Disclaimer: Same as the chapter before. I don't own- just borrowing them
for play. Promise to put them back brand spankin new! (
A/N: passages in between a [~*~] denotes flashbacks. All other markings [~~*~~] refer to section/chapter breaks.
~ ~ * ~ ~
Mistakes: First Memories
By AG
~ ~ * ~ ~
Miya walked into her rooms and sat down ready to cry. She hadn't seen Snape for almost six years. Well she had at her family's dinner parties and such, but never having to actually interact with him. It hurt to be so close to him. She hated him so much, hated him much more when he was being kind to her. She could take his sarcasm, his coldness but not his warmth. How dare he act kind to her!
She knew taking this job would have her facing him like this, but she knew opportunities like these don't come every day. To get a student-teaching position at Hogwarts was extremely competitive. She should be happy that she was there, but the minute she saw Snape on the balcony all she wanted to do was to run away.
She dropped her outer robes on the couch in her room and changed into a dark green nightgown. She sat down at the vanity table and began to take down her hair and brush it. Her black hair fell down below her waist. She looked at the silver snake hair clasp. She then went to the necklace on her neck. It held two rings on it, one gold band with a small diamond on it and another silver band with blue sparkling stars on it. At least it was enchanted to look like it. She fingered it as she remembered the man she once loved.
~ * ~
Miya worked quietly in the potions classroom. She could feel the eyes of her Professor staring at her, yet every time she looked up he would be back to grading papers. Or at least she thought he was staring at her. She kept arguing with herself she was making things up in her mind.
Snape watched her working intently on her potion. Her brow was creased with concentration and every now and then she muttered under her breath but then continued on silently. He smiled when she brushed a stray hair back behind her ear. The rest of her hair was put into a ponytail. He followed her fingers as the pushed the strand behind her ear and down her neck. She had a beautiful neck, one that he would have loved to place soft kisses on. At the thought he silently cursed himself.
He knew having feelings like that for one of his students was wrong. Yet he did. Ever since he figured out his attraction to his student he had been trying to distance himself from her. Before he had kept denying it that is until Dumbledore had pointed it out to him. Every time he had helped her or given her extra credit he excused as academic reasons. But he grew to appreciate her company. She wasn't fearful of him and had a sense of humor that matched his.
When looking back at things he can remember when his feelings for her had changed. It was the summer before and he was at the Malfoy mansion for a party/ball. Lucius and his brother Lucifer were throwing the party in honor of their wives, Narcissa and Kijo. The night was clear and everyone was throwing back glasses of champagne and making nice. He was getting bored and walked out toward the more secluded part of the terrace. She was there sitting quietly looking at the sky. She was wearing a dark maroon gown that showed her newly developed body. At school it was hard to see it underneath the school robes, but in that dress it just showed up she had matured and how beautiful she looked. What caught his attention the most was her face. Her hair hung down loosely framing it with soft tendrils. Her violet eyes were staring up at the sky wishfully. He wondered what she was wishing for.
Snape's breath had caught at the sight of her. Yet he refused to admit that his feelings for her were more then a professor for a student. He had left that night with saying much to her and at the return of the school year he had tried to act the same. Yet he found it increasingly harder to be in close proximity of her.
All this time he had been looking at her, but when he noticed her looking up he went back to the papers in his hands. Dumbledore who could read him better then anyone saw the growing attraction. He had been kind and only gave him a friendly warning that it was not wise to pursue and that he should be careful. Ever since then he'd been keeping his distance.
As he was lost in thought, she had gotten up and was at his desk.
"I finished Professor." She said as she brought him a vial of the potion she had made.
"Thank you, Miss Malfoy. I will have to test it later." Snape replied to his student. She only nodded waiting for more, but he only returned to his work. He put it down on the table. He went back to his work so he wouldn't have to look at her. He knew he would just end up staring at her especially at such a close proximity.
"I will go now sir." She said quietly, trying to hide her disappointment. She did a lot of extra credit just so that she could be near her potions master. She knew it was wrong and that it was wrong to hope for something more. Yet she could not help falling in love with him. It was just so hard that night. He never really talked or spoke to her more then necessary. Not even to complement her on her work. She knew she was his best potions student in a long time.
He had noticed something in her voice, but figured she was tired.
She was still hoping that he would say something to her and had turned around hoping to get that. Instead she just saw him put her potion away with what she knew as his too busy pile. She didn't know why but it hurt! She had spent so much time on that potion. Tears welled up and she ran out, slamming the door as she went.
He frowned, she was not one to be so emotional. He got up and followed her out into the hall. Before he could call out to her she was running as fast as she could up the stairs. He hurried behind her and saw her run towards one of the balconies. He could see she was crying as she fell down against the railing.
She sat down by the railing and just cried. She hated being in love with the most hated teacher at the school and to a man who just didn't know she was alive. As she cried she felt someone approach her.
Snape's heart had broken at the sight before him. He wondered what she was so upset about.
"Oh great!" She thought as she felt them come closer. "Someone is going to catch the cold as ice Malfoy crying."
The person had put his arms around her shoulders, "Are you alright Miss Malfoy?" He said softly hoping not to startle her too much. She looked up him surprised. His caught his breath at the sadness in her eyes. Her violet eyes were wet with tears and before he could go to wipe them away she looked away.
She was shocked when she found herself staring into the eyes of Professor Snape.
"I'm fine." She said quietly. She felt ashamed at having been found by him.
"You don't look alright. Miya what's wrong? You ran out pretty upset." Snape looked down at her worry creasing his brows. "You know you can tell me."
She was surprised at his kindness, yet she knew she couldn't tell him. "It's nothing professor. Nothing at all." She got up trying to straighten herself up.
"If it were nothing Miya you would not be here crying a river." He said sarcastically, yet with warmth in the undertones. He wanted more then anything to be holding her again, yet knew she probably wanted her space. Who would want him comforting them?
"I just- I just came to a realization about some things." She said it quietly and distantly like she was trying to separate herself away from it.
"Care to talk about it?"
"No."
"I am told it helps."
"I thought you hated to talk to people about your problems." Miya replied.
"I said I was told that it helps." Snape retorted. "Never said I actually did it." He knew it wasn't entirely true then again he had his image to keep up.
"Then why make me?" She snapped back.
"Just offering a suggestion."
There was silence as Miya got up and tried to regain her composure. She tried to wipe the tears away from her eyes and tried to straighten out her robes.
"Do you have someone else you would feel more comfortable talking with?"
"I don't have anyone to talk to this about."
"It can't be that bad." He started run the reasons around in his head. The worst-case scenarios popped in his head. He hoped it wasn't as bad as he thought.
"Yes it can."
"Well then I think that's more reason we should talk about it. I'm your head of house, if there is any problem I'm there to help."
Miya looked up at him. She wanted to tell him so much, but she knew she would just get shot down. But she knew she had to talk about it to someone. Snape looking into them wanted to take away whatever it was that was hurting her. Those eyes of hers would have him do anything for her.
"Uh- well- you see- I-" Miya stuttered. "I really like this guy, but he's not interested in me and well it would just be bad if I went after him or anything cause everyone would just hate me or him even cause it just a bad thing and I just finally realized all that- that I can't have him at all and it just it just hurts so much!"
He listened to her and his heart broke again when she started to cry again. He took her into his arms. He took the time to enjoy it, knowing this would probably be the only time he could hold her like this.
"It can't be as bad as you think. You know its ok to have inter-house dating."
He cursed the house rivalry- despite his taking pride in it at times- he did hate it for those people who were truly in love with those in other houses. He knew how students reacted to those who dated outside of their houses, or at least with the major rival house, Slytherin. He felt the pain once and never wished it on anyone else.
"No sir, its not like inter-house dating, its worse!" She muttered. Miya couldn't believe he was holding her. She didn't want to let go, but she knew if she didn't he would figure it out.
The fact that it wasn't inter-house dating surprised him, he didn't know of anything else happening in his house and he knew practically everything going in that house.
"What could be worse? Its not like you're in love with one of the professors or anything?" He said thinking about his own feelings for her, yet as soon as he finished saying it he felt her tense up. Realization hit him. "Oh."
"I'm sorry Professor. I-I should be going. I'm sorry." Miya said as she pushed herself away. Her cheeks blushing furiously and she tried to get away. Yet Snape didn't let her pass. Instead he held her by the sides making her look at him.
His thoughts raced and all he could do was wonder who it was. What professor had her heart and if it was him? He knew he shouldn't ask, that it was asking for trouble, but he couldn't stop himself.
"Who is it?" He asked and for the first time she heard something different in his voice. It was lower more rough. "Who is it?" He said it softer this time.
She didn't say anything at first. Yet anyone looking in her eyes it was easy to see. She tried to cover what she was thinking, but knowing it was too late Miya did the only thing that came to mind.
"You." She whispered and turned her eyes downward. Before she could even stop to think she put her arms around him and kissed him.
He felt the tenderness and uncertainty in it. It tasted sweet to him and kissed her back. Yet as soon as he started he pushed back. He knew it was wrong, she was his student.
"This is wrong. I'm your Professor-I." She looked up at him her eyes telling not to say he didn't want her. He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to stop so he kissed her again. The kissed long and deep and he didn't let her for a long time.
~ * ~
"Why couldn't you have just stayed away?" Miya said softly to herself. Tears ran down her cheek. "Why do I still have to love you?!"
Snape held the railing and cursed himself. He made a mistake in letting her know he cared for her. He had told himself that he was saving her from hurt and in the end he just hurt her worse. In the end he felt worse then he had as a Death Eater.
A/N:
T.H. ~ THANKS! I loved all the advice you've given me. I hope decided to take your advice and put the two points of view together. ( I hope you like the next chapter. May seem a lil familiar! ;-)
A/N: passages in between a [~*~] denotes flashbacks. All other markings [~~*~~] refer to section/chapter breaks.
~ ~ * ~ ~
Mistakes: First Memories
By AG
~ ~ * ~ ~
Miya walked into her rooms and sat down ready to cry. She hadn't seen Snape for almost six years. Well she had at her family's dinner parties and such, but never having to actually interact with him. It hurt to be so close to him. She hated him so much, hated him much more when he was being kind to her. She could take his sarcasm, his coldness but not his warmth. How dare he act kind to her!
She knew taking this job would have her facing him like this, but she knew opportunities like these don't come every day. To get a student-teaching position at Hogwarts was extremely competitive. She should be happy that she was there, but the minute she saw Snape on the balcony all she wanted to do was to run away.
She dropped her outer robes on the couch in her room and changed into a dark green nightgown. She sat down at the vanity table and began to take down her hair and brush it. Her black hair fell down below her waist. She looked at the silver snake hair clasp. She then went to the necklace on her neck. It held two rings on it, one gold band with a small diamond on it and another silver band with blue sparkling stars on it. At least it was enchanted to look like it. She fingered it as she remembered the man she once loved.
~ * ~
Miya worked quietly in the potions classroom. She could feel the eyes of her Professor staring at her, yet every time she looked up he would be back to grading papers. Or at least she thought he was staring at her. She kept arguing with herself she was making things up in her mind.
Snape watched her working intently on her potion. Her brow was creased with concentration and every now and then she muttered under her breath but then continued on silently. He smiled when she brushed a stray hair back behind her ear. The rest of her hair was put into a ponytail. He followed her fingers as the pushed the strand behind her ear and down her neck. She had a beautiful neck, one that he would have loved to place soft kisses on. At the thought he silently cursed himself.
He knew having feelings like that for one of his students was wrong. Yet he did. Ever since he figured out his attraction to his student he had been trying to distance himself from her. Before he had kept denying it that is until Dumbledore had pointed it out to him. Every time he had helped her or given her extra credit he excused as academic reasons. But he grew to appreciate her company. She wasn't fearful of him and had a sense of humor that matched his.
When looking back at things he can remember when his feelings for her had changed. It was the summer before and he was at the Malfoy mansion for a party/ball. Lucius and his brother Lucifer were throwing the party in honor of their wives, Narcissa and Kijo. The night was clear and everyone was throwing back glasses of champagne and making nice. He was getting bored and walked out toward the more secluded part of the terrace. She was there sitting quietly looking at the sky. She was wearing a dark maroon gown that showed her newly developed body. At school it was hard to see it underneath the school robes, but in that dress it just showed up she had matured and how beautiful she looked. What caught his attention the most was her face. Her hair hung down loosely framing it with soft tendrils. Her violet eyes were staring up at the sky wishfully. He wondered what she was wishing for.
Snape's breath had caught at the sight of her. Yet he refused to admit that his feelings for her were more then a professor for a student. He had left that night with saying much to her and at the return of the school year he had tried to act the same. Yet he found it increasingly harder to be in close proximity of her.
All this time he had been looking at her, but when he noticed her looking up he went back to the papers in his hands. Dumbledore who could read him better then anyone saw the growing attraction. He had been kind and only gave him a friendly warning that it was not wise to pursue and that he should be careful. Ever since then he'd been keeping his distance.
As he was lost in thought, she had gotten up and was at his desk.
"I finished Professor." She said as she brought him a vial of the potion she had made.
"Thank you, Miss Malfoy. I will have to test it later." Snape replied to his student. She only nodded waiting for more, but he only returned to his work. He put it down on the table. He went back to his work so he wouldn't have to look at her. He knew he would just end up staring at her especially at such a close proximity.
"I will go now sir." She said quietly, trying to hide her disappointment. She did a lot of extra credit just so that she could be near her potions master. She knew it was wrong and that it was wrong to hope for something more. Yet she could not help falling in love with him. It was just so hard that night. He never really talked or spoke to her more then necessary. Not even to complement her on her work. She knew she was his best potions student in a long time.
He had noticed something in her voice, but figured she was tired.
She was still hoping that he would say something to her and had turned around hoping to get that. Instead she just saw him put her potion away with what she knew as his too busy pile. She didn't know why but it hurt! She had spent so much time on that potion. Tears welled up and she ran out, slamming the door as she went.
He frowned, she was not one to be so emotional. He got up and followed her out into the hall. Before he could call out to her she was running as fast as she could up the stairs. He hurried behind her and saw her run towards one of the balconies. He could see she was crying as she fell down against the railing.
She sat down by the railing and just cried. She hated being in love with the most hated teacher at the school and to a man who just didn't know she was alive. As she cried she felt someone approach her.
Snape's heart had broken at the sight before him. He wondered what she was so upset about.
"Oh great!" She thought as she felt them come closer. "Someone is going to catch the cold as ice Malfoy crying."
The person had put his arms around her shoulders, "Are you alright Miss Malfoy?" He said softly hoping not to startle her too much. She looked up him surprised. His caught his breath at the sadness in her eyes. Her violet eyes were wet with tears and before he could go to wipe them away she looked away.
She was shocked when she found herself staring into the eyes of Professor Snape.
"I'm fine." She said quietly. She felt ashamed at having been found by him.
"You don't look alright. Miya what's wrong? You ran out pretty upset." Snape looked down at her worry creasing his brows. "You know you can tell me."
She was surprised at his kindness, yet she knew she couldn't tell him. "It's nothing professor. Nothing at all." She got up trying to straighten herself up.
"If it were nothing Miya you would not be here crying a river." He said sarcastically, yet with warmth in the undertones. He wanted more then anything to be holding her again, yet knew she probably wanted her space. Who would want him comforting them?
"I just- I just came to a realization about some things." She said it quietly and distantly like she was trying to separate herself away from it.
"Care to talk about it?"
"No."
"I am told it helps."
"I thought you hated to talk to people about your problems." Miya replied.
"I said I was told that it helps." Snape retorted. "Never said I actually did it." He knew it wasn't entirely true then again he had his image to keep up.
"Then why make me?" She snapped back.
"Just offering a suggestion."
There was silence as Miya got up and tried to regain her composure. She tried to wipe the tears away from her eyes and tried to straighten out her robes.
"Do you have someone else you would feel more comfortable talking with?"
"I don't have anyone to talk to this about."
"It can't be that bad." He started run the reasons around in his head. The worst-case scenarios popped in his head. He hoped it wasn't as bad as he thought.
"Yes it can."
"Well then I think that's more reason we should talk about it. I'm your head of house, if there is any problem I'm there to help."
Miya looked up at him. She wanted to tell him so much, but she knew she would just get shot down. But she knew she had to talk about it to someone. Snape looking into them wanted to take away whatever it was that was hurting her. Those eyes of hers would have him do anything for her.
"Uh- well- you see- I-" Miya stuttered. "I really like this guy, but he's not interested in me and well it would just be bad if I went after him or anything cause everyone would just hate me or him even cause it just a bad thing and I just finally realized all that- that I can't have him at all and it just it just hurts so much!"
He listened to her and his heart broke again when she started to cry again. He took her into his arms. He took the time to enjoy it, knowing this would probably be the only time he could hold her like this.
"It can't be as bad as you think. You know its ok to have inter-house dating."
He cursed the house rivalry- despite his taking pride in it at times- he did hate it for those people who were truly in love with those in other houses. He knew how students reacted to those who dated outside of their houses, or at least with the major rival house, Slytherin. He felt the pain once and never wished it on anyone else.
"No sir, its not like inter-house dating, its worse!" She muttered. Miya couldn't believe he was holding her. She didn't want to let go, but she knew if she didn't he would figure it out.
The fact that it wasn't inter-house dating surprised him, he didn't know of anything else happening in his house and he knew practically everything going in that house.
"What could be worse? Its not like you're in love with one of the professors or anything?" He said thinking about his own feelings for her, yet as soon as he finished saying it he felt her tense up. Realization hit him. "Oh."
"I'm sorry Professor. I-I should be going. I'm sorry." Miya said as she pushed herself away. Her cheeks blushing furiously and she tried to get away. Yet Snape didn't let her pass. Instead he held her by the sides making her look at him.
His thoughts raced and all he could do was wonder who it was. What professor had her heart and if it was him? He knew he shouldn't ask, that it was asking for trouble, but he couldn't stop himself.
"Who is it?" He asked and for the first time she heard something different in his voice. It was lower more rough. "Who is it?" He said it softer this time.
She didn't say anything at first. Yet anyone looking in her eyes it was easy to see. She tried to cover what she was thinking, but knowing it was too late Miya did the only thing that came to mind.
"You." She whispered and turned her eyes downward. Before she could even stop to think she put her arms around him and kissed him.
He felt the tenderness and uncertainty in it. It tasted sweet to him and kissed her back. Yet as soon as he started he pushed back. He knew it was wrong, she was his student.
"This is wrong. I'm your Professor-I." She looked up at him her eyes telling not to say he didn't want her. He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to stop so he kissed her again. The kissed long and deep and he didn't let her for a long time.
~ * ~
"Why couldn't you have just stayed away?" Miya said softly to herself. Tears ran down her cheek. "Why do I still have to love you?!"
Snape held the railing and cursed himself. He made a mistake in letting her know he cared for her. He had told himself that he was saving her from hurt and in the end he just hurt her worse. In the end he felt worse then he had as a Death Eater.
A/N:
T.H. ~ THANKS! I loved all the advice you've given me. I hope decided to take your advice and put the two points of view together. ( I hope you like the next chapter. May seem a lil familiar! ;-)