"Take a look at this Scully!" Mulder excitedly shoved a photograph into his partner's face.
"Oh my God, Mulder. Is that what I think it is?" Sully asked, disbelief written all over her face.
Mulder nodded. "It's the proof that we've been searching for. Proof that aliens really do exist."
"Who sent this to you?"
"A police officer in New York. Someone by the name of Maurice Boscorelli." Mulder replied. "I've booked a flight for tomorrow at noon Scully. We're going to New York."
_____________
New York...sometime late the next day.
Mulder and Scully checked into their swanky Manhattan hotel. "Good to have that bureau credit card." Mulder said with a grin after he and Scully dumped their bags in their adjoining rooms.
"So, what's the plan here Mulder?" Scully asked. "You do have one, right?"
"I'll contact this Maurice Boscorelli in the morning. We'll meet and he'll pass along any relevant information regarding the subject."
"What about me?"
"Go shopping or something. This is Manhattan after all. Take the bureau credit card. Buy the Skinman something nice, I'm sure he won't mind."
Scully shrugged. "Okay, but do you even know what precinct this Boscorelli person works for?"
"The 55th." Mulder replied. "I have all the information written down in the file, if you'd bothered to read it."
Scully yawned. "I'm going to bed Mulder. Apparently I have a big day full of shopping ahead of me tomorrow."
"Goodnight Scully." Mulder said and touched her arm.
_____________
The next day...55 Precinct, New York
A man in a trench coat, with an exceptionally large nose approached Bosco. "Excuse me." the man said. "That blonde woman officer over there told me that you are Officer Boscorelli?"
Bosco nodded. "And you are?"
"Special Agent Fox Mulder, Federal Bureau of Investigation." Mulder extended his hand and Bosco took it. They shook for a while. "I'm here regarding that photo that was sent to my office."
"Oh yeah, forgot about that..." Bosco muttered. "Hey Faith?" he called out.
"Yeah Bos?" Faith called back.
"I gotta talk to this guy for a bit. You can wait in the squad for me." Faith nodded and headed out the door.
"Is that your partner?" Mulder asked.
Bosco wondered how this guy could constantly talk in the same tone of voice. It was like he was some kind of machine. "Yeah, that's my partner."
"Is your relationship riddled with unresolved sexual tension?"
"Uh, not really. I suppose there might be a bit of that..." Bosco ran a hand over his short hair.
"I have a female partner too." Mulder said with a sigh.
"She hot?"
"Yeah, I suppose she is." Mulder replied. "But enough about Scully. Let's talk about that photo you sent me. I need to know who that man is and where I can find him. He could be the validation of my life's work!" Mulder actually changed his tone of voice a bit.
"His name is Fred Yokas." Bosco replied. "I always knew something was a little off with him..."
"Do you know where he lives?"
"Actually, he's my partner's husband."
"This wouldn't have anything to do with that unresolved sexual tension that may or may not exist between you and your partner would it? You wanting to turn this man in, I mean." Mulder asked. His dark brown eyes bore into Bosco's skull.
Bosco shrugged. "It might."
Mulder nodded. "I need you to take me to this man."
"Sure."
_______________
Meanwhile in an upscale Manhattan clothing boutique...
Dana Scully held a dress up to herself and bobbed around in front of the mirror.
"That dress would look simply divine on you!" said a young blonde woman enthusiastically.
"Uh thanks, I suppose."
"Would you like to try that on?"
Scully pursed her lips and then nodded. "Sure, why not."
The blonde smiled. "My name's Nicole by the way."
"Dana."
"You aren't from New York, are you?" Nicole asked, as she took the dress from Scully and led her to a small, curtained off changing area.
"No, I'm just here on business."
"Oh really? What do you do?"
"I work with the FBI actually."
"Oh wow! That's so cool!" Nicole was fairly jumping up and down. "I had a boyfriend in law enforcement once. Or wait..I guess I had several boyfriends in law enforcement, but I really only liked one of them."
Scully smiled. "That's nice."
Nicole sighed wistfully. "His name was Maurice...he was such a handsome cop. A real bad boy."
"His name wasn't Maurice Boscorelli was it?"
Nicole's eyes opened wider than they already had been. "Wait, don't tell me he's slept with you! I mean, I know he gets around but..."
"No, don't worry. I don't even know what he looks like, I just know his name."
"Oh okay, well, you try on this dress and if it doesn't fit, I can grab you a smaller size!"
_____________
Apartment of Faith and Fred Yokas...Manhattan...sometime that afternoon
"Look Agent Mulder, I don't suppose you could hurry this up? I mean, Faith's gonna notice sooner or later that we're not at the gas station anymore!"
Mulder looked up and flicked off his flashlight. "I must gather evidence to support my theory!" he exclaimed. "You can't rush these things."
Bosco scratched his neck and then jumped as his cell phone rang. "Excuse me." he said to Mulder and pulled the phone was his pocket.
"Hello?"
"BOSCO!!!!!" Bosco held the phone away from his ear. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU????"
"Calm down Faith, something came up and we had to go!"
"Something came up so you ditched me at this gas station?"
"I ditch Scully all the time." Mulder said from under the kitchen table. "She doesn't like it much either."
"Shut up Mulder." Bosco said and then to Faith he said, "It was an emergency."
"Where are you?"
"I'm at...ummm...Mulder's hotel. Yeah, he needed to pick up something. Look Faith, we'll swing by and pick you up soon, I promise."
"It's the middle of our shift Bosco. What the hell am I supposed to do? Just sit on my ass?"
"Actually, technically we're 10-63, so you might want to grab a bite to eat."
"I hate you Bosco."
"I hate you too Faith." replied Bosco and then hit the off button and folded his phone back up.
"Definitely unresolved sexual tension..." Mulder said as he shone his flashlight under the fridge.
Bosco leaned against a counter and sighed.
"Uncle Bosco?" Bosco whirled around when he heard the door open. Emily and Charlie walked into the apartment, carrying their backpacks in their hands.
"Hey Uncle B!" Charlie said and ran up and hugged Bosco. "Who's that man on the floor?"
"The exterminator." Bosco replied.
"Is mom home?" Emily asked, staring at the 'exterminator'.
"No, she was busy, so she asked me come by the place while the exterminator was here."
"Oh okay. I didn't know we had a bug problem." Emily frowned.
Bosco shrugged. "I guess it's not that bad. Your mom probably just wanted to stop them before it became too bad."
Charlie tugged on Bosco's sleeve. "Uncle B, you wanna see what I learned in school today?"
"Sure kiddo, what did you learn?"
Charlie stepped back and dropped his backpack onto the floor. He pulled one arm back and then before Bosco knew what had happened, Charlie had punched him hard in the gut. "Oh!" Bosco sucked in a painful breath. "That's very good."
Charlie grinned. "We're learning karate in gym class!"
Mulder stood up and brushed his dress pants off. He looked down at the two children. "Well, your insects are now taken care of. We will go now."
Bosco nodded and still clutching his stomach he said, "Bye Charlie, bye Em."
The kids waved and Mulder and Bosco left the apartment.
_____________
Gas station...Manhattan...also sometime that afternoon
Faith Yokas was pissed. She kicked a stone across the parking lot. "Take that." she muttered and imagined that the stone was Bosco's head.
_____________
Mulder and Scully's hotel....Manhattan...late that day
"Did you find what you were looking for?" Scully asked. She stabbed a forkful of lettuce and dipped in her salad dressing.
"I believe so." Mulder replied. "This Fred Yokas is definitely the proof that I've been searching for."
"Good to hear, so does that mean that we can leave?"
Mulder shook his head. "No, I need to take him with me. Bring him to the Lone Gunmen so they can study him!"
"You aren't serious?"
"Completely. This man is a freak of nature. He is the be all and end all of extra-terrestrial science. If I can bring him back to Washington, our work with finally get the credit it so rightly deserves Scully."
"Great." Scully stabbed at a piece of radish.
"So did you buy yourself something nice to wear?"
"I got a dress. The saleswoman was really irritating though. Turns out she used to date that Officer Boscorelli."
"What about something for Skinner?"
"I got him a tie."
"He should like that."
"Yup."
_____________
Apartment of Faith and Fred Yokas...Manhattan...sometime
"Hey baby," Fred greeted his wife as she walked through the door. "The kids were saying something about an exterminator being here today? I didn't realize we had a bug problem."
Faith frowned and pondered that for a while. "I never called an exterminator."
"The kids said that Bosco was here with an exterminator today." Fred stood up and scratched his ass.
"Bosco..." Faith muttered. "Did they say what this exterminator looked like?"
Fred shrugged. "Some tall guy apparently, wearing a trench coat. He had a large nose and talked only in monotone."
"Oh my God, Mulder!"
"Mulder?"
"Bosco said they went to the hotel." Faith narrowed her eyes. "But they were actually here..."
"Who's Mulder?"
Faith turned around and bolted back out through the door that she hadn't yet closed. "No time to explain! Must find Bosco!" she called over her shoulder as she ran for the elevator.
_____________
Bosco's Swingin' Bachelor Pad...Manhattan...approximately 12:30 am
Bosco stabbed the play button on his answering machine. The red light had been blinking 20..20..20..and Bosco was wondering who could have been calling him twenty times.
"Maurice, it's me. I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing. Give me a call, okay?" Now there was a voice that Bosco hadn't heard for a long time.
"Hi Maurice, it's me again. I know you're probably at work right now...arresting all those bad guys, wearing that sexy armour of yours..."
"Hey Maurice, yeah it's me again. I just wanted to let you know that I really miss you. I think we made a huge mistake breaking up and I just..."
"Oh Maurice! I don't know why I can't stop calling you!"
Bosco groaned and picked up the phone. He dialled a number that he hadn't dialled in a very long time. He waited a few rings before a voice answered. "Hello..." she said.
"For the love of God Nicole! Stop calling me!!!!" Bosco yelled into the phone. "I do not want to get back together with you! I do not want to suck on your toes! And I do not want you to pour champagne on my chest again!"
"But Maurice..."
"No buts Nicole, we're finished."
_____________
Hallway Outside Bosco's Swingin' Bachelor Pad...Manhattan...approximately 12:40 am
Faith knocked on the door and tapped her foot impatiently. "Come on Bosco, I know you're in there."
The door swung open and Faith pushed Bosco aside and stepped in. "Hello to you too." Bosco said and looked at Faith. She looked pissed.
"What the hell were you and Agent Mulder doing in my apartment today?" Faith demanded, putting her hands on her hips.
"Agent Mulder and I in your apartment?" Bosco decided to play dumb. Not that it was overly challenging or anything.
"Don't give me that crap. Fred told me that the kids saw you and the exterminator there today and I know for a fact that I never called any exterminator!"
Bosco sighed and threw up his hands. "Fine, you win. Agent Mulder wanted to snoop around your place for a while."
"Is that why you ditched me at the gas station?"
Bosco nodded. "I cannot tell a lie."
"Bull."
"It's true. I never lie to you Faith."
"You just lied to me a second ago!"
"Whatever, let's not get all technical here."
Faith adjusted the placement of her hands on her hips and looked deep into Bosco's eyes. "Bosco, why did Agent Mulder want to snoop around my apartment?"
"Fred's an alien."
"Oh, is that all?"
Bosco nodded. "I cannot tell a lie."
_____________
Swanky Manhattan Hotel...Manhattan...the next morning
"So let me get this straight, you think that this Fred Yokas fellow is actually an alien in disguise?"
Mulder nodded solemnly. "I found evidence Scully. Evidence that cannot be ignored!"
"What's the plan for today then?"
"I need to talk with Mr Yokas' wife, one Faith Yokas. And then we shall proceed with the abduction."
"The abduction?" Scully raised an eyebrow.
"I thought it sounded good. You know because the aliens always abduct us, I thought we could abduct one of them for a change. Turn the tables a bit, so to speak."
"What am I supposed to do?"
"Go shopping or something. We're still in Manhattan."
______________
Apartment of Faith and Fred Yokas...Manhattan...approximately 10:00 am
"So Agent Mulder just called you up and said that he wanted to speak with me?"
"He sort of said it in a round-about way." Bosco replied. "I had to get out my dictionary before I knew that's all he wanted."
The ringing of a phone shattered the relative silence. Bosco dug his phone out from his pocket and put it up to his ear. "Hello?...how the hell did you get this number?...you called Sully?...I don't care...STOP CALLING ME!"
Bosco shoved the phone back into his pocket. Faith looked at Bosco with raised eyebrows. "Who was that?"
"Nicole. Apparently she wants to get back together again."
"After the way you treated her?"
"Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking too."
"But you're not?"
Bosco shook his head. "That bitch is crazy. She's the one that sent that poison ivy!"
"I thought she was in Europe."
"She had one of her psycho friends slip the ivy in the bouquet and deliver it to the station."
A sharp knocking on the door interrupted Bosco and Faith. Faith went over to the door and opened it. "Officer Yokas." Mulder greeted Faith as the door opened.
"Agent Mulder."
Mulder reached into the pocket of his jacket and withdrew a small pad of paper. "Officer Yokas, I need to ask you a few questions regarding your husband."
_____________
Delivery Service Place That Fred Works For...Manhattan...10:10 am
Fred hung up the phone, his heart thudding in his chest. "Agent Mulder works for the X-Files division." Fred said under his breath. "I'm an X-File! Oh God, he's after meeeeeeee!!"
____________
Apartment of Faith and Fred Yokas...Manhattan...10:20 am
"Has your husband ever bled green blood that makes your eyes burn?"
"Ummmm," Faith ran a hand through her hair. "Honestly? I don't think I've ever seen him bleed."
"Have you ever stabbed your husband in the back of the neck with a sharp, pointy object that resembles an icepick?"
"No, I'm pretty sure that I haven't."
"Has your husband ever changed his appearance?"
"Well, sometimes when he doesn't shave or shower for a few days..."
Bosco stood off to the side with his arms crossed listening to Agent Mulder question Faith.
"Has your husband ever put on a grass skirt and sang 'I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts' while doing the hula?"
"Once, but he was drunk!"
Mulder nodded and scribbled something down on his pad of paper.
"So does that mean that Fred's an alien?" Faith asked, tugging nervously on her shirt sleeve.
"Oh, I already knew that he was. I just wanted to talk to you for a while."
"What are you going to do with him now?"
Mulder stood up from the couch and gazed at Faith with his soulful dark eyes. "I'm going to take him with me and study him."
"Study him?" Faith gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.
"Yes study him. Your husband could provide the world with valuable insight into the physiology of these beings! It could help us ward off the coming alien colonization."
"Alien colonization?" Bosco asked. "You never said anything about that before!"
"It wasn't important."
Bosco scowled.
_____________
Fred's Truck...Manhattan...10:25 am
"Must drive faster! Must get to apartment and pack and leave at once!"
Fred ran a hand over his bald head and then slammed it down on the steering wheel. The traffic was terrible.
_____________
Apartment of Faith and Fred Yokas...Manhattan...10:40 am
The door burst open and Fred came running into the apartment. Mulder set his glass of water down on the kitchen counter and looked over at Fred. His eyes were wild with excitement.
"AgghhhH!" Fred screamed as he saw Agent Mulder.
Mulder smiled, a small smile and walked closer to Fred. "I don't believe we've met." Mulder said, extending his hand. "I'm Agent Mulder."
"Oh shit." Fred said. "Faith, baby! You've got to help me!" Fred looked to Faith for help, but she didn't move. She just sat on the couch with Bosco's arm around her.
"You're an alien Fred." Faith said sadly. "I can't believe you never told me. In all those years of marriage Fred, you never thought to tell me that you were an alien?"
"Faith, I'm sorry! I didn't want to scare you away!"
"What about Charlie and Emily Fred? Are they part alien too?"
Fred shook his head. "No they aren't."
"They aren't?" Mulder asked, sounding confused. "How's that possible?"
Fred shrugged. "Long story."
Mulder reached into jacket pocket and pulled out a set of handcuffs. "Put your arms behind your back." Fred put his arms behind his back and Mulder slapped the cuffs on. "Let's go."
Fred began walking towards the door. He stopped just before it and turned to look at Faith once more. "I love you Faith. Just remember that."
Bosco pulled Faith closer to him and comforted her as she began to cry. Mulder looked at them before closing the door. "Definitely unresolved sexual tension." he said and then shut the door.
_____________
The Lone Gunmen's Lair...the next day
"What have you got for us Mulder?" Langly asked, as Mulder and Scully entered the room.
"I hope whatever it is, is hot." Frohike said, running his hands over his hair.
"Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Fred. Fred's an alien." Mulder pulled on Fred and dragged him into the room.