Disclaimer: The disclaimer on the first chapter applies pretty much to everything else in the rest of the fic.
Rating: Still PG-13, and it's all due to the language.
Pairing: Pity the only pairing. And no, Harry won't even try to compensate for the dead other half!
The DiaryBy: Astral Fou-lu
Part Five: In Which Emotions Fly High or Fainting and Disarming Spells
"Harry," Remus breathed. "You finally decided to show up."
Harry wiped his cheek absently with his Invisibility Cloak. "Why should I? I can't afford to look like a clueless idiot while I know…"
He looked up at the man whom he had loathed for all the six years of his existence in Hogwarts. Snape stood, clothes disheveled, panting, muscles tense. Weak as any human should be.
He's not terrifying anymore. Harry leveled his gaze to Snape's. He disgusts me.
"He's right, Professor Lupin," Harry whispered, never taking away his eyes from Snape's. "I shouldn't have been involved with this shit if not only for you telling me about this. If it weren't for the diary." He paused, handing the diary back to Lupin. "I don't need this anymore."
"Why is he here, Lupin?" Severus asked, tone scathing. "We never agreed for a third party!"
"We never did, Severus, He came on his own volition," Remus calmly stated, tucking in the diary into the folds of his robe.
"Then who told him about this meeting then?" accused Severus, throwing Remus a dark look. "How did—"
"Oh, who the fuck cares why I'm here?" Harry snarled. "It's my fucking life you're talking about!"
As far as anyone was concerned, Harry didn't look as if he cared if he would be expelled to Hogwarts, or at anything, for that matter. He was burning.
"Watch your tongue, boy!" Severus snapped, eyes flashing. "You don't—"
"Damn right I don't! I DON'T CARE! All I care about is I'm disgusted with myself!"
That shut Snape up.
Lupin knew that everything had gone too far enough. He reached out and laid a hand on the trembling boy. "Harry," he said, soothingly, "You should go back to your dormitory. Others might find out."
"Damn right they will," growled Severus.
"Shut up," snapped Lupin. Then, to Harry, "Please. Things won't get better if you stay here, Harry. Best if you go back. I'll accompany you."
In the end it was Snape who turned back and started to leave the room. But before he went through the door, he turned back to the pair, to Harry in particular.
"You still have your detention with me tomorrow, two o' clock sharp Potter."
With that, he left the werewolf and student alone.
As if on cue, Harry reached out for Remus and threw his arms around him, sobbing on the older man's shirt. "Oh, shit. Shit. Why does everything have to mess up for me? Why?"
Lupin could do nothing but stroke Harry's hair soothingly and return the embrace. "Nobody's fault, Harry. Isn't Severus' fault, either. He was brokenhearted by that time, and young and stupid as well," Lupin's tone hardened at the last phrase. "It's nobody's fault for falling in love…"
"I don't even care about who's to blame, Professor Lupin. I'm just sickened by everything—I'm disgusted with Snape, I'm disgusted with Dad—I mean, oh shit—I don't even know how to call him anymore…" With that Harry broke down again, raining a torrent of tears onto Lupin's pristine white t-shirt.
Lupin remained silent, leading Harry outside the Shrieking Shack and into the Gryffindor Tower. No words could suffice for Harry's suffering.
And this boy's even got Voldemort on his heels.
Knock, knock.
"Come in," growled Snape, startled from his labels and empty jars. His marking quill dropped from his hand, splattering some labels with stray ink. No doubt, Professor Severus Snape's usually deft hand was trembling.
Harry went in, walking towards Snape's working table, throwing him a dark look.
A thought flashed in Severus' mind that Somehow, holding detention with him might be a mistake…
As Harry's stride stopped a few meters away from his position, Severus cleared his throat and beckoned towards the twenty small-size cauldrons piled on a table by the left side of the classroom. Farthest from the place where Snape would his part throughout the day as well.
Harry's eyebrow shot up as he looked at the pitiful heap of cauldrons. "A lighter load than you usually would deal me with," he commented, pseudo-casually.
Snape seethed inside. Merlin, the boy knows how to throw every single thing at me. Can't he be just happy that he can do a simple cleaning spell and be done with it in ten minute's time? Must he notice bloody damn everything?!
"Shut up and get to work, Potter," Snape said coldly. "Not everyone has time to tarry with,"
To Snape's immense relief the boy turned back, walked towards the pile of small pewter cauldrons and set to work.
Snape had written Z on a label when he heard a loud clang on Harry's working table, but nothing alarming. His eyes flew to the boy, who from earlier detentions learned (or was used) not to use magic in his detentions, especially cleaning. Harry bent over one cauldron, his left hand supporting the apparatus and his right hand scrubbing the pewter with a roughing cloth. Sweat trickled from the boy's forehead as he worked, occasionally wiping his brow with his right arm. Hair stuck on the surface of his glasses, damp, and at that point Harry ran a hand up his hair and scrubbed again.
Snape could not believe how much Harry looked like James Potter. Damn, I must have overdone it...
Let me take a look at the boy, Lily," Severus said, reaching for the infant in Lily's arms. The boy cooed and smiled, as if sensing his blood kinship with Severus. He paid no heed to the infant's affectionate gestures though, much to Lily's dismay.
"It will be easy, Lily, don't worry," Severus said, carrying the infant in his arms as he inspected him. The boy was green-eyed. "Glamour would take care of it."
"What do you mean? Lily whispered, startled. "Glamour?"
Severus rolled his eyes and sighed in annoyance, looking down at Lily as if she was a 'dunderhead'. "You want James to find out that the boy looks more like a certain greasy-haired git more than the child looks like him?"
Lily was tight-lipped. "No, of course not," she replied curtly.
"Then give me a lock of James' hair by sundown," Severus handed back the baby to Lily. "We're going to Knockturn Alley."
Severus never knew how much Lily wanted the child's appearance to remain as is.
Harry's brows furrowed as he scoured at a stubborn spot, biting his lip. Severus took leave of his label-writing for the moment, and studied Harry closely. The boy licked his lips and Severus' stomach tightened, it was as if he went back twelve years and he was staring at James Potter, as a schoolmate, once again. He always used to do that.
James licked his lips as he measured a tablespoonful of powdered hound claw. "Oh, damn," he muttered as an extra pinch somehow dropped into the cauldron.
Severus sighed and put in a pinch of powdered midnight beetle to negate the acid. "For all the lip-licking you're doing, James, your fingers are still clumsy. You should change your choice of unconscious habit."
"I thought you said you liked it last night," James whispered to Severus naughtily, making sure nobody else heard him.
Severus turned his eyes to a smirking James, obviously thinking of something primal. "Ugh, James. Save that for later."
"Yeah right, and a Slytherin tells a Gryffindor to behave, and a Marauder at that," James pinched Severus' thigh discreetly.
"This certain Slytherin behaves accordingly in school, but not at night," Severus shot back in a whisper, then grinned back. "I'll get back at you, James."
"Ohoh, I'll expect that."
Severus gritted his teeth, but found that he cannot turn away from staring at Harry. Shit, James. Nobody fucked my life up more than you did.
Then abruptly, Harry looked at him, possibly going to inquire about further instructions. He caught Severus looking at him.
James' face staring at him with a stone-cold front.
"Yes, Severus. I don't want to lie, but I do…"Feeling hot tears springing out of his eyes, Severus hastily turned away and strode off towards his office, his face hidden from Harry Potter.
Or should I say Harry…
"Oh no you don't," Harry snarled as he saw Snape make off to his private office. "I've had enough of your cold treatment. What happened with your usual insults, Snape?"
Snape stopped in his tracks, but did not face him.
Feeling his chest tightened, Harry threw a cauldron at Snape, missing a few inches. That made him whirl around and face him. Somehow Harry was fazed when he saw a pair of moist streaks running across the Potions master's cheeks, but that did not stop him from delivering his well-prepared tirade. "Well what are you crying for, Snape? I never thought you were even the type," Harry sneered. Snape had made his life a living hell, and now had made his parentage a crying shame. He was not going to back down now. The fact that Remus Lupin already knew (and was taken in the hard way) and maybe even Dumbledore, made the matter irreversible.
As Dumbledore had said in his first year, if a thing's a secret, naturally the whole school would know about it.
Snape said nothing.
"You know what Snape? It should be me who's crying," Harry murmured, eyes staring down at his hated professor. "Because I'm a bloody bastard who isn't even a love child, but some shit who came out because of some sort of twisted revenge! Do you know how much it hurts me? Do you?!" he screeched, throwing another just-cleaned cauldron to let out a torrent of fury, but did not aim it at Snape. He just wanted to throw something, anything…
Snape seethed an anger as well, tears forgotten, and walking towards him reached put and grabbed a handful of his black uniform. "So was I! I was treated like trash ever since the day I was born! Do you even know what my life was like? DO YOU?! Do you know how each day my mother threw me out into the streets to be laughed at just because I messed up at preparing something for my sickly father, when I was still fifteen? ANSWER ME!"
Harry, vision blurred with tears, swiped away Snape's hand off his shirt, his chest heaving with many year's worth of hurt further added with the present dilemma. "AND DOES THAT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE SHIT OUT OF MY LIFE?"
With a strangled cry Severus lashed out at Harry, though not to hit him but push him violently aside as he banged his fist on the table. Obviously he intended to hit Harry, but decided against it at the last minute. "Then what do you want Potter? What the hell do you want from me?! You want me to crawl on the floor and lick your boots? YOU WANT ME TO GROVEL BEFORE YOU?
And at that Harry, who could not hold anymore, sobbed. He does not know, He does not know…
"You DON'T UNDERSTAND! I don't want anything from you! I'm just fucked up because nobody wants me to belong to ANYBODY!"
Silence.
Harry stood, a heaving, panting figure steeped in emotional hurt, with Severus opposite him, restraining his own sentiments out of guilt.
"You have friends, Potter. Do you want the whole world like your father did?" Severus finally said, pinching the bridge of his nose, breathing deeply. Slowly.
Too late he realized his mistake.
"Which father? James? You? I don't know who to call 'father' anymore!" Harry snapped, eyes flashing with white-hot anger.
Severus ran a hand through his hair impatiently. "Is it that important to you, Potter? You already have a godfather, that blasted Sirius Black. He should be more than enough!"
To his surprise, Harry thrashed a blind fist at him and shook him, tears running across his own cheeks. "DAMN YOU! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" he howled, not unlike a madman.
Then Severus felt it.
His head spinning, Severus felt the blood drain from his face and he lost his balance, Harry still assaulting him. Oh shit, now the damned boy's attacking me…
Blindly rummaging for his wand, Severus threw a stunning spell at Harry, a full body-bind, but not before he fell down and gradually lost consciousness.
How come Potter's wand is on the table? was his last thought before everything turned black.
A/N: My sad, sad story is that HP stuff is limited here, and imported HP stuff barely reaches our shores. I read in an HP fic somewhere here in FF net that someone bought two pairs of HP socks, one Gryffindor and another, Slytherin. Imagine my despair and envy. I WANT A SLYTHERIN T-SHIRT! I WANT EVERYTHING WITH THE SLYTHERIN CREST ON IT! WAAAAHHHH!!!!
Oh well. And some responses to my beloved reviewers….
Voldie For Prez: Yeah, I've got some grammar mistakes mostly because I breeze through my works and I've got no beta-reader (not to mention I'm too lazy to go back and re-read XD). As for Evaluation: I got hit by a big chunk of writer's block that fell down from the sky O.O, but it's my full intent that I finish it. It's summer vacation for me already, after all. More time to think! ^_^
Prophetess of Hearts: Yup, gonna get rid of the glamour. The first attempt by Harry won't involve magic though. You have to guess… ^-~
The Black Unicorn: NO!!! NO HOOK NOSE FOR HARRY! LOL! O_O;; I'm supposing that Snape got that from Sirius' uppercut.
Tidmag the Hufflepuff and Gen Raid the Deatheater: Er…I gotta admit you lost me in your Ch. 3 review, guys…but no matter…
To others, reviews and constructive criticisms welcome! (my trouble with tenses could last long, though…as long as I lack a beta)
….Which brings to mind…any offer to be my beta is SURELY WELCOME!!!