Title: Through it All
Author: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)
'Ship: Not even gonna dignify that with a response
Rating: PG-13
A/N: There is a bunch of pop culture references in here. Mainly movies… but hell… I plan on getting into the whole biz so I basically am a gigantic film geek. That's life. Oh, and please keep in mind I wrote this before seeing both The Counteragent and Abduction so I just wrote everything on spoilers. Therefore, obviously, its not all the same as what actually happened.
Ch. 2 – You Have Feelings For Him
She collapsed on her couch, relief flooding through her veins. He was fine. He was better than fine. He was completely cured and going home. She could have cried with relief if she hadn't been so emotionally drained.
"Hey." A voice sounded behind her from the hallway.
She smiled as she turned her head towards the figure walking towards her, his blue eyes shining.
"Hey." She replied happily.
"You seem much better."
"I feel much better."
"So he's ok I'm guessing."
Sydney smiled at the jealousy that flickered across his eyes, if only for a moment. "Yeah. He's doing great, completely recovered. He, um, he went home today." Her smiled faded slightly at her last sentence, her mind wandering back to just who he would be going home to.
Will could sense her jealousy and pain as her smile flickered, though he was unsure why. "Hey you wanna get out of here?" He asked her suddenly.
"Huh? Where are we going to go?" She asked him questioningly wondering where he could possibly take her to remove her mind from whom Vaughn would be going home to and how that person wouldn't be her.
"Come on. We'll go see Francie. You'll drink, I'll have water and we'll laugh at my decrepit-ness for the fact that I am kicking an addiction I never had." He smiled childishly.
Sydney couldn't help but giggle at his smirk. He knew how to make her smile when she desperately needed it most, but he could never replace Vaughn. She knew there was nothing that she could do about the situation; she simply couldn't be with him, no matter how much she wished for it. She nodded her head at Will and went to her room change out of her work attire.
She left her room a few minutes later in comfortable clothes with her hair hanging loosely around her shoulders, more than ever determined to not let this get to her. She smiled at Will as the two left her apartment and proceeded to Francie's restaurant.
To look back on the night Sydney would never deny that everything had started wonderfully, though she wouldn't deny that she had never expected what had happened to have happened, either. Sitting with Will, Francie behind the bar, she struggled to keep her mind on being there with her friends, enjoying a night off for once, but she couldn't help it as her mind wandered back in to Vaughn's hospital room and the chills that ran up and down her spine when he had gripped her hand, the warmth that, that simple gesture had given her.
Sydney was shocked back to reality as Will tapped her on the shoulder. "Syd, Syd, look." He jerked his head towards the door and Sydney followed his motion and stopped suddenly when she noticed the tall dirty blond man enter the restaurant, his green eyes sparkling in the dim light. Her heart almost leapt, until she noticed that he had not entered alone. Alice was standing there next to him.
Alice looked around the room, admiring the simple color of the walls and the atmosphere the entire place seemed to be swelling with. She was slightly shocked when she noticed Sydney sitting at the bar with Will and nudged Vaughn before walking towards Sydney. Sydney's eyes widened as she saw them from the corner of her eye, nearing the bar.
Vaughn's breath caught in his throat as he noticed where Alice was taking him. She had told him about the "concerned colleague" that she had met when she arrived at the hospital, but he didn't imagine it would be Sydney. Especially since Alice had referred to the woman as "Rita".
The two neared the bar and Vaughn could see the worry in Sydney's eyes. But there was something else there too, that he just couldn't place. When he saw that Sydney was sitting with Will, his heart sunk a bit.
"Hey, Rita, funny running into you here!" Alice's voice was light and full of happiness, a direct change from the last time Sydney had spoken to her.
"Yeah. Hi, Alice." Sydney prayed Will and Vaughn would catch on and neither would call her Sydney.
"Hey." It was all Vaughn could get out. The shock of seeing Sydney out in public, actually being able to look her in the eye, was still getting to him.
"Hi. I'm, I'm glad you're, ah, feeling better." Sydney relied with a slight smile, disgusted with her own awkwardness.
"Oh, my Michael could never stay sick. He's way too stubborn for that." Alice didn't realize the power of her words as Vaughn smiled slightly. He had only become so stubborn to dying since he had become Sydney's handler. "Hi, I'm Alice." Alice stuck her hand out to Will and Sydney mentally slapped herself for being so blind to Will being there.
"Hey, I'm Will, a friend of Rita's. How are you doing Michael?" Will was a quick study and after shaking Alice's hand quickly turned his attention to Vaughn, asking him the polite question, but remembering to use his first name. "Vaughn" would bring up too many questions.
"A lot better, thanks. I had a good friend who helped me out." Vaughn said looking pointedly at Sydney for a brief moment.
Oblivious to the fact that he hadn't meant her, Alice reached her hand around Vaughn's waist and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. "I'm just glad you're ok." She said, smiling brightly.
"Hmmm" was all Sydney could muster, the jealousy fading and being replaced by hurt. Seeing the two of them together worse than any torture she had ever had to endure.
Will could see her walls slowly deteriorating and took the opportunity to get her out of the situation. "Oh geez, Rita, I've gotta work on that research project, tonight. I have a presentation due tomorrow, I completely forgot. You think you could give me a lift home?" Sydney thanked Will with her eyes, silently reminding herself that she would have to remember this the next time he was itching for a drink.
"Oh, yeah. No problem. It was nice to see you again Alice." Sydney replied as she collected her purse and stood.
"Yeah, you too Rita."
"I'll see you at work, probably, Rita." Sydney turned when she heard Vaughn's voice.
"Hmm." She smiled. "Bye."
"Bye."
As Sydney and Will walked towards the door, she turned her head ever so slightly only to witness Alice return her arm around Vaughn's waist and Vaughn slide his arm around her. Sydney quickly quickened her pace out of the restaurant, holding a breath until she was inside her car.
The ride home was silent and despite his want to comfort his obviously hurting friend, Will kept silent.
When they go back to Sydney's apartment, she went straight into her room, grabbed the most comfortable pair of pajama's she owned and headed straight for the shower.
When Will heard the water begin to run, he knew that his greatest fear had come to pass. Sydney was taking one of her famous "wash away the pain" showers; she took a lot of those after Danny died. Sydney was in love, with someone other than him and it was killing her to see that man with another woman. Settling himself down in front of the TV, Will waited, watching an old movie, for his friend to finish washing away all the pain and hurt she had acquired at the bar.
After a long, hot shower, Sydney emerged from the bathroom, a cloud of steam announcing her arrival to the outside. She felt much better, but there was still a tug at her heart that she knew she wouldn't be able to get rid of.
Sitting down next to Will, she tucked her feet underneath her and sat back into the couch.
"You have feelings for him."
"What?" Sydney turned her head to face will, shock playing across her features.
"You have feelings for him."
"Him? Him, who?"
"Him, Vaughn. I could see the pain in your eyes when you saw him walk in with that girl, Alice. You looked like you wanted to cry."
"Please, I don't have feelings for Vaughn. He's my CIA handler. I'm not allowed to have feelings for him."
"You know just as well as I do, that you have feelings for him." He paused for a moment. "You love him." His voice wasn't spiteful or cruel; it was simply sympathetic; he knew what it was like to love someone you couldn't have. The kindness in his voice caught Sydney off guard. "I'm sorry I dragged you there tonight."
"It's ok." Sydney replied sighing. "You couldn't have known he'd show up there, or that he'd bring Alice. It's not your fault." Sydney knew it was pointless to lie to Will. She may be good about lying about her job, but her heart was a completely separate matter, her eyes gave it all away.
The two sat in silence for several minutes watching Cary Grant run through the cornfields. It was her favorite part of "North by Northwest" but she just wasn't in to it, it reminded her too much of her own life.
"He's a lucky guy, you know. To have you love him." Sydney smiled at her friend. "And he's a moron if he doesn't see that." It took all of her strength not to cry from that remark, so she just smiled softly leaning her head against Will's shoulder as his arm snaked around her. She sighed deeply as she watched the film play out to its 'happily ever after', silently wishing she were sitting there with Vaughn.