26. Public Image
The next few weeks passed more pleasantly for Evangeline. Heeding the accident as a warning to be more careful, she concentrated on paintings that could be moved to her rooms to work on. Filch, who was also a bit shaken up by the accident, actually offered to climb up and remove some of the paintings that hung high above the floor. This helped make Evangeline feel better, too. She was really grateful for his kindness and pleased that she and Filch seemed to have developed a comfortable working relationship. The more time she spent with Argus Filch, the better she liked the gruff caretaker though she'd never want to make him feel uncomfortable by telling him so.
To her even greater delight, she was able to get out of the castle for an entire afternoon and attend a Quidditch match. True to her word, she sat beside Snape, wrapped in a green and silver robe, and had a marvelous time watching Slytherin flatten Hufflepuff.
She found the experience a bit confusing, though, as Snape himself didn't seem to be entirely comfortable in her presence despite assuring her that he was happy that she chose to go. At times he seemed quite eager for her to be with him, solicitous of her comfort and interested in her comments. Then at other times, he ignored her completely and devoted himself to policing the students or glowering darkly at anyone who ventured too near. As long as no one was paying any attention to the two of them, he was his usual friendly if reserved self, but whenever they encountered any of the other faculty that she didn't know very well or students, particularly those from his own house, she noticed, his manner changed quite abruptly and became much more sneering and arrogant and generally unpleasant. It did have the effect of keeping everyone else at bay. For most of the game, they had their corner of the stands all to themselves.
As Evangeline tried to make sense out of this, she realized that most of her relationship with Severus had been conducted in private or in the company of only a few others with whom they both felt comfortable. Rarely did they spend any time together in public. After all, she was trying not to be noticed by the general community of the castle. Severus himself seemed to have cultivated a public presence that was quite different from the private man that she'd gotten to know, and he jealously guarded that public image not wanting to do anything that might contradict it in the eyes of others. She found it rather puzzling. Why would anyone go out of his way to appear to be unpleasant? Why would anyone wish to be disliked?
As Snape didn't seem to want to discuss the matter with her, she tried to bury her curiosity and devote her energy to other matters that were more strictly her business. She was still a bit leery of offending him again by prying into matters that he considered to be none of her concern. So as curious as she found his behavior, she ignored it as much as possible and simply enjoyed any opportunity that presented itself to spend time with him.
All in all, as time went on, her life settled into a comfortable routine that avoided the students, most of the time, but allowed her enough company so she didn't feel too lonely and isolated. She did find that living such a restricted life was a bit trying at times though, and she found herself looking forward to the masked ball on Halloween very much. Snape, on the other hand, was getting more and more gloomy at the prospect. Evangeline simply didn't understand his aversion to enjoying himself. It was almost as if he was afraid to show too much of himself to the world. Although what he could possibly be afraid of, she couldn't imagine. Everyone else she talked to was looking forward to the ball eagerly. It saddened her a bit to think that for Snape, it seemed to be something to be dreaded.
On Halloween morning, Snape was her guest for breakfast. "Well," she exclaimed, as she poured milk into her teacup. "Tonight's the big night. I can certainly see that you're excited."
He glowered darkly at her. "The students will be impossible today. Nothing will get accomplished in class. The entire day will be little more than a huge waste of time!"
She put down the milk pitcher and looked at him in concern. "Severus, what's really bothering you about this dance? I've watched you get unhappier and unhappier as it's gotten closer. Why can't you just enjoy yourself?"
Snape continued to frown darkly and crossed his arms over his chest. "I do not enjoy public expressions of frivolity, Evangeline."
"Are you worried about your carefully cultivated image as a grumpy old curmudgeon? Is that the problem? Are you afraid the students might realize you're actually a human being instead of a fire-breathing dragon? Would that really be so horrible?"
He sighed and continued to sulk gloomily.
"Severus, the sky won't fall if the students see you dance or smile. Is your image as an unpleasant person that important to you? What harm would it do for others to see you enjoying yourself? You know, most people want to be liked."
"You don't understand, Evangeline. I am not most people." Impatiently he dropped his napkin onto the table and rose to his feet. "I don't wish to discuss it anymore. I have a morning class I need to get to."
With a nod, she rose, too. "All right, I won't push. I've promised to stay out of your private business, and I'll abide by that, but I do hate to see you this unhappy. You will be there this evening, won't you? Because it won't be nearly as enjoyable to me if you aren't there."
His expression lightened at her statement and he looked a little less unhappy. "Yes, I'll be there. We're all expected to attend."
"Good." She took his arm and walked him to the door then she rose up on tiptoes and kissed him swiftly on the cheek as she opened it. "Save me a dance, okay?"
He raised an eyebrow and gave her a small smile. "I assure you, I will dance with no one else."