Eternity Knot

By Sakata Ri Houjun

*chapter 6

AN: This chapter may seem sort of short, but it's more a filler/bridge for the next part of the plotline.

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Houjun felt dirty. There was no other word to describe the utterly despicable feeling crawling around in the pit of his stomach like a worm. For days it had been eating away at him, the guilt mounting higher and higher until he felt soffocated just by the mere thought of what he had done.

Oh sure, he kept right on smiling, pretending that nothing had happened at all that day. That was easy enough with all the distractions happening around them.

It had been almost been twenty-four hours when the city they had been staying in suddenly disolved around them. He'd been purposefully avoiding the young bandit leader, trying to keep as many walls between them so they wouldn't have to talk about what could have happened had the hostess not walked in on them, when in the blink of an eye, there weren't any walls between them at all.

But before any quesitons could be asked or answered, Houjun had felt the call of their Miko, an intangible pull indicating that she was in danger. No words needed to be said, for they all felt it, despite the sudden weakness spreading through their bodies at being exposed for so long to the elements.

Houjun hadn't the ki left to teleport, but Tasuki made it in time using the last of his energy to run with his Suzaku-granted gift, beating the rest of them there.

Houjun felt happy watching Miaka and Tamahome hold one another, his heart aching to hold his beloved. A sudden flash of red surged through his mind and he found himself dwelling on that incident the day prior. Without thinking he looked over at Tasuki, only to meet the younger seishi's eyes. For a moment they were locked on the other's gaze, Houjun feeling afraid to turn away.

Luckily, the bandit broke contact first. The scholar found himself grateful for the sunburn that graced his cheeks for he was certain that his face would be burning with something else. Shame.

If it had been up to the mage, he would have avoided contact with the bandit altogether. Unfortunately, Tasuki apparently hid in public.

"Tasuki, guys," Miaka asked quietly, finally accessing the damage done to her seishi after recovering from her happy reunion with her boyfriend. "What happened to you?"

The redhead grinned. "Nothin' really," he laughed while walking over to the closest seishi, who happened to be a cerulean-haired mage with a rather sullen and introverted expression. "We just got caught out in the sun, but it ain't nothin' that we can't handle. Ne, Chiri?" He clapped a hand to Houjun's back, which couldn't have been a bigger mistake.

A sharp pain shot through his body at the touch, the jarring gesture smacking against raw skin. His weakened body couldn't handle the shock and the scholar sank to the rocky ground with a cry before his world swam to black.

*~~~*

Houjun awoke, staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling. His whole body ached yet tingled at the same time. He lifted one hand in front of his face, scant illumination provided by the afternoon sun spangling across reddened skin. He could see a glossy ointment spread on his hand and arm, his nostrils picking up a medicinal scent. Perhpas Mitskake's work?

A slight stirring came off from his side and he lowered his hand slowly. He turned his head, smiling as he watched Chiriko snuggle further into the covers, looking more like the child he truly was in that moment. Beside the rosy-haired youth, the gentle doctor slumbered, silent as always. His body was curled closely to Chiriko's, protective of the boy, reminding Houjun of the times when Katsumi would sleep in his arms.

Without thinking, the oldest of Suzaku's warriors turned to look to the other side, suddenly wishing that he hadn't. There lay Tasuki, his heavy coat and jewelry gone, his body sprawled out, taking almost half the shared futon. His fanged mouth was open, snoring softly, almost like the purr of a cat. One hand was piled under his head, the other, much to Houjun's shock, had been placed gently over one of his.

Houjun quickly found himself focusing on the ceiling again, trying to concentrate on balancing out his thoughts. But with that one incident, there would be no balance.

He had willingly cheated on his wife, betrayed the one who he had promised to love forever. And with a man no less. How could he ever face Kouran again? How could he hold his daughter without feeling this guilt.

A endless string of 'if's surged through his mind, but he pushed them all away.

The cerulean-haired seishi closed his eyes again, willing himself back to sleep, hoping that he wouldn't wake up again.

*~~~*

Houjun watched as Miaka scampered off. She had seemed so sad when he first sat down beside her, almost as though something inside her had been broken. The scholar realized that his Miko had matured greatly since the moment she first bit his hand out of fear. The way she carried herself when talking with Konan's emperor struck something deep inside him. Even after the last glimmer from the mirror disappeared, Houjun waited patiently for Miaka to spill what had been troubling her. She had only offered him a comforting smile before running off, a chirping something about a surprise.

He remembered when she used to come to his side almost daily, pouring out her troubles, seeking advice. Now it seemed that she had figured out how to handle her own delimma's in the time she spent away from her seishi.

As his mahogany eyes scanned out the view granted him from the grassy slope he sat upon, he realized he needed to confront his own problems as well.

The soft crinkle of grass underfoot caught his attention and he turned around, meeting the heavy gaze of Tasuki.

"Hey," he mumbled casually, averting his eyes from the scholar.

"Hello," houjun quietly returned.

"Mind if I join ya?"

A slight breeze blew, making the loose strands of Houjun's hair dance about before he reached up, tucking them back securely. "I don't mind," he answered, turning back to face the view.

Tasuki left out a breath as he arranged himself in a comfortable positon, yet the ridgid way he held himself obviously told ofsomething bothering him immensely. And Houjun knew why Tasuki was here.

"Look," the bandit began lamely, his hands gripping at his pants. "About that day..."

"We were drunk," Houjun interjected, his voice emotionless, hollow.

"Yeah," the redhead agreed almost instantly. "and...I do stupid shit when I'm drunk."

Houjun lowered his head, feeling his heart twist about with confusion. "This sort of thing is best forgotten."

"Just what I was thinking. I mean, we still have to kick Nakago's ass for what he did to us and..." Tasuki trailed off, causing the older man to glance at him through the curtain of his bangs, noting the pained expression upon that young face.

Tasuki was young, but he had been weathered by life, already a man by society's standards yet he had done so much more than most men would ever dream of. He remembered all the moments he and Tasuki had just...talked, how the bandit had gone out of his way to make him feel better. Now it was his turn.

Houjun reached over, placing his hand gently on the redhead's shoulder, startling the younger man. Chichiri lifted his head, meeting those wide golden eyes, so child-like in appearance, yet they held so much pain within. "I don't want to lose you as a friend, Tasuki. Not over something like that."

A relived smile broke out across his tanned face before Tasuki caught the older seishi in a tight hug. "Thank you, Chiri!" he cried out joyously.

Houjun cried out too, but it was in pain from the healing burns. But he could at least be grateful that after coming to terms with what he and Tasuki had done, the pain in his heart had subsided.

~***~