing a FedEx uniform. She opened the door, took the package, and signed for it. She peered down at it curiously as she walked back into the living room. Oddly enough, it was from Chance Casey. Surely he hadn't sent instructions through FedEx. Casey was a hardnosed fuck who went straight by the book. He would never slip up and send directives through such public means. Unable to quash her curiosity, she tore open the package and noticed he had sent copies of the paperwork he had sent through to the central office. Her eyes misted over a little when she saw the word 'active' beside her name. She was such a liar. How many times had she vowed that she would never return to the life? Just remember, kid, she thought, you're doing this for Bart. Yes. For Bart. With little humor, she noticed that Casey had sent her information and request for additional training under 'Loralei Kadin.' Why did he find it so hard to think of her as Donovan's wife? Was he still holding some type of grudge? Stupid prick. Can't believe I was ignorant enough to accept this mission. She didn't waste much of her time glancing at the seeming ream of paper. She set the package aside and went into the bedroom to wait.
She found herself sprawled on the bed, flat on her back. Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling. Unconsciously, her right hand went over to her left, and she began twirling her wedding and engagement rings on her finger. Every now and then, she would pull them off and put them back on again. She didn't realize that she did that a lot when thinking of Donovan, especially if she had something not so great to tell him. You could always back out of it, you know. She could, but also couldn't at the same time. Although Casey had obviously been playing on her sympathy, she wanted to help find Jackson. She wasn't all that wild about working a field assignment, but she'd do whatever was necessary. After this one thing, this one assignment, she would burn all her FBI documentation and demand to have her status properly upgraded. Why had the prick kept her on active? When she confessed her misdeed, he had utterly been fuming. He didn't want to see, hear, or look at her again. Yet, he had kept her active. She would never understand. She would also never make her husband understand.
Donovan came in exactly two hours to the second of Loralei's departure. Upon entering the apartment, he immediately noticed the absence of the baby. Loralei had apparently left her with the sitter, and that thought disturbed him greatly. If she had made arrangements for the baby to be away for a few hours, her news would likely be very bad. He noticed the thick FedEx package immediately. He was very tempted to pick it up and look at the documents inside. Resisting the urge, he walked over and glanced down at the return address. Chance Casey. Why had he sent her a package? His heart lurched in his chest for a brief moment. Somehow, inherently, he knew the answer to that question, but his heart refused to accept the answer his mind had given. Sighing deeply and bracing himself, he went in search of his wife and found her lying on the bed. She had fallen asleep flat on her back on his side of the bed. With a pang, he noticed that she had left her wedding and engagement rings lying beside her. Had she ever done that before? He had never seen them leave her finger for longer than a few hours the entire length of their marriage. She wore them even when bathing. He approached her side of the bed and climbed in next to her. He picked up her rings and placed them gently back on her finger, making him think back to when he put them on her for the first time.
The slight, gentle movement awakened her. For a wonderful, glorious moment, she had completely forgotten her meeting with Chance Casey. However, it only took a few seconds for her to remember. She noticed that Donovan was still holding onto her left hand. He was leaning over her, gazing into her eyes intensely, wanting to know what was going on inside her heart and mind. "I've given you two hours, I'm home, and I want you to talk to me," he said softly.
She sighed. She was so very close to blubbering. I will not cry. I will not cry. "Casey had an ulterior motive for meeting with me." She could tell by the look in his eyes that she had told him something he already knew. "He began innocently enough by asking about my visit to Jackson. I think he was under the impression that I'd know where he went. He then got to the nitty gritty of the problem. He said Jackson disappeared from a complicated assignment and is now MIA. When I confronted him about what Cody had dug up, he said that not every assignment is coded. That's not even the heart of the problem, Frank. Not…not even close." Her voice was threatening to break. Goddamn. She didn't want to cry.
He suddenly felt like the mind reader his wife had often accused him. He knew what was coming next, but again, he wanted to fight it back a little. He wanted to hear the words actually coming out of her mouth before he overreacted, and he would overreact without trying. "What is it, Loralei," he asked, his intense gaze never wavering. "Tell me," he demanded.
Spit it out, chickenshit. "Casey told me that he never upgraded my status when I resigned after I left the hospital. He asked that I return to help find Jackson and to work his case."
"And what did you say," he asked, his voice almost harsh.
"By the look in your eyes, I think you know."
He released her hand and pulled back. Although he had known what she was going to say, hearing her words was still a shock. "Goddamn it, Loralei. You accepted this assignment? Just like that, you're back in the FBI? What possessed you to do this?"
"I owe him, Frank," she said simply.
"You owe him nothing. Whatever you owed him in the past was taken care of the day he let that fucking bitch escape. You're willing to remove yourself from your husband, from your daughter, to pay a debt that was settled ten times over by your blood? Is that what you're saying to me?"
She batted his hurtful words aside. He was angry and wasn't exactly thinking clearly. "It doesn't matter, Frank. I took the assignment and I'm going back in."
He shook his head incredulously and looked away from her. After a brief moment, he turned to focus his eyes back on hers, as if suddenly remembering something. "Loralei, I have ways of undoing everything that Casey did."
She gazed up into his eyes, trying to see if there was any kind of bullshit in them. He wasn't bluffing. It was more than obvious. She hadn't been so angry with him since before they married. "And you would do it, wouldn't you? Goddamn it, Frank," she spat. "You've reverted back to that juvenile prick bastard whom I thought was forever buried. What is the big deal, Frank? Alex and Monica are agents."
He sighed again. She had ways of biting back, she certainly did, but she didn't understand. He gritted his teeth and spat angrily, "Alex and Monica aren't married to me. Neither of them is the mother of my child. Neither of them nearly died in my arms."
"What's next, Frank? Are you going to forbid me to go," she asked hotly, challenging him with a lifted eyebrow, purposely mocking him.
She was close, very close to calling him "Boss" again. He could see it in her eyes and hear it in the angered crack of her voice. If they didn't slow down and regroup, he was afraid he'd say something that would totally isolate her. "And if I did? Would it matter? Would you listen?"
"I can't believe you just said that," she said. "As far as I'm concerned, this discussion is over."
The hurt was evident in her voice, and he realized that he had isolated her after all. Good going, you asshole. "Loralei," he said as he tried to reach for her.
Impatiently, she slapped his hands away and literally jumped off the bed. "Don't touch me. I don't want you touching me."
He watched as she began to walk out of the bedroom. Following her lead, he stalked through the living room behind her and tried to take hold of her arm, but she evaded him again. "Where are you going," he asked.
She grabbed her purse and slung the strap over her head. She jerked her keys off the key holder, nearly ripping it off the wall. "I'm going to pick up Rachel. Don't wait up, because I have no idea when I'm coming home. I need to breathe; I need to get away from you for a while. I have to get out."
"Loralei…"
She didn't look at him. Instead, she held up her hand. "No," she said. "Don't."
Loralei opened the door and slipped out before he had another opportunity to speak again. He had been in pursuit of her when the door closed in his face. He stood close to it and leaned his forehead against it. Angrily, he pounded the door with his fist. Goddamn it. Goddamn it all.
* * *
The sitter was only a couple doors down from their apartment. There was no way either Loralei or Donovan would have allowed Rachel to be taken any further than that. When they had returned home from Florida, a woman named Angie had been leaving her apartment with her young son. She must have seen 'new parents' stamped all over their foreheads, because she offered lots of advice to both of them and had even said she'd baby-sit if they ever needed her. Of course, before her husband [the overprotective, juvenile prick fucker] would agree to her sitting the baby, he insisted on having her checked out. Sighing sadly, fighting desperately against the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes, Loralei knocked on the door. While she waited, she found her eyes wondering to her apartment two doors down. No. No. I won't go back. Not yet.
* * *
Alex had just gotten Farron out the door when she heard a tentative knock. Had he come back already? Good God, he's persistent, she thought. She swung the door open, expecting to see Farron smiling at her innocently, but was met instead by Loralei's tear streaked face. She noticed that she had the baby with her, and she appeared to be quite shaken up.
"Loralei, are you okay," Alex asked, concerned.
She shook her head. "No, I'm not. Can I come in?"
"Yeah, come on in."
Loralei sat with Alex and gave her the clean, condensed version of what had prompted her fight with Donovan. Alex had offered a place for her to sleep, if she wanted, but Loralei begged off. She wanted to go home, but not right away.
"I can understand his anger," Loralei said, "I can even understand his motivation for it. What I don't understand is this incredible double standard. It's a Fred Flintstone mentality, Alex. It's okay for everybody else, but by God, my wife will never do it."
"I think it's just that he saw you go through so much. If he sounded that way, he probably got stupidly angry, and put his foot in his mouth."
She glanced at Alex. She had Rachel in her arms and had coaxed the infant to sleep. The baby had been crying for a long time, and nothing Loralei did pleased her. She then realized [with a pang] that Rachel probably missed her father's voice and his touch. Grudgingly, she admitted to herself that she did as well. "I'm sure that's part of it. Damn him. I love him so much, but he has the ability to piss me off so badly." She laughed bitterly. "I suppose that's the beauty of marriage. I'm sorry to cry on your shoulder, Alex. I just didn't want to go home, not right away."
Alex smiled. It was odd. She had come to think of Loralei as a friend. Their 'bond' had developed after Alex had given Loralei an 'in' regarding Donovan's brief status as rogue. "It's okay. I always love getting the chance to see Rachel. Do what you have to do, Loralei. I don't have to tell you that your husband is stubborn. You know that all too well. You have to follow your heart, you know. Cliché but true."
* * *
When Loralei entered the apartment, she noticed that Donovan was waiting up [in the dark], just as she suspected he would. She ignored him and went to put the baby down for the night [or for however long she decided to sleep]. It was well past two in the morning, and she was certain he sat disapproving her decision to be out traipsing around with the baby so late. She had started to stay with Alex, but didn't want to impose on their friendship. Once Rachel was placed snuggly in her crib, Loralei turned back toward the door. Although she didn't look up, she knew he was gazing at her steadily, seemingly trying to coax her to meet his gaze. Instead, she closed the door, effectively shutting him out for the rest of the night. She had slept in the easy chair before and didn't mind doing it again.