Title: Trivial 9: Bunny Slayers
Author: Kel
Rating: R for language and innuendo
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Archive: Knock yourself out
Notes: For Amy, Ghini, KC, and Kitura.
"Clark?"
"Huh? Yeah?"
"I thought there was only supposed to be one slayer?"
"There is. Buffy."
"Right. Okay... Faith?"
"Oh yeah. There's a cool story behind that."
"Which you will share, right?"
"Right. See, Slayers are like the whole Highlander thing. There Can Be Only One True Slayer. Anyway, Buffy is *the* Slayer. Only... she died. The Master--Master Vamp--killed her. She was only dead for a few minutes or whatever, cause Xander did CPR and brought her back to life. But, since she was dead, there was a new slayer."
"And that new slayer would be Faith."
"Um, no. The first New Slayer was Kendra."
"Kendra? Who? I'm confused, Clark, and that takes a *lot.*"
"You're easy to confuse, Lex. You just never pay attention to the shows. Anyway, the new Slayer was Kendra."
"Let me guess... she died, and that's when Faith showed up?"
"Right! Drusilla slit Kendra's throat, and Faith is the Slayer that replaces Kendra."
"As The Bloodsucking World Turns. Christ, Clark, how can you watch this?"
"Like X-Files is any better... Death of The Week here, Lex. Besides, it's funny. There's one girl on here... Anya... afraid of bunnies. Totally afraid of bunnies. A wish-granting demon, but she's afraid of bunnies."
"Bunnies? Afraid of bunnies?"
"Yes, bunnies. Bunnies can be scary."
"Especially if you're a head of lettuce or organic produce."
"Come on. Forget the bunnies. Let's get back to the girls."
"Girls?"
"Yes, Girls. So... what do you think of Faith and Chloe?"
"Chloe? And Faith? Clark.... is there... never mind."
"Come on! I mean, you've got to have noticed they'relike the perfect couple."
"I rather thought Chloe would have gone with Buffy."
"Are you kidding me? Chloe would hate Buffy. They'd stake each other in like a second."
"And this is a bad thing?"
"Lex!"
"Clark..."
"Fine fine fine. What about Spike then? Don't you like Spike? EVERYBODY likes Spike."
"He's..."
"Yes?"
"Less irritating than the rest of the cast."
"Lex!!"
"You asked, Clark."
"You've gotta like Spike. Everyone likes Spike."
"You said that already. And no, I don't have to like Spike."
"Yes, you do! He's hot!"
"So you have a thing for bleached blonde vampires with cheekbones more pronounced than your own. Nice to know, that. I'll jot that down on my Christmas list."
"Uh oh."
"What?"
"You're pissy."
"I am not pissy. I merely fail to see the... whatever."
"The whatever is called 'hot sex on a stick' appeal."
"Right."
"Lex... c'mon, don't storm out."
"I'm sorry, Clark. I just have no interest in watching you drool over this... vampire."
"Lex. Come on. Television. Not real."
"Boyfriend. Doesn't need to hear how hot he's not compared to a blonde bloodsucker."
"Did I say you were not hot?"
"Not in so many words, no."
"Did I say Spike was hotter than you?"
"Clark..."
"Lex. Yours is the only cock going up my ass right now, all right? Only one that I want. He might be hot, but I love you."
"You realize this doesn't make me like this show any better."
"I know."
"And Clark..."
"What?"
"I love you, too."
The End.
Author: Kel
Rating: R for language and innuendo
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Archive: Knock yourself out
Notes: For Amy, Ghini, KC, and Kitura.
"Clark?"
"Huh? Yeah?"
"I thought there was only supposed to be one slayer?"
"There is. Buffy."
"Right. Okay... Faith?"
"Oh yeah. There's a cool story behind that."
"Which you will share, right?"
"Right. See, Slayers are like the whole Highlander thing. There Can Be Only One True Slayer. Anyway, Buffy is *the* Slayer. Only... she died. The Master--Master Vamp--killed her. She was only dead for a few minutes or whatever, cause Xander did CPR and brought her back to life. But, since she was dead, there was a new slayer."
"And that new slayer would be Faith."
"Um, no. The first New Slayer was Kendra."
"Kendra? Who? I'm confused, Clark, and that takes a *lot.*"
"You're easy to confuse, Lex. You just never pay attention to the shows. Anyway, the new Slayer was Kendra."
"Let me guess... she died, and that's when Faith showed up?"
"Right! Drusilla slit Kendra's throat, and Faith is the Slayer that replaces Kendra."
"As The Bloodsucking World Turns. Christ, Clark, how can you watch this?"
"Like X-Files is any better... Death of The Week here, Lex. Besides, it's funny. There's one girl on here... Anya... afraid of bunnies. Totally afraid of bunnies. A wish-granting demon, but she's afraid of bunnies."
"Bunnies? Afraid of bunnies?"
"Yes, bunnies. Bunnies can be scary."
"Especially if you're a head of lettuce or organic produce."
"Come on. Forget the bunnies. Let's get back to the girls."
"Girls?"
"Yes, Girls. So... what do you think of Faith and Chloe?"
"Chloe? And Faith? Clark.... is there... never mind."
"Come on! I mean, you've got to have noticed they'relike the perfect couple."
"I rather thought Chloe would have gone with Buffy."
"Are you kidding me? Chloe would hate Buffy. They'd stake each other in like a second."
"And this is a bad thing?"
"Lex!"
"Clark..."
"Fine fine fine. What about Spike then? Don't you like Spike? EVERYBODY likes Spike."
"He's..."
"Yes?"
"Less irritating than the rest of the cast."
"Lex!!"
"You asked, Clark."
"You've gotta like Spike. Everyone likes Spike."
"You said that already. And no, I don't have to like Spike."
"Yes, you do! He's hot!"
"So you have a thing for bleached blonde vampires with cheekbones more pronounced than your own. Nice to know, that. I'll jot that down on my Christmas list."
"Uh oh."
"What?"
"You're pissy."
"I am not pissy. I merely fail to see the... whatever."
"The whatever is called 'hot sex on a stick' appeal."
"Right."
"Lex... c'mon, don't storm out."
"I'm sorry, Clark. I just have no interest in watching you drool over this... vampire."
"Lex. Come on. Television. Not real."
"Boyfriend. Doesn't need to hear how hot he's not compared to a blonde bloodsucker."
"Did I say you were not hot?"
"Not in so many words, no."
"Did I say Spike was hotter than you?"
"Clark..."
"Lex. Yours is the only cock going up my ass right now, all right? Only one that I want. He might be hot, but I love you."
"You realize this doesn't make me like this show any better."
"I know."
"And Clark..."
"What?"
"I love you, too."
The End.