Ep.2: Hermaphroditia!
(The camera pans in on various parts of the audience then comes back on Heero who is running around with his tub of popcorn from yesterday)
Heero: Are we on yet!? Not yet, must...eat...popcorn!!
BG1(Chibi): Uh Heero, we're on in 5...4...3...
Heero: Uh, where, seat A-HA! *Quickly runs and sits beside someone* Whew.
BG1: *Runs backstage* 1!
(Theme plays and the camera pans in on Heero who is desperately trying to finish his popcorn)
Heero: *Munch* Aw damn, who cares? It's my show. And welcome to MY SHOW. And today we're talking about *Looks at cue cards* ...Saywha?
CCG: Hermaphrodites!
Heero: What the hell is a hermaphrodite?!
Guy sitting next to Heero: It's a person who has both female and male organs.
Heero: ...Riiight. Okay. Well here ya go. *Hands him a Dallas cheerleader's bra and panties*
GSNTH: ...*Drools*
Heero: I am good. Who agrees with muh?! *Jumps out of seat and starts hi-fiving random people* Okay, enough of that. *Gracefully jumps down with popcorn and runs to sit at the foot of the set* Now our first...hermaphrodite is a certain person who I know or so I'm told. Gee, wonder who it is. Seriously, I want to know who it is. So let's bring out...WHAT!? Duo!?!
Duo: *Bounces out on stage* Hiya Heero!
Heero: But...but...but—ohhhh...*Rubs temples* Why do I bother breathing!? So Duo...you're a hermaphrodite...
Duo: Indeed I am...you know I'm really not happy about that.
Heero: You shouldn't be. Now you're here to tell...your...
Duo: Come on, you can say it!
Heero: Uh...hey you! *Points to random guy* Come down here!
RG: WHOO-HOO! *Rushes down* What can I do?!
Heero: *Turns away* Read that.
RG: Okay! *Calmly* Ahem. So Duo, yer here to tell your lover something?
Duo: Indeed I am...I'm not happy about that either.
RG & Heero: You shouldn't be.
Heero: Get back to your seat.
RG: Okay, but can I have a bra!?
Heero: Will you stop drooling on me?
RG: *Shakes his head and spit flies every where*
Heero: Ew. *Tosses him a Dallas cheerleader's bra* Now go away.
RG: WHOO-WHOO! *Runs back to seat and stares at bra*
Duo: You're giving out women's bras?!
Heero: Not just any women! Dallas cheerleaders!
Audience: *Goes into a frenzy and start chanting 'Heero!'*
Heero: See, here I am a god.
Duo: *Raises eyebrow* Uh can we move on?
Heero: Yes. Now to bring out your lover...CHANG WUFEI!
Wufei: *Comes out on stage and quickly sits down*
Heero & Audience: *Look at Wufei knowingly*
Duo: I get the feeling y'all know something I don't...
Heero: That's because we do. Now Duo, let your secret flow and entertain us all. *Sits on floor expectantly*
Duo: Uh Wufei...
Wufei: Yes?
Duo: ...Wufei, I'm a...
Heero: Don't make me do it.
Duo: I'M A HERMAPHRODITE!
Wufei: ...you're a what?
Duo: Hermaphrodite.
Wufei: What the hell is that?
Heero: He's part girl part boy.
Wufei: Oh....AHHH! *Goes pale* And when da hell did you find this out!?
Duo: When I found out I was pregnant...
Heero & Wufei: WHAT?!
Duo: Oh Wufei, I'm pregnant!
Wufei: Is it mine?!
Duo: I think so—
Heero: What do you mean you think!? Vexing idiot!
Duo: Uh...well that's the other thing...
Heero: What OTHER thing?! Oh my spider-sense...getting harder...not to...pimp slap...Duo...
Wufei: Oh no, don't tell me...
Duo: Uh...I've been cheating on you with...
Wufei, Heero, & Audience: SAY IT!!
Duo: *Sniff* TREIZE!
Heero: *Nearly has a heart attack*
Wufei: *Tries not to pimp slap Duo* Since...when...!??!
Duo: Since 2 months...
Wufei: ...Duo...we've been together for...2...months.
Duo: I know, strange ain't it?
Wufei: Duo...
Heero: Uh, let's bring out Treize.
Treize: *Walks out and kisses Duo*
Heero: *Pages security*
Wufei: *Jumps Treize* MOTHER F***ER!
BGs: *Grab Wufei in mid-flight*
Heero: And we'll be right back. *Takes out gun*
*******COMMERCIAL BREAK***************COMMERCIAL BREAK*********
Heero: And we're back. And notice that Treize, Duo, and Wufei are still out here. And that's because Wufei has a secret to reveal to Duo. Oh joy.
Duo: A-ha! I knew it!
Wufei: Oh shut up you whore!
Heero: He's not the only one...Hey, Chang tell us the secret already.
Wufei: *Blushes* Uh well Duo...
Duo: Yes? *Raises eyebrow*
Wufei: Well...since we've been going out... I was seeing Quatre first...and now I'm his...pimp...*Backs up*
Duo: AAAAAAAH! *Gets ready to pounce Wufei—*
Heero: And now for your cat fight pleasure QUATRE!
Quatre: *Doesn't make it 2 inches on the stage before Duo jumps him*
(Dust cloud fight ensues while Wufei and Treize try to break it up)
Heero: Meow.
Audience: *Goes into a wild frenzy of joy*
Heero: *Increases it as Heero throws DC underwear into the Audience* SECURITY! *Pulls out gun*
BG2 (me): Should we handle this?
BG1: Hey, we're getting paid for it kiddo. *Rush into cat-fight and two seconds later Treize and Wufei are restraining their separate lovers*
Duo: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THAT SKANK!
Quatre: WHO YOU CALLIN A SKANK HO!?
Heero: *Sits happily humming "Animate Me" by Rush* Oh wait, I should break this up shouldn't I? *Fires gun into the ceiling* THAT'S ENOUGH! Not really but this set is a rental.
Everyone on stage except BGs: *Sit down in respective seats*
Heero: Now then. But Duo, I must ask: Whose child is it?
Duo: I told you, I have no idea!
Treize: CHILD?!
Heero: That got things started.
Treize: How far along are you!?
Heero: He looks like 3-4 weeks.
Duo: Actually its 5 months.
Wufei: DAMN! You don't gain any weight!!
Heero: 5 months?! Let me get this straight: you date Wufei for 2 months. Somewhere in there you have an infidelity—
Everyone on stage: A what?
Heero: *Annoyed* Affair with Treize and now your 5 months pregnant?!
Duo: I was 5 months when I found out.
Heero, Wufei, Treize, Quatre & Audience: OHHHHH!
Wufei: But whose is it!?
Duo: Don't make me say it again.
Heero: I have an idea because I am a genius! We will conduct a paternity test!
Duo: We will what?
Heero: Conduct a paternity test! On MY SHOW!
Wufei: ...That's a good idea...I think...
Heero: Of course it is for I am a genius!
Quatre: ...Well let's do it!
Heero: No let's not. SECURITY!
BGs: *Escort stage members back stage*
Heero: Anyone wanna know what my spider-sense says?
Audience: YEAH!
Heero: Hell no! I'm not telling anyone. But I will bring out our next guest...es...
Audience: *Lean in closer*
Heero: What?! Don't look at me like that!
Audience: *Judge his every move*
Heero: _ Oh I feel your eyes...staring at me...judging my every breath...but anyway, our next guest...es...is Miss LUCREZIA NO-I'm not even gonna bother with that last name.
Noin: *Walks out on stage* Hello Heero.
Heero: Noin...my spider-sense tells me you don't have a clue why you're here.
Audience: *Together* Oooh, clueless guest!
Noin: _
Heero: Aren't they the best? So tell us about yourself—
Noin: Heero, you know who I am!
Heero: But they don't!
Audience: *Watch Heero's every breath*
Heero: They're judging you, y'know...judging your every movement...
Noin: ...riiight. Well, if you must know, I've been seeing Sally Po for the past few months—
Heero: It's always months with you people! Jeez, can't I see a steady relationship here?!
Noin: ...it's almost been a year...
Heero: *Turns to Audience* You see?! Take notes from her damned it!
Audience: *Take notes*
Heero: *Turns back to Noin* Well, let's bring out Sally Po—*mumbles* and may god help you.
Sally: *Walks out on stage and kisses Noin* Hi Noin.
Noin: Sally, what's this about?
Heero: Yeah, what's this—uh I mean Sally, you're here to tell your girlfriend something yes?
Sally: Actually I prefer—
Heero: I am SICK of that word! Damnit, its aficionado! You want to tell your aficionado something!
Sally: ...uh yeah. Noin, I have a secret—
Heero: *Sits down right beside Sally them* Oh don't mind me.
Sally: *Shifts uncomfortably* Noin...I'm a hermaphrodite.
Heero: You do know what that means right?
Noin: ...you mean that wasn't a GUN!?
Sally: *Shake head*
Noin: *Goes f-ing plum loco* AAAAAAAAAHHHHH! *Starts shooting up studio*
Heero: *Jumps her* YEE-HAW—I mean WHOA DOGGIE!
Sally: *Tries to calm her down* Noin! Please understand—
Noin: *Throws Heero off her* FUCK YOU! *Pimps slaps her till she can't take it*
Heero: Ouch...ah well, I can't do anything here. *Takes out axe* But old faithful can! We have to take a quick commercial break. *Runs up to Noin*
******COMMERCIAL BREAK******************COMMERCIAL BREAK**********
(Noin and Sally are nowhere to be seen and Heero is throwing bras to the audience)
Heero: And *toss* we're back *toss* and we have the results *toss* of the paternity test *toss and holds up manila folder* right here. So let's go take a look non? *Rushes down to stage foot where Duo, Treize, Quatre, and Wufei are sitting with the body guards behind them ready to strike*
Heero: So Wufei, think it's yours?
Wufei: Well, I've always wanted a child...
Heero: What about you Treize?
Treize: Whatever happens I'll still love Duo.
Duo: *Looking like a train wreck*
Audience: *Collective 'AAAAAAAAAAW!'*
Heero: *Makes gagging gesture* Oh please! Now for the results...oh the suspense *takes out paper then goes pale* Oh my god...
Duo: What?! Who is it!?
Heero: You are not going to believe this...
Treize: Who's the father?!
Heero: Dear sweet lord it's impossible...
Every one minus Duo: SAY IT DAMN YOU!!
Heero: The father is... Lady Une.
Duo: *Stares in shock* Say...that...name...again...
Heero: Lady Une.
Wufei: *Faints*
Treize: ...dear god...
Duo: *Takes out gun and puts it to his head*
Heero: And I'm not even gonna stop you.
Duo: BUT HOW!? HOOOOOW!? *Prepares to shoot himself*
Heero: You think I know, don't you?
Quatre: Dear Allah, I wouldn't wish that on anyone! Not even my worst enemy...well maybe...nah.
Heero: *Mumbles* That is gon' be one fucked up child—
Duo: YOU SHUT UP! *Holds stomach a little too possessively* It's okay...*rocks back and forth*
Heero: *Nods head slowly* You know what Duo? I have a SURPRISE.
Duo, Quatre, Treize, & Wufei: Oh no—
Heero: *Smirks* Hell yes! It's LADY UUUUUNE!
Lady Une: *Walks out on stage* Why hello Duo.
Duo: *Bitch and pimp slaps 5 times* DAMN YOU!
Heero: Let's not restrain him.
Treize: *Joins in the pimp slapping* HOW DARE YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIM!
Wufei: *Bitch slaps her* Yeah!
Quatre: *Puts head in hands* Great Allah...
Heero: *Pimp slaps Une*
Lady Une: Why did YOU do that?!
Heero: ...to tell you the truth...I don't know.
Lady Une: *Sits cradling face*
Heero: So Lady Une...how'd ya do it?
Lady Une: Well, all I did was insert male sperm into him and it was done.
Duo: Wait...then it wasn't you?!
Lady Une: It wasn't my sperm but I ejected into you...while you were drunk.
Heero: But then...who does the sperm belong to?!
Lady Une: Who knows? I robbed a sperm bank.
Duo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Heero: Well, there goes my genius idea. We may never get the answer to this.
Quatre: *Shakes head*
Duo: *Sobs* Why?!
Heero: At least we know the how.
Treize: But now we must find out the who.
Heero: But the test show that Lady Une is the father—er mother...and it would have to be her sperm...*Everyone looks at Lady Une*
Lady Une: Don't look at me; I'm as clueless as you are!
Duo: I suppose I should get an abortion—
Heero: But we'll never know who the father is! Plus your already 5 months pregnant, no use in getting an abortion now!
Wufei: He's right.
Duo: *Sigh* Alright.
Heero: Good. Now we're out of time so join us next time on MY SHOW. ("Animate Me" plays as credits roll)
(The camera pans in on various parts of the audience then comes back on Heero who is running around with his tub of popcorn from yesterday)
Heero: Are we on yet!? Not yet, must...eat...popcorn!!
BG1(Chibi): Uh Heero, we're on in 5...4...3...
Heero: Uh, where, seat A-HA! *Quickly runs and sits beside someone* Whew.
BG1: *Runs backstage* 1!
(Theme plays and the camera pans in on Heero who is desperately trying to finish his popcorn)
Heero: *Munch* Aw damn, who cares? It's my show. And welcome to MY SHOW. And today we're talking about *Looks at cue cards* ...Saywha?
CCG: Hermaphrodites!
Heero: What the hell is a hermaphrodite?!
Guy sitting next to Heero: It's a person who has both female and male organs.
Heero: ...Riiight. Okay. Well here ya go. *Hands him a Dallas cheerleader's bra and panties*
GSNTH: ...*Drools*
Heero: I am good. Who agrees with muh?! *Jumps out of seat and starts hi-fiving random people* Okay, enough of that. *Gracefully jumps down with popcorn and runs to sit at the foot of the set* Now our first...hermaphrodite is a certain person who I know or so I'm told. Gee, wonder who it is. Seriously, I want to know who it is. So let's bring out...WHAT!? Duo!?!
Duo: *Bounces out on stage* Hiya Heero!
Heero: But...but...but—ohhhh...*Rubs temples* Why do I bother breathing!? So Duo...you're a hermaphrodite...
Duo: Indeed I am...you know I'm really not happy about that.
Heero: You shouldn't be. Now you're here to tell...your...
Duo: Come on, you can say it!
Heero: Uh...hey you! *Points to random guy* Come down here!
RG: WHOO-HOO! *Rushes down* What can I do?!
Heero: *Turns away* Read that.
RG: Okay! *Calmly* Ahem. So Duo, yer here to tell your lover something?
Duo: Indeed I am...I'm not happy about that either.
RG & Heero: You shouldn't be.
Heero: Get back to your seat.
RG: Okay, but can I have a bra!?
Heero: Will you stop drooling on me?
RG: *Shakes his head and spit flies every where*
Heero: Ew. *Tosses him a Dallas cheerleader's bra* Now go away.
RG: WHOO-WHOO! *Runs back to seat and stares at bra*
Duo: You're giving out women's bras?!
Heero: Not just any women! Dallas cheerleaders!
Audience: *Goes into a frenzy and start chanting 'Heero!'*
Heero: See, here I am a god.
Duo: *Raises eyebrow* Uh can we move on?
Heero: Yes. Now to bring out your lover...CHANG WUFEI!
Wufei: *Comes out on stage and quickly sits down*
Heero & Audience: *Look at Wufei knowingly*
Duo: I get the feeling y'all know something I don't...
Heero: That's because we do. Now Duo, let your secret flow and entertain us all. *Sits on floor expectantly*
Duo: Uh Wufei...
Wufei: Yes?
Duo: ...Wufei, I'm a...
Heero: Don't make me do it.
Duo: I'M A HERMAPHRODITE!
Wufei: ...you're a what?
Duo: Hermaphrodite.
Wufei: What the hell is that?
Heero: He's part girl part boy.
Wufei: Oh....AHHH! *Goes pale* And when da hell did you find this out!?
Duo: When I found out I was pregnant...
Heero & Wufei: WHAT?!
Duo: Oh Wufei, I'm pregnant!
Wufei: Is it mine?!
Duo: I think so—
Heero: What do you mean you think!? Vexing idiot!
Duo: Uh...well that's the other thing...
Heero: What OTHER thing?! Oh my spider-sense...getting harder...not to...pimp slap...Duo...
Wufei: Oh no, don't tell me...
Duo: Uh...I've been cheating on you with...
Wufei, Heero, & Audience: SAY IT!!
Duo: *Sniff* TREIZE!
Heero: *Nearly has a heart attack*
Wufei: *Tries not to pimp slap Duo* Since...when...!??!
Duo: Since 2 months...
Wufei: ...Duo...we've been together for...2...months.
Duo: I know, strange ain't it?
Wufei: Duo...
Heero: Uh, let's bring out Treize.
Treize: *Walks out and kisses Duo*
Heero: *Pages security*
Wufei: *Jumps Treize* MOTHER F***ER!
BGs: *Grab Wufei in mid-flight*
Heero: And we'll be right back. *Takes out gun*
*******COMMERCIAL BREAK***************COMMERCIAL BREAK*********
Heero: And we're back. And notice that Treize, Duo, and Wufei are still out here. And that's because Wufei has a secret to reveal to Duo. Oh joy.
Duo: A-ha! I knew it!
Wufei: Oh shut up you whore!
Heero: He's not the only one...Hey, Chang tell us the secret already.
Wufei: *Blushes* Uh well Duo...
Duo: Yes? *Raises eyebrow*
Wufei: Well...since we've been going out... I was seeing Quatre first...and now I'm his...pimp...*Backs up*
Duo: AAAAAAAH! *Gets ready to pounce Wufei—*
Heero: And now for your cat fight pleasure QUATRE!
Quatre: *Doesn't make it 2 inches on the stage before Duo jumps him*
(Dust cloud fight ensues while Wufei and Treize try to break it up)
Heero: Meow.
Audience: *Goes into a wild frenzy of joy*
Heero: *Increases it as Heero throws DC underwear into the Audience* SECURITY! *Pulls out gun*
BG2 (me): Should we handle this?
BG1: Hey, we're getting paid for it kiddo. *Rush into cat-fight and two seconds later Treize and Wufei are restraining their separate lovers*
Duo: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THAT SKANK!
Quatre: WHO YOU CALLIN A SKANK HO!?
Heero: *Sits happily humming "Animate Me" by Rush* Oh wait, I should break this up shouldn't I? *Fires gun into the ceiling* THAT'S ENOUGH! Not really but this set is a rental.
Everyone on stage except BGs: *Sit down in respective seats*
Heero: Now then. But Duo, I must ask: Whose child is it?
Duo: I told you, I have no idea!
Treize: CHILD?!
Heero: That got things started.
Treize: How far along are you!?
Heero: He looks like 3-4 weeks.
Duo: Actually its 5 months.
Wufei: DAMN! You don't gain any weight!!
Heero: 5 months?! Let me get this straight: you date Wufei for 2 months. Somewhere in there you have an infidelity—
Everyone on stage: A what?
Heero: *Annoyed* Affair with Treize and now your 5 months pregnant?!
Duo: I was 5 months when I found out.
Heero, Wufei, Treize, Quatre & Audience: OHHHHH!
Wufei: But whose is it!?
Duo: Don't make me say it again.
Heero: I have an idea because I am a genius! We will conduct a paternity test!
Duo: We will what?
Heero: Conduct a paternity test! On MY SHOW!
Wufei: ...That's a good idea...I think...
Heero: Of course it is for I am a genius!
Quatre: ...Well let's do it!
Heero: No let's not. SECURITY!
BGs: *Escort stage members back stage*
Heero: Anyone wanna know what my spider-sense says?
Audience: YEAH!
Heero: Hell no! I'm not telling anyone. But I will bring out our next guest...es...
Audience: *Lean in closer*
Heero: What?! Don't look at me like that!
Audience: *Judge his every move*
Heero: _ Oh I feel your eyes...staring at me...judging my every breath...but anyway, our next guest...es...is Miss LUCREZIA NO-I'm not even gonna bother with that last name.
Noin: *Walks out on stage* Hello Heero.
Heero: Noin...my spider-sense tells me you don't have a clue why you're here.
Audience: *Together* Oooh, clueless guest!
Noin: _
Heero: Aren't they the best? So tell us about yourself—
Noin: Heero, you know who I am!
Heero: But they don't!
Audience: *Watch Heero's every breath*
Heero: They're judging you, y'know...judging your every movement...
Noin: ...riiight. Well, if you must know, I've been seeing Sally Po for the past few months—
Heero: It's always months with you people! Jeez, can't I see a steady relationship here?!
Noin: ...it's almost been a year...
Heero: *Turns to Audience* You see?! Take notes from her damned it!
Audience: *Take notes*
Heero: *Turns back to Noin* Well, let's bring out Sally Po—*mumbles* and may god help you.
Sally: *Walks out on stage and kisses Noin* Hi Noin.
Noin: Sally, what's this about?
Heero: Yeah, what's this—uh I mean Sally, you're here to tell your girlfriend something yes?
Sally: Actually I prefer—
Heero: I am SICK of that word! Damnit, its aficionado! You want to tell your aficionado something!
Sally: ...uh yeah. Noin, I have a secret—
Heero: *Sits down right beside Sally them* Oh don't mind me.
Sally: *Shifts uncomfortably* Noin...I'm a hermaphrodite.
Heero: You do know what that means right?
Noin: ...you mean that wasn't a GUN!?
Sally: *Shake head*
Noin: *Goes f-ing plum loco* AAAAAAAAAHHHHH! *Starts shooting up studio*
Heero: *Jumps her* YEE-HAW—I mean WHOA DOGGIE!
Sally: *Tries to calm her down* Noin! Please understand—
Noin: *Throws Heero off her* FUCK YOU! *Pimps slaps her till she can't take it*
Heero: Ouch...ah well, I can't do anything here. *Takes out axe* But old faithful can! We have to take a quick commercial break. *Runs up to Noin*
******COMMERCIAL BREAK******************COMMERCIAL BREAK**********
(Noin and Sally are nowhere to be seen and Heero is throwing bras to the audience)
Heero: And *toss* we're back *toss* and we have the results *toss* of the paternity test *toss and holds up manila folder* right here. So let's go take a look non? *Rushes down to stage foot where Duo, Treize, Quatre, and Wufei are sitting with the body guards behind them ready to strike*
Heero: So Wufei, think it's yours?
Wufei: Well, I've always wanted a child...
Heero: What about you Treize?
Treize: Whatever happens I'll still love Duo.
Duo: *Looking like a train wreck*
Audience: *Collective 'AAAAAAAAAAW!'*
Heero: *Makes gagging gesture* Oh please! Now for the results...oh the suspense *takes out paper then goes pale* Oh my god...
Duo: What?! Who is it!?
Heero: You are not going to believe this...
Treize: Who's the father?!
Heero: Dear sweet lord it's impossible...
Every one minus Duo: SAY IT DAMN YOU!!
Heero: The father is... Lady Une.
Duo: *Stares in shock* Say...that...name...again...
Heero: Lady Une.
Wufei: *Faints*
Treize: ...dear god...
Duo: *Takes out gun and puts it to his head*
Heero: And I'm not even gonna stop you.
Duo: BUT HOW!? HOOOOOW!? *Prepares to shoot himself*
Heero: You think I know, don't you?
Quatre: Dear Allah, I wouldn't wish that on anyone! Not even my worst enemy...well maybe...nah.
Heero: *Mumbles* That is gon' be one fucked up child—
Duo: YOU SHUT UP! *Holds stomach a little too possessively* It's okay...*rocks back and forth*
Heero: *Nods head slowly* You know what Duo? I have a SURPRISE.
Duo, Quatre, Treize, & Wufei: Oh no—
Heero: *Smirks* Hell yes! It's LADY UUUUUNE!
Lady Une: *Walks out on stage* Why hello Duo.
Duo: *Bitch and pimp slaps 5 times* DAMN YOU!
Heero: Let's not restrain him.
Treize: *Joins in the pimp slapping* HOW DARE YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIM!
Wufei: *Bitch slaps her* Yeah!
Quatre: *Puts head in hands* Great Allah...
Heero: *Pimp slaps Une*
Lady Une: Why did YOU do that?!
Heero: ...to tell you the truth...I don't know.
Lady Une: *Sits cradling face*
Heero: So Lady Une...how'd ya do it?
Lady Une: Well, all I did was insert male sperm into him and it was done.
Duo: Wait...then it wasn't you?!
Lady Une: It wasn't my sperm but I ejected into you...while you were drunk.
Heero: But then...who does the sperm belong to?!
Lady Une: Who knows? I robbed a sperm bank.
Duo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Heero: Well, there goes my genius idea. We may never get the answer to this.
Quatre: *Shakes head*
Duo: *Sobs* Why?!
Heero: At least we know the how.
Treize: But now we must find out the who.
Heero: But the test show that Lady Une is the father—er mother...and it would have to be her sperm...*Everyone looks at Lady Une*
Lady Une: Don't look at me; I'm as clueless as you are!
Duo: I suppose I should get an abortion—
Heero: But we'll never know who the father is! Plus your already 5 months pregnant, no use in getting an abortion now!
Wufei: He's right.
Duo: *Sigh* Alright.
Heero: Good. Now we're out of time so join us next time on MY SHOW. ("Animate Me" plays as credits roll)