The Dark Side of Me
The Moon, so beautiful… I sigh when looking into the dark skies. My clothes got soaked in a rain recently, so grandma Kaede lent me her priestess clothes. It always makes me sad and melancholic when I have to wear these clothes... They remind me of the part of myself I want to forget about. Kikyou… She is somewhere out there, like a dark shadow, appearing once a while. Once again I look into the sky…
Beautiful. So dark, mysterious and beautiful. I couldn't stay in Kaede's hut tonight. My melancholy would be noticed soon and I did not wish that. Here, where I breathe fresh and cool air, everything seems more calm and distant… So does my sadness. Suddenly, Kikyou appears in my mind again… But this time she's not walking around with her soul-stealing demons nor is she trying to kill Inuyasha. She's just standing there, looking at me from the cool waters of a lake I'm gazing into. My shadow came to me even now. Finally I realise… No matter how much I run away, try to forget and go on, she's always there, somewhere. In the woods, in the mist, in my own reflection.
In a sudden burst of self-irony, I tie my hair together with a ribbon, to look even more like her. Why? I do not know. Or maybe I do and I just don't want to admit it. I do not want to see this journey lead me to become more and more like her. But, after all, we are one soul. It is so painful to admit it. She said it once to me and I still cannot bear it.
You and I are the same…
These words echo in my worst nightmares. As long as I try to be myself, she's coming back to me, never letting me forget. Damn you, Urasue, for bringing upon me the demons of the past.
The wind is so cold, chilling my body, like the kiss of death. Or maybe it wasn't Urasue who brought this upon me? After all, Kikyou was within me, always. When I met Inuyasha, I rejected, hated and envied her. It was she, who brought upon me the responsibility of the Four Souls' Jewel. It was she, who brought me to the past to live her life as a priestess, the Jewel protector. It was she, who made me meet Inuyasha. Her fate was her final gift to me, my greatest curse and greatest blessing at the same time.
The mist surrounds me; I feel like trapped between the world of the living and the world of the dead. That day, when Urasue stole my soul to revive Kikyou, maybe Kikyou didn't just run away in that dead shell of clay and bones... Maybe it was me who wanted to get rid of her and didn't let her back in. Maybe it was my own darkness that created Kikyou. My disapproval towards this part of my soul brought her back to existence.
The clouds slowly cover the Moon, drowning the meadow in darkness. I sink within the newly-noticed darkness of my own soul. I can never escape Kikyou. Even if she returns to her grave, her shadow will always follow me. If I keep fighting her, she will keep looking at me through my own reflection and finally Kagome will be completely consumed by this darkness – and only Kikyou will remain.
The wind gets even colder. She was right that we are one. I am not Kikyou, but she is a part of me. A part I have to accept if I'm ever to be able to go on. And I feel this will prove a difficult task. I know I'm too weak to do it right now. But one day I shall. I shall look inside the dark side of me, accept whatever I find there as my own, and thus become the true myself. Or else my dark side will find me when I'm most vulnerable, and defeat me.
The wind chases the last clouds away from the Moon. Once again I can see its bright light. So beautiful… Maybe it will give me strength to face Kikyou… Because time is running out.
The Moon, so beautiful… I sigh when looking into the dark skies. My clothes got soaked in a rain recently, so grandma Kaede lent me her priestess clothes. It always makes me sad and melancholic when I have to wear these clothes... They remind me of the part of myself I want to forget about. Kikyou… She is somewhere out there, like a dark shadow, appearing once a while. Once again I look into the sky…
Beautiful. So dark, mysterious and beautiful. I couldn't stay in Kaede's hut tonight. My melancholy would be noticed soon and I did not wish that. Here, where I breathe fresh and cool air, everything seems more calm and distant… So does my sadness. Suddenly, Kikyou appears in my mind again… But this time she's not walking around with her soul-stealing demons nor is she trying to kill Inuyasha. She's just standing there, looking at me from the cool waters of a lake I'm gazing into. My shadow came to me even now. Finally I realise… No matter how much I run away, try to forget and go on, she's always there, somewhere. In the woods, in the mist, in my own reflection.
In a sudden burst of self-irony, I tie my hair together with a ribbon, to look even more like her. Why? I do not know. Or maybe I do and I just don't want to admit it. I do not want to see this journey lead me to become more and more like her. But, after all, we are one soul. It is so painful to admit it. She said it once to me and I still cannot bear it.
You and I are the same…
These words echo in my worst nightmares. As long as I try to be myself, she's coming back to me, never letting me forget. Damn you, Urasue, for bringing upon me the demons of the past.
The wind is so cold, chilling my body, like the kiss of death. Or maybe it wasn't Urasue who brought this upon me? After all, Kikyou was within me, always. When I met Inuyasha, I rejected, hated and envied her. It was she, who brought upon me the responsibility of the Four Souls' Jewel. It was she, who brought me to the past to live her life as a priestess, the Jewel protector. It was she, who made me meet Inuyasha. Her fate was her final gift to me, my greatest curse and greatest blessing at the same time.
The mist surrounds me; I feel like trapped between the world of the living and the world of the dead. That day, when Urasue stole my soul to revive Kikyou, maybe Kikyou didn't just run away in that dead shell of clay and bones... Maybe it was me who wanted to get rid of her and didn't let her back in. Maybe it was my own darkness that created Kikyou. My disapproval towards this part of my soul brought her back to existence.
The clouds slowly cover the Moon, drowning the meadow in darkness. I sink within the newly-noticed darkness of my own soul. I can never escape Kikyou. Even if she returns to her grave, her shadow will always follow me. If I keep fighting her, she will keep looking at me through my own reflection and finally Kagome will be completely consumed by this darkness – and only Kikyou will remain.
The wind gets even colder. She was right that we are one. I am not Kikyou, but she is a part of me. A part I have to accept if I'm ever to be able to go on. And I feel this will prove a difficult task. I know I'm too weak to do it right now. But one day I shall. I shall look inside the dark side of me, accept whatever I find there as my own, and thus become the true myself. Or else my dark side will find me when I'm most vulnerable, and defeat me.
The wind chases the last clouds away from the Moon. Once again I can see its bright light. So beautiful… Maybe it will give me strength to face Kikyou… Because time is running out.