Good afternoon, All:)
Here is the next chapter of the saga of the Peacemaker. This chapter takes us back to real time. Back to the hospital and to the drama that is unfolding there. Yes, it's angsty, but, as always, I will land you softly in a place that I think you will like.
In the meantime, grab the tissues and chocolate and enjoy the pain.
Next chapter on Monday. Please let me know what you think:)
*Cheery Vibes*, Nimue
"As sick as it sounds, in my little head, there's a little Sunnydale, and a widdle Buffy, and a widdle Spike, and Spike wubs Buffy." James Marsters 14 July 2002
Title: Dreaming (Time - Chapter Fifteen)
Author: Nimue
Rating: PG -13
Pairing Buffy/Spike. Most major characters included.
Feedback: Yes, please
For instant notification of fic releases, straight to your mailbox, please visit Always_Everyday@yahoogroups.com
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, Fox... Just Borrowing. (with, of course, the exception of Emma and William, who belong to Buffy and Spike)
Summary: Set simultaneously to Bad Boy. The doctors tell Spike what they know about William's condition. Anya and Giles try to help him hold things together. Anya tells the rest of the SG what has happened, while Spike is forced to deliver more bad news to Buffy. Takina reappears and offers to help. But is it Takina? And is she really helping?
Dreaming
The 'Conversation Room', as the doctor euphemistically referred to the claustrophobic space, was cheerfully painted in palest pink with soothing paintings and comfortable chairs. Spike followed the doctor into the room, Giles and Anya just behind him. Cyrus remained in the waiting room in case any of the rest of them came down to visit William.
"Mr.. Windsor?" The doctor asked, shutting the door behind them and offering his hand. Spike nodded, taking the gesture. "Dr. Lawrence. Would you like to have a seat?"
Giles and Anya sat down on an overstuffed cream couch, clinging to each other's hands. God, I want her here, Spike thought. Want to hold her hand. Want to feel better or worse with her by my side. "Rather stand." Spike responded.
The doctor eyed him cautiously, then settled into a chair facing the Vampire. Giles thought to convince Spike to sit, but decided that he was within arms reach and there was no point in arguing over little things.
"I'm not sure where to begin," the doctor stated, his kind face strained and tired. He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees.
"Is he alive?" Spike asked, bluntly.
A startled look crossed the man's face, his eyes opening wide. "No one told you?" He gasped.
"Told us *what*?" Giles asked, his fingers winding nervously through Anya's.
"I asked the ward nurse to come out here when..."
"Told.Us.What.?" Spike enunciated, trying to remain calm.
"He's alive. His vital signs are... almost normal," the doctor blurted. Spike slumped back against the wall in relief. But the fear crept up his spine at the same time. The nagging doubt. The proverbial 'But'.
"You said 'almost'," Anya pointed out, her face confused and concerned.
Here it comes, Spike thought.
"William is... he seems to be doing well. His heart. His lungs. Blood pressure. Normal for a premature infant less than a day old. They spike and fall once in a while. Like he's dreaming. But oherwise...," the doctor prattled on.
Spike looked at him, recognizing the smell of fear almost immediately.
"But?"
The doctor stared at the floor, shuffling his feet. Finally, he raised his eyes to Spike. "But he won't wake up."
"What do you mean?" Giles asked, his own impatience bubbling to the surface.
"A sort of.. a sort of coma is the best way I can describe it," Dr. Lawrence continued nervously.
"Suppose?" Spike growled. Anya's hand shot out, grabbing Spike's forearm, feeling his body tense. At her touch, he focused again, bring himself back to the conversation. Pushing his back to the wall.
"It's unlike anything we've seen before. No traumatic onset. No *physical* reason. But the child seems to be caught in REM sleep. Like one continuous dream that he can't wake from." The look on the doctor's face was genuine confusion.
"So, he's dreaming?" Anya questioned, one hand still wrapped in Giles', the other holding Spike's arm.
"Or nightmares," Spike muttered to himself. Giles shot a glance at the Vampire, questioning him, but leaving the subject be for the moment.
"Yes," the doctor responded.
"And there's nothing you can do to awaken him?" Giles asked. "A physical or chemical stimulant?"
"We've tried everything safe on a child in his state of development," Dr. Lawrence answered. "I've put in several calls to specialists, but I have no idea what's causing this. How long it might last."
"So, he may never wake up?" Spike asked, panic taking control.
"Spike," Giles sighed. "Don't give up so easily."
"Not giving up, but I need to know if that is a possibility," Spike snapped, turning from Giles back to the doctor. "So, is it?"
The doctor looked at Giles, then back to Spike. "It is. But it's equally possible that he could snap out of it on his own in a day, a week. We simply don't know."
The sound escaping Spike's lips was almost a chuckle. "Not helping much, Mate."
"I wish I could tell you more," the doctor replied, rising from the chair. He was tall. Gentle. Spike imagined he was good with the little ones. And he could also sense that this mattered to him. That William *mattered*. "What I can tell you is that I will do everything I can to help him."
Spike nodded, dropping his anger. "Please," he whispered. The doctor returned the nod.
As the tall man reached the door, he turned back. "Have you seen Dr. Noel? Takina? I was hoping she might have some insight into this. Maybe there's something I'm overlooking in regards to physiology that has to do with William's parentage."
Spike's brow furrowed. "Figured she was with you."
"No one has seen her since she brought William back to the ward." He sighed. "Well, if you see her, please ask her to contact me. I *have* to believe that there is something we can do."
"Thank you," Giles answered. Spike stood fast, trying to accept the honesty of the situation. Quietly, Dr. Lawrence slipped out.
Spike slouched into a chair, hands wringing, eyes swimming. "They don't bloody know."
"At least his vital signs are good, Spike," Giles commented. "If they can keep him stable, it buys them time to look for an answer."
Spike looked at the Watcher. "You think you could put in a few calls of your own, Rupert? Council medical division might have heard of this?," he asked, trying to breathe. Feeling the weight of it all crushing his chest.
"Of course," Giles answered. "And I'll have Xander search out Takina."
Anya winced almost imperceptibly, but settled as Giles' arm wrapped around her. " I can talk to the others," She said, bravely. Giles knew that this wasn't quite the easing into the fray that she had had in mind, but she was willing to do what she must.
"I would be grateful," Spike sighed. "But mind the Niblet. Make sure Tara's with her or wait to talk to her until Giles or I..."
"I'll handle it," Anya responded, smiling reassuringly. Spike closed his eyes, swallowing.
"Got to talk to Buffy," he whispered. "Don't know what to tell her."
Giles looked at him closely. "Spike, she's got quite a bit of healing to do herself. I agree she needs to know, but you may want to concentrate on the fact that physically, he's all right. That it's just a matter of time."
"Not necessarily true though, is it?" Spike questioned, his eyes heavy and wet.
"Nothing false about it. She needs to be strong again to help him. Help us find the answer. I'm not saying to omit the danger. Just make sure that she knows the positives as well. That he's alive. Strong."
Spike nodded. "Alright." Slowly, he stood. "I need to see her."
Anya patted his arm. "You should. Hang onto her as much as she hangs onto you. It'll make both of you feel better."
Again, Spike nodded. "Keep someone down here in case.."
Giles watched him, finishing the sentence. "Cyrus will stay in case he wakes up."
"Right then," Spike sighed, gathering his courage and his sanity. "Just let me know."
*****
Spike wasn't quite sure how he made it up the stairs, nor, for that matter, through the waiting room. The rest were there. Even the farm boy. Whether or not they tried to speak with him, he couldn't say. Maybe the look on his face as he blew through was enough to back them off. Or maybe he just ignored them. All he knew was that he needed her. Even in good. Even in bad. He needed her.
For some reason, he found himself standing outside her door, tracing the letters of her name with his fingers. Buffy. Silly name, really. But it had come to be the most important word in any language, in any time. Buffy. Couldn't have been Elizabeth or Mary. Buffy. Always Buffy.
Slowly, he opened the door with a click and a small whoosh of air. It was dark. The shades drawn. Lights out except for the digital blink of monitors. They made him wince, thinking back to looking through the glass at William. But hers were quiet. Steady. He didn't need a million gadgets to tell him that her heart was pushing blood through her veins. Her mind was off exploring some land with blue skies and even bluer water and white sand. Needed to take her to the beach when this was all over, he thought. She dreamed of it all the time.
It amazed him how tiny she seemed as he approached the bed. He watched her as he kicked his boots to the floor. Pale eyelids fluttering against permanently golden skin. Little smile playing at the corners of her lips.
Dreaming.
When she had fallen asleep, there were countless things to dream about. Normal things. Pushing William in the swings Harris had put up out back. Watching Emma go to her first day of class. Dawn's college graduation. The next little one, whomever's it may be. Would Emma be a cheerleader? William a soccer player or a playwright?
And them.
Countless walks under countless moonlit skies. Battles fought and won side by side. Thousands of talks on porches front and back, and thousands more kisses that had turned into something so much greater. Arguing and fighting and sparring. Making love and having sex and shagging senseless until either the sun came up or a small voice needed attending. Didn't matter. Always tomorrow. Even in their lives, it seemed tomorrow always came. And no matter what the challenge, there was an opportunity for another walk, another talk, another kiss. Another moment tangled in each other.
As he stretched out next to her, she mewled in her sleep, pressing into his chest and nuzzling his shirt. The hard news could wait a little longer, he thought, brushing the stray hair from her face and kissing her lips with all the gentleness his love had to offer. Endless gentleness.
His arms wrapped gently around her and she smiled again. The tears began to fall from his eyes, knowing he'd have to be the one to take her smile away. Softly, he buried his face in her hair, clinging to her while she was the strong one.
"Sweet dreams, my love."
*****
"No," Dawn gasped, a hand slipping over her lips. Tara's arm wrapped around the girl, rubbing her shoulders.
"Did.. did they say what was wrong?" Willow asked, her face blanching. Xander clung to Emma, feeling himself tremble. Thankfully, the little girl was still fast asleep.
Anya shook her head, her face sincere. "No clue."
Tara was silent for a moment. "Most of the time, I'd say if you hear hoof beats in the forest, look for a horse rather than a zebra," she began. "But this *is* Buffy and Spike. And this is the child of a Vampire and a Slayer."
Willow turned to her lover, nodding. "So, maybe we should start looking for stripes."
"Not understanding," Xander mumbled, looking at the girls.
"Maybe, it's mystical," Anya answered, watching Xander with eyes full of fatigue and tenderness. "Maybe it's not just about him being premature."
Xander nodded, stroking Emma's hair. Watching Anya. She had changed.
Riley spoke up from the corner. "I'd like to help." All eyes turned to him. "I mean, I can call HQ and see if they know anything based on the symptoms."
Anya looked over at him. "Thank you. That would be great." She paused, turning her attention back to the rest. "Xander, Takina seems to have disappeared. The doctors have been trying to page her to see if she might have some insight into anything... physical,... that could cause this. Well, because Spike's still a Vampire. Could she have gone home or something?"
Xander looked concerned. "She always answers her pages. But... yeah, I mean, maybe she went home to change or something and accidentally left her pager here. I.. I can go look."
"Please," Anya answered softly.
Xander nodded, loosing Emma and handing her over to Dawn. Dawn was relatively calm, but quiet tears dripped down her face as she clutched Emma closer. Xander turned and left without another word.
"Willow?" Anya asked.
"Uh.. uh yeah?"
"Maybe you can gain access to the web since you're a student here. See if you can find anything?" It was Giles' idea and somewhere Anya thought it amusing that it was coming from the mouth of a thousand year old Vengeance Demon who was still frightened of CD players.
"Of.. of course," Willow answered. "Tara, do you want to..."
"Actually," Anya interrupted. "I need to borrow Tara."
"Borrow?" Willow asked.
Tara studied Anya closely. "You want to look for him," the shy witch mentioned, looking down at her knees.
Anya nodded slowly. "I have the power you need, but you have the focus. That's what separates witches.."
Dawn looked at them. "Look for him?"
Tara rubbed the teen's arm. "If this is.. mystical.. then whatever's causing it would leave traces of itself. Of the power that created it. I can see them with a spell. But it takes a lot of energy."
"And I am the power energizer bunny," Anya quipped. "Ooh. I can't believe I said that."
"Tara, that's dangerous," Willow gasped, knowing the battle was already lost. Tara just smiled at her reassuringly. "But.. I'd do it too. If I still could."
"What about me?" Dawn asked, her eyes flitting between the girls. "I mean, doesn't a portal need opening? Something? *Anything*?"
"You have the most important job," Anya said, trying to be as encouraging as she could.
"W... what?"
"Watch after Emma. And when Spike comes back out, they're both going to need you. And really, it's only you . You're Buffy's blood. She needs you," Anya continued, patting Dawn's knee.
Dawn swallowed, nodding. "O...OK."
Willow gently rubbed the teen's shoulder. "Dawnie, I'm just going to the lab and checking out a laptop. I'll come back and work up here with you, alright?"
Dawn's shoulders dropped in relief. "Th.. thank you."
"Sure." The redhead's smile was soft. Gentle.
Anya stood, facing Tara. "You ready?"
Tara rose from the chair, inhaling deeply. "Yeah. Let's find him."
*****
"Hey, sleepy," she muttered, looking up at his drowsy eyes as they flickered to life. "They give you the good stuff too?"
Spike smiled, scooting down so her eyes were level with his. "No, Pet." He paused, his palm on her cheek. "How are you feeling?"
Buffy squirmed uncomfortably. "OK. Feels like they took him out with a chain saw and barbeque tongs, but, pretty good all things considered." Her faint smile still spread across her coral lips.
His eyes closed involuntarily at the merest mention of him. Spike grappled with himself, trying to separate raw emotion from strength. "I'm glad, Pet. Can't stand you hurting. You know that."
"I know," she mouthed, creeping in closer against him. "So, what's on your mind?"
Spike tensed. "Not sure what you mean?"
Buffy chuckled. "One soul. Joined for all eternity. I think I know when something's bothering you. Besides, your eyes make you look like someone took your firstborn." She stiffened. "Emma's OK, right?"
"She's fine, Love," Spike soothed, his thumb running along her cheekbone. "Outside with a horde of sitters."
Buffy was quiet, pulling away enough to study his face again. The hurt and anger and fear and love. Her whole body became tight as wire. Her eyes filling with tears. "It's William, isn't it?"
"Buffy," Spike sighed, biting his lip. How the hell could he do this to her?, he asked himself.
"Spike," she snapped, her eyes brimming over. "Tell me."
He was silent, searching for the words. Her fists balled and he could feel her striking his chest feebly, but still the words escaped him. "Spike!" She wailed. "Please."
The terror in her voice snapped him back and her grabbed her fists, holding them tight. "Something's happened," he whispered, watching her heart break behind the green glass of her eyes.
"No," Buffy muttered. "He was here. We held him. He ... he was fine." Her voice trembled and shook at an even pace with her racing heart.
"I know love," Spike said softly. "Listen to me. He is alive. His body seems.. seems to be fine, Pet. But.."
"But what? But what?" She panicked.
Spike held her hands right against his chest. "He's... He won't wake up."
Buffy stopped, her eyes huge and wet and frightened. "What.. what do you mean?"
"The doctor said it's as if he's caught in dreams," Spike answered, trying to comfort her, say *anything* that would stop her heart from breaking.
"Dreams?" Buffy sighed. "Spike.. what if.. what if they're nightmares?"
Spike let go of one of her hands, running it over her cheek, tracing the contours of her jaw. "No way of knowing, Love. But he's not seen what we have. All he knows is what it is to be part of you. What dreams are made of."
Buffy looked up at him, afraid, knowing how hard he was trying to help her, but terrified that their baby would never come back. "What did the doctor say?"
Spike sighed, letting a long breath escape his lips. "Said he'll do everything he can. Giles is working on it with the Council too, Pet. William'll find a way back. Or we will find him."
She broke, her body collapsing into his. Shaking. Crying. "Please don't let him die. Please."
"Never, Love," Spike whispered into her hair, planting a soft kiss on the crown of her head.
He held her, letting her pour her heart into his chest and praying he could hold it together long enough to do something. But all he could think of, all he could do as he laid there stroking her hair, was hope he didn't let her down.
*****
The door to the waiting room opened and Takina breezed through. At least it looked like Takina to Dawn, who was huddled in a chair holding Emma like one holds a stuffed toy for comfort. Dawn was rocking slightly. Almost imperceptibly. Her tears moving on to that dull, aching numbness.
"Dawn?"
The teen snapped out of it, looking up at the familiar doctor. "H...hi," she stuttered. "I think Xander a...and the doctors... are looking for you."
"I've just come up from the ICU," Takina answered sweetly, approaching the frightened girl.
"H..how is William?" Dawn's voice was thready. Nervous.
"We're working on it. For now, he's resting." She paused. "He'll be fine, Dawnie. We'll figure it out." Again, she stopped, now standing in front of the teen. "Spike talking to Buffy?"
"They've been in there a while. I guess... she's got to be losing it," Dawn answered, brushing a tear nervously from her cheek with the back of her hand.
"Maybe," Takina began softly. "Seeing this one would help them out. Remind them they have a reason to stay strong." The doctor ran a finger over the baby's tiny arm.
"Yeah," Dawn muttered. "Maybe. Do you think it would help?" The girl's eyes blinked, wet and tired.
"Couldn't hurt," Takina answered, smiling. She held out her arms. Dawn stood, gently handing the baby to the doctor. "You be alright for a while?"
"Yeah," Dawn whispered. "Willow's coming back."
"Good," Takina agreed, heading towards the door. "No one should be without their family at a time like this."
With that, the doctor disappeared through the door to the suites, Emma asleep in her arms.
To be contd.
Here is the next chapter of the saga of the Peacemaker. This chapter takes us back to real time. Back to the hospital and to the drama that is unfolding there. Yes, it's angsty, but, as always, I will land you softly in a place that I think you will like.
In the meantime, grab the tissues and chocolate and enjoy the pain.
Next chapter on Monday. Please let me know what you think:)
*Cheery Vibes*, Nimue
"As sick as it sounds, in my little head, there's a little Sunnydale, and a widdle Buffy, and a widdle Spike, and Spike wubs Buffy." James Marsters 14 July 2002
Title: Dreaming (Time - Chapter Fifteen)
Author: Nimue
Rating: PG -13
Pairing Buffy/Spike. Most major characters included.
Feedback: Yes, please
For instant notification of fic releases, straight to your mailbox, please visit Always_Everyday@yahoogroups.com
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, Fox... Just Borrowing. (with, of course, the exception of Emma and William, who belong to Buffy and Spike)
Summary: Set simultaneously to Bad Boy. The doctors tell Spike what they know about William's condition. Anya and Giles try to help him hold things together. Anya tells the rest of the SG what has happened, while Spike is forced to deliver more bad news to Buffy. Takina reappears and offers to help. But is it Takina? And is she really helping?
Dreaming
The 'Conversation Room', as the doctor euphemistically referred to the claustrophobic space, was cheerfully painted in palest pink with soothing paintings and comfortable chairs. Spike followed the doctor into the room, Giles and Anya just behind him. Cyrus remained in the waiting room in case any of the rest of them came down to visit William.
"Mr.. Windsor?" The doctor asked, shutting the door behind them and offering his hand. Spike nodded, taking the gesture. "Dr. Lawrence. Would you like to have a seat?"
Giles and Anya sat down on an overstuffed cream couch, clinging to each other's hands. God, I want her here, Spike thought. Want to hold her hand. Want to feel better or worse with her by my side. "Rather stand." Spike responded.
The doctor eyed him cautiously, then settled into a chair facing the Vampire. Giles thought to convince Spike to sit, but decided that he was within arms reach and there was no point in arguing over little things.
"I'm not sure where to begin," the doctor stated, his kind face strained and tired. He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees.
"Is he alive?" Spike asked, bluntly.
A startled look crossed the man's face, his eyes opening wide. "No one told you?" He gasped.
"Told us *what*?" Giles asked, his fingers winding nervously through Anya's.
"I asked the ward nurse to come out here when..."
"Told.Us.What.?" Spike enunciated, trying to remain calm.
"He's alive. His vital signs are... almost normal," the doctor blurted. Spike slumped back against the wall in relief. But the fear crept up his spine at the same time. The nagging doubt. The proverbial 'But'.
"You said 'almost'," Anya pointed out, her face confused and concerned.
Here it comes, Spike thought.
"William is... he seems to be doing well. His heart. His lungs. Blood pressure. Normal for a premature infant less than a day old. They spike and fall once in a while. Like he's dreaming. But oherwise...," the doctor prattled on.
Spike looked at him, recognizing the smell of fear almost immediately.
"But?"
The doctor stared at the floor, shuffling his feet. Finally, he raised his eyes to Spike. "But he won't wake up."
"What do you mean?" Giles asked, his own impatience bubbling to the surface.
"A sort of.. a sort of coma is the best way I can describe it," Dr. Lawrence continued nervously.
"Suppose?" Spike growled. Anya's hand shot out, grabbing Spike's forearm, feeling his body tense. At her touch, he focused again, bring himself back to the conversation. Pushing his back to the wall.
"It's unlike anything we've seen before. No traumatic onset. No *physical* reason. But the child seems to be caught in REM sleep. Like one continuous dream that he can't wake from." The look on the doctor's face was genuine confusion.
"So, he's dreaming?" Anya questioned, one hand still wrapped in Giles', the other holding Spike's arm.
"Or nightmares," Spike muttered to himself. Giles shot a glance at the Vampire, questioning him, but leaving the subject be for the moment.
"Yes," the doctor responded.
"And there's nothing you can do to awaken him?" Giles asked. "A physical or chemical stimulant?"
"We've tried everything safe on a child in his state of development," Dr. Lawrence answered. "I've put in several calls to specialists, but I have no idea what's causing this. How long it might last."
"So, he may never wake up?" Spike asked, panic taking control.
"Spike," Giles sighed. "Don't give up so easily."
"Not giving up, but I need to know if that is a possibility," Spike snapped, turning from Giles back to the doctor. "So, is it?"
The doctor looked at Giles, then back to Spike. "It is. But it's equally possible that he could snap out of it on his own in a day, a week. We simply don't know."
The sound escaping Spike's lips was almost a chuckle. "Not helping much, Mate."
"I wish I could tell you more," the doctor replied, rising from the chair. He was tall. Gentle. Spike imagined he was good with the little ones. And he could also sense that this mattered to him. That William *mattered*. "What I can tell you is that I will do everything I can to help him."
Spike nodded, dropping his anger. "Please," he whispered. The doctor returned the nod.
As the tall man reached the door, he turned back. "Have you seen Dr. Noel? Takina? I was hoping she might have some insight into this. Maybe there's something I'm overlooking in regards to physiology that has to do with William's parentage."
Spike's brow furrowed. "Figured she was with you."
"No one has seen her since she brought William back to the ward." He sighed. "Well, if you see her, please ask her to contact me. I *have* to believe that there is something we can do."
"Thank you," Giles answered. Spike stood fast, trying to accept the honesty of the situation. Quietly, Dr. Lawrence slipped out.
Spike slouched into a chair, hands wringing, eyes swimming. "They don't bloody know."
"At least his vital signs are good, Spike," Giles commented. "If they can keep him stable, it buys them time to look for an answer."
Spike looked at the Watcher. "You think you could put in a few calls of your own, Rupert? Council medical division might have heard of this?," he asked, trying to breathe. Feeling the weight of it all crushing his chest.
"Of course," Giles answered. "And I'll have Xander search out Takina."
Anya winced almost imperceptibly, but settled as Giles' arm wrapped around her. " I can talk to the others," She said, bravely. Giles knew that this wasn't quite the easing into the fray that she had had in mind, but she was willing to do what she must.
"I would be grateful," Spike sighed. "But mind the Niblet. Make sure Tara's with her or wait to talk to her until Giles or I..."
"I'll handle it," Anya responded, smiling reassuringly. Spike closed his eyes, swallowing.
"Got to talk to Buffy," he whispered. "Don't know what to tell her."
Giles looked at him closely. "Spike, she's got quite a bit of healing to do herself. I agree she needs to know, but you may want to concentrate on the fact that physically, he's all right. That it's just a matter of time."
"Not necessarily true though, is it?" Spike questioned, his eyes heavy and wet.
"Nothing false about it. She needs to be strong again to help him. Help us find the answer. I'm not saying to omit the danger. Just make sure that she knows the positives as well. That he's alive. Strong."
Spike nodded. "Alright." Slowly, he stood. "I need to see her."
Anya patted his arm. "You should. Hang onto her as much as she hangs onto you. It'll make both of you feel better."
Again, Spike nodded. "Keep someone down here in case.."
Giles watched him, finishing the sentence. "Cyrus will stay in case he wakes up."
"Right then," Spike sighed, gathering his courage and his sanity. "Just let me know."
*****
Spike wasn't quite sure how he made it up the stairs, nor, for that matter, through the waiting room. The rest were there. Even the farm boy. Whether or not they tried to speak with him, he couldn't say. Maybe the look on his face as he blew through was enough to back them off. Or maybe he just ignored them. All he knew was that he needed her. Even in good. Even in bad. He needed her.
For some reason, he found himself standing outside her door, tracing the letters of her name with his fingers. Buffy. Silly name, really. But it had come to be the most important word in any language, in any time. Buffy. Couldn't have been Elizabeth or Mary. Buffy. Always Buffy.
Slowly, he opened the door with a click and a small whoosh of air. It was dark. The shades drawn. Lights out except for the digital blink of monitors. They made him wince, thinking back to looking through the glass at William. But hers were quiet. Steady. He didn't need a million gadgets to tell him that her heart was pushing blood through her veins. Her mind was off exploring some land with blue skies and even bluer water and white sand. Needed to take her to the beach when this was all over, he thought. She dreamed of it all the time.
It amazed him how tiny she seemed as he approached the bed. He watched her as he kicked his boots to the floor. Pale eyelids fluttering against permanently golden skin. Little smile playing at the corners of her lips.
Dreaming.
When she had fallen asleep, there were countless things to dream about. Normal things. Pushing William in the swings Harris had put up out back. Watching Emma go to her first day of class. Dawn's college graduation. The next little one, whomever's it may be. Would Emma be a cheerleader? William a soccer player or a playwright?
And them.
Countless walks under countless moonlit skies. Battles fought and won side by side. Thousands of talks on porches front and back, and thousands more kisses that had turned into something so much greater. Arguing and fighting and sparring. Making love and having sex and shagging senseless until either the sun came up or a small voice needed attending. Didn't matter. Always tomorrow. Even in their lives, it seemed tomorrow always came. And no matter what the challenge, there was an opportunity for another walk, another talk, another kiss. Another moment tangled in each other.
As he stretched out next to her, she mewled in her sleep, pressing into his chest and nuzzling his shirt. The hard news could wait a little longer, he thought, brushing the stray hair from her face and kissing her lips with all the gentleness his love had to offer. Endless gentleness.
His arms wrapped gently around her and she smiled again. The tears began to fall from his eyes, knowing he'd have to be the one to take her smile away. Softly, he buried his face in her hair, clinging to her while she was the strong one.
"Sweet dreams, my love."
*****
"No," Dawn gasped, a hand slipping over her lips. Tara's arm wrapped around the girl, rubbing her shoulders.
"Did.. did they say what was wrong?" Willow asked, her face blanching. Xander clung to Emma, feeling himself tremble. Thankfully, the little girl was still fast asleep.
Anya shook her head, her face sincere. "No clue."
Tara was silent for a moment. "Most of the time, I'd say if you hear hoof beats in the forest, look for a horse rather than a zebra," she began. "But this *is* Buffy and Spike. And this is the child of a Vampire and a Slayer."
Willow turned to her lover, nodding. "So, maybe we should start looking for stripes."
"Not understanding," Xander mumbled, looking at the girls.
"Maybe, it's mystical," Anya answered, watching Xander with eyes full of fatigue and tenderness. "Maybe it's not just about him being premature."
Xander nodded, stroking Emma's hair. Watching Anya. She had changed.
Riley spoke up from the corner. "I'd like to help." All eyes turned to him. "I mean, I can call HQ and see if they know anything based on the symptoms."
Anya looked over at him. "Thank you. That would be great." She paused, turning her attention back to the rest. "Xander, Takina seems to have disappeared. The doctors have been trying to page her to see if she might have some insight into anything... physical,... that could cause this. Well, because Spike's still a Vampire. Could she have gone home or something?"
Xander looked concerned. "She always answers her pages. But... yeah, I mean, maybe she went home to change or something and accidentally left her pager here. I.. I can go look."
"Please," Anya answered softly.
Xander nodded, loosing Emma and handing her over to Dawn. Dawn was relatively calm, but quiet tears dripped down her face as she clutched Emma closer. Xander turned and left without another word.
"Willow?" Anya asked.
"Uh.. uh yeah?"
"Maybe you can gain access to the web since you're a student here. See if you can find anything?" It was Giles' idea and somewhere Anya thought it amusing that it was coming from the mouth of a thousand year old Vengeance Demon who was still frightened of CD players.
"Of.. of course," Willow answered. "Tara, do you want to..."
"Actually," Anya interrupted. "I need to borrow Tara."
"Borrow?" Willow asked.
Tara studied Anya closely. "You want to look for him," the shy witch mentioned, looking down at her knees.
Anya nodded slowly. "I have the power you need, but you have the focus. That's what separates witches.."
Dawn looked at them. "Look for him?"
Tara rubbed the teen's arm. "If this is.. mystical.. then whatever's causing it would leave traces of itself. Of the power that created it. I can see them with a spell. But it takes a lot of energy."
"And I am the power energizer bunny," Anya quipped. "Ooh. I can't believe I said that."
"Tara, that's dangerous," Willow gasped, knowing the battle was already lost. Tara just smiled at her reassuringly. "But.. I'd do it too. If I still could."
"What about me?" Dawn asked, her eyes flitting between the girls. "I mean, doesn't a portal need opening? Something? *Anything*?"
"You have the most important job," Anya said, trying to be as encouraging as she could.
"W... what?"
"Watch after Emma. And when Spike comes back out, they're both going to need you. And really, it's only you . You're Buffy's blood. She needs you," Anya continued, patting Dawn's knee.
Dawn swallowed, nodding. "O...OK."
Willow gently rubbed the teen's shoulder. "Dawnie, I'm just going to the lab and checking out a laptop. I'll come back and work up here with you, alright?"
Dawn's shoulders dropped in relief. "Th.. thank you."
"Sure." The redhead's smile was soft. Gentle.
Anya stood, facing Tara. "You ready?"
Tara rose from the chair, inhaling deeply. "Yeah. Let's find him."
*****
"Hey, sleepy," she muttered, looking up at his drowsy eyes as they flickered to life. "They give you the good stuff too?"
Spike smiled, scooting down so her eyes were level with his. "No, Pet." He paused, his palm on her cheek. "How are you feeling?"
Buffy squirmed uncomfortably. "OK. Feels like they took him out with a chain saw and barbeque tongs, but, pretty good all things considered." Her faint smile still spread across her coral lips.
His eyes closed involuntarily at the merest mention of him. Spike grappled with himself, trying to separate raw emotion from strength. "I'm glad, Pet. Can't stand you hurting. You know that."
"I know," she mouthed, creeping in closer against him. "So, what's on your mind?"
Spike tensed. "Not sure what you mean?"
Buffy chuckled. "One soul. Joined for all eternity. I think I know when something's bothering you. Besides, your eyes make you look like someone took your firstborn." She stiffened. "Emma's OK, right?"
"She's fine, Love," Spike soothed, his thumb running along her cheekbone. "Outside with a horde of sitters."
Buffy was quiet, pulling away enough to study his face again. The hurt and anger and fear and love. Her whole body became tight as wire. Her eyes filling with tears. "It's William, isn't it?"
"Buffy," Spike sighed, biting his lip. How the hell could he do this to her?, he asked himself.
"Spike," she snapped, her eyes brimming over. "Tell me."
He was silent, searching for the words. Her fists balled and he could feel her striking his chest feebly, but still the words escaped him. "Spike!" She wailed. "Please."
The terror in her voice snapped him back and her grabbed her fists, holding them tight. "Something's happened," he whispered, watching her heart break behind the green glass of her eyes.
"No," Buffy muttered. "He was here. We held him. He ... he was fine." Her voice trembled and shook at an even pace with her racing heart.
"I know love," Spike said softly. "Listen to me. He is alive. His body seems.. seems to be fine, Pet. But.."
"But what? But what?" She panicked.
Spike held her hands right against his chest. "He's... He won't wake up."
Buffy stopped, her eyes huge and wet and frightened. "What.. what do you mean?"
"The doctor said it's as if he's caught in dreams," Spike answered, trying to comfort her, say *anything* that would stop her heart from breaking.
"Dreams?" Buffy sighed. "Spike.. what if.. what if they're nightmares?"
Spike let go of one of her hands, running it over her cheek, tracing the contours of her jaw. "No way of knowing, Love. But he's not seen what we have. All he knows is what it is to be part of you. What dreams are made of."
Buffy looked up at him, afraid, knowing how hard he was trying to help her, but terrified that their baby would never come back. "What did the doctor say?"
Spike sighed, letting a long breath escape his lips. "Said he'll do everything he can. Giles is working on it with the Council too, Pet. William'll find a way back. Or we will find him."
She broke, her body collapsing into his. Shaking. Crying. "Please don't let him die. Please."
"Never, Love," Spike whispered into her hair, planting a soft kiss on the crown of her head.
He held her, letting her pour her heart into his chest and praying he could hold it together long enough to do something. But all he could think of, all he could do as he laid there stroking her hair, was hope he didn't let her down.
*****
The door to the waiting room opened and Takina breezed through. At least it looked like Takina to Dawn, who was huddled in a chair holding Emma like one holds a stuffed toy for comfort. Dawn was rocking slightly. Almost imperceptibly. Her tears moving on to that dull, aching numbness.
"Dawn?"
The teen snapped out of it, looking up at the familiar doctor. "H...hi," she stuttered. "I think Xander a...and the doctors... are looking for you."
"I've just come up from the ICU," Takina answered sweetly, approaching the frightened girl.
"H..how is William?" Dawn's voice was thready. Nervous.
"We're working on it. For now, he's resting." She paused. "He'll be fine, Dawnie. We'll figure it out." Again, she stopped, now standing in front of the teen. "Spike talking to Buffy?"
"They've been in there a while. I guess... she's got to be losing it," Dawn answered, brushing a tear nervously from her cheek with the back of her hand.
"Maybe," Takina began softly. "Seeing this one would help them out. Remind them they have a reason to stay strong." The doctor ran a finger over the baby's tiny arm.
"Yeah," Dawn muttered. "Maybe. Do you think it would help?" The girl's eyes blinked, wet and tired.
"Couldn't hurt," Takina answered, smiling. She held out her arms. Dawn stood, gently handing the baby to the doctor. "You be alright for a while?"
"Yeah," Dawn whispered. "Willow's coming back."
"Good," Takina agreed, heading towards the door. "No one should be without their family at a time like this."
With that, the doctor disappeared through the door to the suites, Emma asleep in her arms.
To be contd.