The revenge of the minor characters in Julius Caesar
Disclaimer: I'm not the bard. I'm just an extremely bored person who is damn sick of studying for the O'level Chinese paper. I know I'm lame, so review and tell me I'm lame!!! Suggestions are welcomed.
Acknowledgements: Some of the things said in here are from my friends or from schoolmates. I hereby thank all whom I stole the ideas from. I'd like to thank Mrs Grim, from whom I borrowed the idea of revenge of the minor characters.
Julius Caesar
Act 1 scene 1
Rome. A lousy street, lots of litter lying around
Flavius: Hence! Home, you idle creatures, get you home. Is this a holiday? (Aside) This place is really dirty!
Marullus: Answer to us, you lowly scum!
Carpenter: NO! I'm a stupid plebeian. I can't talk sense.
Flavius: What trade, thou knave? Thou naughty knave, what trade? (aside) Maybe I could fine them, and earn some spare cash.
Cobbler: I'm an illegal drug trafficker. you want anything? I supply the best in Rome, ice, pills, glue, you name it. What do you want?
Marullus: These narcotics haven't been invented yet.
Cobbler: Oh. Fine. I'm a third-grade cobbler who is a murderer by night. I'm also quite a proficient gravedigger.
Marullus: Absolute! Rubbish! What! Are! You! Doing! Here!
Cobbler: To drive you crazy. [Marullus starts to swell noticeably. Cobbler hurriedly adds] But indeed, we are partying cos we hero-worship Caesar! (and his money)
Flavius: [butts in before Marullus exploded] You can't do that! You have to work. That's why you're paid.
Road sweeper: No. I'm only paid a measly amount of five drachmas. that's why I'm two-timing as a pimp.
Marullus: You pervert! Who taught you that! We gave you ten years of sound barbaric Roman culture training, civics and moral educations!!!
Road sweeper: Bugger the schools.
Flavius: You're fined twenty-five dravhmas for foul language!
Road sweeper: *grumble* Damn!
Flavius: Another twenty-five drachmas. pay up!
Road sweeper: *glares * Sic 'em, guys!
[Plebeians throw rotten cabbage, tomato, coconut, potatoes and eggs at the astonished tribunes]
Marullus: [red in the face] YOU INGRATES! HOW DARE YOU! You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things! You used to worship Pompous Pompey, (not that I care) now you lick Sissy Caesar's feet! You don't pay your taxes and fines! You don't even VOTE for us in the elections! I had to bribe the senate to keep me as a tribune! You don't even clean the road! SHAME ON ALL OF YOU! GET LOST! SCRAM! BE GONE!
Cobbler: * glares* Get lost yourselves! You aritosiccies all so dammitably pround. Treat us like shit. we'll show you! REALLY sic 'em boys! They'll go down to hades, screaming!
[Daggers appear, thrown at the tribunes. Marullus receives a chest wound. Flavius' eye got put out.]
Marullus: This. Is. The. Final. Straw. TAKE THIS! [ Empties three rounds of bullets in the cobbler. bloody stumps and brain matter splatter on the pavement]
Plebians: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Blazing pop-sticks! Run!
[Crowd runs away, screaming, leaving behind the weapons]
Flavius: Och. This wound hurts. [Picks up the daggers to sell to a blacksmith] Drachmas.
Marullus: *rolls eyes * money face!
Flavius: Your actions were rather extreme. I fine you twenty five drachmas for littering the pavement!
Marullus: What the hell. Wanna die, is it? *laughs maniacally, pointing the muzzle of the pistol in Flavius' directions*
Flavius: I said nothing! I'm going home. Don't worry about the mess, I'll get someone to clean it up. [runs away]
Marullus: HA! No one can stop me! No one! I'm go on a killing spree. Caesar shall fall! Adolf Marullus shall rise as Fuhrer of Rome! I will rule the world!
[Marullus runs down the street, headshotting every plebeian he meets. The words' Multi-kill' appeared next to him. It got wiped off immediately. A voice from above roars, "dAmmit! You got the wrong server! CS in the another world!"]
Lame, yes? Wrote this during a Chinese mock exam practise. tts why it's so corny. my brain was scrambled by the ci yus.
Disclaimer: I'm not the bard. I'm just an extremely bored person who is damn sick of studying for the O'level Chinese paper. I know I'm lame, so review and tell me I'm lame!!! Suggestions are welcomed.
Acknowledgements: Some of the things said in here are from my friends or from schoolmates. I hereby thank all whom I stole the ideas from. I'd like to thank Mrs Grim, from whom I borrowed the idea of revenge of the minor characters.
Julius Caesar
Act 1 scene 1
Rome. A lousy street, lots of litter lying around
Flavius: Hence! Home, you idle creatures, get you home. Is this a holiday? (Aside) This place is really dirty!
Marullus: Answer to us, you lowly scum!
Carpenter: NO! I'm a stupid plebeian. I can't talk sense.
Flavius: What trade, thou knave? Thou naughty knave, what trade? (aside) Maybe I could fine them, and earn some spare cash.
Cobbler: I'm an illegal drug trafficker. you want anything? I supply the best in Rome, ice, pills, glue, you name it. What do you want?
Marullus: These narcotics haven't been invented yet.
Cobbler: Oh. Fine. I'm a third-grade cobbler who is a murderer by night. I'm also quite a proficient gravedigger.
Marullus: Absolute! Rubbish! What! Are! You! Doing! Here!
Cobbler: To drive you crazy. [Marullus starts to swell noticeably. Cobbler hurriedly adds] But indeed, we are partying cos we hero-worship Caesar! (and his money)
Flavius: [butts in before Marullus exploded] You can't do that! You have to work. That's why you're paid.
Road sweeper: No. I'm only paid a measly amount of five drachmas. that's why I'm two-timing as a pimp.
Marullus: You pervert! Who taught you that! We gave you ten years of sound barbaric Roman culture training, civics and moral educations!!!
Road sweeper: Bugger the schools.
Flavius: You're fined twenty-five dravhmas for foul language!
Road sweeper: *grumble* Damn!
Flavius: Another twenty-five drachmas. pay up!
Road sweeper: *glares * Sic 'em, guys!
[Plebeians throw rotten cabbage, tomato, coconut, potatoes and eggs at the astonished tribunes]
Marullus: [red in the face] YOU INGRATES! HOW DARE YOU! You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things! You used to worship Pompous Pompey, (not that I care) now you lick Sissy Caesar's feet! You don't pay your taxes and fines! You don't even VOTE for us in the elections! I had to bribe the senate to keep me as a tribune! You don't even clean the road! SHAME ON ALL OF YOU! GET LOST! SCRAM! BE GONE!
Cobbler: * glares* Get lost yourselves! You aritosiccies all so dammitably pround. Treat us like shit. we'll show you! REALLY sic 'em boys! They'll go down to hades, screaming!
[Daggers appear, thrown at the tribunes. Marullus receives a chest wound. Flavius' eye got put out.]
Marullus: This. Is. The. Final. Straw. TAKE THIS! [ Empties three rounds of bullets in the cobbler. bloody stumps and brain matter splatter on the pavement]
Plebians: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Blazing pop-sticks! Run!
[Crowd runs away, screaming, leaving behind the weapons]
Flavius: Och. This wound hurts. [Picks up the daggers to sell to a blacksmith] Drachmas.
Marullus: *rolls eyes * money face!
Flavius: Your actions were rather extreme. I fine you twenty five drachmas for littering the pavement!
Marullus: What the hell. Wanna die, is it? *laughs maniacally, pointing the muzzle of the pistol in Flavius' directions*
Flavius: I said nothing! I'm going home. Don't worry about the mess, I'll get someone to clean it up. [runs away]
Marullus: HA! No one can stop me! No one! I'm go on a killing spree. Caesar shall fall! Adolf Marullus shall rise as Fuhrer of Rome! I will rule the world!
[Marullus runs down the street, headshotting every plebeian he meets. The words' Multi-kill' appeared next to him. It got wiped off immediately. A voice from above roars, "dAmmit! You got the wrong server! CS in the another world!"]
Lame, yes? Wrote this during a Chinese mock exam practise. tts why it's so corny. my brain was scrambled by the ci yus.