Disclaimer: After that incident involving the crazed badgers I'm not really allowed to own much of anything.





Hard Candy:

The Joker









"You want me to talk about her? Well hell, there's not really much to say. She sure as hell didn't know how to keep her mouth shut, that's for sure. She was really good at just opening up and pissing off everyone in the vicinity you know? No, I guess you wouldn't, you've never met her. Well yeah, I have met someone kind of like her before, but that Faye at least had class. No, this girl was full scale bitch and a half. You ever heard the term redneck? Well yeah, I know it's an old term, but some people still use it, at least back on Earth they do. Anyway, that's what she was, one hundred percent trailer trash. But still, you can't help but respect her. Once, I saw a bullet clip her earring and she didn't even blink. She may talk a lot of trash, but she can back it up better than just about anybody I've ever met, a lot better than I can anyway."



***



"Alright listen up Sarah, nobody likes the whole 'Lookit me I'm a dyke' style so get over yourself. Waitress, get me a Guiness would ya? Thanks."

"My name is Sal, not Sarah, and who the hell are you?" Zoe and Sal had been sitting in a bar discussing how to go about catching their newest bounty when this woman had just walked up to them and sat down next to Zoe. The woman had ratty black hair hanging about her shoulders and was dressed like a street bum. White shirt, black slacks, combat boots and a trench coat that looked like it might have once been black, but was now bleached white from the waist down and faded up into the original black. So far the conversation had gone wildly astray and was about to turn violent. Unfortunately, it'd be one on one, Zoe seemed to be enjoying this woman's company, she hadn't stopped laughing since she showed up.

"Sal, yeah. I knew she was a carpet licker." She patted Zoe on the leg and looked at Sal again, "So you her love slave or something?" Zoe cracked up again and Sal started to reach for her gun. The result wasn't too pretty, this other woman already had her gun out, laid casually on the table. "Yeah, please don't. Don't want to have to kill anybody I haven't hardly met yet. Besides, you're not allowed to shoot someone if you don't know their name, that's my philosophy. Leslie Bohnam if you were wondering, you can call me Les, everybody does. Not Les like you and short stack over here, Les like short for Leslie, not that I really care what you two do in the dead of the night. Your whips, chains and battery operated devices are your own business." Just then the waitress came by and put Les's drink on the table. She took it up, raised it like a toast and brought it to her lips. After five swallows that actually quite impressed Sal, the pint was finished and the woman grinned, "You're paying for this right?" By now Zoe was slamming her fist on the table and had turned a bright red, it looked.

Sal just frowned, "Listen up you psycho bitch, you've got about five seconds to get up and leave before you're picking your brains up off of the floor."

Les arched an eyebrow and put her gun back up, but she didn't make a move to leave. "So what are you guys? Cowboys am I right?"

For the first time since the woman showed up, Zoe composed herself enough to speak. In between bouts of laughter she managed, "Sal doesn't like being called a cowboy. She prefers Bounty Hunter."

Les laughed, "Oh please. Don't get all offended." She kicked her feet up onto the table and came about a half inch from knocking over Sal's drink with her untied combat boots. "You are what you are, just deal with it. Like I said, get over yourself."

Sal started to say something but froze, her finger in mid point; she had nothing to say. "Uhh... Hey you know you're really annoying."

Les wrapped an arm around Zoe's shoulders, "She seems to like me. Are you afraid I'm moving in on your woman? Cause if she likes me better I can't help it, she's just going to leave you and follow me around in a hopeless quest to swoon me. Sure, I might give her a peep show every now and then to keep her interested, but girls aren't my style."

"SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND YOU FUCKING LUNATIC!!!" Sal was on her feet before she realized what was happening. Les and Zoe just looked at her like they were about to explode in laughter, unfortunately so was everyone else in the bar. She sat back down and crossed her arms under her breasts, "I hate you..."

Les shrugged, "We just met, everybody hates me at first. I've just got to grow on you like mold. Now, just to ease your mind about my intentions towards your girlfriend I'll help you."

"Help me what?"

"If you're a cowboy then that means that you're after Gomez am I right?"

Sal frowned and slunk down in her chair, Zoe just looked at Les, "Maybe..."

Les's grin expanded, "Well I've got some very important information for you. But it'll cost ya."

"How much?"

She shook her head, "No, money's not my priority. You see I'm getting kinda bored around here, if you guys are cowboys then that means you've got a ship. All I want is a ride off this rock, and I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

Sal looked at Zoe, who nodded. Hell, it's just a ride somewhere, and they can afford it with the bounty this Gomez guy's going to be worth. While the woman may be annoying, the Rio's well stocked with duct tape. "Fine. Now talk."

Les leaned forward conspiratorially and looked around with slate grey eyes at the rest of the patrons. Everyone was looking at the trio at the table, but she didn't seem to care. "Rumor has it, he's sitting right there." She pointed towards the bar, where a passed out Gomez was lying face first in a puddle of spilled whiskey and snoring happily.

Sal frowned, "You cheating bitch..."

Les sat back and smiled, "I do my best."