Borath: Ah, swearing, insanity and yaio. All you need for a good chapter. And even more great news; my sarcastic streak has suddenly exploded here so please enjoy it while it lasts! Not as funny as it could be but my humour streak has kinda died since I've been doing too many serious fics. Ah well. Effort counts right?
Yami: I'd like to go on record that I am not happy with this at all.
Bakura: I second that.
Yami: Figured I should explain this to you before you get to it in this chapter and end up with a big, glowing question make above your heads. You know those sweet dispensers that are square in shape and you lift the flap at the front and take the contents out with a scoop or your hand? Yes? Okay, bear that image in mind when you read about Bakura's battle...
Bakura: Shut up about that. At least I can hit my Aibou in this.
Yami: Who won in the fight against the sweet dispenser again?
Bakura: You're one to talk. You couldn't win in a battle with your clothes!
Yami: Bastard.
Bakura: Fat.
(Loud banging noise and then what sounds like the hum and buzz of a lightsabre. Borath blinks with the reader.)
Borath: Right, Yami's thoughts are in //-//s, his 'mental chats' with Yugi down their bond are in '-'s and other people's thoughts are either typed with a 'he/she thought' or '-'. Possibly a little too complicated for some of you but I'll type the meanings just the same.
Enjoy this chapter as it sorta 'sets the stage' for next week. I was going to post this and that one as one whole chapter but when the length reached and passed 15 pages I figured dividing it up was probably a good idea. Keeps you reviewing too...
And to Yugi's Girl; I didn't use your 'Bakura dried up the spring' idea without thanking you. I'd posted the chapter before I read the review. STOP CREEPING AROUND MY BRAIN PEOPLE!!!
Chapter 18: ShoppingYVO
//Urgh. I'm only two months into this and I already feel like I've been run over and chewed out. Twice. Stupid Curse. Seto's swan-ing around being oh-so smug about his amazing child-producing powers to the extent that I want to claw his eyes out, and Yugi's hyper again. Why is this such a joyous thing? Why?
Fine, after nine months you have a wonderful, chubby little human being which fills you with much happiness and love. Until that time said little human being is something unspeakably demonic that has taken residence in your gut, causing your body to rebel in every possible way when it feels displeased. And when it does decide to make its appearance into the world it makes a damn-good attempt at tearing you in half!
Now, being male with the fucking-fountain still dry, the thought of the upcoming birth does actually make me cringe in horror and some rather unsavory mental images come to mind. Said mental images have actually gotten me up in the middle of the night screaming and in a cold sweat.
Seto has now joined me in vigorously hoping that Nyannichuan fills with water again very soon, mainly because he is getting sick of waking up on the verge of a coronary when I start shouting at one am. Alright, so he's starting to look a little run down but I'm the one who can't eat before eleven in the morning because it makes a return trip. I voiced as much one particularly colourful night expecting some kind of comfort from my bad-mate.
*He* had the nerve to glare at me and roll over muttering about my hormones!
Insensitive prick.//
****
"You are just the cutest little thing, aren't you? Yes you are. Yes you are."
Now, if these words were uttered in any house containing a baby in anywhere else in the world, they wouldn't even be blinked at. Cooed in the Kaiba Mansion however and you'd think someone had been sniffing something narcotic and was talking to a full-length mirror. That's what Mokuba thought anyway.
Peeking round the edge of the doorframe, he rose an eyebrow up into his scruffy fringe, marveling at how his brother was leant over the edge of the crib talking to his daughter. Flicking what appeared to be a plush, pink rabbit at her nose, one of the few cuddly toys that she owned that wasn't a bear, the elder Kaiba brother seemed to be fully engrossed in what he was doing.
Smiling fully now, Mokuba continued down the hallway to where he knew Yami was, some quiet cursing verifying that fact. He was heading out for the day with Yugi and wanted to let them know before he left. Since Seto was occupied, telling Yami seemed the logical course of action.
Stepping into the shared bedroom, he frowned and glanced about the dimly lit room searching for its occupant. Hearing more curses from the direction of the wardrobe, and some tell-tale clothes flying around in the same area, he cautiously approached until he could make out what Yami was saying.
"Stupid leather-obsession. Why do I not own anything with an elastic waist-band? And why did you two decided to suddenly grow overnight? Are you actually trying to make my life difficult? If you are, you're doing a damned good job of it."
"Pants not fitting again?" Mokuba asked innocently, perching on the edge of the freshly-made bed and swinging his legs against the over-hanging quilt.
Turning away from the abyss that was the wardrobe, Yami sat on his heels facing him bundled up in an overly large robe. He was going to have to move his to the other side of the room so he'd stop getting the two mixed up every morning, particularly since Seto had started telling him he looked cute in it. The Game King did *not* do 'cute'.
"No. I think I'm going to have to take your brother's credit card again, despite the fact that I despise shopping," he said running a hand through his hair, already mentally grimacing at the prospect of endless queues, changing rooms, checkouts...
"Want me to come with? We need a few things around here and Yugi was saying the other day about how he wanted a tent. We could all go."
Yami frowned slightly. "Yugi wants a tent?" //How didn't I know that? When did I stop knowing things like that?//
"Yeah. You know, so he can go camping with Joey, Honda and the rest. I was gonna ask Seto for one too but he might say no so I thought-"
"That because I have him wrapped round my little finger I could get him to get one for you?"
Mokuba nodded, seemingly pleased that Yami had grasped the idea so quickly. "Hey! It's Saturday so he should stay off work today. Maybe he could come too?"
Smiling at the idea of being accompanied to the Mall Yami grinned. "I'm sure he will. You go phone the others and ask them to meet us there in about two hours. The Sitter's in Spain today so Kiara will have to come with us, but that shouldn't be too much of a problem."
Not waiting for Yami to finish anything else he might happen to say, Mokuba leaped off the bed shouting 'Big Brother!' repeatedly, scurrying down the hallway to the nursery.
//If all three of my kids are as hyperactive as that I'll need to go into the Puzzle for another Millennia to recover.//
****
Much to Yami's pleasure everyone had turned up for the trip to the Mall, all stating that they needed some item or other and happy that they could have company whilst sifting through wracks of clothing and standing in tediously slow lines at the checkout.
Joey was thick enough to start chanting 'Yami got fat!' as soon as he was in earshot, shutting up instantly at the death glare the ex-Pharaoh gave him. Seto pulled him to the side and told him something in a low voice, something in which the word 'hormones' was mentioned much to Yami's displeasure, and Joey said nothing like that again for hours.
After scanning the map to deduce where everything was and where everyone was going to be, they all decided to split up into small groups for a few hours to get the odds'n'sods before they met up again to tackle the larger stores.
Ryou and Bakura were going into the food store, mostly for sweets and other non-healthy substances. And watermelon because Yami wanted it. Honda and Mokuba were going to the arcade because they didn't need anything that couldn't be fetched later when they were all back together, and neither of them want to go in any clothes shops if it could be helped.
This left Yami, Seto, Mai, Joey and Tea in the largest clothes shop, sifting through various items and the men generally acting like zombies. The women were in their element, scurrying off to sort out Yami's clothes' problems for him and telling him not to worry about a thing.
Bored out of his mind, Joey decided to make his own entertainment....
Seto and Yami had been toying with a few garments on one long row of trousers for a good twenty minutes after Tea and Mai left, Yami whining about how they were all long-leg and Seto trying not to laugh because he knew Yami would punch him.
Hearing Kiara begin to clap her hands and gurgle in loud amusement, they exchanged confused looks before they both turned to see Joey doing something very, very strange.
He had the metal hook of a coat hanger in his mouth, holding the 'arm's of the object with one hand and flailing his free arm around wildly at his side. Scurrying around in circles, his eyes were wide and he was shouting rather inarticulately around the hook in his cheek.
"What am I?! What am I?!"
They both gave a collective blink as he continued, restraining themselves rather forcefully from stating that he was an immature little freak right then.
After a long silence Joey stopped and looked at them in exasperation, the coat-hanger coming down from his face and hanging between two fingers at his side.
"God, I was a *fish*! You guy's are so slow," he huffed before walking away out of sight between the racks of clothing, heading directly towards the exit through which the arcade was visible. Another collective blink before they turned back to what they had been looking at previously, trying very hard to pretend that that had not just happened.
Kiara was still applauding his performance.
****
"Aw man! Darth always gets me there!" Honda exclaimed, slamming his hands either side of the arcade game in frustration. Shoving his hands back into his pockets as the cheery music began playing and the opening display popped back up on the screen, he groaned in exasperation when he found a complete lack of loose change.
"Mokuba? You got any change left?" he shouted across the dim room. When a black-haired kid came scurrying back, mouth open to ask exactly the same question, it become evident that his funds had also been depleted.
"So what do you want to do now? I don't wanna look at clothes or anything like that," Mokuba whined, Honda nodding empathetically in agreement.
"I dun-hey look! It's Joey!"
The blond came to a stop from his jog at their toes, beaming at each of them expectantly.
"No. We don't have any change. If you have any bright ideas as to what to do now though we'd be happy to hear them," Honda stated flatly, watching as Joey's face fell, only briefly though.
"Alright, how about a game of Duel Monsters?"
"Yeah, but we need to bet summut or it isn't going to be interesting."
Mokuba reached a hand into his back pocket as the two taller teens stared at each other in silence, obviously trying to figure out what stakes they could make against each other.
"Hey you guys? I found this on the Internet last night and it's kinda good so could we use this?" he offered, holding up the slip of paper for them to see.
Both teens glanced down the page and smiled, looking to each other in a rather suspicious way as each imagined the other performing those tasks.
"Right. The loser has ta do everything on dat list," Joey agreed, poking a finger at the paper in Honda's hand.
"Sounds good. Mokuba, keep a-hold of this while we play," he instructed handing the paper back down to the smaller boy who grinned in a truly evil way.
This was going to be so much fun.
****
"Well I'm all done," Ryou stated to himself as he folded the top of the paper bag down. Frowning when he heard a long string of Egyptian curses from the other side of the row of plastic sweet dispensers.
Walking around the end he watched with unhindered amusement as Bakura engaged one plastic dispenser in full-fledged battle. Kicking the bottom and then thumping the top hard, Ryou was very surprised that the plastic wasn't cracked.
"Give me my shrimp!" the Tomb Raider screamed at it, giving up temporarily and stepping back to glare at it viciously.
"Is there a problem Yami?" Ryou asked innocently.
Bakura turned on him with a glare but his hatred for the sweet cabinet outweighed his annoyance at his Hikari. Jabbing a menacing finger at it, he stepped aside for Ryou to see.
The main part of the clear compartment was empty but on the top in the storage area there were four small pink shrimp-sweets sitting mockingly against the plastic. As the 'roof' of the main compartment was sloped it was impossible to reach in and grab them, and kicking it obviously hadn't helped in moving the sweets that Bakura so desperately wanted.
"It appears that you will just have to have something else," he shrugged.
After clipping him upside the head, Bakura went back to shouting at the four little shrimp-sweats. "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BEAT ME!!!"
Giving his psychotic and now severely pissed yami some extra space, Ryou moved away holding the back of his head pressing his hand against the ache that was forming there. That was certainly going to be an impressive bump.
That tiny little thing that surprisingly enough even Bakura possessed called patience withered to nothing then and he lunged forward and shoved his fingers either side of the shrimps' compartment. Unfortunately there was another box of sweets on top of it and one beneath it, all separate which meant they fell away from each other as the middle section was so effectively removed by Bakura.
Now, the pissed, psychotic Tomb Raider was stood trying to hold up two plastic compartments in a very awkward position whilst the third, which was full, pressed against his legs threatening to move him to the floor. "Aibou! Damnit help!"
"Do you really want my help Yami?" Now, Ryou was well aware of the fact that Bakura would likely remove his ability to see for this but it was just too much fun; he could not pass up this unique opportunity.
"Would get your ass over here and help me?!"
"Oh, I don't know. You look like you have everything under control," he laughed.
Bakura gave him a glare that just spelled out Death in explicit detail. "Help me now or I will make sure you will never be able to eat again without the aid of a straw."
Not that was pretty good incentive.
Lifting up the box on top of the one Bakura was holding, he watched in dismay as he stepped away with his prize causing the box underneath to fall free and scatter its contents all over the floor. Not noticing, Bakura lifted the box high above his head before slamming it down, screaming in fury when the plastic didn't even crack.
Snarling, he picked it back up and tucked it under his arm, resigned to carry the whole thing out of the store. A bored voice from the heavens stopped him in mid-step though, his eyes darting around in pure terror.
"Clean up. Isle six."
Frozen, he turned slowly with his gaze on the ceiling. "Oh shit. The Gods are going to punish me. Come on woman, we're leaving now."
Sighing in exasperation and rolling his eyes, Ryou tried to explain to his near-hysterical yami what was going on. "It's alright! That isn't the Gods!"
If anything Bakura's cold eyes got even wider. "This place is possessed?!"
Dropping the box containing the shrimp-sweets he made a beeline for the door, leaping over small children like hurdles and shoving through the people he couldn't in his bid for safety. Ryou followed at a much more leisurely pace knowing that he would likely be blamed for leading Bakura into a 'possessed' store and be punished accordingly.
It was worth it though. Stepping outside he wondered idly if the manager would sell him the security tape of that whole incident.
****
"You lose, as usual."
"Hey!"
"Anyway, here's your list. One other thing; you can't tell anyone what you're doing or why."
"Fine. Looks like I'll have ta do all this stuff in the last store; it's the only place that has all these things."
"Good, then everyone can watch."
"Oh Christ."
****
An hour later the group had regrouped by the fountain and they were now in the biggest store at the end of the Mall, a huge two story area that sold a multitude of things. There was a sports department that Yugi was currently in, A DIY section, a house-wares department, more clothing, that area was being avoided like the plague, and an auto department.
Honda and Mokuba were following Joey around, who looked pissed off, in a very suspicious manner. Mai and Tea were clothes shopping, again, but a new development was that they had taken Kiara with them. They insisted that she needed new clothes and had taken her out of Yami's possession and disappeared into the mess of wracks and stacks of clothing.
At the moment they were thumbing through a rack of baby-shirts, cooing over the ones with pink bunnies on the, of which there were many, and generally tearing up over the material that was heavenly soft to touch. Kiara was blowing spit bubbles at their feet.
They both screamed out in surprise when a familiar blond head popped out of the clothes rack they were just about to move onto, the teen's arms spread wide as he exploded from the pastel-coloured garments.
"PICK ME! PICK ME!"
And then he was gone, jogging to the other side of the clothing area and hiding himself inside another row of clothing to repeat the action again. On his way over to taking his place to surprise his next victim he passed Honda and Mokuba who were almost doubled over with laughter, leaning onto each other as they wept.
Exchanging strange looks, Mai and Tea shrugged and went back to the clothes. Finally finding something they both approved of (Pink with a rabbit on it), they tore it off the hanger and knelt down to dump it over Kiara's head.
Only there was no Kiara.
Mia turned slowly to face Tea, the shirt in her hands now unfelt. "Oh shit. We lost Yami's kid."
TBC
Borath: The stage is set so next chapter can only hold mayhem.
Bakura: (With a belt-fed weapon pointed at his head as 'encouragement') Also, next week you'll see me traumatised and twitchy around the intercom.
Yami: (Also with the barrel of a gun at his temple) And you'll see how I end up locked in a closet with Seto. (Looks up at ceiling) I can't believe you let them lose my kid.
Borath: I'm evil.
Bakura: A girl after my own heart.
Borath: Review!
//THE FOLLOWING IS A STUPID THING THAT I THOUGHT I'D ADD. DON'T ASK WHERE IT CAME FROM OR WHY BUT I HOPE YOU HAVE A GIGGLE. IT'S A CONVERSATION AFTER YAMI AND BAKURA COME BACK FROM GOING SHOPPING/STEALING... EVEN I WONDER WHAT I WAS ON WHEN I WROTE THIS.//
Bakura: (Incredulous) You dropped it!
Yami: (Dumping shopping bags on floor) Well I was being run over by the riot squad!
Bakura: Well two wrongs don't make a right. That's no excuse to smash a television set.
Yami: (Smiling soothingly) Still, at least we got the duck. (Holds up plastic rubber duck. Yellow. Kinda cute)
Bakura: (Staring) The duck?
Yami: Yeah. (Looks a bit excited) It's made out of plastic.
Bakura: (Struggling not to hurt, maim or kill Yami.) What, in the name of Greek buggery, is the use of a plastic duck?
Yami: It floats in the bath.
Bakura: But why?
Yami: (Frowns slightly) It's hollow.
Bakura: (Closes eyes and counts to ten. Once again in Egyptian for variety) But why the duck?
Yami: (Grinning) It came free with the telly.
Bakura: (Pissed off) We were looting! Why didn't you get a free telly with the telly?!
Yami: (Getting angry at Bakura's stupidity) Well it would sink in the bath!!!
Borath: Sorry...