When Jake returned to the briefing room, he found Frank had made his way back downstairs and was seated at the table with Shay at his side.  Frankie, Alex, and Cody joined them at the same time as Jake.  It was time for answers and Frank was the only one who could supply them.

"What's the scoop, Frank?" Frankie asked as she took a seat next to Jake.

"The scoop is, that I'm out of here for now.  Daphne Charles is maintaining that we had a real marriage."  At the distressed sigh Shay released, Frank grasped her hand firmly underneath the table.  "I can assure you; the marriage was in name only and was to be annulled the moment the assignment was over.  Unfortunately, I cannot find finalized paperwork for the Annulment."

"I don't understand...why did you have to marry for real as part of an assignment?" Alex asked.  Her eyes flicked from Frank to Shay and back again.  Did he know how unwell she was looking?

"It was a complicated case.  We were posing as man and wife CIA operatives willing to sell inside information to the highest bidder.  If our backgrounds were checked into, it was imperative that everything appeared as legit as possible.  No stones were left unturned," he explained.

"Apparently you forgot to turn one," Cody commented wryly and received an elbow in his side from Alex.  "What?"

"So it would seem," Frank replied, unaffected by Cody's bad attempt at humor.  "I was young and not quite as obsessed with detail as I am now.  I can assure you I signed those papers," he stated, turning to his wife.  "The marriage was never anything but a name on a paper."

Shay nodded slightly but said nothing.  This was a lot to process.  She and Frank were not married.  She was not Mrs. Frank Donovan.  Her children were bastards.  All these thoughts swirled in her brain until she thought she might scream from the insanity of it all.  He had been married in the past and never told her.  He was still married...and not to her.

"The question is...what happened to those papers?" Jake asked, leaning forward in his seat.  "You signed them; you said her signature was on them...so what then? From your hands to whose?" 

Frank opened his mouth to answer and stopped when Shay suddenly pushed back from the table and stood as quickly as her baby-hindered body would allow. 

"What fucking difference does it make?" she spat.  "The papers weren't filed.  Bottom line.  Frank Donovan is married to Daphne Charles!" 

Frank stood and faced her, wishing to calm her.  He was a little more than surprised when she reached into his front pant's pocket and snatched the keys to the Blazer.  "Shay?" he called out when she abruptly turned and left him.

She heard him call out to her.  A part of her wanted to stop, turn around and run into his arms.  The other, angrier part of her wanted to get as far away from him as possible.  Her fury, her disappointment, and her anguish won out and she left him without looking back.

***

She felt numb from head to toe by the time she reached her father's house to pick up LJ and Ariel.  She was tempted to ask him if she could spend the night and give her some time to work through her muddled thoughts without having to see Frank, but that was not fair to the kids.  They would not understand the sudden separation from their father, although she could tell them work kept him away.  No, she was not about to start lying to her children. 

Thomas watched Shay closely while helping her to get the children safely in their car seats.  She had hardly said a word beyond "Hi Dad" and would not meet his gaze.  Something was wrong, but she was a stubborn woman and would not tell her problems unless prodded and only when she was ready.  After the children were settled, he kissed her cheek and brushed her hair from her eyes.  "You know where I am when you're ready to talk," he whispered and smiled softly.

"Thanks Dad.  I just need a little time.  Thanks for taking such good care of the kids," she added while sliding behind the wheel.  "See you in the morning."

Thomas nodded and closed the car door.  He waved goodbye and watched as she drove off.  He hoped Frank would be able to help her work through whatever was bothering her.

--

After grabbing the spare house keys he kept in his office, Frank borrowed Cody's Jeep and followed Shay to the house.  He knew she would head to her father's to pick up the children before going home.  As he pulled into the driveway he wondered if she would come home at all, but then he saw the Blazer pull in behind him. 

In quick succession, he was out of the Jeep and opening the Blazer door for her.  "Ash..."

"Not in front of the kids," she whispered harshly.  Brushing aside his offered hand, she struggled her way out of the vehicle and threw open the rear door.  After unbuckling LJ from his car seat, she helped him out of the car and patted his bottom softly.  "Go inside with Daddy while I get Airy from her seat."

"Okay, Mommy," he agreed, reaching up and grabbing hold of his father's hand. 

Frank stared speechless for a moment before Shay slammed the car door and jolted him out of his stupor.  He watched her round the vehicle and lean inside to remove Ariel from her seat. 

"Take Jake into the house, Frank," she ordered, peeking over the roof.  "Start his bath and we'll talk after the kids are in bed."

This was a side to Shay he had never seen before.  No matter what her state of anger, or how forceful she was in getting her way, she had never ordered him around.  His Shay was hurting right now and she did not care if she hurt him in return.  He bent and lifted LJ easily into his arms.  "C'mon Little Man, let's get going," he said softly.

"Ummm...Daddy?  Why's Mommy so mad?" he asked softly as they made their way to the house.  "Did we do something bad?" 

Frank set LJ on his feet when they reached the front door and knelt down to his level.  The worried look on the little boy's face was enough to break his heart.  "No, darlin'.  Mommy's a little upset with Daddy right now, but I promise everything will be okay."

"Okay, Daddy," LJ responded, touching a tiny hand to his father's cheek. 

Frank headed directly upstairs with LJ and started the bath for the children.  It wasn't unusual for them to have their dinner with their grandfather if he and Shay worked late as they had tonight.  He heard Shay talking softly to their daughter as they ascended the stairs and he set the small bath seat in the tub for Ariel.  

He undressed LJ quickly and lifted him into the tub.  "Okay, Little Man...time to get wet."

LJ giggled madly and splashed playfully when he was set into the shallow filled tub.  He looked up when Mommy entered the room with Airy and set her in the seat at the other end of the tub.  Normally bath time was fun and both Mommy and Daddy played and laughed, but tonight no one spoke, no one even smiled.  He and Airy were bathed quickly, dried off, and dressed in their pajamas.

Just as quietly, both parents put the children to bed.  First Ariel in her crib and then to LJ's room to tuck him in for the night.  Frank and Shay each kissed his forehead and whispered a "goodnight" before turning out the light and heading for the door.

"Mommy?" LJ called before they reached the door.

"Yes, baby?" Shay responded and turned back to kneel beside the bed.

"Please don't be mad at Daddy anymore," he whispered.

Shay watched as a tiny trail of tears traveled down his cheek.  What a heartbreaking sight; her son was just too perceptive for his age.  "It's going to be fine, sweetheart.  Don't you worry."  She wiped his tears away with a tender hand. 

"Love you."

"Love you too, Jake.  Sleep tight."

Frank and Shay backed out of the room and closed the door softly behind them.  Out in the hallway they stared wordlessly at each other, neither quite knowing what to say to the other.

Shay couldn't stand the silence a moment longer.  "I want you to move out," she demanded softly.  The sight of his eyes darkening from a deep brown to almost coal black would have frightened the normal person.  She was not about to be intimidated.

"I'll do no such thing," he replied gruffly as he took her arm and lead her to the master bedroom.  Once behind closed doors he continued, "I'm not leaving you or the kids.  This whole thing is a paperwork fiasco.  It doesn't change anything between us."

"It changes EVERYTHING!" she screamed, pulling away from him and moving to the bed. 

"Baby, I know you're upset...and you have every right to be, but if you just give it some time we'll get it all worked out.  Nothing has changed..."  He reached for her but she backed away from him.

"You're oh so wrong, Agent Donovan.  Many things have changed in the matter of a few minutes.  I have never legally been your wife.  I've lived in sin with you.  I'm the mother of your bastard children!"  She could tell her blood pressure had reached an ungodly level; she could actually hear the blood pumping through her brain.  The roar it caused behind her ears was almost deafening.

She was beginning to worry him; he could read the hysteria in her eyes.  "Our children are not bastards, Ash.  Just give us a chance to get this mess straightened out.  In the meantime..."  She distracted him when she moved toward the stereo and flicked it on.   He supposed it was her attempt to drown out the sound of their angry voices in case the children were still awake.

How fucking perfect, she thought when the music began.  It was as if the radio gods were feeling her pain and anguish. 

No, I would not sleep in this bed of lies

So toss me out and turn in

And there'll be no rest

For these tired eyes

I'm markin' it down to learnin'

I am

"Frank...I just can't be with you right now," she cried softly as she eased herself down onto the bed.  "You're someone else's husband."

He moved to the bed and knelt before her.  "Ashling, you are the only woman who I've ever taken as my wife."

I don't think that I can take another empty moment

I don't think that I can fake another hollow smile

Well, it's not enough just to be lonely

I don't think that I could take another talk about it.

"Please don't call me that," she whispered.

He watched agonized as the tears slid down her cheeks.  He was the cause of her pain, him and his stupid lack of follow through.

Just like me, you've got needs And they're only a whisper away And we softly surrendered To these lives that we've tendered away But I would not sleep in this bed of lies

So toss me out and turn in

And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes

I'm markin' it down to learnin'

I'm markin' it down to learnin'

'Cuz I can

"Shay...don't do this to yourself.  Please?  Don't do this to us."  He was not beyond begging, not when it came to her.  And if that is what he had to do, he was more than willing.

I don't want to be the one who turns the whole thing over

I don't want to be somewhere where I just don't belong

Where it's not enough just to be sorry

Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in?

"That's not fair, Frank.  I'm not doing this to us...it was done to us.  I can't help the way I feel...and right now I feel betrayed."  She knew there was no logic to her feelings.  Why did there have to be?  Nothing about this whole damn situation made sense, so why should she? 

"Baby, I can't bear to see you like this.  I'll do anything you want me to do, but I will not leave my home and my family for something as stupid as a piece of paper." 

I tried to be more than me

And I gave until it all went away

And we've only surrendered

To the worst part of these winters that we've made

But I would not sleep in this bed of lies

So toss me out and turn in

And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes

I'm markin' it down to learnin'

I'm markin' it down to learnin'

I am...

"What I want is to turn back the time to when Daphne Charles did not exist."

Her voice was stern, unyielding and Frank knew he was not going to get through to her.  At least, not tonight.  "If it were in my power to do so, I would."

Shay nodded and moved away from him slightly in order to stand.  "I know you would.  And I know this is not fair to you, but I cannot sleep in the same bed with you.  Not now...not this way," she whispered, stroking her rounded belly.

All that I'll ever be

When you...lay your hands over me

And don't go weak on me please

I know that it's weak

But God help me, I need this

"No Shay, it's not fair to either of us and it doesn't make any sense..." he trailed off as he moved up behind her and laid his hands on her shoulders. 

Shay wrenched herself out of his grasp.  "Does it have to?  Does it?  What sense is there in the fact that I'm seven months pregnant and not married to the man I believed I was married to for over two years?  What sense is there in the fact that nothing in my life is as it seems?  What sense is there in the fact that my husband was once married and NEVER mentioned it before his wife darkened my doorstep?!  Tell me, oh he-who-has-the-answer-to-everything!  WHAT SENSE IS THERE IN ANY OF THIS?!"

For one of the few times in his life, Frank Donovan was at a loss.  Shay stood before him, her breasts heaving with the exertion of trying to breathe through her rush of adrenaline.  He had no idea how to make things right for his wife.  "Tell me what you want me to do, Ash.  I'll do anything...just please calm down and try to rest.  It isn't healthy for either you or the baby."

I would not sleep in this bed of lies

So toss me out and turn in

And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes

I'm markin' it down to learnin'

I'm markin' it down to learnin'

Cuz I can....

Shay sighed heavily and her shoulders slumped visibly.  "I won't ask you to leave the kids again...please, at least stay in the guest room."

He barely heard her; her voice was so low.  He moved toward her and touched her cheek softly.  "I can do that," he whispered as he leaned in and kissed her lips softly.  "Forgive me for all that is happening, mon cadeau.  I love you." 

Shay waited until he had left the room, quietly closing the door behind him, to curl up on the bed.  The tears flowed harshly, wracking her whole body until she fell into a light, tortured sleep.

---

to be continued...