4.
Tuesday brought the fifth-year Hufflepuffs back to his classroom, and with them Miss Pandora Brown. Snape decided to remove the two-hundred points slowly, since he doubted Dumbledore would allow him justice, especially not without hearing a description of Miss Brown's infraction. Fifteen minutes into class, Hufflepuff had lost a collective thirty points for various quills dropped, postures slouched, and fingernails uncleaned.
They quickly lost their smirks, which ranged from malicious to salacious, and huddled over their cauldrons with adolescence-flavoured sullenness. Snape skulked along the back aisles, appearing at unsuspecting elbows moments after dicing drifted into chopping, or digitalis was misread as dersilotus, or an ill-timed nudge turned a pinch into a dash.
By the end of class the students fled with a haste reminiscent of the days when they would actually believe him if he said he would make the last one out drink one of Neville Longbottom's concoctions. Satisfied he'd put the fear of Snape back into them, at least for the moment, he tallied the points taken. Eighty from Hufflepuff and thirty-five from Ravenclaw. Not a record, for that still belonged to a Gryffindor/Slytherin sixth year class (January thirty-first, 1997, Potter had incited a fight with Malfoy during production of the volatile cardimona bonflagere potion, causing four serious injuries and seven-thousand galleons worth of damage, and resulting in the largest conjunct point reduction in Hogwarts' history) but it was still gratifying.
*You're a petty, petty man, Severus.* The voice in his head sounded, oddly enough, like Lupin.
"Yes," he told it, "I am."
* * * * *
Waiting for the next Hogsmeade weekend was agony, and Snape firmly believed in the adage about shared pain being halved. By Friday's last class, the entire student population lived in terror of the Potions master, which guaranteed those who could flee would be in town, and those who couldn't would hide in their common rooms.
Whistling a lively tune (and he would have been mortified to know it was one of the Weird Sisters'), Snape strolled down the corridors toward the Muggle Studies classroom.
"Why, good morning, Severus."
Snape blinked at the chubby wizard clacking away at the computer.
Momus Glumdunley grinned back, and waved him in. "Don't hover, Severus. Sit down. I must say, I never thought I'd see *you* in here."
"I... I've been..." What exactly had he been doing? "... wondering if those machines could be useful. For potions."
Glumdunley's mouth formed an astonished 'o' before twisting into a triumphant smile. "Of course, of course. Computers are a rather like thinking pensieves, only more versatile, and they do wonders with information. We can set up a database to organize ingredients and their properties, catalogue recipes, run simulations for experimental elixirs... I don't know why you haven't come to me before, Severus." The Muggle Studies master was nearly bouncing with excitement. "Of course, you won't be able to use *this* machine, since it's barely adequate for the students... though I wonder how many of them are actually working when they're in here. Before you came in I was configuring the browser to deny access to the adult sites. You wouldn't believe what some of them are reading!" Glumdunley shook his head. "Ah, hormones. In any case, unless you only plan on using this one on Hogsmeade weekends, you'll have to use the computer in my quarters."
"You... you have a computer in your quarters?"
"I teach Muggle Studies, Severus. Of course I do."
"Could *I* get one?"
Glumdunley snorted. "I should have known you would want to be independent. Don't worry, I'm sure once you explain how useful it will be, Albus will arrange an energy converter and an electronic allowance field in your quarters. I believe Professor Vector is already set up to use muggle electronics. So is Filch, and I know his is just for a telly because I had to help him set his VCR clock."
Snape stared blankly at the man.
"Never mind. Talk to Albus, then come and see me. I'll hook you up with a nice owl-order electronics shop that specializes in helping wizards who are new to muggle technology. Once your computer arrives, I'll help you set it up."
"Thank you, Momus. Er, I'll be able to visit websites?"
Glumdunley nodded eagerly, apparently overjoyed he had converted the ultimate technological heathen. "Yes. There's a rather large wizarding community on the web, and as I recall there are several potions chatrooms."
Snape scowled, and wondered why everyone seemed to think he lived, breathed, ate, and slept potions. "I have other interests, too."
"Of course you do, Severus. Of course you do." Glumdunley grinned, and Snape stomped away.
Tuesday brought the fifth-year Hufflepuffs back to his classroom, and with them Miss Pandora Brown. Snape decided to remove the two-hundred points slowly, since he doubted Dumbledore would allow him justice, especially not without hearing a description of Miss Brown's infraction. Fifteen minutes into class, Hufflepuff had lost a collective thirty points for various quills dropped, postures slouched, and fingernails uncleaned.
They quickly lost their smirks, which ranged from malicious to salacious, and huddled over their cauldrons with adolescence-flavoured sullenness. Snape skulked along the back aisles, appearing at unsuspecting elbows moments after dicing drifted into chopping, or digitalis was misread as dersilotus, or an ill-timed nudge turned a pinch into a dash.
By the end of class the students fled with a haste reminiscent of the days when they would actually believe him if he said he would make the last one out drink one of Neville Longbottom's concoctions. Satisfied he'd put the fear of Snape back into them, at least for the moment, he tallied the points taken. Eighty from Hufflepuff and thirty-five from Ravenclaw. Not a record, for that still belonged to a Gryffindor/Slytherin sixth year class (January thirty-first, 1997, Potter had incited a fight with Malfoy during production of the volatile cardimona bonflagere potion, causing four serious injuries and seven-thousand galleons worth of damage, and resulting in the largest conjunct point reduction in Hogwarts' history) but it was still gratifying.
*You're a petty, petty man, Severus.* The voice in his head sounded, oddly enough, like Lupin.
"Yes," he told it, "I am."
* * * * *
Waiting for the next Hogsmeade weekend was agony, and Snape firmly believed in the adage about shared pain being halved. By Friday's last class, the entire student population lived in terror of the Potions master, which guaranteed those who could flee would be in town, and those who couldn't would hide in their common rooms.
Whistling a lively tune (and he would have been mortified to know it was one of the Weird Sisters'), Snape strolled down the corridors toward the Muggle Studies classroom.
"Why, good morning, Severus."
Snape blinked at the chubby wizard clacking away at the computer.
Momus Glumdunley grinned back, and waved him in. "Don't hover, Severus. Sit down. I must say, I never thought I'd see *you* in here."
"I... I've been..." What exactly had he been doing? "... wondering if those machines could be useful. For potions."
Glumdunley's mouth formed an astonished 'o' before twisting into a triumphant smile. "Of course, of course. Computers are a rather like thinking pensieves, only more versatile, and they do wonders with information. We can set up a database to organize ingredients and their properties, catalogue recipes, run simulations for experimental elixirs... I don't know why you haven't come to me before, Severus." The Muggle Studies master was nearly bouncing with excitement. "Of course, you won't be able to use *this* machine, since it's barely adequate for the students... though I wonder how many of them are actually working when they're in here. Before you came in I was configuring the browser to deny access to the adult sites. You wouldn't believe what some of them are reading!" Glumdunley shook his head. "Ah, hormones. In any case, unless you only plan on using this one on Hogsmeade weekends, you'll have to use the computer in my quarters."
"You... you have a computer in your quarters?"
"I teach Muggle Studies, Severus. Of course I do."
"Could *I* get one?"
Glumdunley snorted. "I should have known you would want to be independent. Don't worry, I'm sure once you explain how useful it will be, Albus will arrange an energy converter and an electronic allowance field in your quarters. I believe Professor Vector is already set up to use muggle electronics. So is Filch, and I know his is just for a telly because I had to help him set his VCR clock."
Snape stared blankly at the man.
"Never mind. Talk to Albus, then come and see me. I'll hook you up with a nice owl-order electronics shop that specializes in helping wizards who are new to muggle technology. Once your computer arrives, I'll help you set it up."
"Thank you, Momus. Er, I'll be able to visit websites?"
Glumdunley nodded eagerly, apparently overjoyed he had converted the ultimate technological heathen. "Yes. There's a rather large wizarding community on the web, and as I recall there are several potions chatrooms."
Snape scowled, and wondered why everyone seemed to think he lived, breathed, ate, and slept potions. "I have other interests, too."
"Of course you do, Severus. Of course you do." Glumdunley grinned, and Snape stomped away.