Good Evening, All:)
Wow, wild little ride there we had on Saturday. I can't apologize enough to those of you who thought that was the end of the story. That I just got bored and killed everyone off in one fell swoop. Quite the contrary. I need this story *more* in light of the happenings on the show. I need to see a respectful, loving Buffy and a sane Spike.
That doesn't mean I don't need a little angst.
That being said, here's some good old fashioned angst for ya! We are now back to real time. Back to the hospital. Back to what is really happening. What William saw in the last chapter was a possibility for the future. Next chapter, he will see another. But, in the meantime, Spike and Buffy have some very real problems to deal with. Ones that may break them.
Still, I will eventually set things right. In the meantime, may I suggest tissues and chocolate?
Next chapter will be out on Thursday and it *will* be another flash forward chapter. No one freak on me. I promise that it's only another possibility, not necessarily the way things will be. Stay with me here and you will like where this takes you.
And remember, I believe in happy endings.
Enjoy and let me know what you think:)
*Cheery Vibes*, Nimue
"As sick as it sounds, in my little head, there's a little Sunnydale, and a widdle Buffy, and a widdle Spike, and Spike wubs Buffy." James Marsters 14 July 2002
Title: Beggars (Time - Chapter Thirteen)
Author: Nimue
Rating: PG -13
Pairing Buffy/Spike. Most major characters included.
Feedback: Yes, please
For instant notification of fic releases, straight to your mailbox, please visit Always_Everyday@yahoogroups.com
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, Fox... Just Borrowing. (with, of course, the exception of Emma and William, who belong to Buffy and Spike)
Summary: Set simultaneously with The Poet. Spike is concerned that the alarms in the hospital might have to do with his newborn son. But what will he do when he finds the truth? Xander and Willow have a discussion with Buffy about forgiveness. Riley approaches the SG and tries to gain their trust. Spike is helped by an unlikely friend.
Beggars
Spike's hands slapped to his ears. Giles looked at the Vampire quizzically, wondering for a moment if the chip had ever really been removed. In the distance, the Watcher could hear the buzz of alarms chiming and whistling. Some poor soul moving on.
"Spike?" Giles finally asked.
"Bloody alarm," Spike grumbled, slowly dropping his hands and gritting his teeth, allowing himself to become accustomed to the horrid sound. Suddenly, he became still, his face changing , shifting from annoyance to panic almost as obviously as Vampire to Man.
"What is it?" Giles questioned as Spike began toward the door to the stairwell.
"Will's floor," Spike mumbled in response, disappearing into the darkness.
*****
The nurse looked down at Buffy kindly. "It won't hurt."
"Oh, just do it," Buffy snapped, rolling over slightly on her less painful side. Xander turned, Emma clinging to him, cringing. Willow held Buffy's hand. Gently, the nurse jabbed the needle, sliding the liquid relaxation into the muscle of Buffy's hip.
"Owwww," Buffy whined as the nurse rearranged her gown and helped her back to lying flat.
"Not for long," the nurse replied, winking.
"D'you give her the good stuff?" Willow quipped, brushing Buffy's hair from her face.
"She'll feel nothing but lovin'," the young nurse joked, pulling the blanket to Buffy's aching chest. Suddenly, a shrill beep filled the empty air of the room. The nurse scrambled at her waist for her pager, staring at the screen.
"Oh God."
"Everything OK?" Buffy questioned, eyes beginning to glaze over as she spoke.
The nurse looked at her, fear flashing in her eyes, but a broad, comforting grin forced across her face. "You're fine. Just rest and I'll be back to check on you in a bit."
The nurse sped from the room, leaving the rest in a confused, but mostly unconcerned, disarray.
Xander settled at the far end of the bed, letting Emma disentangle herself and scoot back up the blankets next to her mother. They both looked exhausted. Like they had had too much. Always too much, Xander thought.
"Listen, Buff," Xander began. "I was thinking that since you'll be in here a few days, I could go to the house and finish with the kids' room for you. You know, clear it out, finish the border, get the crib back out and try to make it roomy enough for the both of them. I was thinking that we could knock the wall back into the storage.."
"Xander," Buffy interrupted, smiling softly. "It's not your fault."
The boy looked trapped, staring at her quiet, tired eyes. "I just thought that..."
"The help would be great. But I don't blame you for today. For what happened. It just... I guess it was time."
Willow looked at Xander, nodding, and then turned her head to Buffy. She smiled warmly. Amazing how they could all be grown-ups when they tried.
"I shouldn't have yelled at you like that," Xander commented, his head dropping.
"Probably not," Buffy chuckled. "But I would have been upset too. I would've told you but..."
"Spike explained," Xander interrupted. "I get why you didn't."
"It wasn't my place to say," Buffy continued, her hand aimlessly toying with Emma's blonde ringlets.
"Well, everything turned out all hugs and puppies. Or should I say babies," Willow chimed in, smiling at them both.
Buffy grinned, thinking about the little blue bundle. Wanting to see him again. "Yeah," she whispered. "It did, didn't it?"
*****
Spike sped down the hallway, skidding to the entrance door to the ICU. The sirens were louder. He yanked the door. Locked. Takina had a pass card. Where the hell was she? He asked himself. His fist pounded into the door. A commotion bustled on the other side, but no one answered.
"Spike?" It was Giles. His voice was low. Full of... torture. It came from around the corner. Spike spun, bolting in the general direction of the voice.
Giles stood a few feet back from the viewing window, eyes wide, hands clasped into a white-knuckled knot in front of him. Spike studied him, his pace slowing. Then he turned to face the glass.
Doctors, nurses, crowded around the incubator. Lights flashing. Alarms blaring. Carts with digital displays and monitors blinking and frantic people shuffling around the room.
"It's not him," Spike muttered, walking towards the glass. "He's just fine."
"Spike." Giles voice was anguished, watching the doctors work on an unseen child. All that he could make out was the corner of a blue blanket and a sign. One with yellow balloons.
The Vampire pressed his hands against the glass, staring in, studying the scene. "S'not him," he said again, his voice beginning to tremble. "Just saw him. Buffy was holding him."
Giles stepped up next to him, watching Spike's eyes brim over and begin to spill. "Spike." It seemed to be the only word that his mouth could form.
A nurse ran to a phone on the wall, moving from Spike's view. The first thing he saw was the nametag. A yellow balloon. A face drawn on it. Little fangs. His name. His son.
The crowd shifted, moving the child to a table no bigger than a TV tray. Spike caught a glimpse of the little boy. Tiny. Perfect.
Still.
Completely still.
A doctor turned, eyeing the blonde man with his hands pressed to the glass. The men staring in with wide-eyed horror at the unmoving child. Quickly, he blocked the view from the window as the tears began to spill. "Jesus! Somebody get the window," the doctor's voice shouted. The nurse at the phone rushed to the glass, yanking the blinds down with a clatter.
Nothing.
Spike stood, unmoving, fingers splayed against the cold window. Eyes trained to where they'd last seen him. The Watcher blinked, turning to face him.
"Rupert?" Spike's voice was shaking. Detached. His eyes still straight ahead. "Tell me that wasn't William."
"Spike," Giles repeated, putting a hand on the Vampire's shoulder. Spike shrugged him away.
"Tell.Me.That.Wasn't.My.Son.," Spike snapped, his head swinging round to face the Watcher, eyes glaring, face cold as stone.
"We don't know what's happening, Spike," Giles reasoned, his eyes betraying his fear.
"Tell me," Spike whispered, his anger dropping. "Please."
Giles looked away. "I can't."
Spike fell to a knee on the floor, his head buried in his hands. Giles watched his body tremble as the sobs took him. "Tell me it's not my son!" He begged.
Giles lowered himself to the floor in front of Spike, putting his hands on Spike's shoulders. "It *was* William. But we don't know what..."
Spike's eyes rose to meet Giles'. The Vampire looked desperate. Lost. "Buffy." It came out as a sigh. A terrible wail contained inside a word that was barely a sound.
Giles looked away, blinking back his own emotion. When he could look back, the Vampire had fallen back on his heels, rocking, sobbing. "Let's... let's find out what's going on first, alright? Then we'll talk to Buffy. I'll be with you, Spike. Alright?"
Spike never looked up. "He can't *die*, Rupert. Can't. Won't let it happen."
"One thing at a time, Spike," Giles responded, sitting down next to him on the cold tile. "We need to be strong. Talk to the doctors."
"He can't *die*!" Spike's voice was primal. Full of fear and rage.
Giles rested his hand on Spike's shoulder once again. "One moment at a time."
*****
Willow and Xander walked into the waiting area, a napping Emma sprawled along Xander's chest, her head lolled on his shoulder. Dawn looked up, watching them walk into the room. "Buffy OK?"
"They gave her some painkillers. She's sleepin'," Willow responded, flopping onto a chair next to Tara.
"They give Emma some too?" Tara snarked, squeezing her lover's hand.
"No, but she's drowning me in drool all the same," Xander joked, sitting delicately in the chair next to Willow.
"Want me to take her?" Tara asked, holding out her arms towards Xander. Tara had become like a second mother to the tot, sitting for her almost every night. One day, she hoped Willow and she could figure out which way they wanted to go for one of their own.
"Nah," Xander sighed. "This is kinda nice." The little girl nuzzled into his shirt and whimpered in her sleep. He found himself brushing her hair back with his fingers and studying her as if she were a beautiful little foreign creature.
Willow shot him a weary glance. "Don't be giving off the daddy vibe already."
"No!" Xander responded. "One day, but.. hello, issues."
The door from the outer hall slowly opened. Riley Finn came in, looking around, tentatively stepping over the threshold as if to avoid a landmine. "Hi," he said, a small wave at the group against the far wall.
"Uh... hi," Willow responded, stiffening almost imperceptibly.
"Didn't think *you'd* be coming back," Dawn commented, inspecting the back of her hands.
Riley walked into the room, confidant now that no cheesed off Vampires were waiting in ambush. He crouched down in front of them, looking up at Dawn. "I'm sorry I upset Buffy, OK? I didn't mean to. That's not why I came."
"Yeah, but... I hate to ask this, Riley, but why *are* you here?" Xander asked, trying to be polite, but somewhere needing to know.
Riley sighed, rocking back on his heels. "I'm stationed here now. The unit I work for has assigned me to protect the girl." He nodded at the child now spilled across Xander's lap.
"Emma?" Willow stuttered, toying with the little girl's shoe.
"Yeah," Riley answered softly, leaning his gaze towards Willow. "I'm just here to help."
"Spike is *not* going to like this," Dawn warned. "I mean, he and Buffy... you don't get any closer that that. But you hurt her. And to him, this is all happening because you're here. To me too."
"I know," Riley sighed, looking back at the teen. He fell back onto the floor, drawing his legs to his chest. "I guess I'll just have to prove to both of you that I mean to help."
Xander chuckled. "You remember Spike, right? Grudge, much?"
"I heard he's changed," Riley commented, his bright eyes gleaming up at the boy.
"Well, yeah, what with the whole breathing, heartbeat-y, fathering children, mortal, thing," Xander commented. "But he's still... Spike."
Riley's eyes shot open. "Spike's a mortal?"
"Looks that way," Willow contributed. "But the whole One thingy... you know bout that?"
Riley nodded. "Yeah. Had to take Mystical Peacemaker History 101 for the mission," he joked.
Willow smiled. "Who knows what that really means to them? I mean they're both *mortal*, but their soul is not and it gives them all sorts of freaky powers. Maybe it makes them *less* mortal than most. We really don't know."
"Hunh," Riley commented. "What kind of powers?"
"Freakish strength and speed. Well, more freakish than before. And healing. And the whole mind thing," Xander contributed.
"Mind thing?" The soldier questioned, his eyebrows quirked.
"They can feel each other," Dawn answered. "I think it's kind of romantic."
"Feel each other?"
As Riley questioned them, Tara noticed it. Like Riley wasn't... right. It wasn't just the interrogation, but a weird, itchy, feeling in the back of her mind. Like his aura was off or his essence had shifted. She tried not to stare at him, or look at him at all for that matter, but it nagged her. Burning. Doubt.
"Yeah. Like pain, pleasure. They can give and take it from each other from anywhere," Dawn continued.
Riley blushed. "I bet that has some handy uses."
"I *so* didn't want to go there," Xander commented, crinkling his nose.
Riley looked at them. "So they have this whole happy family thing going on. Who'd a thunk it?"
"Strange, but true," Willow chuckled. "Like *perfect* happy. Well, other than the constant demon onslaught and the regular attempts on their lives and the lives of the kid...s. But they got the whole 'I love you, you love me' Barney-ness happening."
"Good," Riley commented, smiling his wholesome, blinding grin. "I'm glad for her. Hopefully, she'll let me help on the whole attempt on their lives bit."
"Hard sell," Xander commented. "And you'll have to go through Spike on it. Buffy most definitely wears the pants, but she listens to him. Trusts his judgment."
"Now, things *have* changed," Riley answered, nodding and chuckling. "Buffy I knew wouldn't listen to anyone but her gut."
"Well, sharing a soul puts the whole wavelength thing in synch," Dawn commented, annoyed with the entire conversation.
"Then I guess I had better talk to Spike," Riley sighed, standing. "Explain that I'm an old married man just doing my job."
"How is Sam?" Willow asked, a smile breaking across her kind face.
"Great," Riley blushed, shuffling his feet. "I'll bring her by sometime."
"Good," Willow answered, still grinning.
Riley looked at them closely, his honest face serious and concerned. "Are...are we OK?"
Xander shrugged. "Yeah, I mean you are here to protect Emma, right?"
"Absolutely." Riley's face shone in pride and dignity, a big toothy grin spreading across his features.
"Then we're good," Willow commented.
"Good," Riley answered, his shoulders dropping in relief. "Mind if I wait here with you guys for Spike?"
"Uh, sure," Willow answered, gesturing to the chairs on the far side from Emma. *We* may be OK, but Spike will *not* be, she thought. Riley sat, folding his hands in his lap, and waited.
*****
"There you are," Anya chimed, breezing into the ICU waiting room. Cyrus appeared at her heels. "I thought you were going to... Hey," she continued, her tone becoming concerned. She sank down in the chair next to Giles. "What's wrong?"
Giles stared at his knees, holding back tears. "Anya, I'm afraid... I'm afraid something's happened to William."
"What's gone wrong?" Cyrus asked, his brow crinkling with concern. He sat in the chair on the opposite side of Giles, watching his old friend study the floor.
"We... we don't know," Giles stuttered. "But from what we saw, it's quite serious."
"We?" Anya questioned, terror creeping into her tone. "Where's Spike?"
Giles raised his head, scanning the room. The Vampire had disappeared. "I suppose he needed a moment alone. To collect himself. He was worried about Buffy..."
"Men," Anya huffed, standing. "The last thing he needs is a *moment*. The last thing he needs is *alone*."
The Watchers looked up at her, both confused and enlightened. "Well.." Giles began.
"Think of it like this. Stressed out, fangy super guy on a hair trigger who's had about the baddest of bad days *and* who has no idea if his newborn son is alright. How would you feel?" She gushed.
"Upset, of course," Giles responded, eyes wet and tired.
"And how do upset Vampires act?" Anya questioned, looking at two of the most educated men she had ever met as if they were thick.
"Violent," Cyrus answered like a child in class.
Anya spun, heading for the door. "Where are you going?" Giles called after her.
"To find Spike. Stay here and see if you can get some information on William," she responded, pushing open the doors.
"What if he's..." Cyrus stuttered.
"Vengeance Demon. I can get ugly," Anya answered without looking back. She disappeared through the doorway.
*****
Somehow, she knew that when she found him, he wouldn't be violent. On the contrary, he'd probably be a big, mushy, mess. Like the night Buffy had jumped from the tower. No one had noticed him them. Except her. And maybe Tara. But that was the night Anya realized that Spike was truly, madly, deeply in love with Buffy, and that Xander was not with her.
He was sitting on the floor, legs curled up to his chest, hands gripping his shins. He was parked across from the closed viewing windows, like a child expecting a Christmas display. Blankly staring at shaded glass. Waiting.
"Hey," Anya said, smiling softly as she approached. She proffered a soda that she'd grabbed on her way past the vending machine. Always good to have a peace offering.
Spike looked up at her, taking her offering and setting in on the floor beside him. His face was still. The kind of still one only shows when trying desperately to cover it all. Unnatural, pained, quiet. "Thank you."
"Sure," Anya answered, sliding down onto the floor next to him. She sat cross-legged, staring quietly at the glass. It was up to him to choose what he needed. Maybe just sitting was what he wanted.
It seemed like hours before he spoke, eyes never moving from the curtained windows. "What do I tell her?" His voice wavered almost imperceptibly.
"She was asleep when I left," Anya commented, her voice quiet and gentle. "So you don't tell her anything yet."
Spike looked over at her, eyes tender and full of tears begging to be spilled. But he held fast. "And when she wakes up?"
Anya sighed, staring into the fathomless blue of his eyes. "I don't know. You don't know until the doctors tell you what happened."
"You know," he began quietly. "You know she won't understand." His voice faltered. "I don't understand. Why him? I mean, of all of us, he's the innocent."
She took his hand, holding it gently. "Not everything has a reason. Not everything is all prophesied and supernatural. Sometimes... sometimes regular bad things happen."
"Hasn't she had enough?" The words pushed him over the edge. The dam broke and his eyes spilled over sending silvery trails down his cheeks.
"You both have," Anya answered. She chuckled, nervously. "We all have."
Spike squeezed her hand gently, nodding, then letting her go. "I just don't.. What do I say?"
"There's no good answer, Spike," Anya whispered, playing with the hem of her jeans. "Unless the doctors come out and say that it was all a giant mistake and William is hunky dory, then none of it will be easy. But," she sighed, shifting, "We don't know what they'll say. So you can't decide what to tell her yet."
Spike was silent for a long moment. "Do you think he's dead?" His eyes traveled back to the blackened window. He tried to still himself again, but he could feel his heart shattering, spilling hurt and anger and grief into his blood.
"I don't know," Anya answered. "I'd like to think that they'd have been able to tell you that by now. That it's something else. But I don't know."
Spike nodded, tired eyes still focused straight ahead. "Funny, us. Two of us are already dead and it's the one thing we fear most."
"It's not," Anya corrected. He turned his gaze to her, questioning her. "Loss is. You and I have both been willing to die for them. But losing them isn't an option. Even the ones we barely know."
Spike smiled softly. "You're a pretty smart bird sometimes."
"I try," she answered, returning the grin. "Should've learned something in over a thousand years of existence. Do they make a t-shirt for that?"
A door opened somewhere down the hall. Giles' voice ran out, echoing against the cold, sterile walls. "Spike?"
"Yeah," he called back, standing. Spike lowered a hand to Anya, helping her to her feet.
"The doctors are ready to talk to you now."
Spike looked at Anya. "Not sure if I can do this, Pet." His eyes flickered, his hands trembling at his sides.
She laid a hand on his forearm, urging him forward. "We'll be with you, alright?"
Spike nodded and stepped towards the door.
To be contd.
Wow, wild little ride there we had on Saturday. I can't apologize enough to those of you who thought that was the end of the story. That I just got bored and killed everyone off in one fell swoop. Quite the contrary. I need this story *more* in light of the happenings on the show. I need to see a respectful, loving Buffy and a sane Spike.
That doesn't mean I don't need a little angst.
That being said, here's some good old fashioned angst for ya! We are now back to real time. Back to the hospital. Back to what is really happening. What William saw in the last chapter was a possibility for the future. Next chapter, he will see another. But, in the meantime, Spike and Buffy have some very real problems to deal with. Ones that may break them.
Still, I will eventually set things right. In the meantime, may I suggest tissues and chocolate?
Next chapter will be out on Thursday and it *will* be another flash forward chapter. No one freak on me. I promise that it's only another possibility, not necessarily the way things will be. Stay with me here and you will like where this takes you.
And remember, I believe in happy endings.
Enjoy and let me know what you think:)
*Cheery Vibes*, Nimue
"As sick as it sounds, in my little head, there's a little Sunnydale, and a widdle Buffy, and a widdle Spike, and Spike wubs Buffy." James Marsters 14 July 2002
Title: Beggars (Time - Chapter Thirteen)
Author: Nimue
Rating: PG -13
Pairing Buffy/Spike. Most major characters included.
Feedback: Yes, please
For instant notification of fic releases, straight to your mailbox, please visit Always_Everyday@yahoogroups.com
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, Fox... Just Borrowing. (with, of course, the exception of Emma and William, who belong to Buffy and Spike)
Summary: Set simultaneously with The Poet. Spike is concerned that the alarms in the hospital might have to do with his newborn son. But what will he do when he finds the truth? Xander and Willow have a discussion with Buffy about forgiveness. Riley approaches the SG and tries to gain their trust. Spike is helped by an unlikely friend.
Beggars
Spike's hands slapped to his ears. Giles looked at the Vampire quizzically, wondering for a moment if the chip had ever really been removed. In the distance, the Watcher could hear the buzz of alarms chiming and whistling. Some poor soul moving on.
"Spike?" Giles finally asked.
"Bloody alarm," Spike grumbled, slowly dropping his hands and gritting his teeth, allowing himself to become accustomed to the horrid sound. Suddenly, he became still, his face changing , shifting from annoyance to panic almost as obviously as Vampire to Man.
"What is it?" Giles questioned as Spike began toward the door to the stairwell.
"Will's floor," Spike mumbled in response, disappearing into the darkness.
*****
The nurse looked down at Buffy kindly. "It won't hurt."
"Oh, just do it," Buffy snapped, rolling over slightly on her less painful side. Xander turned, Emma clinging to him, cringing. Willow held Buffy's hand. Gently, the nurse jabbed the needle, sliding the liquid relaxation into the muscle of Buffy's hip.
"Owwww," Buffy whined as the nurse rearranged her gown and helped her back to lying flat.
"Not for long," the nurse replied, winking.
"D'you give her the good stuff?" Willow quipped, brushing Buffy's hair from her face.
"She'll feel nothing but lovin'," the young nurse joked, pulling the blanket to Buffy's aching chest. Suddenly, a shrill beep filled the empty air of the room. The nurse scrambled at her waist for her pager, staring at the screen.
"Oh God."
"Everything OK?" Buffy questioned, eyes beginning to glaze over as she spoke.
The nurse looked at her, fear flashing in her eyes, but a broad, comforting grin forced across her face. "You're fine. Just rest and I'll be back to check on you in a bit."
The nurse sped from the room, leaving the rest in a confused, but mostly unconcerned, disarray.
Xander settled at the far end of the bed, letting Emma disentangle herself and scoot back up the blankets next to her mother. They both looked exhausted. Like they had had too much. Always too much, Xander thought.
"Listen, Buff," Xander began. "I was thinking that since you'll be in here a few days, I could go to the house and finish with the kids' room for you. You know, clear it out, finish the border, get the crib back out and try to make it roomy enough for the both of them. I was thinking that we could knock the wall back into the storage.."
"Xander," Buffy interrupted, smiling softly. "It's not your fault."
The boy looked trapped, staring at her quiet, tired eyes. "I just thought that..."
"The help would be great. But I don't blame you for today. For what happened. It just... I guess it was time."
Willow looked at Xander, nodding, and then turned her head to Buffy. She smiled warmly. Amazing how they could all be grown-ups when they tried.
"I shouldn't have yelled at you like that," Xander commented, his head dropping.
"Probably not," Buffy chuckled. "But I would have been upset too. I would've told you but..."
"Spike explained," Xander interrupted. "I get why you didn't."
"It wasn't my place to say," Buffy continued, her hand aimlessly toying with Emma's blonde ringlets.
"Well, everything turned out all hugs and puppies. Or should I say babies," Willow chimed in, smiling at them both.
Buffy grinned, thinking about the little blue bundle. Wanting to see him again. "Yeah," she whispered. "It did, didn't it?"
*****
Spike sped down the hallway, skidding to the entrance door to the ICU. The sirens were louder. He yanked the door. Locked. Takina had a pass card. Where the hell was she? He asked himself. His fist pounded into the door. A commotion bustled on the other side, but no one answered.
"Spike?" It was Giles. His voice was low. Full of... torture. It came from around the corner. Spike spun, bolting in the general direction of the voice.
Giles stood a few feet back from the viewing window, eyes wide, hands clasped into a white-knuckled knot in front of him. Spike studied him, his pace slowing. Then he turned to face the glass.
Doctors, nurses, crowded around the incubator. Lights flashing. Alarms blaring. Carts with digital displays and monitors blinking and frantic people shuffling around the room.
"It's not him," Spike muttered, walking towards the glass. "He's just fine."
"Spike." Giles voice was anguished, watching the doctors work on an unseen child. All that he could make out was the corner of a blue blanket and a sign. One with yellow balloons.
The Vampire pressed his hands against the glass, staring in, studying the scene. "S'not him," he said again, his voice beginning to tremble. "Just saw him. Buffy was holding him."
Giles stepped up next to him, watching Spike's eyes brim over and begin to spill. "Spike." It seemed to be the only word that his mouth could form.
A nurse ran to a phone on the wall, moving from Spike's view. The first thing he saw was the nametag. A yellow balloon. A face drawn on it. Little fangs. His name. His son.
The crowd shifted, moving the child to a table no bigger than a TV tray. Spike caught a glimpse of the little boy. Tiny. Perfect.
Still.
Completely still.
A doctor turned, eyeing the blonde man with his hands pressed to the glass. The men staring in with wide-eyed horror at the unmoving child. Quickly, he blocked the view from the window as the tears began to spill. "Jesus! Somebody get the window," the doctor's voice shouted. The nurse at the phone rushed to the glass, yanking the blinds down with a clatter.
Nothing.
Spike stood, unmoving, fingers splayed against the cold window. Eyes trained to where they'd last seen him. The Watcher blinked, turning to face him.
"Rupert?" Spike's voice was shaking. Detached. His eyes still straight ahead. "Tell me that wasn't William."
"Spike," Giles repeated, putting a hand on the Vampire's shoulder. Spike shrugged him away.
"Tell.Me.That.Wasn't.My.Son.," Spike snapped, his head swinging round to face the Watcher, eyes glaring, face cold as stone.
"We don't know what's happening, Spike," Giles reasoned, his eyes betraying his fear.
"Tell me," Spike whispered, his anger dropping. "Please."
Giles looked away. "I can't."
Spike fell to a knee on the floor, his head buried in his hands. Giles watched his body tremble as the sobs took him. "Tell me it's not my son!" He begged.
Giles lowered himself to the floor in front of Spike, putting his hands on Spike's shoulders. "It *was* William. But we don't know what..."
Spike's eyes rose to meet Giles'. The Vampire looked desperate. Lost. "Buffy." It came out as a sigh. A terrible wail contained inside a word that was barely a sound.
Giles looked away, blinking back his own emotion. When he could look back, the Vampire had fallen back on his heels, rocking, sobbing. "Let's... let's find out what's going on first, alright? Then we'll talk to Buffy. I'll be with you, Spike. Alright?"
Spike never looked up. "He can't *die*, Rupert. Can't. Won't let it happen."
"One thing at a time, Spike," Giles responded, sitting down next to him on the cold tile. "We need to be strong. Talk to the doctors."
"He can't *die*!" Spike's voice was primal. Full of fear and rage.
Giles rested his hand on Spike's shoulder once again. "One moment at a time."
*****
Willow and Xander walked into the waiting area, a napping Emma sprawled along Xander's chest, her head lolled on his shoulder. Dawn looked up, watching them walk into the room. "Buffy OK?"
"They gave her some painkillers. She's sleepin'," Willow responded, flopping onto a chair next to Tara.
"They give Emma some too?" Tara snarked, squeezing her lover's hand.
"No, but she's drowning me in drool all the same," Xander joked, sitting delicately in the chair next to Willow.
"Want me to take her?" Tara asked, holding out her arms towards Xander. Tara had become like a second mother to the tot, sitting for her almost every night. One day, she hoped Willow and she could figure out which way they wanted to go for one of their own.
"Nah," Xander sighed. "This is kinda nice." The little girl nuzzled into his shirt and whimpered in her sleep. He found himself brushing her hair back with his fingers and studying her as if she were a beautiful little foreign creature.
Willow shot him a weary glance. "Don't be giving off the daddy vibe already."
"No!" Xander responded. "One day, but.. hello, issues."
The door from the outer hall slowly opened. Riley Finn came in, looking around, tentatively stepping over the threshold as if to avoid a landmine. "Hi," he said, a small wave at the group against the far wall.
"Uh... hi," Willow responded, stiffening almost imperceptibly.
"Didn't think *you'd* be coming back," Dawn commented, inspecting the back of her hands.
Riley walked into the room, confidant now that no cheesed off Vampires were waiting in ambush. He crouched down in front of them, looking up at Dawn. "I'm sorry I upset Buffy, OK? I didn't mean to. That's not why I came."
"Yeah, but... I hate to ask this, Riley, but why *are* you here?" Xander asked, trying to be polite, but somewhere needing to know.
Riley sighed, rocking back on his heels. "I'm stationed here now. The unit I work for has assigned me to protect the girl." He nodded at the child now spilled across Xander's lap.
"Emma?" Willow stuttered, toying with the little girl's shoe.
"Yeah," Riley answered softly, leaning his gaze towards Willow. "I'm just here to help."
"Spike is *not* going to like this," Dawn warned. "I mean, he and Buffy... you don't get any closer that that. But you hurt her. And to him, this is all happening because you're here. To me too."
"I know," Riley sighed, looking back at the teen. He fell back onto the floor, drawing his legs to his chest. "I guess I'll just have to prove to both of you that I mean to help."
Xander chuckled. "You remember Spike, right? Grudge, much?"
"I heard he's changed," Riley commented, his bright eyes gleaming up at the boy.
"Well, yeah, what with the whole breathing, heartbeat-y, fathering children, mortal, thing," Xander commented. "But he's still... Spike."
Riley's eyes shot open. "Spike's a mortal?"
"Looks that way," Willow contributed. "But the whole One thingy... you know bout that?"
Riley nodded. "Yeah. Had to take Mystical Peacemaker History 101 for the mission," he joked.
Willow smiled. "Who knows what that really means to them? I mean they're both *mortal*, but their soul is not and it gives them all sorts of freaky powers. Maybe it makes them *less* mortal than most. We really don't know."
"Hunh," Riley commented. "What kind of powers?"
"Freakish strength and speed. Well, more freakish than before. And healing. And the whole mind thing," Xander contributed.
"Mind thing?" The soldier questioned, his eyebrows quirked.
"They can feel each other," Dawn answered. "I think it's kind of romantic."
"Feel each other?"
As Riley questioned them, Tara noticed it. Like Riley wasn't... right. It wasn't just the interrogation, but a weird, itchy, feeling in the back of her mind. Like his aura was off or his essence had shifted. She tried not to stare at him, or look at him at all for that matter, but it nagged her. Burning. Doubt.
"Yeah. Like pain, pleasure. They can give and take it from each other from anywhere," Dawn continued.
Riley blushed. "I bet that has some handy uses."
"I *so* didn't want to go there," Xander commented, crinkling his nose.
Riley looked at them. "So they have this whole happy family thing going on. Who'd a thunk it?"
"Strange, but true," Willow chuckled. "Like *perfect* happy. Well, other than the constant demon onslaught and the regular attempts on their lives and the lives of the kid...s. But they got the whole 'I love you, you love me' Barney-ness happening."
"Good," Riley commented, smiling his wholesome, blinding grin. "I'm glad for her. Hopefully, she'll let me help on the whole attempt on their lives bit."
"Hard sell," Xander commented. "And you'll have to go through Spike on it. Buffy most definitely wears the pants, but she listens to him. Trusts his judgment."
"Now, things *have* changed," Riley answered, nodding and chuckling. "Buffy I knew wouldn't listen to anyone but her gut."
"Well, sharing a soul puts the whole wavelength thing in synch," Dawn commented, annoyed with the entire conversation.
"Then I guess I had better talk to Spike," Riley sighed, standing. "Explain that I'm an old married man just doing my job."
"How is Sam?" Willow asked, a smile breaking across her kind face.
"Great," Riley blushed, shuffling his feet. "I'll bring her by sometime."
"Good," Willow answered, still grinning.
Riley looked at them closely, his honest face serious and concerned. "Are...are we OK?"
Xander shrugged. "Yeah, I mean you are here to protect Emma, right?"
"Absolutely." Riley's face shone in pride and dignity, a big toothy grin spreading across his features.
"Then we're good," Willow commented.
"Good," Riley answered, his shoulders dropping in relief. "Mind if I wait here with you guys for Spike?"
"Uh, sure," Willow answered, gesturing to the chairs on the far side from Emma. *We* may be OK, but Spike will *not* be, she thought. Riley sat, folding his hands in his lap, and waited.
*****
"There you are," Anya chimed, breezing into the ICU waiting room. Cyrus appeared at her heels. "I thought you were going to... Hey," she continued, her tone becoming concerned. She sank down in the chair next to Giles. "What's wrong?"
Giles stared at his knees, holding back tears. "Anya, I'm afraid... I'm afraid something's happened to William."
"What's gone wrong?" Cyrus asked, his brow crinkling with concern. He sat in the chair on the opposite side of Giles, watching his old friend study the floor.
"We... we don't know," Giles stuttered. "But from what we saw, it's quite serious."
"We?" Anya questioned, terror creeping into her tone. "Where's Spike?"
Giles raised his head, scanning the room. The Vampire had disappeared. "I suppose he needed a moment alone. To collect himself. He was worried about Buffy..."
"Men," Anya huffed, standing. "The last thing he needs is a *moment*. The last thing he needs is *alone*."
The Watchers looked up at her, both confused and enlightened. "Well.." Giles began.
"Think of it like this. Stressed out, fangy super guy on a hair trigger who's had about the baddest of bad days *and* who has no idea if his newborn son is alright. How would you feel?" She gushed.
"Upset, of course," Giles responded, eyes wet and tired.
"And how do upset Vampires act?" Anya questioned, looking at two of the most educated men she had ever met as if they were thick.
"Violent," Cyrus answered like a child in class.
Anya spun, heading for the door. "Where are you going?" Giles called after her.
"To find Spike. Stay here and see if you can get some information on William," she responded, pushing open the doors.
"What if he's..." Cyrus stuttered.
"Vengeance Demon. I can get ugly," Anya answered without looking back. She disappeared through the doorway.
*****
Somehow, she knew that when she found him, he wouldn't be violent. On the contrary, he'd probably be a big, mushy, mess. Like the night Buffy had jumped from the tower. No one had noticed him them. Except her. And maybe Tara. But that was the night Anya realized that Spike was truly, madly, deeply in love with Buffy, and that Xander was not with her.
He was sitting on the floor, legs curled up to his chest, hands gripping his shins. He was parked across from the closed viewing windows, like a child expecting a Christmas display. Blankly staring at shaded glass. Waiting.
"Hey," Anya said, smiling softly as she approached. She proffered a soda that she'd grabbed on her way past the vending machine. Always good to have a peace offering.
Spike looked up at her, taking her offering and setting in on the floor beside him. His face was still. The kind of still one only shows when trying desperately to cover it all. Unnatural, pained, quiet. "Thank you."
"Sure," Anya answered, sliding down onto the floor next to him. She sat cross-legged, staring quietly at the glass. It was up to him to choose what he needed. Maybe just sitting was what he wanted.
It seemed like hours before he spoke, eyes never moving from the curtained windows. "What do I tell her?" His voice wavered almost imperceptibly.
"She was asleep when I left," Anya commented, her voice quiet and gentle. "So you don't tell her anything yet."
Spike looked over at her, eyes tender and full of tears begging to be spilled. But he held fast. "And when she wakes up?"
Anya sighed, staring into the fathomless blue of his eyes. "I don't know. You don't know until the doctors tell you what happened."
"You know," he began quietly. "You know she won't understand." His voice faltered. "I don't understand. Why him? I mean, of all of us, he's the innocent."
She took his hand, holding it gently. "Not everything has a reason. Not everything is all prophesied and supernatural. Sometimes... sometimes regular bad things happen."
"Hasn't she had enough?" The words pushed him over the edge. The dam broke and his eyes spilled over sending silvery trails down his cheeks.
"You both have," Anya answered. She chuckled, nervously. "We all have."
Spike squeezed her hand gently, nodding, then letting her go. "I just don't.. What do I say?"
"There's no good answer, Spike," Anya whispered, playing with the hem of her jeans. "Unless the doctors come out and say that it was all a giant mistake and William is hunky dory, then none of it will be easy. But," she sighed, shifting, "We don't know what they'll say. So you can't decide what to tell her yet."
Spike was silent for a long moment. "Do you think he's dead?" His eyes traveled back to the blackened window. He tried to still himself again, but he could feel his heart shattering, spilling hurt and anger and grief into his blood.
"I don't know," Anya answered. "I'd like to think that they'd have been able to tell you that by now. That it's something else. But I don't know."
Spike nodded, tired eyes still focused straight ahead. "Funny, us. Two of us are already dead and it's the one thing we fear most."
"It's not," Anya corrected. He turned his gaze to her, questioning her. "Loss is. You and I have both been willing to die for them. But losing them isn't an option. Even the ones we barely know."
Spike smiled softly. "You're a pretty smart bird sometimes."
"I try," she answered, returning the grin. "Should've learned something in over a thousand years of existence. Do they make a t-shirt for that?"
A door opened somewhere down the hall. Giles' voice ran out, echoing against the cold, sterile walls. "Spike?"
"Yeah," he called back, standing. Spike lowered a hand to Anya, helping her to her feet.
"The doctors are ready to talk to you now."
Spike looked at Anya. "Not sure if I can do this, Pet." His eyes flickered, his hands trembling at his sides.
She laid a hand on his forearm, urging him forward. "We'll be with you, alright?"
Spike nodded and stepped towards the door.
To be contd.