Author's notes: I am also now working on one for Magus. Chapter 1 is nowhere near completion. Gomen ne sa! It will be called "False Prophet" and, well, yeah. I'll be working on it. GAH! No more new fics, you mean Muse! Anyways... Thank, you my one anonymous reviewer. :P This chapter is dedicated to you.
"I don't think you
Trust
In my
Self-righteous suicide.
I cry
When angels deserve to
DIIIIEEEEEE!!!"
-System of a Down, "Chop Suey"
~*~*~*~
When we get back, I construct some cock-eyed story about sleeping potions, subterfuge, and kidnapping. Mother goes crazy and just about pulls up the rugs looking for the perpetrator. She eventually finds two people to execute, and Magus and I have to let her do a she will so she will not grow suspicious. I suppose he is right, but all that is within me begs to differ. I think my heart lies too often.
~*~*~*~
"Did we have to do that to the gurus?" I ask Magus. He wishes me to call him that for simplicity's sake.
He turns away from the window. "Do you think they would believe me?"
"I know, but still..." I shiver at the thought of what the gurus must be going through.
"Would you rather have to kill them? This is the only way. I've been planning this my whole life. It has to be this way." He speaks with the same, stubborn, it-has-to-be-MY-way little brother tone. "I've waited far too long to let it slip away now!" His eyes glow red and he bares his fangs. I find it disconcerting how he goes from being so familiar, from being MY Janus to being someone, no something entirely alien. Disconcerting, and more than a little terrifying that my sweet little baby brother has such darkness within. I should have noticed it before; it is not far below the surface. I cannot turn a blind eye to it any longer. Janus is not a sweet little boy. He is a dark, violent, moody, and cruel child. The only warmth within him is for me. The rest of the world is unimportant to him, to the little boy and the man both.
"What you thinking about, Schala?" Magus asks.
I lie to him, the first I ever have. "Those three of whom you speak, who are they, exactly? How do you know they will come?"
Magus returns to the window, staring out into the night. "They were caught by the time-wind of Lavos and carried to the end of the world. They seek to defeat Lavos and keep it from happening. They posses a device that allows to ride the time-wind."
"But who are they? What are they like? And if they seek to stop Lavos, why can they not join our side? And also..."
Magus tosses his cape back. "Paying me back for bugging you?" He rests his head against the glass. "They are not much younger than we are. One is a young man of few words. He is their leader. Another has a mind that would make the gurus envious. Another is your descendent. She's... stubborn. Very stubborn. The forth I... turned into a frog, and the fifth is nothing but an impressive plaything. If they see what we are doing, they will not understand, and will try to stop us."
I come up next to him. "Perhaps if you or I explained it to them..."
"They will trust nothing that I do. I almost killed them when I summoned Lavos." I feel safe with Magus near. He is older than I am, more powerful than I am, and he loves me. He'll do anything to protect me. I lay my head against his arm. "Someone's coming..." I freeze. It would not look good for Magus to be seen in a married woman's quarters, alone, at night. He mumbles a few words and disappears.
I open the door. It's Janus. "What are you doing up?" I kneel down to look him in the eye.
He wipes his nose on his sleeve and sniffles, tears in his eyes. "I had a nightmare. Can I stay here tonight?" He hugs a tired Alfador close. I sit down at the edge of the bed and he crawls into my lap.
"Do you want to tell me about your nightmare?" Janus sniffles and nods.
"I dreamed you were fighting Magus and then a giant black bird swoops out of the sky and carries you away. I scream and scream and Magus turns to dust when the sun rises and a dragon appears and takes me to a castle on the ground. I go inside and you're in the corner crying. I run to you as fast as I can but you keep getting farther and farther away until I can't see you anymore." I hug him, sandwiching his poor cat between us. It howls leaps up, and cowers under the bed.
"Is that all?" Janus shakes his head and continues.
"I sit down and cry and a man with red hair and funny clothes walks in with a frog carrying a sword, a funny looking lady, a lady who looks like you, a lady dressed in animal skins, and giant metal man." Children have such vivid imaginations. "Schala, you're not paying attention." I come back to reality and he continues. "They walk in and behind them is a cage that you're in. They lock it. The metal man cuts off a piece of your hair and the funny-looking lady lays a dress on the ground. The red-haired man sets the dress on fire and your hair on fire and then there's another you standing there, holding a dagger. The people melt into a puddle, and boy steps out of it with blue hair, holding a crystal. The girl with dagger grabs the boy's hand and cuts it. He rubs the blood on your face and then they stand on both sides and you all disappear in big ray of light. I close my eyes. When I open them, you're lying on this browny, warm snow. I go up to you and you're dead." He sobs and shoves his face into my chest. Still a child after all. "Murderers," he snarls. I lift up his face and kiss his forehead. He wraps his arms around my neck, whispering, "Don't go Schala. Don't go."
Don't go Janus, don't go. Don't ever leave me.
~*~*~*~
Today I killed two innocent men. I wished I had spoken out, turned myself in, something to save those poor men's lives. Why did it have to be anyone? They were not good men; they were both notorious thieves, Enlighten Ones, but criminals nonetheless, just released from prison and probably planning some crime spree, but they had done nothing yet and now they are dead. Because of me. All because of me.
~*~*~*~
"Are you happy, Schala?" Magus's question catches me off guard and I lay down my book. I've just come from Dalton and I'm on edge. "Don't worry, Sis. I'll take of Dalton, once we're done with Lavos."
"I want to kill him myself." I stare straight ahead, keeping my mind empty. He is so rough with me. My body is covered with bruises from my one week of marriage.
Magus lays his hand on my shoulder. "Don't. Don't do that yourself. Let me fight. There is no love lost between myself and the world." He sits on the windowsill beside me and takes my hands into his. "When this over, you will be happy. I promise."
"Happy..." I whisper, feeling the strange word on my tongue. Happy. Yes. We shall fight and we shall have happiness after two decades of pain. We deserve it. "I will be... happy." I close my eyes, stretching the moment out as long as I can. "Tell me again what happens when we fight Lavos." I have heard this story a million times. I could hear it million more and still not tire of it.
"After Lavos dies and I am pulled through time, there shall be wondrous funeral for Prince Janus. The new Queen Schala will name the prophet Magus chancellor, and she will guide the people to a new era. She will rule her kingdom with wisdom, love, and justice and bring the Earthbound and Enlighten Ones together as one people."
"The People."
"Yes. She will rule for fifty-nine glorious years..."
"After which point the throne will go to Marlene."
"Marlene?"
"The daughter I'm going to have."
"What if you have a son?"
"We're dreaming. It's a girl."
"Who shall you wed?" My head rubs against the glass and I tell my brother of the childish dream that I had once, back when I thought I would live. Back when I was still whole.
"There will come from the people a man of unusual wisdom and kindness named Solomon. He will have... raven hair and eyes the color of emeralds. There will be scandal, of course, because he will not be of royal blood. We will meet secretly, by moonlight. He will propose to me before the entire kingdom. Everyone will gasp and go silent. I will say yes, loudly, for all to hear. A few ladies will faint and countless mouths shall hang open. There will be a wedding. All will come and you shall give me away at the altar. We shall have five children."
"Five?"
"Yes. There will be Marlene, the eldest. A little quiet and shy, but full of inner strength and resolve. Then there are the twins, Tess and Teran. They're holy terrors. Next is Alexander, who will become guru of wisdom after Belthasar passes away. And then there will be Gareth. He will be younger than Alexander by ten years. He will be closest to me, a quiet, sensitive soul, more poet than fighter. He will become the greatest man the world has ever seen."
"And what of your brother?"
"You tell me. Who shall you wed?" I open my eyes and look at Magus. His eyes are still closed.
"I do not know."
I giggle. "It would be a shame for a prince of the realm to go unwed." My brother looks at me oddly. "What is it?"
"You're smiling. I only remember you smiling once." When I tried to... "Don't cry. It will be alright." I always thought I'd die when we fought Mother. I'd never thought... "I promise." I would live to see him grow up, I never thought I would live this long. I should have been dead a long time ago. "Schala, I'll hurt him for you. For every bruise..." I don't know what to with tomorrow. I thought there would be... "He gets a stab." More light with the future but all I see is shadow. My brother's shadow. "Schala, I'm not perfect. I'm not the person you carried around in your head for so long, the person that..." Why did you have to make him this soulless beast? "Gave you hope. He was never meant to be. I am what you see. I always have been." What happened to you? "Open your eyes. I have been, always will be..." My little baby. "Magus." He holds my holds me close and I cry on him, like he has often cried on me.
"Princess Schala, I have... oh my!" My serving-maid drops the tray she is carrying. Magus releases me too late. "I saw nothing. Please, please let me live," she begs as he grabs his scythe and walks towards her. He lifts her head with the blade.
"Go." She gathers the tray and leaves, as if sleepwalking. "Forget." She turns to face me with a puzzled expression on her face. "Take me out of here." He disappears.
~*~*~*~
"How old are you, exactly?" We no longer meet in my chambers. It is too dangerous. I lay on my back, panting from exhaustion. Fighting Lavos will be much more difficult. I must prepare myself. I stare up as the stars come out. They don't twinkle much, this far above the ground. I sit up and look at my brother. He looks through me. "Janus?"
"Hm?"
"How long were you there, in that world?"
"Far too long. Does it matter?"
"I suppose not..." We sit silent, each with our own thoughts. I feel sorry for the children Magus says will come to stop us. "Must we slay them? It seems so... inhumane."
"I know. I have no wish to kill them, either. There are so few good people amongst the cretins, but we don't have a choice." He turns away in frustration. "Unless you have a better idea?" I shake my head and stare back up at the stars. There is no moon tonight, so I can see them well. They are so cold and far away. Poets speak of the wonder of the universe, but I do not see it. They are powerful. Their light reaches out to us from across trillions of miles and many years to give us a cold speck in the sky, yet they do nothing for us. They can. I can hear them talking. They just don't, so I have to... "Does anything care about us? Do you think this part of some greater plan and everything will be okay?"
"There's nothing out there except dead matter. Nothing cares. We're on our own." Sad... "I don't like the idea of anything controlling me, using me." I don't care I just want to be... "Even if there's something up there, it would hate us. We're nothing; nothing but glorified beasts." I'm not. Don't say that... "We deserve it." I'm sorry.
~*~*~*~
I hum to myself, quietly so as not to be heard, as I head back to my room. I am happy. I would dance if I knew how. I fling open the and throw myself backwards against the bed, a smile on my face.
A shadow moves across my window. "Magus?" I am grabbed roughly from behind and a hand covers my mouth.
"Shh, Princess. Isn't this what you want?" Dalton presses me down into the bed. He wants... I don't need to read to read his mind to know what he wants. I feel it pressing against me. Not now, no, please, not now. "Are you too good me, slut? Don't give me any of your false modesty." He spins me around to face him and unbuttons my dress. "You're no different than any of the others. You pretend to be pure, all you, but you're all spread-legged whores." He pulls my dress roughly off and runs his hands down my body. The dagger! He's going to find the dagger!
His hands reach my thighs and brush along the knife-sheath. "So, you plan to kill me, Princess?" I freeze, not even daring to breathe anymore. He pulls the dagger out of the sheath and grabs me, holding my dagger against my throat. "What should I do with you, Schala?" Blood trickles down my neck. Suddenly I am calm. I realize that I don't care what happens to me. He can't hurt me, but I... I can hurt him. I rip my mind into him and he screams little a scared child and drops the dagger and throws himself against the wall.
I stand up straight, naked, unafraid, in control, in absolute control. "If you touch me ever again, I will kill you." I pick up the dagger and hold it straight out at him. "Now get out." He doesn't move. "Now." I think I be shouting, now, screaming for him to get out, get out, get out and he does. He runs away from me like a scared little girl. I think he thinks I'm crazy. I don't know; I think I might be too. But if being crazy means I don't have to let them hurt me, then I want to be crazy.
I sink to my knees and weep in joy, because I no longer have to bear the burden of sanity.