What if Harry Potter was a famous police Chief Constable and he came to talk to university students? (The bookstore scene)
Cast list:
Sarah Taylor – Draco Malfoy
Rhiannon Batsford – Lucius Malfoy
Chief Constable – Harry Potter
John Rafferty – Gilderoy Lockhart
Barry O'Shea – Arthur Weasley
Sarah Rowlands – Molly Weasley
Mick Temple – Ginny Weasley
Mike Rowles – Ron Weasley
John Herbert – Hermione Granger
Background – This story was thought of in manic insanity just before a Journalist and Society seminar. Our (me and Rhi) lecturer had just announced that he was going to get the Chief Constable of Staffordshire police force to talk to us, to which my reply was a sarcastic "Woohoo!" To which Rhi's reply was "Now now Sarah, play nicely." And then that descended into this madness.
Just in case anybody is confused, the other people in the cast list are lecturers from our Journalism course at university. And by the way, I'm Sarah Taylor. Also, GK is the student newspaper at our university.
Please enjoy this, but do not try to guess what our state of mind was when we thought of this.
We are insane, always have been and always will be.
Disclaimer – I do not own any of the characters from Harry Potter. They are the sole property of J.K. Rowling – the jammy woman she is. Also, I do not own the idea for this scene. It too belongs to J.K., but also belongs to David Heyman, Chris Columbus, Warner Brothers and anyone else who was pivotal in making the Chamber of Secrets.
This is one of mine and Rhi's favourite scenes from the new film. This is not meant to be taken seriously in any way, and if you do not like it then I apologise profusely.
Scene opens and we see Sarah Rowlands(but for this story anyone who plays a Weasley now has the last name O'Shea) stood in a line with Mick, John Herbert, Mike, and the Chief Constable stood in a crowd inside a room in the library. There is a large group of people stood around all chatting excitedly.
Chief Constable: What's going on here?
Mike Rowles(O'Shea) : John Rafferty. Mum fancies him
Sarah O'Shea swipes at Mike before proceeding to check her hair. Suddenly a large silence descends upon them as someone says "Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr John Rafferty!" The crowd descends in rapturous applause as a man, in his late thirties/early forties walks into the classroom. He is tall, with short blonde hair and blue eyes. All the women in the crowd sigh collectively, with a look of admiration in their eyes. The men look at the women with puzzled expressions. A photographer barges through the crowd.
Photographer: Out of the way. This is for GK.
The photographer proceeds to take pictures of Rafferty. He has a large grin on his face and does extravagant poses for the camera. Suddenly he pauses as he spots a face in the crowd.
Rafferty: It can't be….It is. Chief Constable.
There are murmurs throughout the assembled crowd. Chief Constable has a bemused expression on his face. It is almost one of shock. Suddenly the photographer grabs the Chief Constable ad pushes him towards Rafferty, who the proceeds to pose again.
Rafferty: Big smile now Chief Constable. You and I together rate the front page.
The photographer takes a picture with Rafferty smiling and Chief Constable looking almost scared. The camera pans up to a balcony in the room, where Sarah Taylor is standing looking down on the action below her. She has an almost jealous look on her face. The camera cuts again to Rafferty and the Chief Constable.
Rafferty: Little did the Chief Constable know that when he stepped into Flourish and Blotts today to purchase a copy of my autobiography, 'Babbling Me', little did he know that he would be getting a collection of my entire works for free.
Rafferty hands a set of books to the Chief Constable, making sure to pause so the photographer can take a picture. The crowd gasps at Rafferty's generosity. The Chief Constable walks off towards Mrs O'Shea, books in hand.
Sarah O'Shea: You give me those books here Chief Constable. I'll make sure they all get signed.
Camera cuts to a shot of the Chief Constable walking towards the door of the room, with Mike, Mick, John and the rest of the O'Sheas (except Barry and Sarah) in tow. We see Sarah Taylor standing on a staircase. She picks a book up, rips a page out of it, puts it in her pocket and sets off towards the group.
Sarah Taylor: Bet you loved that didn't you? Famous Chief Constable. Can't even go into a library without making the front page.
Mick Temple: Leave him alone.
Sarah: Oh look Chief Constable. Got yourself a boyfriend? (Note – I know in the original script this is 'girlfriend', but me and Rhi thought Mick would be the best Ginny out of all the lecturers)
She smirks at the Chief Constable. Suddenly a cane with the head of a snake on the end hits her on the shoulder. Her face drops, and she looks at it with a hint of fear and anxiety.
Rhiannon : Now now Sarah, play nicely.
She shoves Sarah out of the way and looks at the Chief Constable.
Rhi: Ah, Chief Constable. Rhiannon Batsford. We meet at last. *shakes hand* Forgive me.*pulls Chief Constable towards her and examines his badge with the tip of her cane* Your badge is legend. As of course is the association that gave it to you.
Chief Constable: The association overworked my parents. They're nothing more than murderers.
Rhi: Ah, you must be very brave to speak their name….Or very foolish.
Camera cuts to John Herbert, who is holding a collection of books.
John Herbert: Fear of the name only increases fear of the thing itself.
Rhiannon looks at John with a cold glare in her eyes.
Rhi: Ah, and you must be Mr Herbert? *she looks at Sarah, who nods in agreement* Yes, Sarah's told me all about you. And your colleagues. Lawyers aren't they?
John looks over to where two people, a man and a woman, are deep in conversation with Barry O'Shea. Rhiannon turns to the O'Sheas that are surrounding the Chief Constable and begins to speak.
Rhi: Let's see. Red hair, vacant expression, *reaches into Mick's bag and pulls out a book* tatty second hand books. You must be the O'Sheas.
Barry suddenly appears at the front of the group. He's obviously seen what has been happening and has come to make sure his family and the Chief Constable are okay.
Barry: Come on people. Let's go and wait outside. It's getting a little bit crowded in here.
Rhi: And here's O'Shea senior.
Barry(forced politeness): Rhiannon
Rhi: Busy time at the university. What with all those extra lectures. I do hope they're paying you overtime.*he holds up the tatty book he had taken earlier* Though judging by this, obviously not. What's the use in being a disgrace to the name 'lecturer' if they're not even going to pay you well to do it?
Barry: I think we have different ideas as to what disgraces the name 'lecturer'.
Rhi: Clearly. *next bit in a disappointed and disgusted voice* Associating with lawyers.
Barry and Rhi glare at each other with hatred in their eyes. Everyone in the group can feel the tension between the two and look on silently. Then Rhi turns to leave.
Rhi: See you in Editing and Production. *she stalks off out of the shop, cloak flowing behind her. We hear a distant "Come Sarah."*
Camera cuts back to Sarah, who has been watching the scene from the background, walks up to the Chief Constable.
Sarah: See you in Journalist and Society.
Sarah raises her eyebrows at the Chief Constable and flounces out of the shop in pursuit of Rhiannon.
END