Title: Shouldn't be Her
Author: FutureSlayer
Raiting: PG
Distribution: Ask first!
Disclaimer: AWTR is not mine, I'm just a fan. The story *is* mine so don't steal!
Feedback: YESSS PLEASEEEE!
Summery: What was Landon thinking while sitting on his porch before Belinda's visit? Landon POV.
~
It shouldn't be her. Anyone else, maybe, not that I'm wishing this on someone or anything. It just shouldn't be her. Not Jamie. Why does God have to take her? Someone who has believed in him and had unfailing faith her entire life, He decides to end it all. Why? I just don't understand.
I was at the hospital for 3 days straight, just sitting by her side feeling completely helpless. WHY? Here my girlfriend sits, someone who I love more than anything I've ever known, here she is, dying, and I'm powerless to stop it. There's nothing I can do, and it's killing me, maybe more than it's killing her. But I have to try and be strong for Jamie.
I can't bear to think about what Jamie's going through right now. I'm hurting, but it's her life that's going to end. She's the one that's being taken away from the whole world, from me, and she can't stop it either. She must feel so guilty. She has to leave me here alone. I hope she doesn't think that I blame her. I don't. I know she doesn't have a choice. There's so many things on her list that will never be checked off. It shouldn't be her.
She's always been so into all of it, her faith I mean. Since before I can remember, I mean I should know, I've known her my whole life. But than again, I never really knew her. And I never knew what I was missing. How could I have been so blind? All those years, all I ever did was hurt her, and now, that I really spent time with her, I finally see how beautiful she is. And now, of course, she's going to leave me. Figures.
I keep thinking that this is payback. That God is making me suffer for all those years that I didn't believe, or at least not as much as I should have. But why make Jamie go through this? Why not teach me another way? I always thought she was my angel. I guess now she will be.
I know she's not afraid, and that scares *me*. I think of being in her place and I know I would lose it. But she keeps it together. I just don't understand. I don't know why he's taking her, but I'm going to value the time I have with her. I'm not concentrating on her leaving anymore, I'm concentrating on the fact that she's still here right now, and that's what matters.
I looked up to the sound of someone walking up the steps to my porch. For a split second I thought it was Jamie. But no, she's still in the hospital, and Belinda stands here now.
She gives me the pictures from the play and apologizes, telling me she knows why Jamie loves me, why she chose me. And telling me she's sorry about the fliers. And than she kisses me on the check. It doesn't even faze me. It's such a Belinda thing to do.
I'm not even paying attention, I'm thinking about Jamie. And once Belinda's gone, that's who I go to. The girl that's in the hospital. The perfect 18 year old that I love. The angel still on earth, waiting to go back to heaven. And I know it shouldn't be her.
I just don't understand.
Author: FutureSlayer
Raiting: PG
Distribution: Ask first!
Disclaimer: AWTR is not mine, I'm just a fan. The story *is* mine so don't steal!
Feedback: YESSS PLEASEEEE!
Summery: What was Landon thinking while sitting on his porch before Belinda's visit? Landon POV.
~
It shouldn't be her. Anyone else, maybe, not that I'm wishing this on someone or anything. It just shouldn't be her. Not Jamie. Why does God have to take her? Someone who has believed in him and had unfailing faith her entire life, He decides to end it all. Why? I just don't understand.
I was at the hospital for 3 days straight, just sitting by her side feeling completely helpless. WHY? Here my girlfriend sits, someone who I love more than anything I've ever known, here she is, dying, and I'm powerless to stop it. There's nothing I can do, and it's killing me, maybe more than it's killing her. But I have to try and be strong for Jamie.
I can't bear to think about what Jamie's going through right now. I'm hurting, but it's her life that's going to end. She's the one that's being taken away from the whole world, from me, and she can't stop it either. She must feel so guilty. She has to leave me here alone. I hope she doesn't think that I blame her. I don't. I know she doesn't have a choice. There's so many things on her list that will never be checked off. It shouldn't be her.
She's always been so into all of it, her faith I mean. Since before I can remember, I mean I should know, I've known her my whole life. But than again, I never really knew her. And I never knew what I was missing. How could I have been so blind? All those years, all I ever did was hurt her, and now, that I really spent time with her, I finally see how beautiful she is. And now, of course, she's going to leave me. Figures.
I keep thinking that this is payback. That God is making me suffer for all those years that I didn't believe, or at least not as much as I should have. But why make Jamie go through this? Why not teach me another way? I always thought she was my angel. I guess now she will be.
I know she's not afraid, and that scares *me*. I think of being in her place and I know I would lose it. But she keeps it together. I just don't understand. I don't know why he's taking her, but I'm going to value the time I have with her. I'm not concentrating on her leaving anymore, I'm concentrating on the fact that she's still here right now, and that's what matters.
I looked up to the sound of someone walking up the steps to my porch. For a split second I thought it was Jamie. But no, she's still in the hospital, and Belinda stands here now.
She gives me the pictures from the play and apologizes, telling me she knows why Jamie loves me, why she chose me. And telling me she's sorry about the fliers. And than she kisses me on the check. It doesn't even faze me. It's such a Belinda thing to do.
I'm not even paying attention, I'm thinking about Jamie. And once Belinda's gone, that's who I go to. The girl that's in the hospital. The perfect 18 year old that I love. The angel still on earth, waiting to go back to heaven. And I know it shouldn't be her.
I just don't understand.