Chappie two up now! I'm going nuts with lameness. reviews please! And blur
block, u got ur wish, I've updated. happy?
Disclaimer: the madness of the story belongs to me and me alone. The plot is also mine since I mutilated the script. Shakespeare can't sue me, he's long dead. if u pple wanna sue me, I'll set Satan on u.
Act1 scene 2
[Flourish. Enter a bunch of idiots]
Caesar: [bellowing] Wife! Get over here now!
Calphurnia: Yes, dear, I'm co-
Casca: Shut up! Caesar's speaking!
Caesar: [glares at Casca] Hey! Only I am allowed to speak like that to my wife! You're fined a 100 drachmas for inappropriate address of your superiors!
Casca: What do you mean by superiors? She's a woman! She's lower than me!
Caesar: As a female, she is the lowest of all human beings, but as my wife, she is higher than everyone except for me and Antony.
Casca: [grumbles] wait till I get my dagger into you. you'll regret that you insulted me.
Caesar: [clears throat importantly] Wife, stand next to the road.
Calphurnia: ???
Caesar: Antony, heel! When your running, touch my consort, so I can get kds and then.
Antony: [nods stupidly] yep. Sir! Me do what you tell me to do.
Caesar: Great! Now, let's all go for the luncheon held in my honour!
Announcer: Psst! Soothsayer! Your line!
Soothsayer: Waait! Erm. Ave Caesar! Hey! Over here!
Casca: Oi, you great swaggering brat you! Someone's calling you!
Caesar: WHAT did you call me?!
Casca: Errrrrrr. Most high, most mighty Caesar, a supplicant doth approach!
Caesar: That's better, you useless bum.
Casca: Whatdaya mean by useless bum! I help you make announcements and I don't even get paid!
[The two face each other, screaming insults.]
Soothsayer: Ahem! [Taps foot impatiently. Glares at the two shrieking senators.] Childish politicians, heed me!
Casca: Stop for the moment! Someone just insulted both of us!
Caesar: What!!! Never! Foolish old grandpa, say your piece!
Casca: Yes! Splutter your two-cents worth of 'Beware the ides of march' and be gone!
Caesar: What is he suppose to say?
Soothsayer: [booms prophetically] Beware the ides of March!
Caesar: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Soothsayer: [declaims loudly] Beware the ides of March!
Brutus: He sa-id to be-ware the ides of ma-arch. Must pro-n-once my con-sta- nants pro-per-ly.
Caesar: I didn't catch what you said.
Soothsayer: [shrieks madly] I SAID BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH! ARE YOU DEAF OR WHAT?
Caesar: Yes, I'm deaf in one ear. So what? Sue me! And what you said was sentimental junk. Let's go eat. I'm hungry.
Soothsayer: [hollers at the top of his voice] YOU INSOLENT FOOL! IF YOU HEED NOT THE PORTENTS SENT TO YOU, YOU WILL DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH! PAID ATTEN-[ breaks down, coughing. He wheezes] Damn! I need lozenges!
Caesar: Lets go!
Soothsayer: [snarls] Fine! I hope your friends backstab you! Lousy arrogant dictator!
[Everyone leaves, except for Brutus and Cassius. Brutus tries to leave, but Cassius grabs hold of his toga.]
Brutus: W-hat are you do-ing? [stares blankly at Cassius]
Cassius: Quit moving! I've got something important to tell you!
Brutus: W-hat is more im-port-tant than my sto-mach?
Cassius: A lot of things. Tell me, Brutus, can you see your face?
Brutus: No? Yes? No?
Cassius: [feels forehead for a fever] Do. You. Like. Kings?
Brutus: Me no like kings. Me no like kings. Me no like kings. Me no like kin-
Cassius: OKOK! I get the point. Now, what about Caesar?
Brutus: Caesar nice! He give me money and food!
Cassius: What if Caesar became king? What would you do?
Brutus: King Caesar? No, Caesar no king. Caesar is mighty general, not king!
Cassius: What if??? Say, on a hypothical basis?
Brutus: Cannot. Cos Rome got no king. You stupid!
Cassius: ME STUPID??? You, accuse ME of being stupid?
Brutus: [nods stupidly] Yep. You stupid.
Cassius: [rolls eyes] I have tolerate this imbecile.
[Caesar and Antony enter. Caesar has a black eye and a broken nose, Antony looks rather sheepish.]
Caesar: Move off! I'm using the stage now. I'm Caesar, get lost!
Cassius: Stupid, insufferable show-off, I'll leave because I cannot stand being in your overwhelming presence.
Caesar: How dare you! Antony, get the-
[Brutus and Cassius exit]
Caesar: Antony, its all your fault that I didn't get to kill Cassius! [hits Antony on the arm]
Antony: Oww. Sorry boss.
Caesar: And you threw the crown at me! You're supposed to offer it to me and I'll refuse it! Not you throwing it at me! The bruises hurt! What a lamentable mess!
Antony: Sorry boss.
Caesar: Never mind Antony, we'll take over the world later, now, I'll lick my wounds.
[Marullus comes in, running.]
Marullus: Bow before me! I, Adolf Marullus commands you!
Caesar: Leave me alone! Let me sulk in peace! Wait a minute! You command me??? You are but a lowly tribune, do not presume to command me! I am Caesar! Greater than Zesus! How dare you command me! You are not even fit to wash my feet let alone to talk to me! Away!
Marullus: [foaming at the mouth] I rule the world!
Caesar: No you don't! I rule the world! Antony, kill that usurper!
Antony: Yes, boss!
[Marullus and Antony proceed to duel, using pillows. Soon, by dint of superior strength, Antony forced Marullus upon his knees. Taking out a bloster, Antony bludgeons Marullus to death.]
Caesar: Good boy! [throws biscuits at Antony, Antony catches and wolfs them down.]
Antony: Biscuits tasty. Boss happy, me happy.
Caesar: [pats Antony on the head] Let's go. Maybe we can plot about how to kill all of my political rivals and take over the world.
[Caesar and Antony walk off, talking loudly about hangings, exile and assassins. Brutus and Cassius walk back in.]
Cassius: (aside) I'd better get Casca over, if I'm stuck with Brutus for more than 20 minutes I will go stark raving mad.
Brutus: Caesar no give me food. so sad.
Cassius: ARGH! Casca, please come over!
Casca: Hiya. What did you call me for?
Cassius: To save Brutus. I'll strangle him soon.
Casca: He does have the effect on sane people.
Cassius: So, why is Caesar looking so batter?
Casca: The correct tense is 'battered' in the past participant.
Cassius: [looks disgruntled] Whatever.
Casca: [snort] Cos Antony, the residential genius threw three crowns at Caesar. One hit his nose, one hit his left eye and the last one hit a delicate place which I shall not name.
Casius: I should have known! Caesar's getting ambitious. and I thought Antony had more brains in him. plus, I don't think Caesar had reckoned on Antony's bad aim!!!
Casca: The plebeians were VERY amused by the incident. they started cheering.
Cassius: Typical. Just typical.
Casca: Mark my words, Caesar's going to try another gimmick to gain power soon, we'd better do something before his scheme to rule the world actually succeeds.
Cassius: Well, I suppose that I could form a conspiracy and take over Rome and massacre everyone single one of my opponents. Hmmm, good idea!
Brutus: What is a con-spi-racy? [Starts prodding Casca]
Cassius: Brutus! Behave yourself!
Brutus: Me no wanna behave. Me wanna poke people.
Cassius and Casca: [rolls eyes] Of all the stupid idiots.
Cassius: GET LOST! Brutus, go home, go bother Portia or something. We've got important things to discuss.
Casca: Yes. Scram.
Brutus: No. Me wanna hear what you say.
Casca: Go or I'll tell Portia you've playing around. Brutus: NOOOOOOOOO! I'll go home, straight away.
[Exits hastily. Cassius and Casca start laughing.]
Cassius: Now, tell you what, come over for dinner tonight and we'll have a nice gossip about Caesar.
Casca: Sure. and we can get drunk as well.
Cassius: Swell. Bye!
Casca: Cya!
Cassius: See you tomorrow.
Casca: Yep.
Cassius: Aren't you supposed to be gone?
Casca: Well, I suppose I've gtg.
Cassius: We're not chatting. you can't say gtg in speech.
Casca: Yes I can, we've been talking. A synonym of talking is chatting. Since we've been chatting, I can use the word gtg.
Cassius: Whatever. As always, you have illogical logic and logical illogic.
Casca: Whatever. BYE!
[Casca finally leaves.]
Cassius: Finally! I'm alone so I can make my vengeful soliloquy. I shall twist brutus to suit my needs, when he has served my purpose, maybe I'll torture him before killing him. Just for entertainment, after all, the coliseum hasn't been invented and I'm not allowed to have a television, only Great Caesar can have one. HAHA! I shall kill Caesar and Antony and Brutus and Cicero and everyone else that I don't like. And after this, let Caesar seat him sure, for we will shake him, or worse days endure.
[Cassius exits dramatically, with a flourish, the orchestra plays a ominous overture.]
Disclaimer: the madness of the story belongs to me and me alone. The plot is also mine since I mutilated the script. Shakespeare can't sue me, he's long dead. if u pple wanna sue me, I'll set Satan on u.
Act1 scene 2
[Flourish. Enter a bunch of idiots]
Caesar: [bellowing] Wife! Get over here now!
Calphurnia: Yes, dear, I'm co-
Casca: Shut up! Caesar's speaking!
Caesar: [glares at Casca] Hey! Only I am allowed to speak like that to my wife! You're fined a 100 drachmas for inappropriate address of your superiors!
Casca: What do you mean by superiors? She's a woman! She's lower than me!
Caesar: As a female, she is the lowest of all human beings, but as my wife, she is higher than everyone except for me and Antony.
Casca: [grumbles] wait till I get my dagger into you. you'll regret that you insulted me.
Caesar: [clears throat importantly] Wife, stand next to the road.
Calphurnia: ???
Caesar: Antony, heel! When your running, touch my consort, so I can get kds and then.
Antony: [nods stupidly] yep. Sir! Me do what you tell me to do.
Caesar: Great! Now, let's all go for the luncheon held in my honour!
Announcer: Psst! Soothsayer! Your line!
Soothsayer: Waait! Erm. Ave Caesar! Hey! Over here!
Casca: Oi, you great swaggering brat you! Someone's calling you!
Caesar: WHAT did you call me?!
Casca: Errrrrrr. Most high, most mighty Caesar, a supplicant doth approach!
Caesar: That's better, you useless bum.
Casca: Whatdaya mean by useless bum! I help you make announcements and I don't even get paid!
[The two face each other, screaming insults.]
Soothsayer: Ahem! [Taps foot impatiently. Glares at the two shrieking senators.] Childish politicians, heed me!
Casca: Stop for the moment! Someone just insulted both of us!
Caesar: What!!! Never! Foolish old grandpa, say your piece!
Casca: Yes! Splutter your two-cents worth of 'Beware the ides of march' and be gone!
Caesar: What is he suppose to say?
Soothsayer: [booms prophetically] Beware the ides of March!
Caesar: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Soothsayer: [declaims loudly] Beware the ides of March!
Brutus: He sa-id to be-ware the ides of ma-arch. Must pro-n-once my con-sta- nants pro-per-ly.
Caesar: I didn't catch what you said.
Soothsayer: [shrieks madly] I SAID BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH! ARE YOU DEAF OR WHAT?
Caesar: Yes, I'm deaf in one ear. So what? Sue me! And what you said was sentimental junk. Let's go eat. I'm hungry.
Soothsayer: [hollers at the top of his voice] YOU INSOLENT FOOL! IF YOU HEED NOT THE PORTENTS SENT TO YOU, YOU WILL DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH! PAID ATTEN-[ breaks down, coughing. He wheezes] Damn! I need lozenges!
Caesar: Lets go!
Soothsayer: [snarls] Fine! I hope your friends backstab you! Lousy arrogant dictator!
[Everyone leaves, except for Brutus and Cassius. Brutus tries to leave, but Cassius grabs hold of his toga.]
Brutus: W-hat are you do-ing? [stares blankly at Cassius]
Cassius: Quit moving! I've got something important to tell you!
Brutus: W-hat is more im-port-tant than my sto-mach?
Cassius: A lot of things. Tell me, Brutus, can you see your face?
Brutus: No? Yes? No?
Cassius: [feels forehead for a fever] Do. You. Like. Kings?
Brutus: Me no like kings. Me no like kings. Me no like kings. Me no like kin-
Cassius: OKOK! I get the point. Now, what about Caesar?
Brutus: Caesar nice! He give me money and food!
Cassius: What if Caesar became king? What would you do?
Brutus: King Caesar? No, Caesar no king. Caesar is mighty general, not king!
Cassius: What if??? Say, on a hypothical basis?
Brutus: Cannot. Cos Rome got no king. You stupid!
Cassius: ME STUPID??? You, accuse ME of being stupid?
Brutus: [nods stupidly] Yep. You stupid.
Cassius: [rolls eyes] I have tolerate this imbecile.
[Caesar and Antony enter. Caesar has a black eye and a broken nose, Antony looks rather sheepish.]
Caesar: Move off! I'm using the stage now. I'm Caesar, get lost!
Cassius: Stupid, insufferable show-off, I'll leave because I cannot stand being in your overwhelming presence.
Caesar: How dare you! Antony, get the-
[Brutus and Cassius exit]
Caesar: Antony, its all your fault that I didn't get to kill Cassius! [hits Antony on the arm]
Antony: Oww. Sorry boss.
Caesar: And you threw the crown at me! You're supposed to offer it to me and I'll refuse it! Not you throwing it at me! The bruises hurt! What a lamentable mess!
Antony: Sorry boss.
Caesar: Never mind Antony, we'll take over the world later, now, I'll lick my wounds.
[Marullus comes in, running.]
Marullus: Bow before me! I, Adolf Marullus commands you!
Caesar: Leave me alone! Let me sulk in peace! Wait a minute! You command me??? You are but a lowly tribune, do not presume to command me! I am Caesar! Greater than Zesus! How dare you command me! You are not even fit to wash my feet let alone to talk to me! Away!
Marullus: [foaming at the mouth] I rule the world!
Caesar: No you don't! I rule the world! Antony, kill that usurper!
Antony: Yes, boss!
[Marullus and Antony proceed to duel, using pillows. Soon, by dint of superior strength, Antony forced Marullus upon his knees. Taking out a bloster, Antony bludgeons Marullus to death.]
Caesar: Good boy! [throws biscuits at Antony, Antony catches and wolfs them down.]
Antony: Biscuits tasty. Boss happy, me happy.
Caesar: [pats Antony on the head] Let's go. Maybe we can plot about how to kill all of my political rivals and take over the world.
[Caesar and Antony walk off, talking loudly about hangings, exile and assassins. Brutus and Cassius walk back in.]
Cassius: (aside) I'd better get Casca over, if I'm stuck with Brutus for more than 20 minutes I will go stark raving mad.
Brutus: Caesar no give me food. so sad.
Cassius: ARGH! Casca, please come over!
Casca: Hiya. What did you call me for?
Cassius: To save Brutus. I'll strangle him soon.
Casca: He does have the effect on sane people.
Cassius: So, why is Caesar looking so batter?
Casca: The correct tense is 'battered' in the past participant.
Cassius: [looks disgruntled] Whatever.
Casca: [snort] Cos Antony, the residential genius threw three crowns at Caesar. One hit his nose, one hit his left eye and the last one hit a delicate place which I shall not name.
Casius: I should have known! Caesar's getting ambitious. and I thought Antony had more brains in him. plus, I don't think Caesar had reckoned on Antony's bad aim!!!
Casca: The plebeians were VERY amused by the incident. they started cheering.
Cassius: Typical. Just typical.
Casca: Mark my words, Caesar's going to try another gimmick to gain power soon, we'd better do something before his scheme to rule the world actually succeeds.
Cassius: Well, I suppose that I could form a conspiracy and take over Rome and massacre everyone single one of my opponents. Hmmm, good idea!
Brutus: What is a con-spi-racy? [Starts prodding Casca]
Cassius: Brutus! Behave yourself!
Brutus: Me no wanna behave. Me wanna poke people.
Cassius and Casca: [rolls eyes] Of all the stupid idiots.
Cassius: GET LOST! Brutus, go home, go bother Portia or something. We've got important things to discuss.
Casca: Yes. Scram.
Brutus: No. Me wanna hear what you say.
Casca: Go or I'll tell Portia you've playing around. Brutus: NOOOOOOOOO! I'll go home, straight away.
[Exits hastily. Cassius and Casca start laughing.]
Cassius: Now, tell you what, come over for dinner tonight and we'll have a nice gossip about Caesar.
Casca: Sure. and we can get drunk as well.
Cassius: Swell. Bye!
Casca: Cya!
Cassius: See you tomorrow.
Casca: Yep.
Cassius: Aren't you supposed to be gone?
Casca: Well, I suppose I've gtg.
Cassius: We're not chatting. you can't say gtg in speech.
Casca: Yes I can, we've been talking. A synonym of talking is chatting. Since we've been chatting, I can use the word gtg.
Cassius: Whatever. As always, you have illogical logic and logical illogic.
Casca: Whatever. BYE!
[Casca finally leaves.]
Cassius: Finally! I'm alone so I can make my vengeful soliloquy. I shall twist brutus to suit my needs, when he has served my purpose, maybe I'll torture him before killing him. Just for entertainment, after all, the coliseum hasn't been invented and I'm not allowed to have a television, only Great Caesar can have one. HAHA! I shall kill Caesar and Antony and Brutus and Cicero and everyone else that I don't like. And after this, let Caesar seat him sure, for we will shake him, or worse days endure.
[Cassius exits dramatically, with a flourish, the orchestra plays a ominous overture.]