Disclaimer: I don't own HP or any of these characters. That belongs to JKR, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, etc. This is just something to pass the time while waiting for the next book.
Part III : An Overdue Development
This could not be happening. She must have misheard him somehow. It simply could not be happening. The possibility that he said what Hermione thought he had said was just too awful to contemplate.
However, as Harry continued to stare at her after he made his confession, the logical part of her mind finally started to take over. This was happening. He had said those words. There was no way they could be taken back. Those words would continue to hang over them no matter what she did to try and fix the situation.
Hermione looked down at the floor and inwardly suppressed her urge to have a good cry. Why did Harry have to say that? Why didn't he think before he opened his mouth? Hermione supposed that was being a little unfair to him. He probably did think before he claimed that he loved her. He probably thought that would be the right thing to do in this situation. He probably thought that saying those words would make her happy.
Only she did not want to hear that from him. She had never wanted to hear him say those words out of some feeling of obligation. She did not want to hear him say "I love you" merely because he thought it was the right thing to say. That was no way to start a relationship. A relationship should be founded on mutual love and respect for each other and not on some duty that one person felt. Harry may have thought that he was doing the right thing for this situation, but Hermione wished greatly that he had chosen to be honest. She wished that he had said what he felt rather than what he thought he should feel.
She closed her eyes and drew in a steadying breath. Harry had done what he thought was the right thing and now it was time for her to do what she knew was right. She couldn't take advantage of those words. She knew those words were not true. If Harry loved her—and her heart leapt at even the thought of that—she would have been able to tell before this. You didn't need someone to tell you "I love you" in order to know that you are loved. Love transcended mere words. It was real no matter what you said or did. On the other hand, if it was not there, then it would never be there, no matter how many times you professed your love. Some things were just true and there was no way you could fight the truth, no matter how much you might want to. So Hermione had to be strong and tell Harry that he didn't have to say such things for her. No matter how much she might wish that he had actually meant those words, it wouldn't be true. It wouldn't be fair to trap him in a relationship that he didn't really want. Hermione would have given almost anything to be his beloved. Since she couldn't have that, the least she could do was be the best possible friend to him.
Still it hurt to think that she would be telling him no. She had dreamed so often of him actually loving her that to hear him say that was a very cruel joke. Hermione thought that she had dealt with enough heartache already without having to bear the burden of telling him no. Yet somehow she would manage to make it through and survive this disaster. Her heart would be a bit more injured but in the end, her refusal would be best for both of them.
With that in mind, Hermione drew in one last breath. After a short pause to gather her courage, she raised her head and looked Harry directly in the eye.
That's when it hit her.
He hadn't been lying. He had been telling the truth. He loved her.
It was incredible. He loved her. She knew it was true. She had been closely attuned to his thoughts and feelings for such a long time now but somehow she had missed this development. He loved her. It was incredible. She could see it sitting there, staring back at her from those gorgeous green eyes of his. It was just there, right before her, like a gift freely given, waiting for her touch. Just exactly how it should be.
It had been too much to hope for but it was still there. Her dream had come true. The fairy tale had come to life. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the first wish I make tonight. Finally she had the wish that she had made over and over again for so many nights.
Hermione couldn't believe it. Her mind simply could not grasp the fact that he loved her while her heart was almost leaping out of her chest in excitement. She knew that she must have looked the sight, just gawking at Harry like that. She didn't care. It didn't matter.
He loved her. That made everything right in her world.
*****
It was not going well. It was not going well by any possible standard you could think of. Hermione had just been gawking at him since he had made his confession. He could see the disbelief in her eyes. She didn't have to say a thing. Her silence spoke all too loudly.
She didn't love him.
Harry knew that if he was asked later, he would reply that he was glad he had told Hermione that he loved her. At least now he was certain of how she felt. At least now he wouldn't have his weak moments when he thought there was a chance that she could return his love. He would say those words and say that he had no regrets. To some extent, that would be true.
It still hurt like hell.
Knowing she didn't love him hurt. Harry thought that it was painful to watch her during breakfast that day in their seventh year and detect no hint that she felt the way he did. It was painful but it was nothing compared to this. Harry wanted to run from the room so he wouldn't have to face the inevitable. He did not want her to tell him what he could see in front of him. He didn't want her to say that she didn't feel the same.
Harry could not do that though. No matter how much he wanted to run away, he had to stay here. Just because things did not turn out the way he had wanted did not give him an excuse to act like a child. Children could flee from their fears; you lost that luxury when you became an adult. He had to take responsibility for what he had said. Harry didn't feel guilty about actually loving Hermione—if anything, he wondered how anyone could not. Yet he loved her too well to let her feel badly about not loving him back. Her friendship was more than he could ask for. That would be enough for him to survive on. She did not love him so he had to let her go despite the fact that he did not want to.
She had yet to speak. It would be up to him to say something. Harry thought that it was best to tell her the truth—or at least some portion of it. Nevertheless it was hard to open his mouth to say the words. So long as he had not actually said anything, he could hang on to the small hope that she was just in shock.
The tears now forming in her eyes wouldn't let him do that though.
"Hermione, don't worry about what I just said," he started. "I—"
"You meant it," she breathed.
Harry winced. Yes he did mean it. He would have meant it even if he had never said the words. "Yes, but you don't have to—"
"You love me."
He did love her. He loved enough to let her go but he wished that she would make this easier for him. Harry loved the sound of Hermione's voice but right now he wished that she would just stop talking. He wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible so perhaps it would also be over as painlessly as possible.
"You love me," she repeated, as if she could not believe it. Then she started moving towards him, with love lighting up her eyes.
That's when it hit him. She loved him. She wasn't crying out of guilt or shame. She was crying from relief and joy. She loved him. Then he lost all conscious thought as her lips met his.
It was stunning. It far exceeded the passion of last night. Her kiss overwhelmed him. He could feel her love and want and need for him. It was absolutely incredible.
He pushed her back flat on to the bed before plunging his tongue into her mouth. His excitement increased as she matched him as he deepened their kiss. Her hands briefly ran up and down his back, tracing the muscles there, before she gripped his shoulders to pull him closer. Silently he agreed. They weren't close enough. They had to get closer. They could never be close enough but he had to have more of her. Harry's lips left Hermione's mouth to plant kisses all over her face and neck. She wrapped one leg around him and that was the only sign he needed.
*****
Some time later, Harry was content to lay in bed. He was happy just to be watching the woman he loved while his heart rate returned to normal after the morning's exertions. Feeling his eyes upon her, Hermione turned to him and snuggled into his chest. She placed a single kiss on it before looking up to meet his eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I never told you, did I?"
He gently kissed her forehead. "You don't have to. I know."
"I want to tell you. I love you. I've loved you since—"
Harry silenced her with yet another kiss. "Don't. Let's not speak of it right now. For now, let's just be."
She smiled at him before answering.
"We'll always be."
Author's note—That's another chapter that's completed although I'm not finished with the story yet. I would really like to know what you think of this one so please please leave a review. Thank you!
And a great big thanks goes out to Nappa, VenusDeMilo,
HarryNZ, rokjai, Lady Slytherin, Carter Girl,
lifeoca, H/H fan, invisibleink, He-who-must-not-be-named,
Hazelmist, holly, Em, leogrl, HarryandGinny4eva,
BabyPopstar, Max, Spitfire360, draco's princess,
lilhu, Heaven, ChrisMiss, Lady Lylia and Eric
for their reviews. I really do appreciate your reviews, each and
every one of them. Thank you so much for taking the time to let me
know what you thought. I wish I had more time to respond, but unfortunately
it's finals week. Thank you again and again!