(Scene on farm. Heero is sitting on a fence,staring of into spandex space. ROSE dressed as Aunt Em walks on stage)
ROSE Aunt Em: Dorothy! Mrs. What's-her-face just called! She says your cat Toto bit her and he's going to have him put down!
Heero: So?
ROSE Aunt Em: *mutters* That's not your line, baka.
Heero: *death glares* *assumes expression of overwrought anxiety* Oh no! Poor Toto! They can't put him down, they just can't!
ROSE Aunt Em: I'm afraid they can, dear. *receives glare from Heero* *flinches* *mutters* Fine, I won't call you dear anymore. Sheesh. *normal* The law is on her side!
Heero: But Aunt Em, Toto is my dearest friend in the whole wide world! I'll take her and we'll run far away where what's-her-name can't get us. *runs of stage*
ROSE Aunt Em: You forgot Toto!
Heero: Damn *runs back* *scoops up fluffly white persian* *scowls* *runs off again*
ROSE Aunt Em: DOROTHY!! Wait! There's a twister coming! *runs in opposite direction*
(Intrusion of Director)
See: Due to budget cuts and lack of Dorothy's actor's willingness to scream like a girl on a rollercoaster *scowls in Heero's direction* we will not be showing the tornado scene. To recap: It was loud, messy, and Zech's skirt flew up repeatedly. Back to the show.
(Heero is slumped on the ground, unconscious. ROSE C's gather around)
ROSE Ca: Ooooooohhh.
Other ROSE C's: Ooooooohh.
Heero: *wakes up* AAAAAAACCCCKKK!!! CHIBIESS!!!!
Rose C's: EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!
Heero: *mutters* Dear God, See, how many times did you kick them in the balls before they could shriek that high?
(evil laugh rings softly over landscape)
Heero: Right. *gets into character* Oh dear! Where am I!
ROSE Cb: *squeaky voice* You're in the land of OZ!! *other chibies nod excitedly*
Heero: *zero mode* Oz is my enemy! *blinks* I mean, Oz? Where's the land of Oz?
ROSE Cb: *still squeaky* Here! *other chibies nod some more*
Heero: That tells me nothing at all. I'm so confused.
Toto: *gets flung on stage* *yowls loudly* *scratches Heero*
Heero: AAARRGGGGHHH!! DAMN CAT!! Uh, I mean, Toto! You're safe!
ROSE Ca: *squeakiness* Looooook! *other chibies echo*
(Bubble floats in and turns into Quatre with a shimmer)
Quatre: Ooooh, that was cool! Let's do it again!
Heero: Who are you?
Quatre: Oooh, chibies! How cute! *glomps a few ROSE C's*
Heero: Quatre, dammit, your lines!
Quatre: Oh yeah. *drops the chibies* My dear, you've killed the Wicked Witch of the East!
Heero: *smirks* Oh how awful! I didn't mean to!!
Quatre: Of course you didn't, sweetie. But killed her you did.
Heero: Quatre, if you don't stop with the endearments I'll strangle you with your own skirt.
Quatre: *pouts*
Heero: Hn. *gets back n character* But who are you?
ROSE Cb: Glenda! *chibies nod*
Quatre: I'm Glenda, the good witch of the North. Who are you? The chibies want to know, are you a good witch, or a bad witch?
Heero: I'm not a witch, I'm just a little girl from Kansas. *scowls*
Quatre: But that's impossible. You killed the wicked Witch of the East and you're wearing her ruby shoes.
Heero: *looks down at the sparkly red pumps on his feet* Oh my god, how did those get there? They look awful.
Quatre: They're magic. Don't let the Wicked Witch of the West get ahold of them.
(Zechs appears, right on cue)
Zechs: Who killed my sister. *points at Heero* Was it you?
Heero: I didn't mean to, it was an accident!
Zechs: Like hell. Good job.
Heero: *smirks* Was it really Relena?
Zechs: Yep. She's my stunt double *grins*
Heero: On my cue, chibies. 1, 2, 3....
Heero and ROSE C's: DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD! WHICH OLD WITCH? THE WICKED WITCH! dING DONG THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!!!!
(Intrusion of author: I know the words by heart. Pathetic, neh?)
Heero and ROSE C's: SHE'S GONE WHERE THE GOBLINS GO BE-
Zechs: STOP GODDAMMIT!!!
ROSE C's: *cower*
Zechs: Thank God. Anyway, I'll get you my pretty *chokes on laughter* and your little *snort* *giggle* cat too! *disapears with a bang*
Heero: *fakes fear* Oh no! What a horrible old witch! I've got to get home! *turns to Quatre* Can you get me home?
Quatre: I'm not even sure where Kansas is. You'll have to go to see *trumpet fanfare* THE WIZARD OF OZ!!
Heero: Why does Treize get a fanfare?
Quatre: Got me.
Heero: Oh no....not this line....
Voice of Director: SAY IT!!!
Heero: *cringes* Well, how do I get to see the wizard?
ROSE C's: *really really squeaky* FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!! *begin to sing*
Quatre: STOP!! I get to use my wand now!
ROSE C's: *pout chibily (that's my word!)*
Quatre: Ahem, now the yellow brick road can be dangerous, my dear, so I'm going to give you some advice and some help. Stay on the road and never get of it. Now, for your help. *pulls out wand* YAY!! *swishes it happily*
Heero: *softly* Help? I don't remember....
Quatre: *swishes some more* There!
(bazooka appears on Heero's shoulder)
Heero: *huge, evil grin* *skips off, singing* I'M OFF TO KILL THE WIZARD!!! THAT HORRIBLE BASTARD TREIZE!!! HE COMMANDS A BUNCH OF MOBILE SUITS AND KEEPS THE COLONIES CRAZED!!! IF EVER OH EVER I COULD KILL TREIZE, I WOULD KILL TREIZE, I WOULD KILL TREIZE, BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAAAAAAAAUUUUUUSE *voice fades in the distance*
(scene fades out to director)
See: Wait! You're not supposed to kill Treize! Ah, oh well. I'll let him have fun. *turns to you* Hope you like it so far. More insanity and funniness forthcoming so review! My muses pout chibily at you! You cannot resist, so review!