a/n: We're BAAAACK!! Sorry about the wait (hehehe.... 4 ½ months.... sorry) Anyway, we continue to own nothing.  Nada.  Je suis tres triste, parce que je n'ai pas un poupee!!!  (I have pediophobia... bwahaha)  Anyway, let the randomness begin!!
*

(camera swings around the stage revealing Scott (having an epileptic fit because he has run out of hair gel), Hermione (Sulking because Scott is ignoring her), Harry (sticking his nose into "Flying with the Cannons" in a pitiful attempt to disregard his surroundings), and Ron and Draco (having an "I can cross my eyes for longer than you can so nyah nyah nyah!" contest).  The producer (standing off set) throws a bottle of gel to Scott who begins the intro like one of those women in the Herbal Essences commercials)

Scott: Ohhhhh... Welcome back to... Ahhhhhh..  Harry Potter... Ooooooh... Whose Line is it Anyway.   *Collapses into a state of pure joy.  His tongue is lolling out of his mouth and he is absent-mindedly chewing on it)

(Hermione looks nauseated while Harry, Ron, and Draco exchange smirks of amusement.  The audience registers confusion.  The producer charges on set and snaps his fingers.  Friendly looking men in white coats "temporarily" remove Scott.  The producer runs into the audience, and yanks Gilderoy Lockheart down onto the set and pushes him onto Scott's chair.)

Lockheart: Well children, I suppose we should proceed to the next game?  What a happy fun event.  Made even happier and funner by the wonderful presence of me!

Everyone: Funner?

Hermione: (sniffs) I can't imagine why people neglect proper English.  It's so...  so...

Draco: Improper?

Hermione: Uh... yeah...

Lockheart: (looks furious that he is not the center of attention) AHEM!!!  (Smiles cheesily)  Our next game is called "World's

Worst"  It is for all four players.  These wonderful children are going to tell us all about the world's worst (reads a card) potion's teachers and their world's worst potions.

(Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco walk down to the center of the stage and face the audience)

Harry: Hello.  My name is Professor Severus Snape.  I don't like you.  Deal with it.  And drink some of my fah-bu-lous truth- I mean, sleepiness potion...  *evil laugh*

Lockheart: *buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz* That wasn't nice young man!

Ron: Whatever...

Rinoa: That line is copyrighted my beloved Squall. 

Zell: Isn't his name Leon now?

Squall/Leon/whatever: Whatever...

Lockheart: *buzzzzzzzzzz*  NO TALKING ABOUT WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND!  Secrets secrets are no fun unless they are for everyone!

Draco: Hello boys and girls!  I'm Professor Lockheart!  And this is my world famous memory-deleting potion.  (Mimes drinking the potion)  Who am I?  Where am I?  Why am I dressed like I robbed a blind hobo?

Death Eaters: YAY DRACO!  THAT'S THE WAY DRACO!!   KICK BUTT DRACO!!

Voldemort: (returning from his Paranoid Parents Anonymous meeting ) Hooray for Draco!  ...Where's Scott? 

(Audience snickers under their breath while a Deatheater pulls Voldie aside and begins whispering something to him)

Hermione: My name is-

Voldemort: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MEN IN WHITE COATS???  GET MY SCOTTIE-OTTIE BOY BACK.  NOW!

Lockheart: *buzzz* Voldemort is out.

Hermione: (annoyed) AHEM!!!  My name is Rita Skeeter.  By drinking this potion, you may-

Voldemort: I SAID NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

(Death Eaters scatter about to do Voldie's bidding.  Hermione tuts and stalks away to her chair where she sits and mumbles to herself about inconsiderate evil people and their mignons until she can think of a good come back)

Lockheart: (confused)... ummm... *buzz*?  Proceed.

Harry: My name is Professor Draco Malfoy.  Drink my Ditziness potion, and you can be a man who acts like a valley girl, just like me.

Draco: (steam comes out of his ear)

All Remaining Death Eaters: (wave grammatically incorrect banners) WE LOVE YOU DRACO!  DON'T TAKE THAT FROM ANYBODY!  YOU ARE THE MASTAH!

Ron: Hello.  I'm the Death Eater Master.  Please remove your grammar books from your desks and open to chapter 1 "How to spell.

Harry: Hi, my name is Scott Riddle and here is my specially patented hair gel, bound to make your humors tingle.

(Hermione and Voldemort attempt to lunge at Harry but are quickly restrained by Security)

Lockheart: Now now Harry.  Fame is a fickle friend to us all.  There is no need to make others miserable to promote your own self.

Everyone: SHUT THE *&@##@*^*#& UP!  WE WANT SCOTT BACK!  Even a guy whose gel has seriously damaged his brain cells is better than this freak of nature.

Lockheart: *sniffs* I'm hurt.  I can't believe you would say that too... too... me!

George of the Jungle: Me would! Me think the monkeys is smarter than you is mister man sir.

Lockheart: (wrinkles up his nose and points at George) He smells.  He should by some soap, made by me in an Alaskan

soap factory.  (under his breath) Well, at least made in and Alaskan soap factory.  By that crazy witch who wore nothing but

purple...

Harry: (loudly) What was that, Professor?

Lockheart: (looks around) Who me?

Nanki-poo, Yum-Yum and Koko: Here's a how-de-doo! 

Lockheart: BACK ON TOPIC PEOPLE!

Draco: I'm your new Potion's teacher.  And we're going to have a wonderful time boys and girls.  Isn't that right, Assistant Professor Fluffy?  (holds up a sock puppet)

Ron: (throwing his voice to play Assistant Professor Fluffy) Yes, that's right boys and girls.  Isn't this wonderful.

Neville: Don't mock sock puppets!  (turns to his own Mr. Socky for comfort and advice)           

Harry: We're... uh... going to learn about um... potions... uh... like I guess you should get your books out... or something.

Lockheart: *buzz* 2 more

Ron: *misty/dreamy voice* Hello students.  Today instead of creating potions we will be gazing into the infinite depths of the Orb.  Oh yes.  The fates have informed me that you are to call me Professor Trelawney.  And oh... young man? (To Harry)  You will die on Thurday next, 7 seconds past 42 minutes past the tenth hour of the day.

Parvati and Lavender: Oh Professor Trelawney!  Do you really think so? Ooh, tell us more about your randomized predictions of Harry's untimely death!

Ron, Harry, and Draco: *struggle to find the appropriate words for the situation*

Neville: Down with pink teacups!  Up with blue teacups!  Teacup breakers of Great Britain unite!

Lockheart: *confused* Hang on, is there really a teacup breakers union, or is he just joshing?

Everyone: Joshing?

Harry: Gosh that's keen Professor. 

Ron: What a swell idea!

Draco: Gee whiz sir!

Hermione: (having finally though of a comeback, comes running up to join Harry and company). Hello. My name is Voldemort.  Mr. Voldemort to you.  As you can see from my horribly disfigured face, I am the victim of a disfiguring potion.  No... wait...  I forgot... I was born like this.

Voldemort: (tries to calm himself down) Big... open... spaces...  Big... open... spaces...

Voldemort's psychiatrist:  Yes.  Thees is thee vay to conquer your angerrrr.  Keeeeeeep  aht eeet.

Death Eater 1: That's the spirit sir!

Death Eater 2: Keep at it sir!

Voldemort: SHUT UP!!  *sniffs* I'm trying to concentrate.

Lockheart: Uhh,,, *buzz* And that's a wrap (tries to look cool)

*commercial break*

(representative from the state asylum walks into a padded room)

Asylum Dude:  Ladies and Gentleman, we at the state asylum here in London appreciate anything you feel willing to give.  Be it money, donations of clothing to the inmates, or even your time to work with some of the troubled people living here.

Scott: (from the background)  Ohhhhhh... gel....  I want my gel!  Ahhhhhh...

Asylum Dude: Uh yeah.  So help us.  (runs of the set shouting) SOMEONE GET A TRANQUILIZER DART!